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15mo DCB is one of those chronic screamers/criers/refuses to play/freaks out at everything/just follows me around pulling on my pants to be picked-up-you get the situation...So I have made great progress with him by following the advice posted by you ladies. Crying=crib. He's still an unhappy child, but he's gotten so much better. So consequently when he starts having an episode he marches himself right to the crib and sits in there for 10-20 and comes out in a better mood. He does this 1-2 times a day. Here is the problem-he has his paci in there. DCM said this morning that DBC has started doing this at home and she does not want him to have these crib breaks or paci time at all. Crib and paci are for sleeping and car only. I get that but DCP spend an average of 1 day a week with DCB...I'm frustrated becuase they chose to get him addicted to a pacifier and now they want to micro-manage it and deny it when he needs comfort. Taking away time-out's is going to break me as a provider. Please help!
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I agree, if the paci is how he soothes himself and he does it in short increments of time when HE feels the need to do it, what is the harm?
I think if they are going to try and take the paci from him after he has made such wonderful connections about how he needs to handle his non-social behaviors, they are going to really mess the kid up.
Have they come right out and say why he cannot have the paci during his self-soothing times?
I'd let my kid have a paci to self sooth in the crib by himself loooong before I let him have it in the car or for sleeping (which I really ahve no issue with either) but I can't help wondering what the deal is with their line of thinking.
I wonder if they feel like if you let him have it to self-soothe, then it will no longer work to keep him in bed or happy in the car.... -
They wish they never gave it to him in the first place and have this weird guilt about it. They keep saying they don't want him to be 5 with a paci- OKAY then you shouldn't have started in the first place!! But he's still little and very needy and in daycare 5 days so here we are. Would it be better to take it away completely?Comment
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DCM said this morning that DBC has started doing this at home and she does not want him to have these crib breaks or paci time at all.
Parent translator: They want him up and running at your house at all times. They want him to have the binky and be digging the binky on their time so they don't want it on your time.
Once successful with getting you to do no binky time outs then they will go to no binky naps.
Then they can do binky wall to wall when they have him and do it with a good conscience cuz he's had TIME every day you have him without it. It's an excellent "compromise" for them.
Any chance his mouth is forming around it? Is he getting the "monkey mouth" palate and teeth?Comment
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I don't give it to him any other time. He mostly likes to hold it in his hand, put it back in and out. It's his security thing. I've had many conversations about helping him develop a lovie [deaf ears]. Nannyde- your words 100% apply to when they made me quit the bottle cold turkey at 10 months BUT were still giving it to him at home. oy vey! I've put up with so much with this kid. She was also talking about getting him down to one nap rather than the 2 he NEEDS. I'm reaching my end point with this family if I can't do time-outs.Comment
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You tell them what you can do...if they don't like it, they can find a new daycare. I don't do pacis at all except nap times. No pacis at any time after 18 months, regardless of what the parents do at home. Pacis have been a huge battle here, we have the opposite problem when the parents want their kid to have access to one at all times. anyway, I would keep doing what is working for you at daycare, period.Comment
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I've been approaching the weaning from paci's and bottles etc the same way as I have been potty training. The parents need to wean their child FIRST at home and then I will wean them here.
Way too many times have I done all the hard work just to find out that the parent was still giving the paci/bottle at home! I know there will be parents who will lie and say the child is weaned at home. Sometimes it is easy to tell if they are truthful and other times I just have to believe them. HOWEVER, if the child is acting as if they aren't truthful or I find out they lied, then I treat it as grounds for termination (due to lying).
If I were you, I would have a heart to heart talk with the parents and tell them you will NOT wean him. If they want him to have a paci at home then he can have one at daycare too. If they want to break him of it, then they need to do it first. I would also add the grounds for termination if they lie or the child shows you otherwise.
(I think Nan is spot on about their reasonings for wanting to wean.)Comment
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oh and the fact that they want to cut naps is another indicator that they want you to have all the awake time with the kid and they get the sleep time/paci=quiet time. They already told you they feel guilty about the paci....not guilty enough to change what they are doing but guilty enough to tell you to change so that will make them feel better. None of this is about the kid or what is best for him.Comment
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Crib time-outs from tantrums are to helpful, how can I get DCM to understands this?Comment
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You can't get her to understand this. You can be confident, and tell her that this is what works for you and the child, and you are not going to change it right now.
Hey, I like this little cheerleader icon!happyfaceComment
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Yup... you will get the he needs one nap and then by two he will need no nap.
They will have an exhausted kid they can put to bed right away when they get home with a binky.
Do the right thing at child care so I can do the wrong thing at home. Then we have a 50 percent deal where the right thing is being done. That's better than the wrong thing all day every day and it only costs me some words.
Very common parenting technique. It's the easy button.Comment
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It's amazing how many times I come here and find someone has asked the question I've been wondering about.
I have a 14 month old screamer. She came at 11 months old and had never been cared for by anyone but mom, dad, and grandma. I don't think she had ever seen another child. She is fine when it's just the two of us, but when the other kids are here, she screams and whines. 12.5 hours a day. She hates the other kids.
On Thursday, mom said she didn't want her having a paci anymore--here or at home. Luckily, she brought it, "Just in case". I had her down to only using it at naptime, and some days, she didn't even leave it in her mouth then. But, they didn't give it to her Wednesday night, and she had worked herself into a fine old tizzy by the time she got here. By the time I caved and gave it to her at morning naptime, it was too late to help her.
I told her mom that I couldn't do it that day, and she was fine with that. She was home for 3 days, and this morning, they said she didn't have it all weekend and was doing fine. And I think she is---I just put her down for morning nap, and she went right to sleep!! Yea!! I had made up my mind to pull out one of my spares if necessary and tell mom she needed to keep her home a week if she was going to take it away. So, I guess we are over that hurdle. But, they had to weather the storms-I have enough stormy weather with her as it is, I didn't need that too. ;-)
Tell me again why we like this business?
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DCM coincidentally had this revelation about the crib time the monday after his first new 5 days schedule btw. guilt much?Comment
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YES. this, omg. My 2 children NEVER acted this way, my toddler LOVES other children and it breaks my heart to see DCB scream his head off when my son tries to give him a hug. My son plays with my cat mostly and by himself despite having another little boy here every day.It's amazing how many times I come here and find someone has asked the question I've been wondering about.
I have a 14 month old screamer. She came at 11 months old and had never been cared for by anyone but mom, dad, and grandma. I don't think she had ever seen another child. She is fine when it's just the two of us, but when the other kids are here, she screams and whines. 12.5 hours a day. She hates the other kids.
On Thursday, mom said she didn't want her having a paci anymore--here or at home. Luckily, she brought it, "Just in case". I had her down to only using it at naptime, and some days, she didn't even leave it in her mouth then. But, they didn't give it to her Wednesday night, and she had worked herself into a fine old tizzy by the time she got here. By the time I caved and gave it to her at morning naptime, it was too late to help her.
I told her mom that I couldn't do it that day, and she was fine with that. She was home for 3 days, and this morning, they said she didn't have it all weekend and was doing fine. And I think she is---I just put her down for morning nap, and she went right to sleep!! Yea!! I had made up my mind to pull out one of my spares if necessary and tell mom she needed to keep her home a week if she was going to take it away. So, I guess we are over that hurdle. But, they had to weather the storms-I have enough stormy weather with her as it is, I didn't need that too. ;-)
Tell me again why we like this business?Comment
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