Terming My First Child....Very Nervous! :(

[Christina72684]

We are full and have 2 families on our waiting list. One 2yr old boy comes occasionally since his mom is a substitute teacher. I went to college with her, so I kind of know her, but not very well. This boy is the ONLY child we have problems with. I know he's only 2, but we have three 3yr old boys and they are pretty well behaved. This boy rips toys away from kids, has hurt my 7month old girl 3x (not to sound bias, but she's the only little one that crawls around), and will only nap lying on the couch with the TV on (otherwise he screams and cries and has to be held for 1/2 an hour before eventually falling asleep). Today my daughter was in her Jumperoo when he came up to her and started to violently shake her. He gets these mean, almost hateful, looks on his face when he does stuff to other kids. This was the last straw. I'm telling his mom when she picks him up today that either he needs to change his behavior or not come back.

Yesterday she TOLD me he was coming all week, even though last week she said he would only be here Mon and Tues. I "looked" at our schedule and said we are full Thurs and Fri. As she walked away she rolled her eyes in disgust and I should have said something right then but I let it go. She always has an excuse for his behavior (doesn't feel good, woke up early, etc) and every time she drops him off she says he had a bad night. It's like she knows he'll be bad and is already making up an excuse.

I'm so nervous about telling her we don't want him back. Every time he acts up like he does and we tell her, we try to make it very calm and kind of not a big deal. Today I want to just tell her how it is, but I don't like confronting people at all. I thought about telling her that we need his spot for a full time person, but I'm afraid she will just have him come full time because she might be getting a full time job.

Is it wrong that I want to get rid of him instead of trying to help him? It doesn't help when his mom says she lets him sleep on couches and chairs at home, and that he's just a "normal 2".

Any advice?

[cheerfuldom]

no its not wrong.

use the old fall back of "our program is not the right fit for him". do not give her any hope that different hours, etc. will change that. do not allow any more time to deal with his behavior because you already know that she is aware of the issues, not changing anything at home and making excuses for him. Write up a termination later with a date of his last day at daycare. Do not let her talk you into anything other than what is in writing. If she doesn't like that, she can leave immediately.

Nobody likes confrontation. BUT you have to be ready to stand your ground as a business owner. There are a billion other options for daycare out there so don't let her tell you sob stories or bully you into continuing care.

[Christian Mother]

You mentioned that you have a 2 families on your back up list. Why not start calling them and let them know that you now have a spot open. Make sure that the new families are full time. I feel that a child that comes only part time or only a couple times a wk is diff. It's hard to get them in the routine of the group that you've already established with the rest of the kids.

To make things easier on you you can just let the mom know that her son is not participating well with in the group and the reason being that he isn't there enough on a regular bases to get down rules and routines. Which makes it quite unpleasant for everyone in daycare. I am willing to bet that if dcb was in attendance m-f full time within 2 wks you'd see a better and well behaved boy. Don't feel concerned with the mother being upset w/you for pointing these things out. It's the truth. If she isn't able to rectify the situation or at least work on his behavior then it's best to replace him with someone that will be there and that you can depend on. Times are extremely hard right now. You can either brave it out with the parents cooperation or if there is a spot that can be filled do it. Don't feel bad about the situation. You've got to do what is best for everyone right now.

[laundrymom]

So is he drop in as needed or paid for so many days and then she chooses when?

[nannyde]

Very common for the providers last straw to be a child hurting one of HER children. You are not alone in this. Happens all the time.

No it's not bad that you don't want to work with him.

The Mom is just saying words to you about why he is behaving that way. Saying he's a normal two year old or a normal little boy is just words. It doesn't mean anything... wouldn't matter if she said lobsters are yellow with pink polka dots. It's just words.

I would tell her that he needs his own adult and you can't provide that at the fee she is paying. Ask her if she would like to pay for a full time person JUST for him and tell her what that rate would be on TOP of the fee you charge to have him IN your child care.

That will give you a chance to say words to her as she has done with you.

I would NOT tell her that either he needs to change his behavior or not come back. "Change his behavior" is something that is really gray and will cause you a ton of conflict. You can tell her that you have a no violence policy and that if he is violent again in your home he's out. She will know he can't manage that so she will not bother to bring him to a situation she knows he won't be able to even do an hour of.

Bottom line is he behaves horribly and targets the weak little babies and she's okay with it. She would rather him not do it but if he does do it she's still okay with it. Be the FIRST person to tell her that not everyone in the world is okay with it... that it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with him being male or two... that is has everything to do with her allowing him to behave violently and she needs to make arrangements for him to be in an environment that can manage that.

That enviornment should NEVER be around babies and he should NOT have physical access to other kids. He needs close supervision and a lot of minute to minute work. He can't have that at your house without an aide just for him.

She'll need to have the life experience of him being booted out from one place after another before she GETS that it matters. Be the first in the long long series of people who will say no to her about him.

Term him TODAY for him harming your baby. Get your Mama Bear on and do what's right for YOUR kid.

[laundrymom]

Do you hear that???? Sounds like someone hitting the nail right on the head!

Bottom line is he behaves horribly and targets the weak little babies and she's okay with it.

Term him TODAY for him harming your baby. Get your Mama Bear on and do what's right for YOUR kid.

[MarinaVanessa]

Do you hear that???? Sounds like someone hitting the nail right on the head!

I agree 100%. Today he shook her, he'll only get bigger and stronger. Are you willing to take that risk should he try it again with her or one of the other kids only harder and more violent next time? Are you willing to risk having your DD spend her early years thinking being shaken by another child is normal behavior? Protect yourself, your DD and the other kids. Good luck. You'll be a happier person once this family is gone.

[laundrymom]

Also. If he's drop in as needed on space available basis. Just dont have space available. Fill it with your waiting kids.

[MarinaVanessa]

Also. If he's drop in as needed on space available basis. Just dont have space available. Fill it with your waiting kids.

Oh yeah, that's the beauty of drop-ins. You don't have to give a 2 weeks notice. Just suddenly not be available.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I am going through the same thing w a girl. I feel your pain, I need to term her as well. Its hard.

[cheerfuldom]

OP if it makes you feel any better, i had to term one child for targeting my daughter (who was older and bigger than him). I had parents pick up immediately and leave forever after he jumped on and left quarter size welts on her back (I have the pics) by punching her until I had to drag him off her. He was only 10 months at the time, goodness only knows what he was like as a 2 year old but I wasn't waiting to find out. Parents never did want to see the pictures. this was the last straw in the months of angry rage baby behavior. please don't let it escalate even more. someone could get seriously hurt.