What do I do for emotional outbursts...

[AmyLeigh]

of a 7 yo boy?
Whenever he doesn't get his way or loses at a game or gets disciplined, he bursts into tears and decides that the world hates him and he is a "loser." At times I feel bad for him that he thinks that way and at others, I will confess, I get terribly annoyed by this behavior. I am at a loss as to what to do.

[Crystal]

I wouldn't allow competetive games.
For the other stuff, I wouldn't buy into it. He is trying to manipulate you....and by making you feel badly, it's working.

I'd simply tell him he needs to go sit in a quiet area with books and when he feels better he can join the group. Then I'd ignore him until he's "better"

[AmyLeigh]

I'd simply tell him he needs to go sit in a quiet area with books and when he feels better he can join the group. Then I'd ignore him until he's "better"

Thank you. That is what my instinct tells me, too. I have always done that with my own children. So, they outgrew that behavior early on.

I know his extended family plays into it, which doesn't help matters. But it disturbs me when he starts saying things like "I'm a loser". Such negative self talk does nobody any good.

[sharlan]

Thank you. That is what my instinct tells me, too. I have always done that with my own children. So, they outgrew that behavior early on.

I know his extended family plays into it, which doesn't help matters. But it disturbs me when he starts saying things like "I'm a loser". Such negative self talk does nobody any good.

That's the problem right there. He gets the desired attention which encourages the behavior.

I agree with Crystal. Do not feed the behavior.

[Heidi]

I agree with the others about how to handle it, but would like to add one thing.

Can you talk to him alone for a few minutes when he's not upset? Tell him that you love him (or like him very much), and that you understand that sometimes he feels bad when he looses. But, everyone looses sometimes, it's not nice to be a SORE LOOSER. If he gets sad about something, then it't ok to feel sad or angry, but not ok to say things to about other people or about yourself.

Instead of saying those things, how about you come over to me, and we have a secret "hand hug?" Then, you can go play and have fun again! But, if you yell and scream and cry, I will not be able to help you until you are done.

If he yells and screams and cries, send him off to recover. Once he recovers " whisper are you ready for your hug (or hand hug) now? Kool!

[AmyLeigh]

I agree with the others about how to handle it, but would like to add one thing.

Can you talk to him alone for a few minutes when he's not upset? Tell him that you love him (or like him very much), and that you understand that sometimes he feels bad when he looses. But, everyone looses sometimes, it's not nice to be a SORE LOOSER. If he gets sad about something, then it't ok to feel sad or angry, but not ok to say things to about other people or about yourself.

Instead of saying those things, how about you come over to me, and we have a secret "hand hug?" Then, you can go play and have fun again! But, if you yell and scream and cry, I will not be able to help you until you are done.

If he yells and screams and cries, send him off to recover. Once he recovers " whisper are you ready for your hug (or hand hug) now? Kool!

Yes, I have done that many times. This has been a constant battle since he first started coming here. My own children and other dck's have no problem taking turns, losing games or races. They may be disappointed, but I use it as a motivation to do better next time. Yesterday was the worst, three tantrums within the first hour of him here. They were spurred by him not being in charge of the game (they all like to make up their games), or not being able to do as many jumping jacks as one of the other boys. He actually spent 20 minutes in the bathroom cooling off, then went outside to play. Another tantrum erupted when I told everybody to come in because it was starting to get really cold. He only got 10 minutes to play outside because of spending so much time in the bathroom. Oh well, buddy, life's not fair. You have to deal with the consequences of your choices.
If it happens once in a while, okay, I can deal with it. But this was just too much and made me question how I handle him. Therefore, I came here for advice.

[daycare]

Maybe I am mean...

I would say "sorry Johnny, we can't always win and as much as I know it makes you happy to win, you will need to learn how to lose too....
Then I would ignore him and walk away.

I would probably then start some super fun activity at that time and really note how well all of the other kids are. 100 bucks says he will **** it up and walk over to join you.

[kidkair]

I had an over emotional SA kid once and I made a spot just for him. He could get quite violent in his rages so I needed to give him his own place to keep the other kids safe. I used a cardboard box when he was 7. It was his alone and he could hide in it whenever the world hated him or when I felt he was not acting respectfully to the other kids. Kept him out of big trouble here at least. Oh, and I would have just left him outside but I can do that with SAs here and it helped a lot during the summer.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I had an SA last year that did things like this. At first I tried sitting and talking to him, but the only thing that ever worked was to say "Well, that's not true, and I'm sorry you feel that way"...and then flat out ignore the situation. The other kids learned to ignore it as well.