For Those Who Don't Do Time Outs, What Do You Do???

[sahm2three]

I have no idea what else to do. Time outs aren't working. They get put in time out and the second they are back out they are doing the behavior over again. I redirect, try to catch them in the act and stop them before they do it, use positive phrases for alternative actions they can take. I am just at a loss. I use Common Sense Parenting. I get down to their level, tell them what they did wrong and that it is not ok, tell them something like, "Hands are for high fives, not hitting" or "We share the toys with our friends" etc. I just can't figure out what else to do.

Edited to add, I will not be doing any coddling forms of "redirection" like an idiotic thing called "time in". Have you heard of this? Sorry, but to me, that is rewarding BAD behavior!

[Christian Mother]

Yep, I'm there with ya. I have a 2 yr old that won't sit at all so I have a chair he sits in right next to me. And we sit together that way I can monitor the time out and all the kids are with in sight of me. Which isn't to hard bc the kids always want to be where I am at at all times. For times that a time out does not work and it is for a serious offense. I place the child in a play pen. It solves a lot of problems for me as they can't get out or go any where but I can rush to the other child that got hit or bitten and asses the damage done. I only use the play pen for extreme problems. If you have a child that doesn't take time out seriously...try the play pen. It could be used as the last resort. Tell the parents also of the problem your having and the fusteration your having bc that child is not dealing well with consequences. You can redirect when a child is grabbing a toy away from someone but if that child is hitting or biting or kicking being disruptive or throwing toys it's best to place him some where he can cool off away from everyone else. That way he learns what is tolerable and what is not.

[MNMum]

What ages are you having trouble with? Time out is very effective for my 3 year olds, rarely need to use it actually. But for my own 2 year old I am at a loss. I can use the threat of a time out for him to get him to follow directions and it is effective. For example, if he did not listen to the initial direction, then "Isaac, it is time to go inside, you may either go inside now, or go to time out for 1 minute." So far, he chooses the direction. Now, if he has just hit someone, it is completely ineffective for me. He will not stay put.

Ideas ladies and gents?

[Ariana]

You're doing pretty much what I do! I think the key is to not get frustrated and just be consistent. They will eventually get it is my motto, especially the really young ones.

[Ariana]

What ages are you having trouble with? Time out is very effective for my 3 year olds, rarely need to use it actually. But for my own 2 year old I am at a loss. I can use the threat of a time out for him to get him to follow directions and it is effective. For example, if he did not listen to the initial direction, then "Isaac, it is time to go inside, you may either go inside now, or go to time out for 1 minute." So far, he chooses the direction. Now, if he has just hit someone, it is completely ineffective for me. He will not stay put.

Ideas ladies and gents?

Here I say "come inside by yourself or I will come and help you, what is your choice"? I then wait and restate. Then I say "I am counting to 3 and then I'm coming to get you.....1......2......3". Then I go and get her. I usually never get to 3 before she complies. I do the 1-2-3 for almost everything!!

[Cat Herder]

Divide and conquer.

[daycare]

when it gets to this pint, I put myself in time out too.

you need to calm down before you react..

second, you need to find things that the child CAN play with. separate them from the rest of the group and give them their own play area. You then need to show him what you want him to do how to behave.

Once he can show you, you then allow for him to go back. Don't forget to praise him when he does well along with others...

refrain from saying "I" like it when you do this or that..

Instead use: wow johnny that is wonderful that you are playing so nice.

The more negative attention he gets the more he will act out that way to get more attention.... Instead give toys he can play with alone and no attention...

[sahm2three]

You're doing pretty much what I do! I think the key is to not get frustrated and just be consistent. They will eventually get it is my motto, especially the really young ones.

It's the 2 yo's I am having issues with. Newly 2's and seasoned 2's. It isn't that they won't sit in time out (most times), it is that it doesn't seem to be teaching them anything. They come right back out and do the behavior again. Over and over and over. For a bit today, ALL of the toddlers were in time out for seperate offenses! Ugh. I just want it to be a positive place, where they are learning and having fun playing with there friends! I guess I am wishing for something that may not be possible?! Feeling disenchanted today I guess. Full moon maybe.

[daycare]

It's the 2 yo's I am having issues with. Newly 2's and seasoned 2's. It isn't that they won't sit in time out (most times), it is that it doesn't seem to be teaching them anything. They come right back out and do the behavior again. Over and over and over. For a bit today, ALL of the toddlers were in time out for seperate offenses! Ugh. I just want it to be a positive place, where they are learning and having fun playing with there friends! I guess I am wishing for something that may not be possible?! Feeling disenchanted today I guess. Full moon maybe.

when I had 6 two year olds years ago and they were all going crazy, I would put on the soothing music, pull out the nap mats and make them sit on them to play with their toys. far away from each other so that they could not throw toys at each other or touch each other.... I know how you feel...try not to pull your hair out

[nannyde]

Divide and conquer.

Yup

Invest in some superyards and give them their own space.

[Christian Mother]

When there young like that Time Out doesn't make a whole lot of since. They have to be confined so to speak. We can't strap them in time out......you can't really make a child stay in time out..but the pnp works. A lot of providers on here told me that is what I should do with my little 2 yr old when he warrants one. And I do tell the parents also about these type of time outs. They know for me it's the last straw bc I was at my wits end. There perfectly fine with it. You place the child in there and walk away. Time out for you and the child. That child is by them self's to cool off and most of the time they are mad bc they can't do anything about it. If they hate it they'll learn that they didn't something they should and then you can use that as a tool. Normally after one of those if I see even a little bit of misbehavior all I have to say is wld you like another time out in the play pen and guess what...they instantly stop. It takes a bit to get them catch on that your series. My little 2 yr old is very head strong. It took him a bit to recognize I wasn't playing around I would put him back in time out in pnp if he didn't listen to me. Now he plays very well and I hardly have to mention time out.

[Blackcat31]

Divide and conquer.

Yup

Invest in some superyards and give them their own space.

Providing them some individual play space eliminates the frustration that is commonly the cause of challenging behaviors.

It is necessary to have small spaces, less toys and a calmer atmosphere if you want the kids to act calmer.

You are right about time-outs. They are not really ideal and especially not productive for 2 year olds who are in an egocentrical stage of only wnating and understanding things that directly affect them.

I think you are going to do better with pre-emptive action rather than dealing with the behavior after it happens.

[Ariana]

It's the 2 yo's I am having issues with. Newly 2's and seasoned 2's. It isn't that they won't sit in time out (most times), it is that it doesn't seem to be teaching them anything. They come right back out and do the behavior again. Over and over and over. For a bit today, ALL of the toddlers were in time out for seperate offenses! Ugh. I just want it to be a positive place, where they are learning and having fun playing with there friends! I guess I am wishing for something that may not be possible?! Feeling disenchanted today I guess. Full moon maybe.

I meant I do everything that you do except the time out part! I personally don't beleive in time outs, and especially at this age. They just can't make the connection.

Like a previous poster said toddlers are in the ME ME ME stage and it's a normal part of their development. Try and be as patient as possible and deal with each incident as it occurs in a calm manner. This is key IMO. Toddlers CANNOT share!! Come up with a strategy like a timer or something so they each get a turn etc. This behavior is not "bad" it's just behavior that most toddlers exhibit. Maybe reframing how you think about it can help you view it differently.

[Unregistered]

I really like the idea of the pack and play and time out for both child and provider.........but....................... Does this make the child afraid of nap time? Associate nap time with being in trouble?

I think a time out works for some kids and not for others. Depends on the child. For some they are not phased and for others their little world has crumbled. I am not a big fan of time out, but I am an even worse fan of the behavior that got them there in the first place.

I hope to get some good ideas out of this thread also, besides the obvious of redirecting etc...

[Cat Herder]

I really like the idea of the pack and play and time out for both child and provider.........but....................... Does this make the child afraid of nap time? Associate nap time with being in trouble?

My "play yards" are 36 sq feet (6ftx6ft) so it really depends on what you use an an individual play space. YKWIM?

By having individual playspaces, the frustration level goes down in the room (like Blackcat said).

That in itself limits the need for constant redirection. You learn to recognize the buildup (escalations) and divide them out again for a bit.

Bring them together in times of peace, seperate them out in times of conflict.

The day gets smooth as pie. I swear...