When A Parent Just Doesn’t Get It! (Sorry Its A Little Long)

[daycare]

As some of you may know I have been having a hard time the last few months. I have a family in particular that is just completely clueless with their child. Economy has caused me to hang in there and tuff it out. losing this family would mean closing my DC.

I have posted about them several times on here.

Well I am at my final straw. Today will mark my first of 30 days on my calendar, but first I am going to have one last talk with the parents before I give termination.

Another incident has occurred since I last posted about the birthday party problem and the parents blamed me for the child’s behavior which occurred outside of daycare. I don’t really want to discuss what other issues happened and I don’t want to hear why this child should NOT be in care for this many hours. I know this, you know this, even the parent knows this, but is in denial. I just want to know what is the best way to explain to a parent that they really need to pay attention to their child, physically be there for their child, and meet all of his needs. What I really want to say, would not be professional, and I am not one to ever stoop to a low level to make myself feel better. My hopes are that I can talk to the parents and push them back to our old schedule. If not, then I am done.


I have been going over in my head a million times what I will say to the parents. I want to discuss with them the importance of FACE TIME, or Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, as this child’s needs are not being met at home. She is in daycare for more than 50 hours a week and has very little if NO face time with parents. She does not have a bed time and runs the house, therefore is always tired. Once she is home from daycare she is thrown in front of some type of electronic device. Of course she acts out in any way that will get her attention at home, which is usually bad behavior.



Just so you guys know,I love this kid dearly. She has been with me for over a year and before all of the schedule changes, the problems were not this bad that I could not cope. The family is usually nice, pays on time, and for the most part is a good fit for my program. I just cant keep doing this if the parents are going to continue to take jabs at me for their lack of parenting.


Should I write down what I intend to say in the conference? How do I explain with strong professionalism that I can be heard?

sorry I am going all over the place.

[daycare]

45 views and no advice. Lol

Maybe I can't explain well?

[Pammie]

As some of you may know I have been having a hard time the last few months. I have a family in particular that is just completely clueless with their child. Economy has caused me to hang in there and tuff it out. losing this family would mean closing my DC.

I have posted about them several times on here.

Well I am at my final straw. Today will mark my first of 30 days on my calendar, but first I am going to have one last talk with the parents before I give termination.

Another incident has occurred since I last posted about the birthday party problem and the parents blamed me for the child’s behavior which occurred outside of daycare. I don’t really want to discuss what other issues happened and I don’t want to hear why this child should NOT be in care for this many hours. I know this, you know this, even the parent knows this, but is in denial. I just want to know what is the best way to explain to a parent that they really need to pay attention to their child, physically be there for their child, and meet all of his needs. What I really want to say, would not be professional, and I am not one to ever stoop to a low level to make myself feel better. My hopes are that I can talk to the parents and push them back to our old schedule. If not, then I am done.


I have been going over in my head a million times what I will say to the parents. I want to discuss with them the importance of FACE TIME, or Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, as this child’s needs are not being met at home. She is in daycare for more than 50 hours a week and has very little if NO face time with parents. She does not have a bed time and runs the house, therefore is always tired. Once she is home from daycare she is thrown in front of some type of electronic device. Of course she acts out in any way that will get her attention at home, which is usually bad behavior.



Just so you guys know,I love this kid dearly. She has been with me for over a year and before all of the schedule changes, the problems were not this bad that I could not cope. The family is usually nice, pays on time, and for the most part is a good fit for my program. I just cant keep doing this if the parents are going to continue to take jabs at me for their lack of parenting.


Should I write down what I intend to say in the conference? How do I explain with strong professionalism that I can be heard?

sorry I am going all over the place.

I applaud you for your concern for this child. You obviously know this family better than any of us - so only you truly know whether a conference with them to point out the errors in their parenting (as you and your research shows) is going to help.

That being said....

I've been in this business for a very, very long time. It's been my experience that when a dc parent's parenting style differs greatly from my own and when a dc parent's priorities lie elsewhere than their child (as seems to be in this situation), there's not a single, solitary thing that I can say that will cause them to change to my view of good parenting. They already think they're doing a good job.

They're doing what works for them - which is keeping their child in daycare, and otherwise occupied away from face time with them, for as many hours a day as they possibly can. What you're proposing is going to be very difficult for them to change and do - because it's not going to be convenient for them.

My suggestion would be to leave all of the parenting tips and advice out of the discussion and simply tell them that you're changing your hours and hope that they can accommodate. If you're hoping to hold on to this client - I personally think that you have to keep it all "business" and leave your feelings about how they're doing their job as parents out of it.

Just my opinion.
Hope it works out for you.
(((Hugs)))

[Solandia]

It depends on what you want the outcome to be. Ok...I think what you want is for them to step up their parenting & you get to be the daycare lady again instead of the primary emotional support for this child.

A conference or a lecture isn't going to give you that outcome.

The realistic result of a conference regarding an issue that is essentially unsolicited advice....1. you are a controlling jerk that is in it for the money, trying to get out of caring for their child, and they pull their child 2.you are a jerk for calling them bad parents, plus they have already said that you are the problem, and they pull their child. 3.they might feel guilty about their parenting, and maybe have more face time for a week or so, until it gets too hard again.

In none of those scenarios are they going to be reducing the number of hours in daycare, because there is no incentive to do so. THAT is the only part you really have any control over, is creating a fee structure that pressures parents to spend time with their child.

It is great that you want to improve things for this family and for the child. I am afraid there isn't an outcome to this that keeps the child in your care, with the parents respecting you & your knowledge, experience. ((hugs))

[sharlan]

Cyber hugs to you. I know how much drama this family has put you through. They do not want to be "parents". They just want to be fashionable and have a kid.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I really don't. Sadly, you have two choices, **** it up and deal with them. Or, term them. They are not going to change their ways.

[nannyde]

Daycare

You are in the front row of a family that is shunning their child. They don't want to be around him and they don't want to step up and parent him the little they do have him.

You can't come up with any words that are going to change them. The only thing you can decide is if you want to be a part of it.

[daycare]

I know what everyone of you are saying and you are all so correct.
I guess the only thing I didn't stress was I'm wanting to stand up and let this parent know that I am not going to take their jabs anymore!
Im not a doormat, their employee, or their babysitter they get to boss around.
I don't mind having the kid for that many hours. I wish I could keep her .

Do I tell this parent I'm not going to be held accountable for their lack of patenting?
Maybe if I explained what happened it would also make more sense.

Thanks for responding everyone!!

[Kaddidle Care]

It may help to explain where you heard this from. Evil Facebook perhaps?

Chances are I'm thinking that another bad behavior occurance happend and they rolled their eyes and said "Ugh! Daycare."

Just realize that they aren't fooling ANYONE.

I might let them know that you found out about the accusation when you weren't there nor were you in charge of their child at the time. And let them know plain and simple that you don't appreciate them bad mouthing your business.

Tell them like you would tell a 4 year old. "How would YOU like it if I told your clients yada, yada, yada and it affected YOUR livlihood and income/business."

You know there is a term: defamation of character that is represented here.

It doesn't hurt to keep advertising for a replacement and if and when that one comes, Bye, bye to the ignorant parents.

[daycare]

It may help to explain where you heard this from. Evil Facebook perhaps?

Chances are I'm thinking that another bad behavior occurance happend and they rolled their eyes and said "Ugh! Daycare."

Just realize that they aren't fooling ANYONE.

I might let them know that you found out about the accusation when you weren't there nor were you in charge of their child at the time. And let them know plain and simple that you don't appreciate them bad mouthing your business.

Tell them like you would tell a 4 year old. "How would YOU like it if I told your clients yada, yada, yada and it affected YOUR livlihood and income/business."

You know there is a term: defamation of character that is represented here.

It doesn't hurt to keep advertising for a replacement and if and when that one comes, Bye, bye to the ignorant parents.

Ok so this morning my son who is 4 was assigned to his soccer team. Well just our luck little devil child is on our team.
It was made known somehow that she belongs to my daycare.

Well, it was like part two of the birthday party, only this time worse.
Trying to keep this story short, the DCK just about hurt every child on the team except my son. She picked up a cone and hit another girl in the face with it giving her a black eye. I think she must have thrown grass and dirt in every Childs face. There were several more incidents that took place that caused destruction or harm to others, including a baby. Meanwhile the parents said nothing.

One of the parents picked their kid up and looked at the parents and said "we are done and hopefully will get to change teams, this is not ok." then they went home.

As I stood there along all the chaos the mom turns to me and basically blames the girls behavior on me. Everyone within ear shot was jaw dropped. I was not going to be unprofessional and put the mom on blast in public.
I'm hurt, but not shocked.
Something needs to be said to this family. Not my fault they can't control their child. I don't have the problems they have with their kid.

I wanted to dig a hole and burry my headin it.
I guess I won't be prospecting anyone from our soccer team.

[GretasLittleFriends]

Ok so this morning my son who is 4 was assigned to his soccer team. Well just our luck little devil child is on our team.
It was made known somehow that she belongs to my daycare.

Well, it was like part two of the birthday party, only this time worse.
Trying to keep this story short, the DCK just about hurt every child on the team except my son. She picked up a cone and hit another girl in the face with it giving her a black eye. I think she must have thrown grass and dirt in every Childs face. There were several more incidents that took place that caused destruction or harm to others, including a baby. Meanwhile the parents said nothing.

One of the parents picked their kid up and looked at the parents and said "we are done and hopefully will get to change teams, this is not ok." then they went home.

As I stood there along all the chaos the mom turns to me and basically blames the girls behavior on me. Everyone within ear shot was jaw dropped. I was not going to be unprofessional and put the mom on blast in public.
I'm hurt, but not shocked.
Something needs to be said to this family. Not my fault they can't control their child. I don't have the problems they have with their kid.

I wanted to dig a hole and burry my headin it.
I guess I won't be prospecting anyone from our soccer team.

I'm rather emotional at times, and every once in a while my tongue slips before my brain has a chance to stop it... I would have probably said what was bolded above.

[Kaddidle Care]

As I stood there along all the chaos the mom turns to me and basically blames the girls behavior on me. Everyone within ear shot was jaw dropped. I was not going to be unprofessional and put the mom on blast in public.
I'm hurt, but not shocked.
Something needs to be said to this family. Not my fault they can't control their child. I don't have the problems they have with their kid.

I wanted to dig a hole and burry my headin it.
I guess I won't be prospecting anyone from our soccer team.

Yes they were shocked - shocked that a parent would blame their caregiver for their child's behavior when she was on THEIR watch.

It's almost a full moon - moron season.

Don't you dare be embarassed. They showed their true colors and you remained dignified. Well done.

[nannyde]

Ok so this morning my son who is 4 was assigned to his soccer team. Well just our luck little devil child is on our team.
It was made known somehow that she belongs to my daycare.

Well, it was like part two of the birthday party, only this time worse.
Trying to keep this story short, the DCK just about hurt every child on the team except my son. She picked up a cone and hit another girl in the face with it giving her a black eye. I think she must have thrown grass and dirt in every Childs face. There were several more incidents that took place that caused destruction or harm to others, including a baby. Meanwhile the parents said nothing.

One of the parents picked their kid up and looked at the parents and said "we are done and hopefully will get to change teams, this is not ok." then they went home.

As I stood there along all the chaos the mom turns to me and basically blames the girls behavior on me. Everyone within ear shot was jaw dropped. I was not going to be unprofessional and put the mom on blast in public.
I'm hurt, but not shocked.
Something needs to be said to this family. Not my fault they can't control their child. I don't have the problems they have with their kid.

I wanted to dig a hole and burry my headin it.
I guess I won't be prospecting anyone from our soccer team.

I would have said loud and proud "she's an angel for me".

Nobody bought her story.

I've had that kid who was wonderful with me and horrible with the parents.

[Hunni Bee]

Ok so this morning my son who is 4 was assigned to his soccer team. Well just our luck little devil child is on our team.
It was made known somehow that she belongs to my daycare.

Well, it was like part two of the birthday party, only this time worse.
Trying to keep this story short, the DCK just about hurt every child on the team except my son. She picked up a cone and hit another girl in the face with it giving her a black eye. I think she must have thrown grass and dirt in every Childs face. There were several more incidents that took place that caused destruction or harm to others, including a baby. Meanwhile the parents said nothing.

One of the parents picked their kid up and looked at the parents and said "we are done and hopefully will get to change teams, this is not ok." then they went home.

As I stood there along all the chaos the mom turns to me and basically blames the girls behavior on me. Everyone within ear shot was jaw dropped. I was not going to be unprofessional and put the mom on blast in public.
I'm hurt, but not shocked.
Something needs to be said to this family. Not my fault they can't control their child. I don't have the problems they have with their kid.

I wanted to dig a hole and burry my headin it.
I guess I won't be prospecting anyone from our soccer team.

Oh no. Nope. Not in front of people. Just like Kaddidle said, that's defamation of character, plus she took a shot at your business by insulting it in from of potential clients. Not to mention how you must have felt being reamed out in front your son.

You're right something needs to be said. She needs to know she cannot walk on you and abuse you because she ****s as a parent. Just be ready for her to pull her kid. I would say it the second you filled her spot.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'd have been livid.

[ritah]

What a tough position to be in, daycare. My heart goes out to you.

I'm not sure what advice to give you other than to work your butt off to get a new client and terminate this family as soon as possible.

I do agree with others that say not to get in a discussion with the parents about their parenting skills - it WON'T do any good and WILL come back to bite you.

[sharlan]

If enough parents complain, maybe the child will be kicked out of soccer.

The child is the way she is because of lack of parental control. These parents are going to have a rough time in the next 10 years. If you can't control a 4 yo, how are you going to control a 15 yo.

You can say whatever you want to the parents. You can type it up in red ink. These people have no desire to be parents, they don't like what they've created. It is so much easier to blame it on daycare than it is to accept responsibility. You cannot tell people how to parent their child when they are in control (or not control).

I remember talking to the director of a preschool that 2 of my kids came from. I was telling her about the foul language I was dealing with and how the parents said that the kids got it from the preschool. The director looked me square in the eye and said, "Maybe you should be looking at their parenting skills, not my teaching skills." Yep, the kids were allowed unsupervised, free range twice a week at the park while the parents were on a baseball team.