3.25 yo DCB, Potty Training, ADHD?

[MNMum]

I have a young 3 yo dcb who started 4 weeks ago with his 14 mo sister. Some things I have noticed about him…during both interviews he was over the top loud and excited, he is very sweet and loving to his sister, he cannot maintain eye contact when being given directions, he cannot look at his shoes when I try to instruct him on how to loosen and get them on his feet, he can independently go potty when instructed to do so, he can listen well for storytime (sometimes), he is bright. Great parents, he’s here 8 hours, 4 days/wk. Since his first day here, his parents have been very focused on his potty training. At home they set a timer for every 30-45 min. He does not have accidents when naked at home. He will wait until they put a pull-up on for bedtime, then poop. He has never pooped on the potty and is afraid, he has never pooped at my house (in pull-up or on potty).

I advised parents to drop the focus of potty training during the first two weeks of transition to new care. They didn’t listen. Mom has brought charts for everyone. He has done well a couple days. I ask him to go every 1.5-2 hours. Once or twice he has told me he needs to go. I’ve tried to remain really positive, make the whole process normal and not give it undue attention. Today I had total mission failure. We have had a weird week. My own children have been sick, so my husband has been home, keeping them away from the dck’s. I smelled poop and was changing one of the poopy diapers, I had asked this child if he had pooped, he replied “no”, blamed it on everyone else in the room ( and was actually pretty accurate, 3 had pooped within 10 minutes!) I was putting one of the dcbabies down and noticed him smearing something brown on the train table. Me: “What is that?” Him “That’s poopy”, responding as if this is a normal daily occurance. Good trained DCProvider went out the window, disgusted home owner tookover. YUCK! No wonder my kids have gastrointestinal problems! So I know I dealt with this one poorly, should not have gotten mad about it and made a big deal. I can understand the parents frustration, but I’m pretty sure this kid has been given lots of negative attention about pooping in his pull-up.

Okay so my questions.

1. Best way to potty train? My girls were really easy and they have taken my boy under their wing and had him peeing/pooping on the potty at 15 mos. I’ve used positive reinforcement, charts, going every 1.5-2 hours. My feeling is he’s not quite ready to do it.

2. ADHD in a 3 year old? He seems to really want to listen but cannot focus. Will put his chin towards me when I ask him to look at me, but his eyes are everywhere else, anyone new walks through the door he is over the top excited and unable to maintain his behavior.

3. What do you say to the parents? I’m not very strict in my ways yet, as I’m new to running a home daycare. I have lots of experience with parents and children but not in a setting where I am running the show.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Unregistered]

I have a young 3 yo dcb who started 4 weeks ago with his 14 mo sister. Some things I have noticed about him…during both interviews he was over the top loud and excited, he is very sweet and loving to his sister, he cannot maintain eye contact when being given directions, he cannot look at his shoes when I try to instruct him on how to loosen and get them on his feet, he can independently go potty when instructed to do so, he can listen well for storytime (sometimes), he is bright. Great parents, he’s here 8 hours, 4 days/wk. Since his first day here, his parents have been very focused on his potty training. At home they set a timer for every 30-45 min. He does not have accidents when naked at home. He will wait until they put a pull-up on for bedtime, then poop. He has never pooped on the potty and is afraid, he has never pooped at my house (in pull-up or on potty).

I advised parents to drop the focus of potty training during the first two weeks of transition to new care. They didn’t listen. Mom has brought charts for everyone. He has done well a couple days. I ask him to go every 1.5-2 hours. Once or twice he has told me he needs to go. I’ve tried to remain really positive, make the whole process normal and not give it undue attention. Today I had total mission failure. We have had a weird week. My own children have been sick, so my husband has been home, keeping them away from the dck’s. I smelled poop and was changing one of the poopy diapers, I had asked this child if he had pooped, he replied “no”, blamed it on everyone else in the room ( and was actually pretty accurate, 3 had pooped within 10 minutes!) I was putting one of the dcbabies down and noticed him smearing something brown on the train table. Me: “What is that?” Him “That’s poopy”, responding as if this is a normal daily occurance. Good trained DCProvider went out the window, disgusted home owner tookover. YUCK! No wonder my kids have gastrointestinal problems! So I know I dealt with this one poorly, should not have gotten mad about it and made a big deal. I can understand the parents frustration, but I’m pretty sure this kid has been given lots of negative attention about pooping in his pull-up.

Okay so my questions.

1. Best way to potty train? My girls were really easy and they have taken my boy under their wing and had him peeing/pooping on the potty at 15 mos. I’ve used positive reinforcement, charts, going every 1.5-2 hours. My feeling is he’s not quite ready to do it.

2. ADHD in a 3 year old? He seems to really want to listen but cannot focus. Will put his chin towards me when I ask him to look at me, but his eyes are everywhere else, anyone new walks through the door he is over the top excited and unable to maintain his behavior.

3. What do you say to the parents? I’m not very strict in my ways yet, as I’m new to running a home daycare. I have lots of experience with parents and children but not in a setting where I am running the show.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Even IF he is ADHD as he is to young to tell yet I know potty training did not have an effect on my Son he is combined type ADHD impulsive/inattentive and he was potty trained at 2 and half now I wouldn't even take a 3 year old in care who isnt trained I think its gross but that's me. I would of put his bum in time out for playing in poop he is to old for that that's nasty. I would just take him every hour have him sit for 5 mins and use lots of positive praise when he potties and when he goes in his undies I would tell him big boys don't pee or poop in there undies they go in the potty and not look happy about it this worked with my 3 kids and 3 daycare kids I have trained.

[Nellie]

I feel that he is probable ready to potty train if he is tell you that he needs to go in addition to to going when you have him go. I would say he is ready to be training at home. Some providers have very strict potty training policy and may not consider him advanced enough to potty train at daycare. But one thing I have read is if the child will communicate they have to go then they will work on it at the daycare. Also it appears that many of the daycare providers with many years of service make a child wear a pull up untill they have been accident free for 2 weeks.
I have had to take some different kinds of psychology class, intro, developmental, child, and for some reason potty train was talked about in at least 2 of the 3. Also in one of my nursing classes it was disused. Every one of them talked about the importance of not punishing, yelling, ect at a child when they have an accident. Pooping on the toilet for some children IS scary and almost traumatic. Then to make it worse they hold it in, hold it in, then they get constipated, then it does hurt to use the toilet, and the pain with the constipation reinforces going the fear.
You said that your family had been sick that week. This child could have caught what your children had and had some GI disturbances and was not able to "hold" it any longer(As an adult I've almost had this happen when sick). With both of my two children they wouldn't poop on the potty right away. I was more accepting of it. They would wear underwear use the potty for number 1 and ask me for a diaper to poop in. Do there business come, back to get cleaned up, and undies went back on(They wanted the underware). My daughter on her own decided to started pooping on the toilet about 1 month after she was not having any pee accidents. It took longer with my son. My son was so scared. My husband would get upset when would poop in the diaper(My daughters father died when she was little so it was just me with her). Then he started taking the diaper off occasionally when my husband was home so to "hide" what he did. Occasionally we would put him on the potty when he asked for a diaper and would bawl his eye out and just freak out. We bought a $10 toy that he wanted and told him if he pooped on the potty he could have it. We did that to encourage him to go once. It took a couple of weeks of him seeing it and trying and getting to scared before he went the first time. Then we bought some treats that he would get when he pooped. We maybe did that for 2 to 4 weeks. He still wears a diaper at night and at nap time. If the diaper isn't immediately taken off afterwards he will poop in that instead of the toilet. He still has some trouble going I think. With a diaper he can squat down and it is easier to go than sitting on the toilet. The only time he has pooped in his undies was when he was sick.
More than likely this kid was just trying to get rid of the evidence and didn't want that in his pants. He was probable embarrassed and scare. You are still new to him and doesn't trust you enough. Probable scared you would be angry with him, be punished, or yelled at.