Off Topic, Kind Of A Vent

[laundrymom]

sorry the little man is 4.............

I know I brought on a lot of this on myself. I have always done everything for everyone. Before my husband worked 2 jobs and never had time to help. But he quit one so that he could start medical school. So I guess I just assumed that I would be getting some help......

Tell him you will fire him and hire him back for less. That it's not a union shop with benefits and union representation. This is a pay as you go marriage and his line of credit just got canceled.

[Unregistered]

If the kids are too busy with activities to help, then you need to scale back their activities-plain and simple. They should be able to do their own laundry, take care of the dishes, and pick up after themselves.

Your husband needs to pick up a LOT more slack, too.

You say you have a Ninja inside dying to get out--that doesn't do any good unless you actually release it.

[daycare]

I would totally call BS on his "golf class". Seriously. I am doubtful there were NO productive classes for him to take that require his med school paperwork in on time. If nothing else, business classes, since many doctors really **** at the biz end of it all. It sounds like (to me) he is having second thought on the commitment of Med school but doesn't want to own up to it. He is afraid of your inner ninja

Although your jr high & high schoolers may have busy schedules, there is no reason why they cannot help out on the weekend. IF THEY REFUSE, they can take care of their own crap (their own laundry, 100% of the time. Their own dishes - get them a set of their own, etc. Yeah, I have done this before. ) Same with dh, if he continues to act completely worthless on his off time. Why would he want to go to Med school? Give him enough chores, and he will be dying to get his app in, just to have less work.

For my oldest at the moment...she is in off-season basketball (practice 3x/wk, 1-2games on Sat's, afterschool G&T math/science, band, choir, 4-H - which she is club president, church youth group). She still has to do one cleaning chore per day (there is a list of things to do posted on our family bulletin board). Cleaning chores are 15 minute things that must be done...examples would be cleaning the toilets, wiping down the sinks, vacuuming the steps, taking out all the trash, mopping the bathroom floors, windex all the mirrors, doing all the downstairs windows,etc...it really helps a lot. Doing extra chores equals getting extra $$.

Also, after dinner we have a set of family chores that EVERYONE helps with until the list is completed. TV, computer, ipod touch, kindle does not get turned on until the list is done. THE LIST: Wash, dry, and put away dishes. Wash down the table, stove, and countertops. Pick up everything downstairs. Sweep the floors. Take out trash/recycling if needed. Set up coffee pot for the AM. Prepare lunches for tomorrow (dh & dd). *it takes about 10-15min, depending how motivated everyone is*

*I* don't think I ask too much. It is a lot easier to get everyone to help with community chores after I made everyone do everything only for themselves for a while. I only took care of me & the babies stuff (there had been a ton of complaining about "i didn't make that mess", "that wasn't my cup", "it seems I have to do everything around here"). Apparently cleaning your sister's dinner cup is easier after all. ::

my Older two do their own laundry already.

My son plays football and all of the games are on saturday. they are also required to watch the JV game as well as play in thier own. I often have to work the snack shack at some event and then off to my daughter who is competes in gym/tumbling and cheer every sat. LIttle man plays soccer and he plays on saturdays too. My husband has to wrok weekends so I have no help. Sundays, we have our religion classes and we have a day of prayer. Means you can't work on these days, even though my husband has to work. It is my culture, not his.

Both of my kids do one thing for me daily. My oldest takes out the bathroom trash and my daughter takes out the kitchen trash.

Other than that, with both being in honors classes, sunday is the only day they have left to do their homework and studies....

I think the letter idea sounds good and I am going to suggest maybe we talk to someone...i feel like i am sleep walking these days and never even know up from down.......

[daycare]

Tell him you will fire him and hire him back for less. That it's not a union shop with benefits and union representation. This is a pay as you go marriage and his line of credit just got canceled.

lmao ..... I cant stop laughing...My god I wish I had your backbone and fire.... I could never say that....but I can sure think about saying it...

thanks for the laugh.....

[laundrymom]

..... I honestly was so mad when I got up this mroning around 4am and saw him playing video games while I stayed up with little man I thought about throwing it out the window.... But I never said anything....

I would have shut the game off, plopped son in his lap and said, game time over, time to PLAY DAD And walked back to my bed.

[wdmmom]

First of all, you need to lay down the law with hubby just like you would daycare parents. You need help! He's suppose to be your significant other. Tell him to get off his arse and help! No sleep for the wicked!!!

Secondly, I don't think I would allow my kids to be in school 10-13 hours a day. Education comes first, sports and activities come in at a very distant second. Don't be afraid to tell them "NO". Volleyball and golf are extras. Eliminate extras! Not only will it free up the kids' time to help out but it might even allow you to hire someone to help!

Third, stop doing everything. When they see there are no clean spoons and they don't have that awesome shirt that's still sitting in the laundry a week later, they'll know what they need to do.

You are giving them the easy way out and making excuses at the same time. You can eliminate this all!

How many seconds does it take to toss in a load of laundry and press a button or turn a knob? How many seconds does it take to take out the trash? You can easily vacuum during a commercial break. You can fold a good size load of laundry in about 8 minutes. YOU are allowing this to happen. Until you speak up, they will continue on the path they are. Hold them accountable!

(Sorry to be so brutal but I used to be that way too. With the exception that I did all the inside work and that was enough! It got to the point where the kids were old enough they could load and unload the dishwasher, the hubby could do laundry, anyone can run a vacuum. They seen me at wits end and about at a meltdown before they started helping. Since then, life's been great! No complaints whatsoever. EVERYONE lives here, EVERYONE helps out!)

[Blackcat31]

Although your jr high & high schoolers may have busy schedules, there is no reason why they cannot help out on the weekend. IF THEY REFUSE, they can take care of their own crap (their own laundry, 100% of the time. Their own dishes - get them a set of their own, etc. Yeah, I have done this before. )

I agree with having your older kids help out more. In my home, helping out and doing chores was #1 on the priority list. School was the only thing that was just as important. I do not mean school related activities either, I mean school and the school homework for the core classes. No after school activity or sport's practice was ever more important than chores.

Both my kids were active in sports and etra curricular activities. They would get up early in the morning before school if necessary to get their chores done.

No excuses. You live in my home, you contribute. period.

[daycare]

First of all, you need to lay down the law with hubby just like you would daycare parents. You need help! He's suppose to be your significant other. Tell him to get off his arse and help! No sleep for the wicked!!!

Secondly, I don't think I would allow my kids to be in school 10-13 hours a day. Education comes first, sports and activities come in at a very distant second. Don't be afraid to tell them "NO". Volleyball and golf are extras. Eliminate extras! Not only will it free up the kids' time to help out but it might even allow you to hire someone to help!

Third, stop doing everything. When they see there are no clean spoons and they don't have that awesome shirt that's still sitting in the laundry a week later, they'll know what they need to do.

You are giving them the easy way out and making excuses at the same time. You can eliminate this all!

How many seconds does it take to toss in a load of laundry and press a button or turn a knob? How many seconds does it take to take out the trash? You can easily vacuum during a commercial break. You can fold a good size load of laundry in about 8 minutes. YOU are allowing this to happen. Until you speak up, they will continue on the path they are. Hold them accountable!

(Sorry to be so brutal but I used to be that way too. With the exception that I did all the inside work and that was enough! It got to the point where the kids were old enough they could load and unload the dishwasher, the hubby could do laundry, anyone can run a vacuum. They seen me at wits end and about at a meltdown before they started helping. Since then, life's been great! No complaints whatsoever. EVERYONE lives here, EVERYONE helps out!)

Well my son is in honors classes and has to do community hours as well as his football.

He has early bird class at 6am to 7. then lifting for football from 7-8, school from 8-3. Football practice from 3-5:30 and he has to go to study group with the whole football team from 6:00-7:30, sometimes until 8. They are required to go to these study groups to make up hours that they will miss when they leave school early to go out on an away game. He also has to work as a tutor to get community hours for the younger grades...

[daycare]

I agree with having your older kids help out more. In my home, helping out and doing chores was #1 on the priority list. School was the only thing that was just as important. I do not mean school related activities either, I mean school and the school homework for the core classes. No after school activity or sport's practice was ever more important than chores.

Both my kids were active in sports and etra curricular activities. They would get up early in the morning before school if necessary to get their chores done.

No excuses. You live in my home, you contribute. period.

so when we leave the house at 7am on a saturday I cant let them mow the lawn...my neighbors woudl hate me.... Most of the time we don't get home until after dark.... so we can't do it then either...

Do I tell my kids no football and no sports you have to clean house? I guess I feel guilty to ask them this...

[e.j.]

Daycare, how does your husband react when you ask for his help with housework or kids?

[wdmmom]

Well my son is in honors classes and has to do community hours as well as his football.

He has early bird class at 6am to 7. then lifting for football from 7-8, school from 8-3. Football practice from 3-5:30 and he has to go to study group with the whole football team from 6:00-7:30, sometimes until 8. They are required to go to these study groups to make up hours that they will miss when they leave school early to go out on an away game. He also has to work as a tutor to get community hours for the younger grades...

And that's great! He's still a member of the family and can help out. He chose to take on such a responsibility, he can take on responsibility at home too. There's no reason he couldn't spend 15 minutes doing something!

That's my point! 15 minutes per person per day equals a happier mama!

[daycare]

Daycare, how does your husband react when you ask for his help with housework or kids?

I never really ask I guess that is the problem.

We did sit down a few weeks ago when I found out that he missed his enrollment for school and I said to him that I was not feeling well and would like him to help me now that he would be home more. He said that he would take care of things like cleaning up the kitchen when he makes a mess at 2am because he decided to make food. And that he would help more with the garage. I gave details of things that I needed the help with and he agreed to them. However, I have never reminded him and he has never stepped up...

BTW> I feel like I am beating a dead horse here with my husband. He grew up filthy rich and never had to do a thing. I grew up the exact opposite. I started working selling fruits and breads when I was six to help my family put food on the table. So he used to doing nothing. I can’t sit still….

[wdmmom]

so when we leave the house at 7am on a saturday I cant let them mow the lawn...my neighbors woudl hate me.... Most of the time we don't get home until after dark.... so we can't do it then either...

Do I tell my kids no football and no sports you have to clean house? I guess I feel guilty to ask them this...

Heck no! You are the mom, not Wonder Woman! You are suppose to teach the children responsibility. It doesn't sound like they need to eliminate sports, they need to manage their time better. They need to know what is expected of them and when. They aren't too old for consequences. If they don't follow through, hold them accountable!

Football season will soon be over. Then your son will have PLENTY of time to help clean that garage, rake leaves, etc.

I see no reason at all that if he's up (even if it's before you) that he can't toss in a load of laundry and have you switch it to the dryer. Sure, it might sit in the dryer for several hours after but hey, they're clean. Then hub bub can take 10 minutes out of his day or your daughter can fold after dinner.

Where there is a will, there is a way!!!

[daycare]

And that's great! He's still a member of the family and can help out. He chose to take on such a responsibility, he can take on responsibility at home too. There's no reason he couldn't spend 15 minutes doing something!

That's my point! 15 minutes per person per day equals a happier mama!

this is very true... I will have to have a family meeting tonight and let them know that I am not their maid anymore.

We do have a community bulletin board in our laundry room that has every ones wants, needs and schedules posted on it. It also has designated laundry days for each person in the family and what they need to do with their school work. I think its time to add more to it...

[wdmmom]

I never really ask I guess that is the problem.

We did sit down a few weeks ago when I found out that he missed his enrollment for school and I said to him that I was not feeling well and would like him to help me now that he would be home more. He said that he would take care of things like cleaning up the kitchen when he makes a mess at 2am because he decided to make food. And that he would help more with the garage. I gave details of things that I needed the help with and he agreed to them. However, I have never reminded him and he has never stepped up...

BTW> I feel like I am beating a dead horse here with my husband. He grew up filthy rich and never had to do a thing. I grew up the exact opposite. I started working selling fruits and breads when I was six to help my family put food on the table. So he used to doing nothing. I can’t sit still….

Than tell him to cough up the funds to pay for help if he isn't going to help himself!