Tweet
This is a cl ad. OMG. thumbtacks on a seat , full body massage!!!!!!!!!! wth I hope this is a joke:
I'm in need of a babysitter typically once per week give or take. I need someone who is firm and knows how to lay down the law. My child's bedtime is 8pm. Their bedtime is not 8:03 or 8:10, it is 8:00pm on the dot. That means pajamas are on and the little tike is in bed. I need someone who will enforce the rules if for example it is 8:01 and my child is lallygagging about and not even changed yet for bed. When I say enforcing the rules what I mean is using the techniques I will show you.
Sometimes my child will try to ****er you into giving him some candy or junk food for a snack. He knows the rules that junk food is strictly prohibited in our home. If he is caught with any, and caught eating it, he knows the consequences and I need my babysitter to be firm and consistent about applying the rules. Syrup of Ipecac is always kept in my home in case my son tries to sneak junk food.
I'm hoping to find someone experienced with certain discipline techniques such as the punishment chair (which is a regular chair equipped with carefully placed thumbtacks on the seat), the forgiveness hand (a firm smack to the back), and the consequence corner (a corner in the basement where there is a dense population of harmless yet terrifying bugs and insects). My son responds well to these and other discipline techniques to keep him on the straight and narrow.
I do allow my son to watch tv and movies, but there are certain restrictions. Television and movies watched must be of a high standard and quality, I do not want my son watching putrid unfunny garbage such as Two & Half Men or silly cartoons. And as far as movies, we have a great selection such as The Bridge on the River Kwai, A Brief Encounter, and Dr. Zhivago just to name a few.
I need someone experienced and able with preparing meals such as Chicken French and Polish Gnocchi with a homemade sauce. Low quality frozen foods aren't bought in my home, and everything is made from scratch. Those without an able hand in the kitchen need not apply.
I need someone comfortable and able to assist with bathing time and personal hygiene such as teeth brushing and hair combing. My son is eight and capable of taking his own shower but needs to be monitered so he doesn't spend too long in the shower which wastes water. No more than 8 minutes is allowed for a shower. There is a timer in the bathroom, so someone familiar with using a timer would be preferred.
My son has a hard time falling asleep and I have a routine that helps. Before bed I like my son to receive a nice full body massage to relax him and help him fall asleep. Those incapable or uncomfortable with that need not apply of course.
I'm hoping to find someone educated and skilled in math and english as well. Helping with school homework as well as hometime homework will be needed sometimes. By hometime homework I am referring to additional homework I draw up and assign to my son to supplement the homework received from school.
I do pay 12 dollars an hour and would love to start interviewing as soon as possible.
I'm in need of a babysitter typically once per week give or take. I need someone who is firm and knows how to lay down the law. My child's bedtime is 8pm. Their bedtime is not 8:03 or 8:10, it is 8:00pm on the dot. That means pajamas are on and the little tike is in bed. I need someone who will enforce the rules if for example it is 8:01 and my child is lallygagging about and not even changed yet for bed. When I say enforcing the rules what I mean is using the techniques I will show you.
Sometimes my child will try to ****er you into giving him some candy or junk food for a snack. He knows the rules that junk food is strictly prohibited in our home. If he is caught with any, and caught eating it, he knows the consequences and I need my babysitter to be firm and consistent about applying the rules. Syrup of Ipecac is always kept in my home in case my son tries to sneak junk food.
I'm hoping to find someone experienced with certain discipline techniques such as the punishment chair (which is a regular chair equipped with carefully placed thumbtacks on the seat), the forgiveness hand (a firm smack to the back), and the consequence corner (a corner in the basement where there is a dense population of harmless yet terrifying bugs and insects). My son responds well to these and other discipline techniques to keep him on the straight and narrow.
I do allow my son to watch tv and movies, but there are certain restrictions. Television and movies watched must be of a high standard and quality, I do not want my son watching putrid unfunny garbage such as Two & Half Men or silly cartoons. And as far as movies, we have a great selection such as The Bridge on the River Kwai, A Brief Encounter, and Dr. Zhivago just to name a few.
I need someone experienced and able with preparing meals such as Chicken French and Polish Gnocchi with a homemade sauce. Low quality frozen foods aren't bought in my home, and everything is made from scratch. Those without an able hand in the kitchen need not apply.
I need someone comfortable and able to assist with bathing time and personal hygiene such as teeth brushing and hair combing. My son is eight and capable of taking his own shower but needs to be monitered so he doesn't spend too long in the shower which wastes water. No more than 8 minutes is allowed for a shower. There is a timer in the bathroom, so someone familiar with using a timer would be preferred.
My son has a hard time falling asleep and I have a routine that helps. Before bed I like my son to receive a nice full body massage to relax him and help him fall asleep. Those incapable or uncomfortable with that need not apply of course.
I'm hoping to find someone educated and skilled in math and english as well. Helping with school homework as well as hometime homework will be needed sometimes. By hometime homework I am referring to additional homework I draw up and assign to my son to supplement the homework received from school.
I do pay 12 dollars an hour and would love to start interviewing as soon as possible.
That has GOT to be a joke. Please, PLEASE let that be a joke! 
Comment