The Fake "I'm Sorry"

[daycare]

"I'm sorry" would not work for me. Hitting would buy them lot's of time alone to think about it (not time-out, a seperate area to play). Words can't fix violence.

By hitting another child they have shown me they are not safe to have free playing in my group. The world as they know it comes to a screeching halt.

The only time they would have access to other kids is with me by their side until they earned my trust back.

It is a BIG DEAL here and would be stopped in its tracks. My clients expect it.

For most of my clients violence issues in childcare is why they did not go to a large center to begin with, so I'd quickly be out of business if I allowed it.

I only keep birth-4 and special needs.

I agree with this. When you purposely hurt someone, you don't get to say words. You get separated from society and you spend your time alone.

Too many kids will quickly learn to say Im sorry just to justify the harmful behavior. ONce they see that the words get them off the hook, the words lose their meaning.

[nannyde]

In the animal kingdom animal young are also allowed to "rough" house with eachother and play fight. This is where they learn hunting skills and what does and doesn't hurt and learn about their own power and when to surrender etc. In the human world we step in at any sign of agression and squash it. Agression is normal in all animals and through "rough housing" even children learn how to control it, especially boys. I watched a documentary once about te importance of pretend fighting for boys and how it helps them deal with their agression.

Sure

The difference is when the Mama says knock it off they stop.

[Cat Herder]

In the animal kingdom animal young are also allowed to "rough" house with eachother and play fight. This is where they learn hunting skills and what does and doesn't hurt and learn about their own power and when to surrender etc. In the human world we step in at any sign of agression and squash it. Agression is normal in all animals and through "rough housing" even children learn how to control it, especially boys. I watched a documentary once about te importance of pretend fighting for boys and how it helps them deal with their agression.

:::: Don't get me started with natural selection and adaptation to environment. I Darwin.

The problem is I can't allow a child to be injured. It could cost me everything I own.

That reality is not present in the animal kingdom so I adapted.


Edit: Uh..wow, Nan. Get out of my head....::::

[MissAnn]

The problem is I can't allow a child to be injured. It could cost me everything I own.

Exactly! And....kids who play rough at home with a sister or brother is a whole different scenario than a daycare full of kids allowed to play rough. If my DHS licensor comes in and kids are wrestling and running......she would say something....I know, because she has.

[daycare]

sorry, I think you took that the wrong way...they were not saying to let them play like wild animals...


this is the important part of it....

This is where they learn hunting skills and what does and doesn't hurt and learn about their own power and when to surrender etc. In the human world we step in at any sign of agression and squash it. Agression is normal in all animals and through "rough housing" even children learn how to control it, especially boys. I watched a documentary once about te importance of pretend fighting for boys and how it helps them deal with their agression.

[Cat Herder]

sorry, I think you took that the wrong way...they were not saying to let them play like wild animals...


this is the important part of it....

This is where they learn hunting skills and what does and doesn't hurt and learn about their own power and when to surrender etc. In the human world we step in at any sign of agression and squash it. Agression is normal in all animals and through "rough housing" even children learn how to control it, especially boys. I watched a documentary once about te importance of pretend fighting for boys and how it helps them deal with their agression.

No, I understand and agree with her.

In a perfect world the kids would be able to do this, just NOT in a litter of unrelated children. Humans are not generally born into litters for a reason...::

You should see my own son's wrestle...it is a sight. ::

The concept of Todays Daycare and anything resembling a natural human environment are polar opposites.

[Hunni Bee]

I don't do sorry either. I HATE it when a child gets a bad report from me, and the next morning the parent marches the child in front of me and says "what do you have to say to Ms.____".

The only time I do sorry is for non-violent, accidental stuff...like bumping, shoe-stepping, block-knocking-over.

Hurting (which I noticed today has gone almost down to never...yay!!!) gets no mediation or big to-do for my littles. In my opinion, kids that little have no moral compass. Stuff is wrong because you get in trouble, not because it's inherently wrong. So, you get in trouble, which is big fat dose of Sit and Do Nothing.

They don't truly get empathy and the Golden Rule til about 5. They don't get that other people feel stuff like they do. So sorry has no meaning, except as a Get Out of Jail Free Card.

[daycare]

No, I understand and agree with her.

In a perfect world the kids would be able to do this, just NOT in a litter of unrelated children. Humans are not generally born into litters for a reason...::

You should see my own son's wrestle...it is a sight. ::

The concept of Todays Daycare and anything resembling a natural human environment are polar opposites.

no it was me that misread her post.....hahahahah

GO figure....

OT- took your advice, I am cutting my hours starting NOv 17. No more 12 days for me...Yeah baby! 7:45-5:30...........Then I am DONE and can play with my own kids....I'm super excited because now I get to see my daughter do her gymnastics......I cant wait....

[Ariana]

Yeah my post was not so much for caregivers but more a general comment on "rough housing" for kids and maybe we as parents could think about. In this day and age of everybody sue everybody I can't afford to let kids rough house at my daycare either

[harperluu]

I don't think the fake I'm sorry is any different than the fake Thank You or the fake Please. We teach children the words we want them to use before they have the cognitive ability to truly feel or understand the meaning behind them.

Do you think a child of two feels gratitude when you ask them to say Thank You? Do you always feel remorseful when as an adult you say the words I'm Sorry?

I think as adults we are overanalyzing the whole I'm Sorry controversy.