I Need Suggestions For Choosing A SAHM As A Provider

[AnneCordelia]

Something else to consider is that those who have chosen to make daycare their living have a vested interest in it. A SAHM who is taking in an extra child for a little extra money doesn't necessarily have the same investment in being a good source of reliable, long-term care.

I think that about half the dayhomes that I know run similarly to how you would like care, dispite labelling themselves as 'home daycares' and 'daycare provider'. Don't let that title drive you away because it could very well be the reliable, stable, homelike environment that you're looking for.

If you went to my local library, YMCA or school and asked for "a SAHM who takes in kids" then they would give my number. Although I do refer to myself as a daycare provider.

[iheartkids]

Next year, you can look forward to dealing with the school system!

Haha, that was my thought exactly!

[Heidi]

I will be keeping my son at this center he started at. Everything is fine there. I just want to be prepared. I want to KNOW what I am going to do if, for whatever reason, he cannot stay at this center. Because he just started there, I cannot help but worry that this is not what is best. I don't really like the idea of my son being at a center for much of his early life. He is going to need childcare until he can take care of himself at home while I am not there. This is going to be a number of years. So many employees come and go at a center. I put him there because I needed a place to take him, I looked at it, it seemed OK, I agreed with their nap policy which was my big problem in the first place.

I am too picky. I've admitted that. But I cannot help it. This is my only child, this will always be my only child, I have an extremely hard time "letting some things slide". I wish I COULD stay at home with him, maybe I should just clone myself?? JOKE.
I am keeping him at the center for now, I just want some suggestions when it comes to a SAHM provider, I saw that someone else mentioned this and it really sounded exactly like how my mother cared for my son. It sounded perfect. I see a BIG difference between a SAHM and an in-home daycare. I don't need the super-structured schedule. I do not need the "List of Rules" or the "Happy Chart" on the wall. I want a happy home-environment where my child can play with a couple other kids. It's fine if he helps fold the laundry during the day, it's fine if he watches cartoons, it's fine if there isn't 3 o'clock craft time, it's fine if the SAHM puts the 3-4 kids in her car and drives 5 mins to the park to play for a couple hours, or even makes a weekly trip to the grocery store with my child. I am not picky when it comes to that. The person who made me realize this was the one who suggested a SAHM provider for my son on the other thread. I immediately saw the difference. I have issues with what you feed my son, with the nap policy, with what kind of person you are and how you care for children. I thank Joyce, who answered my questions amazingly. You gave me a good idea.(Hopefully this center plays out to be great, and I won't have to look for another provider anytime soon. But still don't want my son here long-term)

I am keeping him in the daycare because there are no problems. But I really don't want him to stay there until the poor kid is in jr high, or whenever it is that I feel he can stay at home alone. (I am uncomfortable even thinking about that, . I don't really know what age my child would be "ready" to stay at home alone, I guess it would just be when I am OK with it)

Heather-

It is so wonderful that you treasure your son so much!

I would like to say that your wish for a flexible, unstructured program for your son is actually uncommon. Over the years, I have lost quite a few 4, 3, and even 2 year olds because parents felt they needed the "structure" and "learning" that a center could provide. After all, they have to be ready for school!

I have to admit that at one time, I tried to emulate the more school oriented programs. What I have learned about myself is that I prefer to run a program that is more homelike. Yes, I have rules, and no, I would NOT want everyone awake all day long. I, too, need the break. But, I have a 4yo in my program now, and we take it one day at a time. He has his own room to go in, and play quietly (before that room was available, he had an area in my livingroom). On Fridays, he gets to have the TV on. He can come out to use the bathroom, and go check in with him once in a while (the room is baby proofed and right next to my livingroom). Some days, I have a project to do, and he "helps" me. Some days, he tells me he is tired and asks to take a nap. Only rarely do I insist he take one-when he has been melting down all am.

Could I do this if I had 2 or 3 four year olds, or if he was 2? Nope! But, I was able to accomidate this family because it is only a question of one child. But, I only have 5 children in my program (I am licensed for 8, but 3 are under the age of 2, so my max is 5 right now).

This is how I have always handled nap time in the past, and I feel ok with it, and the parents are happy. For me, that's part of customer service. But, I do need to set some limits so that I can continue to be cheerful myself. Me melting down would be bad for everyone!

My suggestion, again, would be to leave your son where he's at, and then look for a classmate's family next year for afterschool and break care. That way, he gets used to the transistion from family care to school now (a center will be more school-like to him), and he doesn't have to go through another change. Next fall, when he is in school, he will be in an "institution" all day, so a SAHM or small provider will be a nice balance, and the nap issue will be a non-issue.

[MyAngels]

I confess, I did not read all the responses, so my apologies if I repeat anyone else's advice .

I think your idea of finding a SAHM who would be willing to watch your child would benefit you in many ways, assuming you can find the right person. Right now you'll have someone who agrees that your child no longer needs a nap, but when your child starts school next year you'll have someone who will be able to take care of your child when school is out not only for holidays, but for all of the other in-service days, etc.

My suggestion for finding someone like that would be to look around your area for kids who will be your son's peers at school and start there. I don't know if I would ask to "observe" per se, but I would try to develop something of a friendship with the family, maybe take the kids to the park, museum, hang out at each others' houses, etc., so that you can get an idea if this mom will be someone you can trust with your child.

Since you are essentially happy with the center that you are at now, you have a bit of time to try to find just the right fit, not just for now, but for the next few years as well.

[Blackcat31]

Heather,

Just wondering where you are locate at....you never know, there could be a prover here on this forum in your area who would meet your needs. Just a thought.

[HeatherJ]

Heather-

Next fall, when he is in school, he will be in an "institution" all day, so a SAHM or small provider will be a nice balance, and the nap issue will be a non-issue.

Yes, you are exactly right. He is going to be in school, there will not be any need for an institution-like setting. He will be getting the structured schedule while he is at school.
& MyAngels, thanks for that suggestion! I definitely plan on keeping my son at this center as long as he's happy and I feel OK with everything there. I do not, however, want him to grow up spending him time before and after school in a center. Once he starts school and I get to know other parents, establishing a friendship-type relationship with another mother is a great idea. I should have no problem getting to know my son's friends' mothers. It would be absolutely wonderful to find one that can care for my son before and after school, and then be a person that I know and trust, as well.

& bbo, you are also correct. I was unable to find a home daycare that I was comfortable with. I really, really put a lot of effort into finding a good one. This isn't to say that they were not "good", but I am too picky and I have a hard time settling with even one method or tactic that I do not agree with 100%. I am definitely needing to re-evaluate my own expectations and make a shorter list of what is absolutely important to me.
I need to look around a little more, explain to providers that I meet with that I don't need every hour scheduled, and that I want my son to feel relaxed and comfortable; as if he is just "hanging out" for a little while until mommy gets done with work. I now know how to explain clearly what I need from a provider. I just need to narrow it down to the really important things. I am very picky about the food my child eats, I am very picky about the nap thing, I am very picky about the behavior of the children around him and the way providers handle discipline. The list truly goes on & on. At first, before I visited this forum, I admit, I had the wrong idea about what goes on at a daycare. I was very stern with the providers I met with and I was actually told "No" by some of them and I was very angry that I couldn't find what I wanted. I thought of providers as "employees" to a certain degree and I expected them to care for my child EXACTLY like I told them. I didn't see what was so hard about doing what I tell you because I am paying you. I was QUICKLY shown here that I have the wrong idea about providers. I am working on editing my expectations and I now realize that you are providing a service. It was stated clearly in the contracts and handbooks I looked at, I just kept thinking that "if I don't agree with something, I will tell them, and they will find a way to do this how I want". That is very much not the case, I have looked at many of these threads here and I realize that you guys are very much in business for yourself here and you set forth these contracts and handbooks so that you can run your business how you want, not how the parents want exactly. It proves that parents need to look at the big picture and stop nit-picking at every little thing they don't exactly agree with. I appreciate you for showing me the light. I would never have realized that I cannot find the "perfect" provider and I would have continued my angry search and I would've ended up paying my mother a TON of money to quit her new job and go back to caring for my son. I actually thought of this.

I have made up mind that I am keeping my son in this center until school starts, I am going to make a list of what I feel are necessities when it comes to my son's care. This list will have to be edited, I am sure, (because I will still have a difficult time budging on what I want, but I know I need to budge, just need to decide on what) and I will find a provider by the time school starts, or shortly thereafter, that is similar to what I've already described. Whether it is a SAHM or a small in-home daycare, I will not get angry with everyone and I will find someone great.
And because my son will be in school and will be spending time with other kids, going back to a nanny is not so much a problem anymore. If I can get my son into a full-time Kindergarten, the nanny or provider would not even be needed but a couple of hours a day.
I really need to look deeper into some Kindergarten options and compare/contrast all of those.

I am just putting all of my thoughts into words, at this point. My apologies! I thank you all so much for your input. I really appreciate all the answers and suggestions. I know so much more about daycare!

[HeatherJ]

Heather,

Just wondering where you are locate at....you never know, there could be a prover here on this forum in your area who would meet your needs. Just a thought.

I am in central Oklahoma. Are you sure you want to mention that? , so far, it seems that most providers despise me!

[Blackcat31]

At first, before I visited this forum, I admit, I had the wrong idea about what goes on at a daycare. I was very stern with the providers I met with and I was actually told "No" by some of them and I was very angry that I couldn't find what I wanted. I thought of providers as "employees" to a certain degree and I expected them to care for my child EXACTLY like I told them. I didn't see what was so hard about doing what I tell you because I am paying you. I was QUICKLY shown here that I have the wrong idea about providers. I am working on editing my expectations and I now realize that you are providing a service. It was stated clearly in the contracts and handbooks I looked at, I just kept thinking that "if I don't agree with something, I will tell them, and they will find a way to do this how I want". That is very much not the case, I have looked at many of these threads here and I realize that you guys are very much in business for yourself here and you set forth these contracts and handbooks so that you can run your business how you want, not how the parents want exactly. It proves that parents need to look at the big picture and stop nit-picking at every little thing they don't exactly agree with. I appreciate you for showing me the light. I would never have realized that I cannot find the "perfect" provider and I would have continued my angry search and I would've ended up paying my mother a TON of money to quit her new job and go back to caring for my son. I actually thought of this.

I really appreciate all the answers and suggestions. I know so much more about daycare!

You rock!

Thank you for taking the time to read and learn about what we do and our point of view.

Thank you for taking the time to join, write and explain your point of view as a parent.

THIS is exactly what forums like this should be; a way to give and take info between every viewpoint.

Thank you!

Oops, just saw your next post...and FWIW~ I am betting anyone who might be in OK, would love to "work with" a parent like you! It is a two way street and a partnership. Neither parent or provider is right 100% of the time.

[KBCsMommy]

Heather have you checked with your sons new elementary school to see if they do an after school daycare program at the school.

We have after school programs at all our schools here. Its so wonderful because they go to the cafeteria after school for snacktime, then out to the big kids playgrounds, then homework, and games and crafts until pickup.

If they did. That would make sense to keep your son in the center that hes at, then when he starts school he would just stay there until pickup. No confusion on where hes going or whos picking him up!!

[Country Kids]

You sound like an awesome parent!!!!! I just want you to be very aware though that when your son starts school and if it is public you will have some say but not much.

You will have no control over the behavior of the children that is in his classroom or the type of discipline the teacher uses. You can express concern but that is about it. Its not like you can keep taking him from classroom to classroom until you find the perfect one.

Please remember that even though you want the best for your child as most of us do you still have to have an open mind to alot of things beyond your control. When your child goes to school they will be exposed to so many more things and there is nothing you can do about it.

So finding the perfect childcare will just be the start to many difficult situations for you in the journey of parenthood. I'm not saying at all what you are doing is wrong but parenthood is not an easy job especially when you want certain things for your child and you cannot obtain them.

Believe me, there are certain things I have wanted for my children that were not always available. I had to learn that rules were made for a reason or the situation I wanted maybe just wasn't available.

[Ariana]

When I couldn't find the type of quality childcare I was looking for I made the difficult sacrifice and choice to stay at home. Sometimes when you choose or have to work you need to trust in others to take care of your child. This involves a lot of "letting go". I'm not saying you should "settle" but if your son is happy then this is what I would base my decision on.

[Unregistered]

I will be keeping my son at this center he started at. Everything is fine there. I just want to be prepared. I want to KNOW what I am going to do if, for whatever reason, he cannot stay at this center. Because he just started there, I cannot help but worry that this is not what is best. I don't really like the idea of my son being at a center for much of his early life. He is going to need childcare until he can take care of himself at home while I am not there. This is going to be a number of years. So many employees come and go at a center. I put him there because I needed a place to take him, I looked at it, it seemed OK, I agreed with their nap policy which was my big problem in the first place.

I am too picky. I've admitted that. But I cannot help it. This is my only child, this will always be my only child, I have an extremely hard time "letting some things slide". I wish I COULD stay at home with him, maybe I should just clone myself?? JOKE.
I am keeping him at the center for now, I just want some suggestions when it comes to a SAHM provider, I saw that someone else mentioned this and it really sounded exactly like how my mother cared for my son. It sounded perfect. I see a BIG difference between a SAHM and an in-home daycare. I don't need the super-structured schedule. I do not need the "List of Rules" or the "Happy Chart" on the wall. I want a happy home-environment where my child can play with a couple other kids. It's fine if he helps fold the laundry during the day, it's fine if he watches cartoons, it's fine if there isn't 3 o'clock craft time, it's fine if the SAHM puts the 3-4 kids in her car and drives 5 mins to the park to play for a couple hours, or even makes a weekly trip to the grocery store with my child. I am not picky when it comes to that. The person who made me realize this was the one who suggested a SAHM provider for my son on the other thread. I immediately saw the difference. I have issues with what you feed my son, with the nap policy, with what kind of person you are and how you care for children. I thank Joyce, who answered my questions amazingly. You gave me a good idea.(Hopefully this center plays out to be great, and I won't have to look for another provider anytime soon. But still don't want my son here long-term)

I am keeping him in the daycare because there are no problems. But I really don't want him to stay there until the poor kid is in jr high, or whenever it is that I feel he can stay at home alone. (I am uncomfortable even thinking about that, . I don't really know what age my child would be "ready" to stay at home alone, I guess it would just be when I am OK with it)

If you liked your nanny, why didn't you keep her and ask her to take him to play groups, library, outings etc... allow him to have other kids over, maybe even allow her to take on other kids in your home.

Many schools offer after school care, personally I would not want my child still at school till 6 at night. Throwing it out there maybe that is for you.

I too think you are picky......but rightfully so, after all it is your child and you want what is best. I suggest you look around and see what is available in your area for different options, when you find what your looking for you help make it the best for your son. Working with your provider would have been a better solution, instead of jumping out so soon. Good luck-

[Cat Herder]

I am in central Oklahoma. Are you sure you want to mention that? , so far, it seems that most providers despise me!

I don't think that at all. You reaffirmed for me that to take the time to explain the whys and hows to parents WITH COMPLETE HONESTY is still the best policy.

Even when you got answers you did not like you took the time to read more and understand our side. That is half the battle. Imagine how quickly your whole situation would have been rectified if your old providers took the time to do that....

I am so glad you are here and hope this becomes a trend.

[SilverSabre25]

Hey, we don't hate you! I don't anyway. If I wasn't in the center of the wrong "O" state, I would be thrilled to work with you I think!

[familyschoolcare]

I am in central Oklahoma. Are you sure you want to mention that? , so far, it seems that most providers despise me!

I do not despise you. In fact id you lived in my area (I am in California) I would be contacting you becasue I have 2 openings and it sounds like your son would be a great fit to my program.