Exactly Why People Don’t Report Child Abuse!

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I called CPS on a neighbor last week. Over the last year I or neighbors have witnessed several things that just wernt right.
The dad is mean, screams all the time, the girl gets grounded for excessive amounts of time and crazy reasons. She got grounded for a month because she forgot to say happy birthday to her sister.
She has shown up at school several times with hardly any lunch, saying there was no food in the house, or no drinks so all she had was a sandwich, but nothing else.
She said she has to buy her lunch with her allowance, and if she runs out, then she has no food for lunch.
A few weeks ago she had a black eye, after an absence from school cause she was "sick" and the night before we heard her dad screaming at her from outside her house. She said the black eye was from falling when she ran up the stairs.

Anyway, I called CPS to report it all, and they called me today to let me know the caseworker made a mistake. When they met with the family, they "accidentely" told the family that it was a neighbor that reported them. I honestly could care less if they know it was me, but I am afraid they wont let their daughter come over to play, or for sleepovers, and then we wont see the things that are happening, making the abuse/neglect worse.

This is exactly why people are hesitant to report abuse! If they would keep things confidential, then people wouldnt be afraid to call. But its situations like this that make them not call! All it does it hurt the children that are being abused/neglected.

[dEHmom]

wow, that's sad, and ****s!

If I were you if they questioned just be like "no clue it wasn't me" haha.

We had a huge scare, since thursday last week we've been waiting to find out what's going on. They pulled my dd 7 into the office and were asking her questions. My dd couldn't remember and was scared she was in trouble when she told me they did this. Of course I couldn't get ahold of anyone at the school until yesterday. The social worker called me! My dd told them we hit her with pots and pans! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not true. so we had to explain to her how her story can really hurt people. OYE!

I hope they do something about your neighbors. That's not fair, and it's emotional and verbal abuse, and appears to be physical as well as neglect.

[greenhouse]

I have friends that are foster parents and DCF accidentally sent their address to the birth parents. Puting them and the kids at risk. You did the right thing though, dad seems like a real winner.

[sharlan]

wow, that's sad, and ****s!

If I were you if they questioned just be like "no clue it wasn't me" haha.

We had a huge scare, since thursday last week we've been waiting to find out what's going on. They pulled my dd 7 into the office and were asking her questions. My dd couldn't remember and was scared she was in trouble when she told me they did this. Of course I couldn't get ahold of anyone at the school until yesterday. The social worker called me! My dd told them we hit her with pots and pans! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not true. so we had to explain to her how her story can really hurt people. OYE!

I hope they do something about your neighbors. That's not fair, and it's emotional and verbal abuse, and appears to be physical as well as neglect.

How scarey for your family. How old is your dd?

[sharlan]

I am really anti lying, but in this case, I would skate around the issue.

Keep being a safe harbor for this child.

[SilverSabre25]

Man you would think that those mistakes would lead to a big fallout...but then, I suppose that they are only human...just think if a daycare provider made a mistake of that caliber! We'd be in all sorts of trouble!! Look at the lady yesterday in the short enrollment thread--threatening to sue for rather a lot less than a CPS caseworker sharing info on a reporter or foster parents.

[kayla]

I called CPS on a neighbor last week. Over the last year I or neighbors have witnessed several things that just wernt right.
The dad is mean, screams all the time, the girl gets grounded for excessive amounts of time and crazy reasons. She got grounded for a month because she forgot to say happy birthday to her sister.
She has shown up at school several times with hardly any lunch, saying there was no food in the house, or no drinks so all she had was a sandwich, but nothing else.
She said she has to buy her lunch with her allowance, and if she runs out, then she has no food for lunch.
A few weeks ago she had a black eye, after an absence from school cause she was "sick" and the night before we heard her dad screaming at her from outside her house. She said the black eye was from falling when she ran up the stairs.

Anyway, I called CPS to report it all, and they called me today to let me know the caseworker made a mistake. When they met with the family, they "accidentely" told the family that it was a neighbor that reported them. I honestly could care less if they know it was me, but I am afraid they wont let their daughter come over to play, or for sleepovers, and then we wont see the things that are happening, making the abuse/neglect worse.

This is exactly why people are hesitant to report abuse! If they would keep things confidential, then people wouldnt be afraid to call. But its situations like this that make them not call! All it does it hurt the children that are being abused/neglected.

oh tell me about it i had the same situation... I had a boy that came to my daycare with a black eye, I asked him what happened he said his dad did it because he was nauughty. Well i called cps, someone showed up that day to question the child, where she then told me everything was confidential. I was super nervous and didnt want the parents to know i called. Well the very next day the mom said yeah we had a letter from a social worker saying you told them you had reason to be concerned for our son... I just think its wrong these people want it reported but are not protecting the people reporting. Also i feel like were being thrown under the bus for being concerned!!

[dEHmom]

How scarey for your family. How old is your dd?

she is 7 yrs old. she's an attention seeker sometimes, but a very good child. There is no abuse or neglect in this family. We don't want her to be scared to talk to people but I wanted to make it clear that if she makes up lies and tells people this, the reality of what can happen.

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I just wish they could keep the system of reporting safer.

[Kaddidle Care]

wow, that's sad, and ****s!

If I were you if they questioned just be like "no clue it wasn't me" haha.

We had a huge scare, since thursday last week we've been waiting to find out what's going on. They pulled my dd 7 into the office and were asking her questions. My dd couldn't remember and was scared she was in trouble when she told me they did this. Of course I couldn't get ahold of anyone at the school until yesterday. The social worker called me! My dd told them we hit her with pots and pans! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not true. so we had to explain to her how her story can really hurt people. OYE!

I hope they do something about your neighbors. That's not fair, and it's emotional and verbal abuse, and appears to be physical as well as neglect.

Oh gosh - when my son was 9 he was telling crazy stories at school about Rats in our back yard and the school Counselor drove him home! Big NoNo! I didn't do anything about it though because it was plain she was concerned and I had nothing to hide. And yes, my son knew about stranger danger, etc. but as you can see, that went out the window because he knew the school counselor.

My son had overheard my husband's concern about the neighbor leaving an open can of feed in her garage and said it would attract rats and mice. My son and his over active imagination fabricated a lovely story to tell from it. :: I can laugh now - at the time it wasn't funny.

The Schools go so overboard with these things that it's sooo important to explain to your kids to tell the truth and not make up stories.

To the OP - the young girl does sound like she's abused and the lame excuse for the black eye was sort of the icing on the cake. The child would be more apt to tell your daughter the truth in the matter. IMHO

[Sprouts]

oh tell me about it i had the same situation... I had a boy that came to my daycare with a black eye, I asked him what happened he said his dad did it because he was nauughty. Well i called cps, someone showed up that day to question the child, where she then told me everything was confidential. I was super nervous and didnt want the parents to know i called. Well the very next day the mom said yeah we had a letter from a social worker saying you told them you had reason to be concerned for our son... I just think its wrong these people want it reported but are not protecting the people reporting. Also i feel like were being thrown under the bus for being concerned!!

Maybe she said that to see if it was you!

[sahm2three]

oh tell me about it i had the same situation... I had a boy that came to my daycare with a black eye, I asked him what happened he said his dad did it because he was nauughty. Well i called cps, someone showed up that day to question the child, where she then told me everything was confidential. I was super nervous and didnt want the parents to know i called. Well the very next day the mom said yeah we had a letter from a social worker saying you told them you had reason to be concerned for our son... I just think its wrong these people want it reported but are not protecting the people reporting. Also i feel like were being thrown under the bus for being concerned!!

I think because we are mandated reporters, we are not allowed to be annonymous.

[Kaddidle Care]

Maybe she said that to see if it was you!

That's what I was thinking too.

[kayla]

I think because we are mandated reporters, we are not allowed to be annonymous.

It doesnt matter if we are mandated or not, everytime a report is made it is supposed to be confidential...!!!

[Blackcat31]

When a kid only goes to daycare and home, it isn't really hard for parents to figure out who it was that said anything.

And yes, if we are mandated reporters, we HAVE to report and I doubt that it is even possible in some cases to keep our report confidential.

It is part of our licensing regs to HAVE to tell a parent that we are mandated reporters and tell them what things we will and won't report. Where I live, I have to give parents a copy of that statement as well as information on who I will call and who they can call if they suspect me of anything.

Honestly, as a child care provider, if I had to report a parent (Which I have several times) I couldn't care less if they know it was me. I am doing my job and what is best for the child so who gives a hoot if the parent knows it was me...kwim?

OP, I can see why it would be upsetting for your neighbor to know it was you, but we have to do what is best for children and even if that means being outed as the reporter.....it was still in the child's best interest.

I think that being mandated reporter, means I am willing to sacrifice my confidentiality for the best interest of ANY child in danger.