7 Year Old Taking Responsibility

[Meyou]

I'm having trouble with my 7 year old dd. She is quick to blame anyone or anything for whatever problem she's having ALL OF THE TIME. It's been getting progressively worse for the past couple of weeks and I'm at my wits end.

This morning she lost her mind as we were getting ready to walk her to school. A list of the things that were other's fault today:

It was her sister's fault her hair wasn't brushed because when she wanted the brush her sister had it (2 min out of 1.5 hours she had this am to get ready). Despite at least 5 or 6 reminders from me.

It was my fault her teeth weren't brushed because I didn't make sure the kind of toothpaste she likes was in the washroom.

It was my fault that she couldn't make lunch because I don't buy her lunchmeat so she can't make a sandwich. I told her there was roast beef, tuna or cheese (same as every other day she wants a sandwich). We don't eat lunch meat....

It was her sneaker's fault that she was still not ready to go after I dressed 5 other children. They were in double knots from yesterday because she kicked them off instead of untying them.

It was the baby's fault that she was going to be late for school because she walks so slow. We were right on time and the baby was in a sling on my back.

It was my fault that I can't drive her because I don't make enough money to buy a minivan. (Yes, she said that )

I was my fault that she is late for school everyday (she has gotten one late slip this year....) because I make her walk.

It was my fault she was hot because I made her wear a hoodie and vest and I should have bought a thinner vest. It's 8 degrees and windy. (Celsius)

In the end I lost my cool and marched her back home and put her to bed. She was hysterical and screaming on the sidewalk while I was trying to wrangle 5 kidlets. The little ones were actually perfect but I wasn't going to subject them to her drama any longer this morning. She's asleep right now.

She's been eating and sleeping well and nothing else has changed. I just don't know what to do to get her to stop blaming people and things for everything.

Help.

[nannyde]

I think I have her older brother here. You wouldn't happen to have familiy from Iowa would ya?



I will give her an A plus for creativity. That's taking the long way home away from herself.

You got a slick one friend.

I'll send mine to you so you can see what it looks like at eleven.

[SilverSabre25]

Pretty normal for girls that age. The severity of it though sounds like she's probably getting ready for a developmental spurt (or even a regular growth spurt) one of these days.

Some ideas for you:
Try spending some good one-on-one time with her; she might be feeling lost in the shuffle between sibs and daycare kids and just need some extra attention. Sit down, play with her, talk to her, take just her out for a special treat, whatever, so long as it is dedicated time paying attention to JUST HER. There's a good chance that if something is bothering her it will come out during or after some good one-on-one time. One good way to enter into something like this is to come to her and tell her, "I have some time right now and I want to spend it with you doing whatever YOU want. What would you like to do?"

At a time when she's feeling pretty calm and you have a good block of time with nothing else you need to do, you could try talking to her about taking responsibility for her own actions and her own behavior. You could also try and talk about school as something might be going on there that's causing her a lot of anxiety about getting into trouble. Or perhaps one of her friends is big into the blame shifting thing and gets a lot of laughs for it, so it looks enticing to your daughter.

[Springdaze]

I have the same problem with my 8 year old, so Im sure its a "thing"! I really dont know what to say except that she has to feel the consequences of things that she is responsible for. I am about ready to send my dd to school without her homework done and let her miss activities because i m tired of fighting with her about it! It will only take one or two times for her to figure it out!

[countrymom]

people, I have your twins, my 11 yr old freaked out because she couldn't blow her nose because we were going to be late, the 7 yr old couldn't find the giraffe socks because "someone stole them" its every morning. they get enough one on one time, they sleep good and eat good but it doesn't matter they drive me nuts.

[Country Kids]

I have one like this and it comes and goes. His father and I have both noticed throughout my career-child was born while starting up my childcare- that this child has had the most problems with me doing childcare.

No matter what we do the child rarely seems as happy as the siblings. Even though we know that we are doing our jobs to stay home with our children sometimes they just don't like our jobs, no matter how much we tell them the benefits. This may just be her frustration of not having mom.

I know when my kids where little the one in particular just wanted to be able to be up and getting ready without all the dcks. Then till this day this child is very happy on rare days when they can come home and I have no children. Also, the most needy it seems most of the time of our children.

So it maybe a long haul for you if she is like this. There are days I wonder if this child would have been a different child (happier) if I had somehow done a different job where I could stay home but not be bombarded with kids.

[Meyou]

I feel much better knowing I'm not alone. :: She seriously drives me crazy on a daily basis. She has an excuse for everything including all her hairbrained schemes that get her in trouble and it's always someone/thing's fault other than her own.

[nannyde]

I feel much better knowing I'm not alone. :: She seriously drives me crazy on a daily basis. She has an excuse for everything including all her hairbrained schemes that get her in trouble and it's always someone/thing's fault other than her own.

Good news is it is normal
Bad news is that you have only just begun

[Meyou]

I have one like this and it comes and goes. His father and I have both noticed throughout my career-child was born while starting up my childcare- that this child has had the most problems with me doing childcare.

No matter what we do the child rarely seems as happy as the siblings. Even though we know that we are doing our jobs to stay home with our children sometimes they just don't like our jobs, no matter how much we tell them the benefits. This may just be her frustration of not having mom.

I know when my kids where little the one in particular just wanted to be able to be up and getting ready without all the dcks. Then till this day this child is very happy on rare days when they can come home and I have no children. Also, the most needy it seems most of the time of our children.

So it maybe a long haul for you if she is like this. There are days I wonder if this child would have been a different child (happier) if I had somehow done a different job where I could stay home but not be bombarded with kids.

I'm pretty sure it's not the DC. She loves the DCK's. The current crew has 3 that are nearly school aged and they've been here for close to 4 years so they play well together.

I keep the mornings calm around here after years of trying to get it right. She has an hour with no kids here and then another 1/2 hour when they arrive one by one. They play quietly in the playroom until we leave to walk her to school. Our afternoons are pretty smooth too. We pick her up, go to the park up the street until they get hungry, come home for snack and then either go out again or play toys. She helps me start our dinner at 430 everyday. She can play with the kids or play in her room or go outside and rollerblade or bike ride.

Our life is routine, routine, routine. She has me alone alot because my other dd dances in an intensive training program and is gone Mon to Thurs from 8am until 630 to 8pm. She goes from school to dance everyday.

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

::::

Oh my! I was just saying to my hubby last night that I cant wait to see how my 9 yro DD will be as a teenager!

The past 2 yrs she has been like that too. It's everyone else's fault.

The attitude, the whining, the Im entitled to everything, blah blah blah.

I just ignore her and tell her that when she is ready to speak to me with respect, then we will talk.

[Unregistered]

I would have her do this the night before, Oh and I would start 1 hour before bedtime. Make a chart with the days of the week and under the days put this;

Lay out your clothes, socks, shoes, undies.

Have your back pack ready with ALL stuff ALREADY inside.

Lay out toothbrush, toothpaste

Lay out hairbrush, hair clips

Make lunch and have in bag ready to go. Now if she needs to make sandwich in the morning, then have her put what she is putting on the sandwich beside the bag.

And ADD to this list when she complains...

If she would get up and start complaining about clothes....then GRAB anything and this is what she would wear....

If she complains about sandwich...then make a jelly one and stuff in bag...

If she complains about hair brush...who cares go to school hair not brushed...

If she complains about socks...grab 2 different dirty socks....

When she complains you don't make enough money for a minivan...hummmm...sell her things in her room and tell her you are saving.

This all may sound harsh....but try it...it works.

I know, I did it to my daughter MANY years ago.

She wore 2 different shoes to school several times...

I also told her teacher what i was doing and why!

When she has to wear what you say, or eat what you say and so on, I promise you in 2 weeks she will stop this.