MY Kid Is Jealous!

[Blackcat31]

She doesn't act violently towards the other child just doesn't seem to like her. My child is 2 years old so definately is in the stage of "MINE". When the other daycare children started there was no issue because she was only 16 months and didn't really care. Now that she's 2 she cares. I also remember the 2 year old that I started acting the same way towards her at 16 months. Now they're best friends. Almost like a pekking order being set up.

The reason I feel it's jealosy is because when I hug the other DCG she says "no she's MY mom". This makes me suspect jeaousy but at the same time maybe it's just a posession thing like she is with many toys (which is normal!). Maybe my post made it sound like she was crazy out of control brat but she really isn't!! I just wanted her to understand that I'm always her mom and that I'm not now all of a sudden someone else's mom kwim?

I definately think I don't give her enough attention. I was chatting with my husband last night and realized that often I am so focused on the kids that aren't my own I sort of forget about her needs. I think if anything I need to treat her more equal....maybe in my quest to treat everyone like my own I'm ignoring her more?

Anyway thanks for all the suggestions and thoughts. You've given me lots to think about

That is exactly what I was leaning towards when I was reading the posts....then I got to your reply and BINGO! there it is. I think it is more a possessive issue than it is a jealousy issue.

Just this morning one of my 2 yr olds said "No!, my Miss B" when I picked up a peer. So I am going with possession.

[nannyde]

She doesn't act violently towards the other child just doesn't seem to like her. My child is 2 years old so definately is in the stage of "MINE". When the other daycare children started there was no issue because she was only 16 months and didn't really care. Now that she's 2 she cares. I also remember the 2 year old that I started acting the same way towards her at 16 months. Now they're best friends. Almost like a pekking order being set up.

The reason I feel it's jealosy is because when I hug the other DCG she says "no she's MY mom". This makes me suspect jeaousy but at the same time maybe it's just a posession thing like she is with many toys (which is normal!). Maybe my post made it sound like she was crazy out of control brat but she really isn't!! I just wanted her to understand that I'm always her mom and that I'm not now all of a sudden someone else's mom kwim?

I definately think I don't give her enough attention. I was chatting with my husband last night and realized that often I am so focused on the kids that aren't my own I sort of forget about her needs. I think if anything I need to treat her more equal....maybe in my quest to treat everyone like my own I'm ignoring her more?

Anyway thanks for all the suggestions and thoughts. You've given me lots to think about

She's "claiming you"... she's "resource guarding"

She doesn't get to do that. She's two. YOU tell HER what YOU will have and won't have. When it comes to the other kids you decide. It's not about her. Let her know that and she will settle.

I promise

[cheerfuldom]

I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old and an infant of my own while doing daycare. The last two kids were born into this situation. You have to find a combination of what works for you. In a nutshell, I don't require my kids to be a part of the daycare program or force them to play with the kids. They are not allowed to be mean but they don't have to be friends either. My kids have their own rooms that are not used for daycare purposes and same thing with toys. Yes the older two are still young but they do go and have a break when they need it. My baby is on the opposite schedule as the daycare kids. When she is up, its all about her. I don't really get a break all day but this is what works for me. My daycare kids are not allowed to treat this home like they live here. I am not their mom, that is not their couch to sit on, etc, etc. They are in daycare, my kids are at home. I don't try to make everything equal. Today my kids got a rare treat of fruit snacks. I planned it while the other kids were still napping and don't feel bad at all that nobody else got the treat. You just have to find a balance of being a mother and a provider. This situation is all about you, not your child, as nanny said. For the times when my kids get like yours is now, I say "one hug, then go play". They are not allowed to stand next to me crying, push other kids off my lap or any of that behavior. Tell your daughter what she can do, then what she needs to do next in short simple phrases. I also don't allow the daycare kids to be hoarding my attention either. I don't carry kids that can walk, I don't rock kids, I don't play with them for extended periods of time (I don't entertain kids, I don't get in their activities where the hugging, clinging, etc starts escalating). This goes for my own kids. I know it may sound really harsh but I promise, I am loving towards all my kids and daycare kids, I just now by experience what situations start the fighting. If I am reading and they are fighting over lap space, they all get off. If they still can't handle that, then we put books away for now. Its all about you solving each issue as it comes and not allowing your daughter to behave that way.

daycare forces me to be a different type of mom in some ways but I really do think that my kids are okay despite that. They are very independent, friendly little kids. There are many plus-es to being a provider. My kids are always on routine, do great with new people, very outgoing and independent. Try not to focus on what your child is not getting but what they are getting. She will feed off of your uncertainty and hesitation. If you aren't being the leader in the group, she will take over and that is not a place that is healthy for a kid. You are in charge, you decide what is happening. You don't have to be mean to be the leader, just really really consistent!

[Ariana]

She doesn't get to do that. She's two. YOU tell HER what YOU will have and won't have. When it comes to the other kids you decide. It's not about her. Let her know that and she will settle.

I promise

Can you tell me how?!!

I have to say this thread has been very enlightening for me because I think when I reacted to her in terms of "jealousy" I felt guilty and bad....if I look at it as more of posession I don't feel so bad about setting boundaries. But how to I set up those boundaries for her without "rejecting" her as my daughter kwim? It's so easy to set boundaries for other kids because they go home at night to their parents (who hopefully give them unconditional love)...whereas I am the parent. It's confusing!

I'm going to go through and read the replies again so it all sinks in! thanks again