****ing Thumb, Putting Spit On Hands And On Toys??? What To Do????

[CheekyChick]

There are many things DCK's do that irritate me but I don't show it to the children. It's part of my job. I don't feel like me being irritated at something that a child does effects a child unless I show that irritation. I read the post and the OP said things that showed she was frustrated but when I read the parts that explain what she is doing with the child I didn't read anything that shows for certain that the OP was showing frustration towards the child and I don't want to jump to any conclusions.

On the other hand, we don't know that she isn't showing her frustration to the child. From past experience, when a provider is fixiated on a certain behavior that is irritating to them, it is highly likely that the child feels their frustration.

I'm not solely being argumentative here I'm just saying that we don't know whether the OP is being mean to the child or not. There just isn't enough information for me to come to that conclusion. All of your points are good points if it was certain that the child was being demeaned or belittled but I personally don't see how I could be sure of that based only on what was in the OP and until I am sure I don't want to pass judgment on anyone. I see too much of that here on the forum.

You're right. Mabey I'm passing a bit of judgement and that's wrong. I just tend to feel sorry for ANY child if I feel there's a chance they are being mistreated.

No, not everything. Only that the child ****s it's thumb, mouths toys and sometimes puts the mouthed toys in the other kids mouths which is what she was posting about. These can all pretty much be grouped in the same category anyway. And when you read my posts I hope that you don't read a mean tone or anything because that is not at all how I am intending it. I really and honestly did not get a "mean" vibe from the OP and I truly and honestly cannot come to the conclusion that she is treating the child badly solely from the OP. We will just agree to disagree

Again, we don't know if the child is being treated badly or not. I was only putting in my two cents that IF the problem cannot be rectified, she should term the child instead of letting her frustration grow. That is not good for her or the child.

[CheekyChick]

I applaud that you care about the kid in this and you do give out a good warning shot that we need to really be aware of how a kids behavior can affect us and the way we feel about the relationship AND the care of the other kids.

She has a kid there who isn't "doing" child care. He's fixating on ****ing, licking, and spitting. NONE of these behaviors have anything to do with why he is there everyday.

What he IS there to do is be a part of the group and play toys. His oral fixation is affecting that. He can't play or even eat because of his fixation. This means that she has to manage it CONSTANTLY and it's not pleasant. She's grossed out, she's tired of having to devote SO much of the resources to his fixation, and she is worried about the health of everyone and her belongings.

He's still young enough to give him a chance to learn how to play and self entertain without constant self soothing. It's gotten so out of hand that it is obviously interfering with his development. If it's allowed to continue it will likely escalate. He has a very high chance of seeking even higher levels of self stimulation and soothing.

The behavior (ALL OF IT) needs to be blocked, redirected, and expectations WITH consequences need to be put in place. If the provider is creating a loving, fun, supervised environment then the child has no need to self soothe in it. He needs a CHANCE to get a load of the real life there.. the other kids.. the meals.... the playing. If he won't do it on his own then she needs to interfere in the self stimulation so that he doesn't take up all the adult, ruin property, and put the health of everyone at risk.

I hope that she can take your advice (and the advice of everyone who gave their input) and that it works out well.

[nannyde]

I had a little boy last winter/spring who got progressively more attached to his lovey (a blanket) to the point where he did absolutely NOTHING all day long but cling to that blanket. NOTHING--he wouldn't eat, play, nothing. His mom and I were working together to try and fix it but nothing worked. If that blanket left his hands he was hysterical. He was also hysterical if I stepped more than a few feet away from him. It was extremely stressful for me, for him, and for the other kids and nothing I did helped.

Did you guys consider just throwing it in the garbage and insisting that he go play?

I always wonder if in these situations if the adults just said NO MORE and didn't try to work on it or wean the kid off of it........... just STOPPED allowing the fixation at all... if the kid would then be able to "receive" the world without something blocking him from going into it.

By the time they get themselves so worked up over their minute to minute having self soothing and comfort they are SO unhappy that taking it completely away can only produce the level of unhappiness they are already sitting in.

I think it takes the adults to stop putting energy into it so the kid can release it. It's important to have confidence that the child WILL rally and it's worth it to have them have a week or so of instability to bring the real world into their view. The sum total of a week or so of disrupting their sleep, eating, play etc. is worth it if you come out the other side with a kid that will start living a real kid life.

One important thing to do is to watch for them transferring the attachment onto something else and to monitor them for illness, self harm, repetitive motion consulation, and striking out to whatever adult was the gateway to their fixation. That's usually the mother who has used the comfort item to keep the kid from crying.

When the child inevitably gets sick the temptation to return the item is VERY high. If the parent knows the child WILL become ill before it happens that will help them to prepare to cope with the illness without returning to the fixation item.

[SilverSabre25]

Did you guys consider just throwing it in the garbage and insisting that he go play?

I always wonder if in these situations if the adults just said NO MORE and didn't try to work on it or wean the kid off of it........... just STOPPED allowing the fixation at all... if the kid would then be able to "receive" the world without something blocking him from going into it.

By the time they get themselves so worked up over their minute to minute having self soothing and comfort they are SO unhappy that taking it completely away can only produce the level of unhappiness they are already sitting in.

I think it takes the adults to stop putting energy into it so the kid can release it. It's important to have confidence that the child WILL rally and it's worth it to have them have a week or so of instability to bring the real world into their view. The sum total of a week or so of disrupting their sleep, eating, play etc. is worth it if you come out the other side with a kid that will start living a real kid life.

One important thing to do is to watch for them transferring the attachment onto something else and to monitor them for illness, self harm, repetitive motion consulation, and striking out to whatever adult was the gateway to their fixation. That's usually the mother who has used the comfort item to keep the kid from crying.

When the child inevitably gets sick the temptation to return the item is VERY high. If the parent knows the child WILL become ill before it happens that will help them to prepare to cope with the illness without returning to the fixation item.

I did try stopping it completely here. I would take it when he walked through the door and put it up, away, out of sight in a closet. It resulted in the worst, most sicenly heart-wrenching screams, for HOURS, ALL DAY. He wouldnt eat, sleep, nothing but scream until he was purple.

He was part-time (all day M, T, and half day W, Th) and only about 15 months, 18 when he left me.

I think, based on some reading I did back then, that he may actually have/had some sort of anxiety disorder, so intense was the reaction to anxious situations (no blankie, me stepping away, putting him behind a gate, etc). My gentle push to dcm to ask his ped about it was not received well so I dropped it. Then dcm told me that he would be leaving while she was on mat. leave and when he came back it would be only two days a week...and I gave up. I just focused on separating him from it long enough to eat and getting through until he left.

I learned two important lessons with him: no part-time babies and no lovies.

It was interesting, how that lovey developed though...last December he was fine, played, ate, slept, was happy...then he went on a two-week vacation at Christmas last year and came back with the "addicition" going full force--he was a different child. Something changed in that two weeks, and I have no idea what.

[MarinaVanessa]

Did you guys consider just throwing it in the garbage and insisting that he go play?

We did this with my nephew an his binkies. He was so fixated on his pacifiers that he could not be without them. He didn't even have to have it in his mouth, even just having one in each hand soothed him. Usually he had one in his mouth and carried one or two in his hands. I've never seen anything like it. He was 2.

EVERYONE had to have spare ones at our houses just in case he came over and he lost one. He would scream and cry if he didn't have at least 2. Finally SIL went on a business trip for a weekend and my nephew stayed at our house. We threw the three pacifiers that he came with away on a Friday before my SIL was even 10 minutes on her way to the airport. When she came back on a Sunday night it was like he had never had one. She thought that it would not work but that was because she would give in. In my opinion quitting cold turkey works best.

[Unregistered]

Thank you all for the replies.

It's the overall tone of the post that makes me feel this DCP has a HUGE problem with this child.

If my original post sounded like I am in any way an uncaring person who should not be caring for children this is so far from who I am. I love my job and I love every single one of "my" kids.

This little boy is missing out on so much because he only wants to **** his thumb and with him doing this it really holding him back from doing so much. It is also making it so that I almost need to hire someone to come in here just to clean toys! I have to limit what he plays with and at 3 years old, to have to play with baby toys is not right and I feel bad. But he just can't play with anything. :-( I want to help him.

1. GROSS!!

First off, I am not making the child feel ashamed and I am not mean! I would never be "mean" to a child. I am telling the child that he is a big boy and that he needs to play toys and not **** his thumb while he is playing. I explain to him that when he ****s his thumb and he touches the toys he gets them all full of spit and that it is not nice for his friends. They are all yucky now and |I need to wash them. So I take the toy away and put it in the wash basin. Yes this is GROSS!!




2.

GRRRR!!

Yes it is GRRRRRRR! A really big GRRRRRR because it is very frustrating to constantly be washing and trying to explain and to repeat myself saying "no x please don't **** your thumb it is making the toys all yucky"



3.

I have removed toys from child

Yes I do remove the toys from the child but I don't GRAB them away as you previously stated! They are full of snot and spit and so I must take them away BEFORE the smaller children put the toys in their mouths and they get to ingest all of the wonderful goodies he has deposited onto these toys. My other littles who play in this area are 15 months to 23 months old and do not know better. They still mouth toys. I had this boy in the preschool section with 2 other children but because of this habit I moved him back to the toddler side where the toys are washable.


4.

Now I have to wash it

Oh Yes! Now I do have to wash it don't I? I take the toy away and say, you don't put my toys in your mouth, I have to wash it now.



5.

constantly say no thumb and remove it from child mouth

Yes again, I constantly say no thumb and if he won't take it out I will go over and take his little thumb out of his mouth and say no thumb! I can say 1000 times a day, "Please little Billy you are a big boy, you don't **** your thumb because it makes the toys all yucky and then your friends will play with them and it is not nice. This is time consuming and I am now just saying NO THUMB!



6.

Removed child from area and sat in a chair saying you can't play with my toys if you put them in your mouth

Yes I have taken him away from the toy area after taking 10 or so pieces away so that I don't have 2 hours worth of extra work at the end of the day washing a whole toy box full of toys. I do say that you can not play with my toys right now because they are not for putting in your mouth. He is 3!! I had him in the preschool section for a while but had to move him back because of this.



7.

This is irritating me to no end!

Yes this is irritating me to no end. It is like I said above. It is gross and it is very time consuming. Also today I have 3 of my toddlers out sick plus this little guy! This boy has been sick since last Thursday and now 1/2 of my kids are out sick with the flu (same thing he has) All now have a fever.

To me, this says the DCP is irritated with this child to the point where everything he/she does is annoying her. If the problem is not rectified, I feel it's in the child's best interest to term.

I am irritated with the child's habit of constantly ****ing his thumb and slobbering all over everything! I am irritated at the fact that at the end of the day, I have at least 45 minutes cleaning the toys that he has played with! I am NOT irritated at everything he does. He really is the sweetest little thing. He is gentle and loving with myself and all of our friends. He is polite and a happy, good natured little boy. He has been completely toilet trained for almost a year accident free. There are so many wonderful things that I love about this child and I love who he is as a little person. It is the thumb habit that I do not like NOT the child! I do not like that he does not know how to play because of his fixation to his thumb. I do not like that I have to clean everything he touches every single day. I do not like that this is possibly making my other children sick.

I am not sure that it is in the child's best interest for me to term him, however it may be in the best interest of all of my other children's health to term him if I can not get this to stop. :-(

I do not want to term as I really care for him and I have put forth a LOT of time and effort into trying to help him stop this nasty habit. And I have never been "mean" to him in any way. I came here hoping for some ideas maybe that I have not thought of trying.

[Unregistered]

How to stop thumb ****ing.

How to stop thumb ****ing in a fun, positive and memorable way: If you want your child to stop thumb ****ing, consider making it fun, positive and enjoyable. It is hard for kids to give up thumb ****ing because it is so comforting and they probably have been doing it since they were babies. Rather than replace their thumb ****ing with a plastic thumbguard or bitter thumb ****ing remedy such as bitter polish that kids despise, Get a Thumbuddy! Remember to never shame a child into stopping thumb ****ing…It will only make them want to **** more! Introduce Thumbuddy To Love® to your child and they will want to break the habit. They will learn that growing up can be fun like the heroes in the Thumbuddy To Love™ books and by taking their matching thumb puppets everywhere including to bed. The fun sticker charts remind themselves that they can give up thumb ****ing easily. Thumb****ers love Thumbuddy to Love®! you can google it...

[CheekyChick]

Thank you all for the replies.



If my original post sounded like I am in any way an uncaring person who should not be caring for children this is so far from who I am. I love my job and I love every single one of "my" kids.

This little boy is missing out on so much because he only wants to **** his thumb and with him doing this it really holding him back from doing so much. It is also making it so that I almost need to hire someone to come in here just to clean toys! I have to limit what he plays with and at 3 years old, to have to play with baby toys is not right and I feel bad. But he just can't play with anything. :-( I want to help him.

I am so happy to hear this. I envisioned this poor little child being mistreated because you were at your wits end. I'm thrilled to know you love him.

One last thing... I have a couple of thumb-****ers and it never entered my mind to try to stop them from doing so. If we are strictly talking the saliva factor involved with thumb ****ing, my non thumb-****ers sneeze and cough in each others faces (and mine too), drool, put toys in their mouths (even the older ones at times), stick their fingers in their mouths, and drink out of each others sippy cups. Oh, I even have two 3 year old nose pickers.

Just because your thumb-****er might "donate" a bit more saliva then the rest, doesn't mean your other children are germ-free little angels. I'm certain they do their fair share of germ swapping as well.

[Hunni Bee]

We did this with my nephew an his binkies. He was so fixated on his pacifiers that he could not be without them. He didn't even have to have it in his mouth, even just having one in each hand soothed him. Usually he had one in his mouth and carried one or two in his hands. I've never seen anything like it. He was 2.

EVERYONE had to have spare ones at our houses just in case he came over and he lost one. He would scream and cry if he didn't have at least 2. Finally SIL went on a business trip for a weekend and my nephew stayed at our house. We threw the three pacifiers that he came with away on a Friday before my SIL was even 10 minutes on her way to the airport. When she came back on a Sunday night it was like he had never had one. She thought that it would not work but that was because she would give in. In my opinion quitting cold turkey works best.

We did this for my nephew who turned 2 on Friday. We were starting to worry because he seemed to be "losing" his speech - words that he seemed to have already mastered were disappearing from his vocabulary or we could no longer understand them. His speech was so garbled it sounded like he had the paci in even when he didn't. His behavior was getting really bad because he couldn't communicate...

So his mom one day a couple weeks ago, threw all of them in garbage. He had one hallelujah fit when we said they were all gone and he couldn't find one...but after that he forgot about it and is having a language explosion.