Another Horrible Act!!

[MommyofThree]

I think at least part of it is the prevailing attitude of "you can NEVER take your eyes off the children, EVER!!! Not even for a minute!!!! SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN!!!!!!!11!1!"

Parents or caregivers get angry/stressed/upset, feel like they need to escape for a few minutes, but then have the fear that if they do put the kid/s somewhere safe and step out for a minute, that they will get in trouble. So they try to deal, but then snap.

There are mixed messages being sent, it's all right there in the literature they send you home from the hospital with. "Never shake your baby, if you're mad, put baby in his crib and walk away for a bit." and then on the next page, "don't ever leave baby alone, EVER. It's not safe!"

Parents feel that they have no recourse.

Then caregivers have all the parent stuff over their heads, as well as all the licensing stuff, and there you go.

Ok lets not blame the litature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its the providers and parents fault. Point blank. DONT HAVE KIDS IF PEOPLE ARE GOING TO RELY ON PAPERS... I put my son in his crib and step in my back yard if I have to. His crib is safe. CPS does not care if you step out side for a few min if you need to. I have been a mom for 8 years and never have I came to a point where omg if I dont leave I m going to snap! NEVER. iT PISSES ME OFF THAT PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH KILLING CHILDREN. They should all get beaten to death and and rot. urg, sorry my vent is done. But im a little annoyed that people actually think because what papers say its mix things. No your an adult. no paper tells me how to raise my child.

[melissa ann]

Ok lets not blame the litature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its the providers and parents fault. Point blank. DONT HAVE KIDS IF PEOPLE ARE GOING TO RELY ON PAPERS... I put my son in his crib and step in my back yard if I have to. His crib is safe. CPS does not care if you step out side for a few min if you need to. I have been a mom for 8 years and never have I came to a point where omg if I dont leave I m going to snap! NEVER. iT PISSES ME OFF THAT PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH KILLING CHILDREN. They should all get beaten to death and and rot. urg, sorry my vent is done. But im a little annoyed that people actually think because what papers say its mix things. No your an adult. no paper tells me how to raise my child.

I agree 100%.
Where's the LIKE button: )

Everytime we hear of something terrible that happened to child and the parents put on a good show, tears etc. We show sympathy to them. We can't imagine a parent hurting their own child. But, how many times have we been taken in by these parents who evidentually confesss or evidence shows it was a parent. We shouldn't be surprised anymore. When I hear a story like this, I tend to think it was a parent/caregiver unless there is absolute proof otherwise.
Like the thread about a father accidently smothering a baby while sleeping. Maybe it was an accident, but, maybe it wasn't an accident and he set it up that way.

[SilverSabre25]

okay, melissa and, um, melissa (funny coincidence there)

I am NOT blaming the literature. I used it as an example to explain a point I was trying to make--that there is a MAJOR double standard here. On the one side, you have the entirely reasonable suggestion to put baby down somewhere safe and walk away if you're feeling angry. On the other side, you have the fear-mongering, terror-filled, stupid message that you should never ever ever in a million years take your eyes off your baby/child for even ONE second because "anything could happen".

From birth, even before birth, parents are being bombarded from all sides by these two conflicting messages. The one says that it's okay to leave baby alone, the other says that it's NOT okay.

You get this message in the hospital, when you get home from the hospital and read through the information they give you, from the parenting books and "how to take care of baby" books, from blogs and parenting sites and well-meaning-but-mis-guided friends/relatives who claim that they NEVER take their eyes off their baby--making you feel like "scum parent extraordinaire" if you do take your eyes off baby...to run downstairs and switch laundry, or something else benign. So then, if a parent is feeling out of control and very emotional (due to incessant crying, a tough day, hormones, untreated post-partum depression or anxiety, a colicky infant, etc), they may feel conflicted by all the different advice, feel terrible already for being so upset, not want to feel worse by leaving baby (because you shouldn't!), and then not act soon enough before they do lose control.

[SilverSabre25]

I also want to say that along with some better education and the need for idea of "what is safe" to calm down a little, we need there to be better education for, diagnosis of, and treatment for, food allergies and other things that cause infants to cry uncontrollably and be colicky. Reflux, food allergies, sensory issues, etc.

Babies cry when something is wrong. If baby is crying that much that the parent is starting to lose it, someone needs to do something. Someone needs to step up and tell the parent that the crying is NOT normal and they need to help the parent figure it out.

That is one place to start, I think--stopping the problem before it becomes a problem.

I have no doubt that the "don't shake baby" campaigns are effective...but let's also address the causes of the uncontrollable crying.