Some Advise for a cry baby toddler.

[dEHmom]

A little background on this guy....

1.75 yrs old.
Doesn't speak many words, but talks almost non stop!
Very good boy, super sweet, etc.

AWESOME parents.



But he's the youngest child of 2. And has quickly learned things like if he wants a toy, all he's gotta do is grab on, and start screaming, because people will think he had it first.

Well, I love this boy to pieces, but his cry is the most awful cry. First it's the quivering lip, and then it's full blown mouth open wailing. I can't stand it. But it's not just a quick cry when he cries, he keeps crying, on and on and on and on and on. Sometimes it's 2 hours to calm him down. I feel bad for him, and don't necessarily want to discipline him for crying, or being upset, because he truly is upset, it's not just a fake cry.

He can't handle the word No, or any version of a No to something he wants/does. The instant he is told he can't do something, have something etc, it's this cry. I've discussed with his parents, and they say he does this at home too when they say no, or anything.


I've tried the removing him so he can calm down, but that doesn't work either.

I am at a loss, because I don't want to confine him for 5 hours until he stops crying. But I can't remove him, or pick him up until he is done crying, otherwise he learns that crying gets him what he wants. Even when he wakes up from nap, its this cry, and he doesn't stop!

And then when dad/mom get here, is starts off running to them happy and giggly and talkative, then he gets to their feet, arms up, and instant crying to get picked up.




What has worked for you ladies for the kids who just cry and cry and cry. I've read through lots of posts, but nothing with this particular situation.

[Heidi]

I have a boy here the same age, and he would do the same thing. Reacts very strongly to NO, and hey, who DOES like hearing no?

Both his parents and I are pretty quick to say "ok, M-, I see you are upset, but that is enough". He is learning that he can verbalize his displeasure, but not for umpteen hours. He's entitled to his feelings, but doesn't have the right to make everyone else feel bad.

Remember that at this age, his receptive language is much better than his expressive language. He knows what you are saying, so acknowledge his feelings, then say "ok, man, that's enough", and walk away. He will stop tantruming (it may LOOK pathetic, but that's what he's doing), when he realizes it get him NOTHING, no attention, certainly not whatever he is wanting.

Even if he cries for two hours, it wont hurt him one bit (although you may go crazy). Really, just ignore it. If it is too obnoxious, put him away from the group, and say "you can come play with us when you are done being so loud". He will get it pretty quickly, I think.

[Zoe]

I agree with PP. You're not punishing him for being upset, but 2 hours is a little ridiculous. That's enough now. Maybe he just needs someone to stop him so that he can get on with life.

[dEHmom]

I have a boy here the same age, and he would do the same thing. Reacts very strongly to NO, and hey, who DOES like hearing no?

Both his parents and I are pretty quick to say "ok, M-, I see you are upset, but that is enough". He is learning that he can verbalize his displeasure, but not for umpteen hours. He's entitled to his feelings, but doesn't have the right to make everyone else feel bad.

Remember that at this age, his receptive language is much better than his expressive language. He knows what you are saying, so acknowledge his feelings, then say "ok, man, that's enough", and walk away. He will stop tantruming (it may LOOK pathetic, but that's what he's doing), when he realizes it get him NOTHING, no attention, certainly not whatever he is wanting.

Even if he cries for two hours, it wont hurt him one bit (although you may go crazy). Really, just ignore it. If it is too obnoxious, put him away from the group, and say "you can come play with us when you are done being so loud". He will get it pretty quickly, I think.

this is what I have been doing. It only seems to get worse though. He gets louder and louder. And there is no end in sight!

It's funny, cause he did this yesterday, and it went on and on, and then my husband walks in, and says "enough" and he stopped instantly, but he stood in the same spot for 35 mins, didn't move, and just pouted. I tried to convince him to come color, or read and book, nada, he zoned out, it was like he was stunned. I can say enough, stop please, and many other things, and he just gets louder and louder.

Like I said this boy is the sweetest little boy, and very well behaved (except the normal behaviors for his age like pulling every last book out of the bookshelf right after I put them back in). But when he starts crying, and honestly, it can be the smallest thing from him wanting to pet the cat and it running away, to not being able to get his sock off his foot, it doesn't stop. He stands in one spot, head tilted back, mouth wide open and just cries and cries. And if I get up and walk away, he follows me, and grabs on my pants.

[Ariana]

Could you try telling him what you WANT him to do instead of saying "NO" all the time? I have an 18 mos old and she climbs everything. Instead of saying "no climbing" I'll say " feet down". I try to tell them what I want them to do because it's easier for them to understand. I also keep the sentence to one or two words. Even "STOP" is better than "NO".

I have a 3 year old who starts pouting and lip quivering every time I say anything to her about her behavior. It's just the way she is, very sensitive!! I'm a big hugger and cuddler though so when she cries I do comfort her. I'm not the type to leave them crying, especially at that young age.

[JenNJ]

I have a little girl like that. She cries if the wind blows the wrong direction. Also a younger sibling and doesn't talk much. When she has a fit over something and gets to screaming/crying I let her do that for a bit. When it is going on too long, I get on her level, ask her to look at my eyes, and say, "X, crying time is over. Can you show me your smile?" Nine times out of ten it works.

[dEHmom]

Could you try telling him what you WANT him to do instead of saying "NO" all the time? I have an 18 mos old and she climbs everything. Instead of saying "no climbing" I'll say " feet down". I try to tell them what I want them to do because it's easier for them to understand. I also keep the sentence to one or two words. Even "STOP" is better than "NO".

I have a 3 year old who starts pouting and lip quivering every time I say anything to her about her behavior. It's just the way she is, very sensitive!! I'm a big hugger and cuddler though so when she cries I do comfort her. I'm not the type to leave them crying, especially at that young age.

, sorry I've said it in many other posts, but I didn't clarify it on here. I don't normally say "no". I use other words to say no. I just meant it as in, if he's ripping all the books off the shelf, and I say something like "X it's 1 book at a time, lets put these back and pick 1" it's me basically saying, no you are not allowed to pull every last book off the shelf.

I rarely say NO and if I do, I always follow it with more words.

[Ariana]

, sorry I've said it in many other posts, but I didn't clarify it on here. I don't normally say "no". I use other words to say no. I just meant it as in, if he's ripping all the books off the shelf, and I say something like "X it's 1 book at a time, lets put these back and pick 1" it's me basically saying, no you are not allowed to pull every last book off the shelf.

I rarely say NO and if I do, I always follow it with more words.

Why not just say "pick one book". Short and sweet. Toddlers rarely hear anything after the first 3 words! Maybe you're already doing all that I don't know but just trying to help

[Heidi]

I think you should have a crying zone for him. It can be a comfy place, but one he cannot get out of unless you get him out. Maybe one of those big supergates, with a few pillows and books in it. You really don't want him falling asleep in there, so don't make it too comfy! :-)

Acknowledge his feelings, give him a minute or two, then say "enough". If he continues, tell him "I am going to put you in the crying area until you are done". Then, do NOT engage him again. Do not offer him, cajole him, anything. As soon as he stops, say something like "I see you are done crying, I will get you out now" If it's mealtime and he's still there, look at him deadpan and say "hey, lunch is ready".

It sounds like you are pandering to him when he does this, because you feel guilty. Maybe it's lost in reading, but that is what it sounds like from here.

He needs to get NO ATTENTION for this behavior. Don't feel guilty! It is a choice HE makes, and you are not responsible for that choice.

You are also teaching him a skill. When you are upset, it's ok to go take a breather away from other people. It's ok to be mad, sad, or frustrated, but it's not ok to take it out on everyone else.

[Ariana]

I think you should have a crying zone for him. It can be a comfy place, but one he cannot get out of unless you get him out. Maybe one of those big supergates, with a few pillows and books in it. You really don't want him falling asleep in there, so don't make it too comfy! :-)

Acknowledge his feelings, give him a minute or two, then say "enough". If he continues, tell him "I am going to put you in the crying area until you are done". Then, do NOT engage him again. Do not offer him, cajole him, anything. As soon as he stops, say something like "I see you are done crying, I will get you out now" If it's mealtime and he's still there, look at him deadpan and say "hey, lunch is ready".

It sounds like you are pandering to him when he does this, because you feel guilty. Maybe it's lost in reading, but that is what it sounds like from here.

He needs to get NO ATTENTION for this behavior. Don't feel guilty! It is a choice HE makes, and you are not responsible for that choice.

You are also teaching him a skill. When you are upset, it's ok to go take a breather away from other people. It's ok to be mad, sad, or frustrated, but it's not ok to take it out on everyone else.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with this advice. He's still a very young child and there is nothing wrong with comforting him. This is not a choice for him, he's not trying to annoy you, he's just being a young child who has trouble regulating his emotions and regulating impulse control. Punishing a child (putting them in an isolated area with pillows) for crying is not a good idea. You're not teaching him a skill by putting him in an isolated area because you are forcing him into the isolated area so in his eyes he's being punished.

I think patience is key here. He will eventually get used to your rules about behavior and as he gets older he'll stop crying so much. I would be inclined to get to his level and say "I see that you're upset but those are daycare rules" give him a hug and leave it at that. The crying will eventually get less and less as he learnes that it's not getting him what he wants.

[dEHmom]

what i have is a playpen in another room, if he cries for more than 3 minutes, and nothing is going to stop it (sometimes he is good, and I can distract him, or if I ignore he'll stop and move on), then I place in the playpen and say, when you are done, you can come back and play. He knows the deal. But even in there, he will cry for hours on end. FTR I am always there, whether in the room, or just outside the room where he can still see me.

It's one of those cries that's very hard to ignore. And trust me, for the most part I do ignore it. I dealt with this with one of the other dcb, and 1 day of doing this, and he stopped.


I just wanted to hear that separating him, and letting him CIO wasn't bad. I'm just at a loss, because the CIO in the playpen in another room isn't working either. It's been almost 3.5 weeks now and I'm getting nowhere. He cries longer and longer now.

[dEHmom]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with this advice. He's still a very young child and there is nothing wrong with comforting him. This is not a choice for him, he's not trying to annoy you, he's just being a young child who has trouble regulating his emotions and regulating impulse control. Punishing a child (putting them in an isolated area with pillows) for crying is not a good idea. You're not teaching him a skill by putting him in an isolated area because you are forcing him into the isolated area so in his eyes he's being punished.

I think patience is key here. He will eventually get used to your rules about behavior and as he gets older he'll stop crying so much. I would be inclined to get to his level and say "I see that you're upset but those are daycare rules" give him a hug and leave it at that. The crying will eventually get less and less as he learnes that it's not getting him what he wants.

weird, I had total deja vu reading this. As if I've already read it. Weird.

Anyways, I agree with the pp about this method, this is the last resort method for me. Some kids just need that separation. Sometimes they need that break. I don't do this everytime a kid cries though, please don't get me wrong. And I don't do it in a way that is mean, or punishing. They know it's a calm down place, and as soon as they feel better they can come out.

He was on vacation at the start of september, and when he came back it's been like this. But it's getting worse and worse.

[laundrymom]

I would tell him, let's go to the crying pillow. Mine is a travel one I spray w lavender. Have a pillow, let him lay on it sit on it bury his face in it, squeeze it, whatever. Hey Joey, here's a cry pillow, when your done crying, bring me the pillow.

I would try to set him in an area like a hallway, or corner nook, where the crying will echo Back to him. He will be able to control his fit length, have something to 'do' ( squeezing or biting the pillow, hugging, rocking, etc. ) he will be able to Finish it when he's ready. You aren't putting him in time out, or away from his friends, you are giving him a place to release his frustrations. I would wait until he slowed down his fit and say, hey Joey, are you done crying yet? I need my pillow. He may surprise you. Instead of saying STOP crying, go play, settle down. You are saying, cry as much as you want. When you are finished with my pillow and done crying, let me know. But you yell all you want.

[dEHmom]

i might try this. I have a zillion stuffed animals. They just sit in a closet until I throw them away. I actually had to ban stuffies for gifts and they still end up coming in. UGH!

I have the big ones too, like 5 yr old sized.

Thing is, even if he finishes crying, as soon as you say something to him, it starts all over again. But I will try the teddy thing, and work out a spot in the home as a cry zone, but I won't call it that.

Like I said, I hate having to put him in "timeout" cause even if that's not what it is, I can call it any fancy name I want to, it's still a timeout.

I just wanted to say, that today so far, he had one whiney moment, where he was trying to get on the lazyboy, and couldn't get his foot up high enough because of his pants, but he stopped right away. We haven't had a cry fit yet, but we'll see how he does after nap.

Thanks for all the ideas ladies, Sorry if it came off like I was shooting the ideas down, that's not what I was trying to come across as. It's mostly that I've tried EVERYTHING, but want to maintain consistency too, so I hate jumping from one thing to the next.. I like to give things a shot, but it's been going on for so long that I was literally at my wits end yesterday.

Partially, because I threw out my back 2 days ago, I am very limited in movement, and because books are always on the floor and such, I got a little flustered yesterday. I can barely move without being in pain, and to clean up the floor was very difficult, for him to turn around and do it again. I'd like to be able to stop the behavior rather than have to deal with the behavior.

[dEHmom]

i just realized i wrote advise not advice. whoops.