Developing The Backbone, But I Still Have Guilt!!!

[Lucy]

I have a newly 3 yr old girl who is potty training. I have had her since birth, and her 8 yr old brother since he was 9 months. Mom brings her today and says, "she's in panties, but she hasn't peed yet this morning." She says she put her on the toilet, but she was too sleepy still, and nothing came out.

So as mom was leaving, I took the girl to the bathroom and she barely tinkled. With so much activity before the 3 bigger kids leave on the bus, she naturally had an accident. Then the almost 2 yr old kneeled in the wet spot and had it all over her jeans. So I had TWO kids in wet clothes, and a wet spot to sop up. Pardon the pun, but I was pissed!!

So I sent the mom a text that said, "Let's not put her in panties in the morning. There's too much activity and she had an accident. And to top it off, (other girl) sat in it!"

Now granted, that is pretty tame compared to what I was thinking . But after I sent it, I did have a tad bit of guilt. I tell myself not to and that I'm right in the situation, but I just can't help it.

She sent a text back profusely apologizing for what happened, and said "she loves to pick out panties in the morning, but I will save that for the weekend if you want." Then I felt bad again! I told her that they could still pick out the panties, but put them OVER the pullups. I said that there are other times in the day when I have more time and control over it, when I DO have her in just the panties, so I don't mind if she has them on, just that she needs the pullup in the morning for a backup because she gets too caught up in all the buzz with the school agers. Mom agreed it sounded like a good plan. So I've got the backbone, but I can't get rid of that "Oops, was that too harsh?" feeling!!

Anyone else???

[Cat Herder]

Once you know how long you need to simmer on an idea before reacting, you will get a handle on it, too. (edit: Guilt)

I would not have sent a mid-day text on that one, myself, but that is because I have done it and it backfired... YKWIM?

You will get your own routine down....just give yourself some time. A new backbone sometimes feels the need to make up for lost time. ::

[small_steps]

I think that was a great response. You didn't say don't put her in them period. You told her over the pull ups and I bet mom understands. NOt to harsh sounding to me.

[Lucy]

(I'm in the west, so this happened at 9:00 am.)

Well, the text wasn't anything I wouldn't have said later in the day. The problem was not that I impulsively sent it. I think maybe the guilt was that my subconscience thinks I should just treat it like a part of potty training. OR, that it was my fault for not taking her potty more times. Or something... I don't know. I know on an intellectual level that the mom was wrong to have her in panties - especially when she did not pee at home. But like I said, my subconscience wants me to not make waves. I don't know!! I'm physco-analyzing myself!! That can be dangerous. LOL.

I've done DC for 17 years and I've dealt with it the whole time. I have grown a LOT more of a backbone over that time, but I just can't shake the uncomfortableness of confrontation. It's always been an issue with me, but I've greatly improved!!

[Cat Herder]

(I'm in the west, so this happened at 9:00 am.)

Well, the text wasn't anything I wouldn't have said later in the day. The problem was not that I impulsively sent it. I think maybe the guilt was that my subconscience thinks I should just treat it like a part of potty training. OR, that it was my fault for not taking her potty more times. Or something... I don't know. I know on an intellectual level that the mom was wrong to have her in panties - especially when she did not pee at home. But like I said, my subconscience wants me to not make waves. I don't know!! I'm physco-analyzing myself!! That can be dangerous. LOL.

I've done DC for 17 years and I've dealt with it the whole time. I have grown a LOT more of a backbone over that time, but I just can't shake the uncomfortableness of confrontation. It's always been an issue with me, but I've greatly improved!!

Oh, I worded that poorly..... I did not mean to imply you were impulsive... I AM. It is MY weakness. Impulsivity.

I have to wait a bit to respond. I edit probably 400 times before I send anything to clients...

[sharlan]

It didn't sound too harsh to me.

I know how crazy it is when you're trying to keep the chaos down in the morning and get the older kids out the door for school. Once the big kids are out, you can always take the pull up off and put the panties on.

[Lucy]

It didn't sound too harsh to me.

I know how crazy it is when you're trying to keep the chaos down in the morning and get the older kids out the door for school. Once the big kids are out, you can always take the pull up off and put the panties on.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I do. She has just panties from about 10-12, and then again from about 2-3:30 just before the kids get home from school.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you did fine. Some personalities just naturally doubt every decision. That doesn't mean that you made a mistake though. Just practice recognizing that feeling for what it is....just a feeling and not an indicator that you should have done anything differently.

[Lucy]

I think you did fine. Some personalities just naturally doubt every decision. That doesn't mean that you made a mistake though. Just practice recognizing that feeling for what it is....just a feeling and not an indicator that you should have done anything differently.

LIKE

(Adding characters because it said I needed 10 LOL)