Throwing Up My Hands

[Pammie]

I know elements of this rant have been in many previous posts --

That being said ---

I'm throwing up my hands - giving up trying to help guide these toddlers/prescholers into becoming wonderful responsiblepeople - when the parents undermine all that I do - and don't care about the life lessons that I'm trying to teach their children - which are the same ones that they're undermining daily.

The parents don't realize that I only have their kids 4 - maybe 5 years - after that, I'm probably not going to know them, have them in my life/home daily - so the little people that are going to be living in their homes that have no concept of consequences to their behavior are going to be a handful to say the least. If you don't have control of your child when they're 3 or 4, if your child at 3 and 4 manipulates every move that the parent makes, then they have no hope of having control of a child when they're 13 and 14.

Case in point: Yesterday, dcb age 3 through choices that he made, missed special treat in the afternoon (not snack time - he had snack, just not the krispie treats that another parent sent). Dcm, upon learning that her son didn't get a treat because of his choices (simply not cleaning up his toys before treat time), took him to Dairy Queen on the way home for a special treat - and then proudly, told me about it at drop-off today. SO instead of learning that if he makes poor choices, he won't get a reward, he's learned that mom will reward his poor choices if others don't.

My clients just don't get it.

So today I give up. I'll keep the kids fed, safe and acting like kind responsible kids while they're with me. I'm no longer worrying about what they do when they're outside of my home. I'll collect my paycheck and smile and send them on their way.

If the parents don't care - I'm done caring too. After all, in 3 or 4 years, the parents will be dealing with the consequences of their child's actions - not me.

I'll probably change my mind tomorrow - but for today, I give up.

[jennajury]

Awwww I understand that completely. There's days where I think why should I even bother. It's like starting over every monday and tuesday with the kids and then by friday I think we're good. they go home for the weekend with their parents and then their behavior is rediculous when the return monday. I dont get it. For instance I have a 2 year old who hits all the time. I do not let her hit me or the other children, and she also hits herself. I put her in time out for hitting or trying to hit. She gets better however the parents LET her hit them. She hit her mom at pickup time a couple of times one day and I just couldn't believe it! I remember thinking to myself "what am I even trying to teach her right and wrong for it's all for naught" but trust me it is worth it in the long run. We may not see the results or get results with every kid but then we will have results with some kids.

[Zoe]

As long as the children behave for me, I couldn't care less how they treat others out of the home. They aren't my kids. I know for sure that one of my dcg's runs the show at home. In fact she's 3.5 and only NOW stopped using a bottle at home. When she came to me a year ago she asked for a bottle once, I said no, she laid on the floor about to have a fit, I stepped over her and ignored her. She got right up realizing "hey, this lady isn't going to give in" and has been wonderful ever since!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just try to get the kids to behave for you and laugh to yourself when they go home knowing that you did your job even if they aren't doing theirs. That's all you can do.

[sharlan]

Sadly, you're fighting a losing battle. The parents have already been raised, you can't change them. You need to deal with what goes on in your home during the day and not care what goes on once the kids leave. Make the consequences matter at your house.

I've said for years, if you can't handle a 2 yo, how are you going to handle a 16 yo?

[DaycareMom]

I find it very frustrating too! Every Monday is restart and by Thurs/Friday they are awesome.
I used to care for twins who were great and behaved amazing for me. As soon as Mom came, the switch turned and she never disciplined them! EVER! I would laugh to myself every evening watching her chase her kids around the car!
I can't wait to see those kids as teenagers. They have absolute zero respect for Mom at age 2!

[mommiesherie]

I have a hard time with this also. One mom actually listens to my advice in it now. She came in and told her child multiple times not to do something the other day. I finally looked at him and said "do you want to go to my time out spot now?" He immediately stopped and went to do what he was told. Lol she said how do you do that? I said I mean what I say. Lol if you tell him to do something or not to do it and he don't listen have a consequence for it and stick to it. I really have a hard time with my difficult child with this though. I will have him all reeled in and when she comes he turns into a wild child. Drives me crazy!!!!! Hang in there you are not alone. One reason I have not terminated my difficult child yet is I am more stubborn than he is and I don't want to let him win. Lol