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I know...sometimes I let myself get worked up about things that are beyond my control. Once they leave then I shouldnt worry about it. He will have to figure out how to control his own child. The crazy thing is he is a high school teacher and controls classrooms full of teenagers everyday, but somehow a little 3 year old he cant. She is such a compliant little girl. All he would have to do is put his foot down and REQUIRE her to do as she is told and I dont think he would have many more issues.
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I have a 2yr old dcb that does this every single time and it is SUPER annoying to have to go find him. Every day he is here I have to physically pick him up and hand him over to the mom who then has to carry him to the car kicking and screaming. BTW, the mom is 9 months pregnant and has no business carrying him!Comment
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My kids just get BAD when their parents come. And instead of just getting the kids OUT of my house--the parents want to talk/try to reason w/ the child...just take him home already! One little girl just started being bad, and her mom was embarrased by her behavior but was handling it really well, but then she said "I think she's so good for you all day, she finally feels free to let go a little when I come" WHAT? I said " I think she's just testing to see who the boss is when we're both around!"
So who is the boss? do we be the bad guy, or let the parents take over? i usually let the parents do it, unless something destructive is happening to my home. Any ideas on this one? I'm not really good at this type of thing in front of parentsComment
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I point blank say stop, you dont behave that way when Dad isnt here, your not going to do it when he is. Now sit right here while I talk to dad then you can go home. the first few times the kid and parent are kind of dumbfounded,.. but it works. If they didnt trust you to handle things they shouldnt trust you to keep him. I have one boy who will try a new thing every day. I have finally began picking him up,.. and saying right in front of dad "Quinn" you dont act this way here, now hush while I finish talking to dad. then I always look into their eyes and say,.. did you hear me??? ,.. they shake head or whatever,.. and I correct them with ,.. Yes Miss Jill. They repeat Yes Miss Jill,.. and I go on with my conversation. I always give my love and cuddles but they will respect both me and their parents while they are in my home. The first time I could actually feel and see Dads shock,.. but he has began making him sit in a time out or whatever when he acts up towards dad in front of me. I think alot of times they dont want us to know how they really do things. They dont know how to respond in front of us. We are the professionals. And they dont want to look bad.Comment
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I think it begins at home. As parents we need to establish and enforce rules from early on. People have sometimes questioned my techniques or thought that they were odd but I do what works for me. My daughter is extremely "rambunctious ". That's the only word I ever use to describe her. Not bad per se but very curious about everything and always wanting to do something (no she she doesn't have a learning dissability or ADHD, I know because I checked because for a while there I thought so too
). She's always kept me on my toes but I have always stood one step ahead of her.
This whole "running away in the front yard" thing could be very dangerous. I simply made it a game with her. I would ALWAYS hold her hand before stepping outside at any place. If she wasn't holding my hand, I didn't take one step. I don't have "power" of my own and need her hand to give me power. I'd pretend I was lost and needed to find my car. She would hold my hand and "help me" to my car. Sometimes I was an old lady, sometimes I was a lost little girl and my mommy was in my car, sometimes I was blind and couldn't see where I was going. Once we get to the car I'd be a police woman and say (in a deep but funny voice with a mock stern face) "Put your hands on the car. You're too (silly, goofy, cute, smart etc) and I'm going to take you to mommy jail" (mommy jail is a game we play where I catch her in my arms -jail- and give her hugs, kisses & tickles). She puts her hands on the car and doesnt move them. If she takes her hands off the car she doesn't get hugs or kisses. This is especially helpful when I'm at the grocery store and I have groceries or don't have both hands free. She stands by the car (hands on the front passenger door or near the rear right wheel if I have to put something in the trunk) until I get her door unlocked. Then I put her hands behind her and walk her to her carseat and put her in "busted". I use this with all my dc littles if we go somewhere and they love it too.
Parents just need to find something that works and stick to it.
I agree with laundryduchess 100%. Be firm with the child if the parent isn't and you'll show both the child and the parent that those actions are unacceptible. Parent's sometimes are embarrassed when their children behave like this and don't know what to do. You can guide the parent by example. If they aren't embarrassed by their child's behavior maybe they'll be embarrssed when you have to take care of a situation that should have been handled by them. Maybe embarrassment is what they need to nudge them into getting on track. It's not like there aren't endless techniques they could try.Comment
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Maybe this isn't the "right" answer, but it works here. We live out in the country and running out in the road isn't a concern with the layout of our driveway and entry door.
However, we have a Collie puppy (outdoor only). He'll be a year old next month. He's already a good 75lbs and is still all skin, bones and fur. He LOVES to play with the kids. I do chain him up near pick-up time as I don't want him meeting or following the parents' cars.
I stand at the back door as the children leave. If they start to run around and play and not listen to their parents I just say "It looks like you want to play. I think I'll let Bert loose so he can play with you." The children know our driveway isn't a play area. If they wander that way Bert will do his best to heard them back towards the play area. He's also a very loud barker. The kids are somewhat intimidated by him. Needless to say, they instantly get into their parents' vehicles.Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back.Comment
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I had a 4 yr. old boy who didn't get a nap that day, because of preschool, was terrible with his Mom(he has done this before, but nothing like this day, OMG!!!) It was horrible, it took 15-20 min. he kept running away from him, I finally got him to stay with her by the door, then he didn't have his bag, threw a fit over this. That am the Mom forgot his bag, but it happen to be in her van. So instead of taking him to the van without his bag. She made his sister go to the van, and get it for him!!! OMG!!!! Then he was terrible putting his coat on, and his shoes. He is throwing a fit, just take him out without them on!!!! I was so mad, when she left. The daycare boy and I had a talk the next day about behaving when his Mom came to pick him up!! It hasn't happened that badly again!!!! WOW!!!!! I would definately put my foot down if this was an everyday occurance. Wow he sure gets ornery even at 4 yr. old with no naps!!!!Comment
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I get that here too. Or they hide in the morning when another kid arrives. Now I just say "no hiding" - period. Every once in awhile they'll look out the window in the morning, see that their buddy dc friend is arriving, and I see in their body language they're about to duck and cover somewhere. I immediately say "no hiding", they grumble and it's over.Comment
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I'm the same way. I have a 2.5 yr old boy who is great for me. Mom or Grandma will bring him and say he's been a bear all morning, sorry. He puts on his little show for them, they have a million hugs & kisses and help him find a good toy or book, etc. etc. I keep wishing they'd just leave, because once they do he's fine. He has a great day. They're just prolonging the tantrum that he is putting on for their benefit. So when they pick him up, this boy who has been an angel for me, suddenly runs the opposite way down the hall, laughing and screaming for them to chase him. When they try to put his coat on he's arching his back and trying to get out of their grasp so he can run and scream. They do nothing to try and make him behave. They take him to the car and he wriggles his way away from them and runs - usually across the grass, but one time it was down the street!! Luckily I have a very quiet street, but still. Most time I'm so tempted to just take over and make him behave like he does for me, but I figure they're the parent, and once they come to get him, he's their responsibility. But it's soooo frustrating! Sometimes I'll stand at the door and watch, but usually I just close it and think to myself that he's no longer my responsibility once they show up.Comment
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That's a good idea. One of my parents (of the main hider) has started laying down the law about it and making sure he has consequences when he gets home if he does hide/run/misbehave after she gets here. I believe that it's ok since "technically" it's on her time dcb is doing it.Comment
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Sorry for the delayed response, I just now saw this. Yes, I do get his shoes on and bag packed and ready to go. Most of the time I do put his jacket on, but if it's a cold day and he has a heavier coat, I don't want him sitting in it getting hot if they are 5-10 min later than normal. Believe me, I get as much ready for him as possible - hoping they'll take him and GO! Like I said, he's fine for me. He just knows what he can get away with when it's mom or grandma. They won't be firm with him. I try to tell new people that it will sometimes be hard to leave them in the morning, but the best thing to do is just leave. But there are still those who have to hug and kiss for 10 minutes while the kid is throwing their "don't leave" tantrum. I realize it alleviates mom's guilt, but they have to just trust that the kid is totally FINE once they drive away.Comment
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i know a lot of people disagree with this, and i didn't dare mention it when the topic came up in class when i was in school, but sometimes a good old fashioned spanking does wonders! and sometimes not...
i would sit there biting my tongue in school when everyone would talk about how horrible spanking is. and for the most part, i agree - it shouldn't be used as THE method of discipline.
however, my son is one of those kids who would be unbuckled, open the car door, and run into the street before i could put it in park. just the other day i was standing near the door talking to his grandmother, and in a flash...he pushed open the screen door and took off flying toward the car - across the parking lot - without ever pausing to glance for cars. it's a nightmare!
i've talked to him about it until i'm blue in the face - telling him how he could die, blah blah blah. i've spanked him. nothing works. it's not my parenting skills because my daughter was/is an angel and i never had to spank her or even raise my voice. i did nothing differently with him, yet he's a monster.
i know deep down that spanking isn't the best form of discipline, but i also know i got my A** beat a few times and it made an impression (literally and figuratively). i've also told people (since this scenario is the only time i've resorted to spanking) that spankings hurt a lot less than getting ran over by a car. he can recover from a spanking. actually, he laughs during a spanking by me. he can't recover from being killed by a car. i told his dad how big of a problem it was, and he spanked him too (which he didn't find funny) but he continues to do it.
don't blame the parents.Comment
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