Ideas On Why Behavior Is This Way All Of A Sudden

[Country Kids]

OK, two days ago I posted about the child that made naptime unbearable. Spit, hit, slapped, ran, etc. throughout the whole time.

Yesterday the child was an ANGEL. Back to having a few problems but nothing like the day before.

Today, it broke loose again! We were going to go on a fieldtrip and before we went I had to call the dad to come and discipline the child. Now before you say he should have taken her, we both figured if he came and got the child, the child would make it a game every day so that someone could pick them up.

We continued on to the field trip and everything went so smooth. Everyone had a wonderful time and nothing but happiness. The place we went even had free hot dogs/hamburgers/drinks. Heaven because the kids hadn't had snack because of the way our morning went. Wonderful I thought. Child took what dad said seriously.

Came home, everyone hungry and ate, but this one. Acted up, looking under table, wouldn't eat. OK, its quiet rest time but not for this one. Had to eventually haul a pnp to another area and put the child in so they wouldn't disturb every one else. Went on for 45 min but then was ready to lay down. Slept for 2 hours! Got up in a great mood until someone wanted to play with the child. It broke loose again-other child left so just us and the battle. I had to block off room so that child would stay in the room. Child runs toward area that is blocked off and runs full head on into the wall. Wow, that must of hurt! Child settles down after that but not 100%. Dad arrives and lets me know that him and mom are at a loss of what to do.

They are very involved with child and want to do whatever it takes to help me with the child. I don't want to give up because it has only been the this week and child has been here a 1 1/2years. My own children though have already started saying they don't want to come home though because of this. Makes me sad but that is a whole nother post.

Does anyone have any ideas to help me. Oh, here is what the child does-screams like they are possesed (seriously), hits, runs wild, spits, starts climbing on things, rips things off the wall, stomps feet while in sitting position. There is more but can't think right now.

I don't know why but its like all of a sudden they know they can do all of this and I can't do anything about it. Quiet time doesn't faze them. Even when the dad disciplened the child (spanked) they didn't cry or anything. It was almost like they were acting upset that they were in trouble but that it didn't really matter to them.

I really want to keep this family because they are great. They have other children and said they were the same when they were little. The other children are the most calmest, laid back, well mannered children. Wow, was what I thought because these other kids are just great kids!

[daycare]

I have a dcg who is now 3.5 and she used to do this when she was younger. I noticed that after she did this she always seemed to be progressing mentally in some way. Like she was trying to be more indepent but couldnt. it was almost like her brain moved faster than she could. She could not get the words out fast enough or have the hand eye coordination to do things they way that her brain was telling her to. Her frustration level was through the roof. She spoke very well from a very young age, so at first I just thought OMG I have the devil child.

Well its been almost 6 months since we have had any more of those days like you are posting about.... Trust me I feel for you.

I used to just get her to a safe place when she would lose it. She would scream, kick, hit, pull her own hair, you nap it she did it.

hang in there, this just might be the case...

[Country Kids]

The thing is though this child is almost 4 and is so able to verbalize and let me know what she needs. It is also at times when she needs to be quite, not totally but not wild. When we are doing preschool time and then especially naptime. Its almost like she needs all the attention then and right then. We weren't even able to do preschool time today because she was sooo disprutive. Also the other children were saying the child was hurting their ears from all the screaming.

Also, I have another one that will start screaming once this one does. So then I'm trying to get two to stop not just one.

[familyschoolcare]

Is there any way you could try to figure out if food or someother envormental issue is triggering this "fits"

[themoorethemerrier]

Yikes. Great that you have such great parental cooperation! I've been getting this stage every year for the past three years! Two of my own girls and a dcg did this too (age 4 was our trigger age - communication lapse? and it was always at the beginning of a season - I think changes in weather affects the brain!)

My girls wanted me to react to it. I could ignore them, but the younger ones would start crying, so I just calmly led them to another room and told them that when they thought they were able to control themselves, they could come out. After they calmed down and came out we would go away from the others and have a quiet conversation about how they felt and how sometimes even I have a hard time controlling myself and that time away helps.

The key for us is for me not feed the bad behaviors with any attention, let them learn to control themselves (rather than me trying to force it), then to allow them use their words and finally admit that I make mistakes and need to practice self-control, too. And a special hug for because those always make me feel better, too.

[SilverSabre25]

Is there any way you could try to figure out if food or someother envormental issue is triggering this "fits"

I with this one. Suggest to the parents that they keep a journal of what the child eats and how his behavior is--make sure they include times, too!--and you will do the same. If there is something food-related, it *should* show up pretty clearly. When the child is having a major fit, take note of what was/is going on around him. Is the room bright/dim, loud/quiet, did you just eat/got to the restroom, is it a transition time, etc. If it's environmental, a pattern should show up there as well. Both parties should take note of how much sleep he gets, too.

If this is new behavior, talk to the parents and try and figure out if something changed at home--new schedule for one or both parents, are they having marital troubles, money troubles, someone new in the child's life?

Talk to the child--when he's calm and everything is going smoothly, sit down and play with/beside him. While you're both involved in the play, find a moment to say something like, "Hey, Matthew, can we talk about when you get so upset and throw things/can't calm down/[however you want to put this that is CALM, NON-JUDGMENTAL, and SIMPLE]" If he indicates that he is willing to talk, ask him WHY he acts like that. Ask him what he is feeling when he acts like that. If he does NOT want to talk about it, don't force it. Just tell him "okay" and keep playing with him. Chances are that he will talk about it on his own, or he will talk about it through his play. PAY ATTENTION to his play--he might act out a child having a tantrum, or something of that nature. if he doesn't, and you try this approach a couple times, you might want to try acting out someone having a tantrum. See what he does, how he acts, what he says.

[Blackcat31]

Talk to the child--when he's calm and everything is going smoothly, sit down and play with/beside him. While you're both involved in the play, find a moment to say something like, "Hey, Matthew, can we talk about when you get so upset and throw things/can't calm down/[however you want to put this that is CALM, NON-JUDGMENTAL, and SIMPLE]" If he indicates that he is willing to talk, ask him WHY he acts like that. Ask him what he is feeling when he acts like that. If he does NOT want to talk about it, don't force it. Just tell him "okay" and keep playing with him. Chances are that he will talk about it on his own, or he will talk about it through his play. PAY ATTENTION to his play--he might act out a child having a tantrum, or something of that nature. if he doesn't, and you try this approach a couple times, you might want to try acting out someone having a tantrum. See what he does, how he acts, what he says.

This is excellent advice! You would be pleasantly surprised at how much a child is sometimes willing to help out with their behavior issues when they are included in the solution part. I think they really don't want to act badly, I think there may be a need that is not being met (environmental or whatever) and the behavior is their way of saying "Hey, can someone help me out here?"

I also like the journal idea as well since if it is environmental or food related, only the journal can tell you that. The child can tell you how they feel and what they are thinking prior to, during and after those behavior times.

I have had a ton of success talking calmly to a child that age and solved many issues that way. The child may not have all the answers but they do have all the pieces to the puzzle....we just have to know how to put it all together.