Autistic 11 year old

[DaisyMamma]

I have an 11 year old mildly autistic boy. Until it got cold out and dark early we were outside a lot. Although challenging at times, he was great.
Now he's pushing other kids (including babies), threw a log at my dogs (their CHIHUAHUAS!) and knocked over a huge picture off the wall that shattered glass everywhere and I've caught him trying to hump my couch (pants down!)
He goes in rooms he is not allowed in, helps himself to leaving the house. I can't take it anymore.
It's all too much for me, I have other kids to watch. I'd like to make this work out but what can I do? He has only a couple of interests, but they don't keep him occupied long enough. I've been clear with his dad about what is going on. The part I'm worried about is any laws that are protecting a special needs kid from being termed from daycare as I'm passed the concern of potential loss of income.

[Michelle]

I had an autistic child too, I had him from the time he was 2 til 5 years old.
He got too big strong and agressive for me and I had to term.
I had to protect my other kids and my house.
Other parents also noticed his behavior and he was always saying "shut up, Michelle" to me all day. Some of the babies started saying it.

Your 11 year old dcb needs his own adult.
Big, loud , and busy daycares are too stimulating for these kids and probably is what's setting him off. They can't handle a lot of noise ,lights, and touching.
I would just tell the parent that you think that your home is too loud and busy.
He needs to find someplace that has less kids and more time to devote to his son.
He will understand, I'm sure he has heard this before.
Also, the humping the couch,.... just, wow! I can't imagine how to deal with that. I don't take any boys over the age of 5 because I have 3 daughters so, just in my opinion, term him because you never know if he might try this on a child.
Hugs, I have been there

[safechner]

That is wonderful you are taking an autistic child in but I know there is a lot of challenge. If I were you, I would sit down to discuss with his parents to work something out to be make sure you are the same page. I know it is very difficult to work with him but I would say be patient and help him.

If he is pushing some babies or he is doing something wrong and you will need to get his hands down and tell him, No it is wrong over, over, over until he understands you and you mean it. It will take a while to get things better. I have a daughter who has PDDNOS on Autism Spectrum. I have been working with her everyday of her life. I run a home daycare for 10 years and I know how you feel. She used to be push daycare children when she was younger and I taught her what is right or wrong. She is doing great with daycare kids for 5 years.

I am not sure if there is any part about the laws. If you don't want to help him or something like that then you can termination him that he is not fit your needs in your program or something like that. I know his parents will be upset about that but they will get over it. One thing, you cannot say I can't handle him due to his special needs.

My daughter used to go home daycare for before/after school when she was 4 years old. She goes in a full time pre-school from Monday to Friday. My provider wouldn't be on the same page with me when I offered her to help her to work with her. She only watch her 45 mins per day. One time, I have to go in work for snow day. All school closed and I dropped my daughters off to her house. About an hour later, I got a call from my provider that she wants me pick her up and I asked her is she doing something wrong and she said no but she can't watch her all day. I was pissed off and I can't leave work because my boss won't let me and I go to my husband (we work the same company) and he have to pick both daughters up. My provider want to keep my youngest daughter who was 3 years old at that time but my husband said no that he is taking them home. Of course, he was angry big time at our provider for wasting his time but he was enjoying to spend time with the girls. She only have two kids full time (one of my youngest daughter and other was 1 years old boy) and my daughter part time. Tell you the truth, she is very very lazy person because she wants to easy since my youngest daughter is very good kid and very good listen. My oldest daughter is good kid too but she is more like active girl. About a month later, I decided I gave a two weeks notice to my work and I started up daycare again so I can stay home with my girls and I need to work my daughter more than anything. It was the best decision I made.

[Unregistered]

I think as a group caregiver, your first priority is to guarantee the safety of ALL children in your care. If this child is becoming more work than you are able to manage, there is nothing wrong with saying that. If he requires more care than you are trained to provide or are comfortable providing, you should have every right to term. Whether he has autism or not should have no bearing on that.

I understand that there may be rules against discrimination but I don't think terming someone for the things you mentioned would fall under that. I mean you aren't looking to term because he has autism.....you are looking to term because he has become unable to fit into the group safely.

[Unregistered]

I cared for a 13 yo boy for a month, thats all he needed. when the agreed month was up, mom asked if I could continue, unfortuantely I had to say no because I also had smaller children and he acted like a 3 year old, but was taller than me!!!!! He really needs to be in a more appropriate place, for your sake AND his.

[nannyde]

I have an 11 year old mildly autistic boy. Until it got cold out and dark early we were outside a lot. Although challenging at times, he was great.
Now he's pushing other kids (including babies), threw a log at my dogs (their CHIHUAHUAS!) and knocked over a huge picture off the wall that shattered glass everywhere and I've caught him trying to hump my couch (pants down!)
He goes in rooms he is not allowed in, helps himself to leaving the house. I can't take it anymore.
It's all too much for me, I have other kids to watch. I'd like to make this work out but what can I do? He has only a couple of interests, but they don't keep him occupied long enough. I've been clear with his dad about what is going on. The part I'm worried about is any laws that are protecting a special needs kid from being termed from daycare as I'm passed the concern of potential loss of income.

Don't give the laws that protect special needs kids a moments thought. You are a tiny business and don't have the resources to provide the one to one care he needs to protect the home, children, and you. You are NEVER required to keep kids that act out sexually. Period... end of story.

ONE time of pants down humping of the couch is all it would take. Just once and you know you are out of your league.

My daycare parents would leave my home THAT day. ALL of them would leave the very DAY they heard about this. I wouldn't even get a second nod from them. OUT they would go..... and everything I have worked for my whole career would go POOF.

Too risky............ NO way.

[Zoe]

What scares me is what he did with the couch. What happens if you turn your back for one second and he decides to do this kind of thing with a child? That scares the living daylights out of me. I agree with the other posters when they said that it isn't his Autism that you are terming over. It's the violent and sexual behavior. The parents will understand. It's a safety issue and anyone you talk to in licensing WILL back you up on that!!!

[familyschoolcare]

Adressing everyting the child is doing wrong/against the rules. Do not bring up the fact that he is speical needs. The point to those laws are so that the children are treated fairly and if you treat his not behaving according to your rules the same as anyother child then you will be fine. Like Nan says do not give the laws that extra power.

One of my step sons is mildly autistic and I would agree with what someone else said the boy is most liekly over stimulated for him. That does not mean that there is anything wrong with the way you run your day care just that this child can not handel very much stimulation at all and when he was outside he had more control over the amout of stimulation he had at a time. Is there anyway that you can find a quiet place for him to pay/do something be himeself for a while when he first starts acting up.

You did not adress this directly but does the child seam to honestly whant to do the right thing, is he generally a very honest, even to a fault and being socialy unaceptable. That has been my experience with my son and his frineds. If this is the case then 11 is old enougph to ask him why he did such and such and then and this is the hard part. Listen with out judgement and with out interupting. Most likely you will get an anser that to you has nothing to do with the situation at hand. However, in the boys brain they are conceted.

[Ariana]

Does he have an occupational therapist assigned to him you could contact and get ideas? It's tough work having children with PDD's so you need help.

[DaisyMamma]

I've done more than many providers would do. I'm always working on reminding him of rules, talking with dad and his aide.
He is mild, but does need the extra attention that I cannot give. I do as much as I can, as I have little ones.
The sexual behavior is not to happen again or he will be immediately terminated.
The whole situation is overwhelming in many ways, especially for him, and I'm sure he will be gone by the end of the year, one way or another.