Adoption?

[DBug]

I've always felt strongly about domestic adoption and am starting to feel that urge again. I think we would be leaning toward a toddler from the foster care system. We have 3 (all SA) of our own, and of course, 5 daycare kids during the day.

Does anybody have any experience with adoption that they're willing to share, either before or while doing home daycare? If so, what do they NOT tell you about paperwork, home studies, the post-adoption process, etc, and how did it affect your daycare kids (or did it?)?

My main concern would be not being able to spend as much one-on-one time with a new addition to the family while taking care of all the daycare kiddos. But then again, there must be lots of adoptive parents that work full-time and can't take too much time off. Any thoughts?

[sahm1225]

I don't have any experience but wanted to butt in and tell you that it is wonderful that you are considering adoption.....

[Michael]

Some of our members have told their story on my other website: www.adopt.com/blog

[momofsix]

How awesome for you and your family There are so many international adoptions, but there is really a need right here at home too!

We adopted two of our daughters 14 years ago. It's not something we had even considered doing-we already had 4 girls and thought our family was complete but God had other plans! (very long story!)
There is a lot of paperwork-financial, references, "auto biographies"... Our home-study was not hard though. At our social worker's first visit I cleaned every thing like crazy-even inside cupboards and closets. When she left she told our girls-"next time keep your house the way it really looks, I know with four kids it's going to look a little messy!"

It's actually harder to get licensed for daycare then for adoption as far as your home goes. Our social worker was an awesome lady that helped us through every step. Since you are looking at an older child (not an infant) they are very eager to find a good home for the child and do all they can to help you. Often times there are no costs involved.

Since one of our adopted daughters was 7 when she came to us and I was homeschooling, I actually "quit" daycare for about a year. I think the time spent getting to know her and letting her get to know us was invaluable. Since she was older she had already developed "her" personality,she also needed a chance to "learn" the routines, personalities, quirks and "rules" of our home. I don't think I would have quit if it was the baby only, just as a baby you give birth to-you get to know each other as you grow together. I think that would be possible with daycare kids around.

I have twins in my daycare that were adopted at 9 months. Mom and dad both were home for a few weeks with them, then they started with me 4 days a week. They are now almost three and have adjusted wonderfully. They are very well bonded with dad and mom-their working has not hurt that at all.

If your agency doesn't require any attachment books for you to read and study, I would look them up on your own. They were NOT required when we adopted and our older daughter really struggled (and still does at 21) with attachment disorder and post traumatic stress syndrome. The first 7 years of her life were horrible and we were not prepared for any fallout from that. I feel terribly guilty for not getting her the help she needed when she was younger, but we listened to the "experts" at the time who told us she was doing great I think agencies at that time tried to "hide" anything that might be "hard" for fear of scaring off prospective parents. I believe that has changed now-at least they are talking about the grief and loss involved in being separated from birth mothers.

There are tons of great books out there now. Since you're looking at a toddler, your child wouldn't experience the severity of trauma that our dd did. Our youngest (that came to us at 7 months and is now 14) is doing awesome!
As I'm reading what I wrote, I hope I didn't scare you away! I love all of our daughters and would give my life for all 6 of them. They are all such unique girls and true blessings. I couldn't imagine my life without either of them-whether I gave birth to them myself or adopted them. The love for each of them is just as strong! Adoption has blessed our family tremendously and I truly hope that if you feel called to adopt that you follow that leading! You will be blessed!

[KBCsMommy]

I've always felt strongly about domestic adoption and am starting to feel that urge again. I think we would be leaning toward a toddler from the foster care system. We have 3 (all SA) of our own, and of course, 5 daycare kids during the day.

Does anybody have any experience with adoption that they're willing to share, either before or while doing home daycare? If so, what do they NOT tell you about paperwork, home studies, the post-adoption process, etc, and how did it affect your daycare kids (or did it?)?

My main concern would be not being able to spend as much one-on-one time with a new addition to the family while taking care of all the daycare kiddos. But then again, there must be lots of adoptive parents that work full-time and can't take too much time off. Any thoughts?

One of my dc babies is in the process of being adopted through the foster care system. This family has already "lost" another baby back to the family. This is something I dont think foster families realize when they want to adopt. Sometimes there are parent visits that are court ordered. But other times its a cut and dry case where their is no "parent or family" involved, the kid just needs to be adopted!
Good Luck with your new adventur!!

[daycare]

I adopted my first child when I was only 19. Long story why, but I made it happen. It was very difficult for me at this age, as I had no real foundation, no career and no real income. i was abl to make it happen with the help of my parents too.

I just like mom of six went thorugh all of the social services paperwork and went through a ton of interviews, back ground checks and had a lot of paper writing. They call references about me and asked them questions. This was about 15 years ago, I have seemed to not recall a lot of the process, but it did not take as long as one would think.

after all was said and done with socail services and state, they said a court date. I went into the courts and stood in a judges room. He looked over all of the paper work, asked me if I understood the responsibility that I was taking on and that there was no going back. I agreed, signed some papers and on my way I went.

[cheerfuldom]

One of my daycare families was required to take 6 week maternity leave per their agency, no exception, in order to adopt thru them (no matter the age of the child). definitely check your agency requirements. They specifically said no job (even working at home providing daycare) and no one in the house except for immediate family, or very short visits from others. I am not sure how normal that is but this agency was all about supporting the familes in bonding with the adopted child.

[B Lou]

I haven't adopted myself but have a friend that adopted alittle boy about 6 or 7 years ago. He was a daycare child that was in her daycare. The wonderful people that he was fostering with decided that it just wasn't working out with them. At this time the little guy was 5 years old. They tried to tell my friend of all the problems that they were witnessing, but all she saw was this darling little boy who needed a loving home. So her and her husband jumped into adoption. Well 6 or 7 years into this now, he has caused alot of trouble. None of which is any of is fault.

He was BADLY abused from 6 months until taken away from his birth parents at the age of 4. Abused in every possible way you can imagine. After years and years of trying to help him he now is in the juvenile center for troubled children. He has been there for going on 2 years and there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

My friend wasn't informed of all the abuse until much later after the adoption was over with. Not saying it would have changed her mind but at least she would have had all the facts.

So even though I think adoption is a wonderful thing please make sure you have all the facts first.

[DBug]

Thanks for all of the insight, ladies! Especially you, momofsix -- I found what you wrote to be very encouraging, in spite of the challenges you talked about (maybe that's what makes it encouraging :-) ).

We're still in the discussion phase, and we haven't talked about it with our current kids yet. Two of them will love the idea, but one is always unpredictable when it comes to things like this.

There is always, of course, the fear of what a child from the foster care system has already been through, and what they'll be dealing with in the future. Part of our discussions has already been how much we're able to take on, as well as what our kids would be able to handle.

Anyway, we're doing alot of research right now and just trying to figure it all out. I'm sure I'll be back soon with lots of questions for you all!