Okay Blackcat

[erinalexmom]

So I saw your answer about the 1,2,3 thing. So you are giving a rule reminder, a warning, then the consequence. So what do you do when its physical violence with the other children? I mean I really dont want to give them a warning when they just wacked someone KWIM?
I think that the majority of the time 1,2,3 will work but what about those times you shouldnt do that for safety sake?
Thank you for the answer by the way cause I was so sick of time out especially when you get time out for throwing a book AND time out for kicking someone in the head. It just didnt make sense but I had no other ideas!

[erinalexmom]

I could have private messaged you but I think these ideas might help someone else too

[Blackcat31]

ANY act of violence or aggression like you stated garners them complete separation for the whole day. I cannot allow a child to harm another. They can play the rest of the day but not with anyone else and not outside of my sight.

If it is really bad, then I would go so far as ask the parent to pick up immediately but that is worst case scenario and in the case of kids who really know better than to act that way. (older ones)

If we are talking about small ones who don't quite get it yet, then I would make them shadow me for the whole day and NEVER be out of eyesight and/or arms reach so I can quickly fend off any possible attacks or aggression to others. I would try to model appropriate behaviors and I would make a big deal about how Suzy is being nice to her friends etc.

I suppose my "re-actions" to their actions are completely dependant on their age, their length of time in my program and the situation the behavior occured in.

What ages are we talking here?


(I'm heading home now, but will come back on-line after I get home and post some more... )

[KEG123]

for my sake.... 3.5 yrs?

[erinalexmom]

I have a young 2 yr old. I honestly just seperate him most of the day because he cannot behave himself at all. One day a few months ago he bit my son so hard he drew blood! I told his mother at that time that he will be terminated if he ever does it again.
But as far as the others, I have one who is 2.5yrs (smart girl very understanding of what I am saying) i have 2 3yr olds and and my own son is 4. They all have hit or kicked or something at one time or another.
I really have to get the physical violence under control. Also, what happens when you seperate one and another one does something like that then where do you put them? LOL

[erinalexmom]

ok one more question. The young 2 yr old spits all the time! this drives me crazy! What can I do to get him to stop?

[Unregistered]

Um, let him go...
Sounds like a wild child who will eventually hurt himself or someone else, is the stress worth the $??

[Blackcat31]

Sorry, I didn't post sooner but I have gone over and over in my head about what to answer without writing a novel for an answer but am almost going to anyways....LOL!

Disciplining negative behaviors and preventing them are related but could bith be topics or threads all by themselves. Unfortunately there is no easy answer. It is tough because young kids do not have the skills to think perspectively and don't undertand that they are hurting or endangering someone else. They only know what works for them. Part of stopping violent or aggresssive behavior in young kids is examining the reasons why they are behaving that way. Is there conflict about toys, space or something else? The environment as well as the kinds of behavior we model for the kids has a big impact on them. Do they have older brothers or sisters that use aggression to solve their conflicts? parents or tv that show them this solution? Kids develop a mental image of these behaviors and sadly refer to those images as solutions to solving their conflicts.

Remember the thread about art supplies where Melskids does a fantastic job of explaining how to help little kids use the art supplies in an appropriate and acceptable manner? (https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36532) She does an excellent job explaining how getting the kids to understand how to use the supplies in the art area is a lot of work and a long process too. Getting kids to learn conflict management in a non-violent way is very similar to what she said about teaching them how to use crayons correctly.

It is all about being right in the room with them and preventing the hitting or pushing BEFORE it happens. You need to learn what it is that is causing the behaviors and then intercede while it is happening. Then you can model how to do it right. You can validate the child's feelings with words such as "Billy, I cna see you really want the truck that Timmy has but you cannot take it from him." then talk about waiting for a turn and suggest playing with something else in the mean time.

Now I know that most little ones do not understand that whole process, but that is the point I was trying to make....it is an on-going process that takes time and effort on the caregivers end to continue teaching the kids alternate ways to solve their frsutration issues and aggressive behaviors. It has to be on-going and all the time. It requires you to know and understand what is causing the act, what to do to curb it and sticking with it to continue teaching them NOT to choose those types of behaviors. It is a very involved process where the provider has to be involved in the interacting that goes on during group play so you can model, prevent and get involved when necessary.

I personally act quickly and swiftly. I try to intercept any pushing or shoving BEFORE it happens. If I miss it and Timmy hits Billy, then Timmy gets to leave the toy or group he was playing in and can play separately until he is ready to be part of the group again. Separation length depends on the kid, the number of times he has offended, the situation, the developmental stage/age of the child....etc.

I am sorry I have no quick fix for you about the violent behaviors you are experiencing but really it is a long process of support, knowing why, how to prevent and follow through on the caregivers part. I get most my kids about 12 months and I begin the process from day one. The older kids model the correct bahaviors and the younger ones follow suit. I also have the same routine and consequences every single day. The first time they have an act of aggession or violence, it is addressed and dealt with immediately and it continues on as a long learning process.

I won't say it doesn't happen here because it does, but it doesn't happen verry often because by the time they are old enought to use their words they already understand that those types of negative bahaviors will not be tolerated.

As for your 2 year old who spits, I would treat it like biting. Separate him and tell him firmly "NO! No spitting!" After he is separated for a bit, have him rejoin the group and if/when the behavior happens again, you repeat. You continue to repeat until he understands that it is not ok to spit. I am sure with some kids that it becomes a game and I guess that is when I get a parent involved in helping to stop the behavior.

Like I said, I wish I had an easy answer for you but there really is no easy fix. I would have to write a text book to get out the whole process..... It does start young though and is hard work and requires it you to do the same thing every single day. Much like teaching them to use art supplies, use the toilet, eat with manners or anything else we teach them to do.

Here are a couple sites that do a good job talking about how to handle aggression and violent behaviors
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-dev...-behavior.html (good info here)

http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/conflict-resolution/45310.html

http://illinoisearlylearning.org/chat/hemmeter/sup.htm (This one is really good)