Your Thoughts On Mom's Potty Training Email To Me And My Response

[Unregistered]

I knew this was coming. I have a girl who isn't even 2 yet. She will be 2 on Dec 5th. She's their first child. The mom has told me, "Sometimes she asks to go potty. I think one weekend soon I will see if I can start potty training her". My thoughts are that she's too young, and that she asks to go because she sees the 3 yr olds at my DC do it and wants to be "grown up" like them. So today I get the following email:

"We started working with (girl) on potty training this weekend, since she has shown so much interest in going that we thought we would try. She has done well and has had accidents. I wanted to give you a heads up on what we have been doing and what you would like to have done at your house. At home, she has worn the training panties during the day and wore pull ups at nap and bedtime. When we started yesterday, we set the clock for 20 minutes intervals and would take her in, most times she would go. Today, we haven't set the clock and keep reminding her to let us know when she needed to go. We also would ask her to make sure she wasn't forgetting to let us know.

Before she started training she would mention she needed to go potty and we would take her in. After starting the process, I have noticed that she hasn't really told us she needed to go, it was always the timer or us asking. Do you think that's a sign she's not ready? Or should we back off a bit and see if she'll say it?

What would you like to have done at your house? Do you want her in pull ups or do you mind if she's in the training panties and ask her periodically if she needs to go?

Let me know your thoughts. It's been a day where I keep telling myself that she's pretty young and I wonder what we've started! I hope you enjoy the rest of your day and I'll talk to you soon."

My reply:

"That's great that she is showing interest and is having some success! As you said she is a bit younger than the average age. I've usually done girls at 2 1/2 and boys closer to 3. Some ARE ready prior to that, and some not till 3 1/2.

That being said, home is a whole different world to a group Daycare setting. My policy is to have them be accident free at home for a week before they can be "unprotected" here. Even with me asking on a regular schedule, they will often be focused on playing and not be able to shift their thinking to their bladder. Also, and this is just my theory mind you, I think taking them in on a regular schedule isn't really "training". I think it has to be all on them to let you know. You can remind them to let you know, but they need to have the experience of the urgency in order to learn to listen to their body. It sounds like that's what you did on the 2nd day from what you said. And the accidents do need to happen. They need to learn a consequence for not listening to that feeling. And obviously, I can't devote as much time to the accidents as you could at home.

Pullups are fine. And if she says she wants to go, I will definitely take her. As (the two 3 yr old girls at my DC) go potty throughout the day, I might say "does anyone else need to potty?", and if she says yes, I will take her. I will work with her as much as time and commitments with the other kids permit, but I just can't do unprotected until she shows capability of listening to her body mostly on her own.

By the way, I do a smaller toilet seat that fits on the big toilet, with a step stool. Not sure what she is used to at home. We'll give it our best effort and I'll keep you posted! See you tomorrow."



Your thoughts? Did I word it nicely so as not to tick her off, but yet get my point across clearly? Do you guys agree with what I said, or do you have other methods or policies? I've done DC 17 years, but I've always just done whatever the particular parent says they did at home. I'm just tired of dealing with the accidents, so I thought I'd use my new backbone I found here at Daycare.com!!!

ETA: Wow, colorful post!! LOL

Just because she isnt 2 does NOT mean she isnt ready. MOST girls train before 2 and at age 2 with boys being 2 and half in my exprience I also dont allow 3 years old untrained in my daycare as thats to old. My little girl was 20 months old and potty trained in 5 days I was gonna wait til she was 2 but she decided she was ready. If this girl knows to pee and or poop in the potty and shows she CAN do it then why wouldnt you think she is ready just because she is under 2 that makes no sense. You should support Mom in HER decision for HER child its not yours to make. Mom is doing all the right things and good for her and you shouldnt hold the child back just because she is so called to young.

[nannyde]

You should support Mom in HER decision for HER child its not yours to make.

Wow that's a very very expensive philosophy. I could NEVER afford that.

[BigMama]

Just because she isnt 2 does NOT mean she isnt ready. MOST girls train before 2 and at age 2 with boys being 2 and half in my exprience I also dont allow 3 years old untrained in my daycare as thats to old. My little girl was 20 months old and potty trained in 5 days I was gonna wait til she was 2 but she decided she was ready. If this girl knows to pee and or poop in the potty and shows she CAN do it then why wouldnt you think she is ready just because she is under 2 that makes no sense. You should support Mom in HER decision for HER child its not yours to make. Mom is doing all the right things and good for her and you shouldnt hold the child back just because she is so called to young.

You are right that it is the parent's decision - they can decide to try to potty train at any time. However, there are readiness factors that one should look for regardless of the child's age. These include indicating that her diaper is wet or soiled, showing an interest in the potty, staying dry for longer periods, being able to sit unassisted, and being able to follow simple directions. While some children will learn before age two, many are physically not able to. The muscles that are used to control "holding" and "releasing" are not developed yet. I don't think the OP was just dismissing the parent's request because she felt she was arbitrarily "too young" - I think she was genuinely thinking about whether or not the little girl is ready. Also, when a child is on a group child care setting, the provider must consider and balance the individual child's needs against the needs of the group. It is very difficult to clean up BM and urine several times a day because a child who is not ready to use the toilet is wearing underwear. Yes, there will be accidents, these are too be expected, but a continuous stream of bodily fluids due to a lack of readiness is not.
To the OP and to the parents she posted about - you have done great job caring for and planning for the little girl.

[Michelle]

what a cool mom!
your response was fine!!!

[Christian Mother]

OP- I absolutely love that your little ones parents are sooo willing to work with you on potty training and has started the process at home. Sounds like you have wonderful parents!!

Your response was really good as well and I think it wasn't at all rude. You worded it well as well as listed your concerns with early potty training. I don't think she is to young to train however, I agree that the child should be able to voice when they need to go potty and then that tells me they are ready.

Here I have the parents start the potty training on the weekends and then I full take over. I think it is diff. for the parents not to be involved as the children spend a great deal of time here in my home and for me it's been really easy to get a child potty trained...but at home the parents get frustrated and feel let down if their not experiencing the same success I am. That is why I feel it is best that the parents start the process and finish it. They need to set them selves up for success first as I know I always have success at my home. It's also best to have a plan of action that you can communicate with the parents on how you potty train. Have it outlined and have a the parents sign off on it. Here I don't have them official sign anything although I've seen providers do that. I just tell my parents what to expect and I'm very direct about it. I have a small daycare and almost all my kids are potty trained and have seen the process done with the other kids so they feel very comfortable and know that there child will have the same success as the rest of the kids. I have one little one to train and as soon as the parents pick up on the signs that their child is ready will start the process and then I will pick up where they are training and get them nearly there as far as trained...but the parents get to complete the process so they know they've been successful.

Your doing a wonderful job keep it up!!

[littlemommy]

Sounds like you have a good set of parents to be working with! I have an almost 3 year old whose mom just started working with at home. She says that she does great at home, but mom has to ask her every so often and then puts her on the toilet until she goes.

That's a hard technique to do when I'm caring for other kids. When I ask the girl if she needs to go she does not communicate with me. She just gives me a blank stare. I'm not quite sure what to do. The mom just laughs when I tell her that, and doesn't try to give me any pointers.

This is the first kid I've had to help potty train, so I'm new at this!

[Unregistered]

You are right that it is the parent's decision - they can decide to try to potty train at any time. However, there are readiness factors that one should look for regardless of the child's age. These include indicating that her diaper is wet or soiled, showing an interest in the potty, staying dry for longer periods, being able to sit unassisted, and being able to follow simple directions. While some children will learn before age two, many are physically not able to. The muscles that are used to control "holding" and "releasing" are not developed yet. I don't think the OP was just dismissing the parent's request because she felt she was arbitrarily "too young" - I think she was genuinely thinking about whether or not the little girl is ready. Also, when a child is on a group child care setting, the provider must consider and balance the individual child's needs against the needs of the group. It is very difficult to clean up BM and urine several times a day because a child who is not ready to use the toilet is wearing underwear. Yes, there will be accidents, these are too be expected, but a continuous stream of bodily fluids due to a lack of readiness is not.
To the OP and to the parents she posted about - you have done great job caring for and planning for the little girl.

She was pointing out more the childs age then talking about readiness signs. I know all to well the signs I have trained my own 3 and 4 daycare children. The parent had said the child has USED the potty she is READY none of the kids I trained asked right away either but after taking them every hour for a week or 2 they get it and start asking I also only do undies when training and just clean up the mess pull ups hold a child back from training they are JUST like diapers.

[nannyde]

She was pointing out more the childs age then talking about readiness signs. I know all to well the signs I have trained my own 3 and 4 daycare children. The parent had said the child has USED the potty she is READY none of the kids I trained asked right away either but after taking them every hour for a week or 2 they get it and start asking I also only do undies when training and just clean up the mess pull ups hold a child back from training they are JUST like diapers.

I do pretty much the opposite of this.

[Lucy]

She has done pretty well today. That is to say, she has peed every time I have sat her on the toilet. She has yet to request to go. 9 out of 10 times her answer was "no" when I asked if she needed to. I took her some of those times anyway and she peed. It is cute though ... as she tinkles, she gets the proudest, hugest grin on her face, and claps and says yay (name)!!! happyface She's not even 2 yet, so I have no expectations that this will go well, but there is also every chance that it could. Each kid is different. I just won't do the underwear only thing. Can't take the accident cleaning.

I will report all this to the mom in a happy and positive way, but I will still tell her that I don't think she is "training" until she is learning to listen to her body's urge to go, and THEN asking to go.

[daycare]

She has done pretty well today. That is to say, she has peed every time I have sat her on the toilet. She has yet to request to go. 9 out of 10 times her answer was "no" when I asked if she needed to. I took her some of those times anyway and she peed. It is cute though ... as she tinkles, she gets the proudest, hugest grin on her face, and claps and says yay (name)!!! happyface She's not even 2 yet, so I have no expectations that this will go well, but there is also every chance that it could. Each kid is different. I just won't do the underwear only thing. Can't take the accident cleaning.

I will report all this to the mom in a happy and positive way, but I will still tell her that I don't think she is "training" until she is learning to listen to her body's urge to go, and THEN asking to go.

The youngest I ever PT was 20 months. BUT this child was extremely advanced verbally, emotionally, physically and was just all around a one of a kind child.

The rest of mine were 3 or 3.5

[Texasjeepgirl]

My own daughter was 21.. maybe 22 months old... I had NO PLAN to start training her...but my sister-in-law sent the potty chair home with me.. she didn't need it anymore... so.. I put it in the bathroom.. next thing I knew... My daughter was training herself....she's now 22 years old..

In 19 years of daycare.. I did have one little boy.. 19 months old..his mom told me he could go to the potty...and I thought she had lost her ever loving mind...until I saw the kid... he would tell me when he needed to go...and.. he did it HIMSELF...

The absolute smartest little girl I've ever had in my daycare... I mean BRILLIANT.. ..didn't even THINK about trying to potty train till she was 3.. years...

Currently I have 3 little boys... all of them are UNDER 3... AND all of them are fully...100% potty trained...
The oldest will be 3 at the end of January...but...he has been fully potty trained for several months...since 2 1/2.
The other 2 were both 2 years old in June.. so these boys are not even at the halfway mark yet... and they are both wearing underwear... and 100% potty trained...
I didn't do anything special.. nothing.. they were just all ready.. and DID IT....

https://www.tammyschildcare.com

https://www.texasjeepgirl.shutterfly.com

[Lucy]

At pickup yesterday, I told the mom how the girl did today. I said she tinkled whenever she sat on the toilet, but she never told me she needed to go, and she did get her pullup wet. We used 3 pullups during the day. It just seems silly to me. Pullups are more expensive aren't they? Anyway, the mom said she appreciated my help. This girl is close to being ready, but I think we're about 3 months early. But I will keep trying.

I do need to get a full write up of potty training policies for the future. Can you gals share what you have in your handbooks?

[MarinaVanessa]

This is what I have in mine.

Toilet Training
Assistance with toilet training will be provided with the understanding that it is exactly that, assistance. The child care provider will assist with toilet training while the major part of toilet training is done at home.

Toilet training must first begin at home when the child shows signs of readiness. After toilet training has been introduced at home and once the child shows signs of interest and can notify the child care provider that he/she must use the toilet then training will begin here as well.

Toilet training at daycare will begin in regular or training diapers and will continue to be used until the child can use the toilet successfully and unassisted. When the child can accomplish this for two-weeks without an accident the child is ready to use children's underwear at daycare. If the child has an accident in underwear the child will go back to training diapers until another two weeks have gone by without an accident. If another accident occurs the two week period will start over. Once the child can successfully use the toilet unassisted for two weeks, potty training can be considered successful.

[Christian Mother]

I do need to get a full write up of potty training policies for the future. Can you gals share what you have in your handbooks?

Here is what I have in my PHB:

Potty Training

When a parent feels a child is ready and a child shows readiness I will then assist parents in the toilet training of their child. I ask that potty training be first initiated at home. It is very important that parents are taking an active participation in their child’s training and success. Parents will need to bring extra clothing and the type of toileting products they prefer such as Pull-Ups or training pants. If there were a lot of accidents while wearing training pants it would be helpful to provide plastic pants to go over training pants. I will not force children to sit on the potty and will use only positive encouragement in order to promote using the potty. Send your child ONLY in easy on/easy off clothing until they are able to completely undress and dress by themselves.

[Lucy]

Here is what I have in my PHB:

Potty Training

When a parent feels a child is ready and a child shows readiness I will then assist parents in the toilet training of their child. I ask that potty training be first initiated at home. It is very important that parents are taking an active participation in their child’s training and success. Parents will need to bring extra clothing and the type of toileting products they prefer such as Pull-Ups or training pants. If there were a lot of accidents while wearing training pants it would be helpful to provide plastic pants to go over training pants. I will not force children to sit on the potty and will use only positive encouragement in order to promote using the potty. Send your child ONLY in easy on/easy off clothing until they are able to completely undress and dress by themselves.

That sounds great. Sorry -- I just saw it today. Thanks for sharing. Anyone else want to share what they have?