Ugh, "Little Devil" That Destroyed A Birthday

[daycare]

So last night one of my DCK had a little birthday get together at his house for a few hours. Several of the DCK from my house where there too.

Long story short, one of the kids turns into quite the devil when in the parents care. Last night this child put on a show and basically destroyed everything and anything he could. Including knocking over the birthday cake, choking another child, hitting, attempted biting, went and kicked and punched one of the daycare dads and so on, oh and hes almost 4. I, along with all of the parents was shocked. His parents did not say a word. NOTHING! BTW he does NOT act like this at my house ever. A few times I did say something to him, the other parents did to, but I was not going to parent or watch this child, I am off the clock and its not my place to do it.

Welllllll......here's where it gets bad. The DCP that threw the party just called me and told me that she and her husband thought a lot about what happened last night at her house. They were so upset about everything that the DCK had done and they want to pull their child out of my DC. They said that they did not want their child to be subjected to the "little devil" DCB that ruined the night. They are worried that his bad behavior will rub off onto their child and that’s the last thing that want. Both have been here for more than a year.

I try to reassure mom that the DCK does not act like that here ever. That I enforce good behavior and he has never even touched a child in my care.
I then invite her to come and observe the kids playing together at my house on a day of her choice and she replies that she will think about it.

I just can’t believe this at all. If this family leaves, I will be closing the DC.....

UGH what should I do? What would you say to the other family? I cant lose this client.

Help!

[youretooloud]

I think having a parent call you to complain is fine. Calling you to give YOU an ultimatum is rude! Beyond rude. I'd let them go if they want to act like that.

[daycare]

I am not sure what to think about it right now. I can see the moms point. It was really that bad. I am still trying to process everything right now..
Also, I can't afford to lose any family. I have only 3 kids right now 2 taht are part time, as I let one go last week. I had to. I could not take the crap from the family any more.

[sharlan]

I can really see the mom's point. I wouldn't want my child around that either. Really, all you can do is reassure her that what she saw last night was not typical behavior for this child. Urge her and her husband, at seperate times, to please come observe this child in your home.

I've had kids like that before, perfect angels, but heathens from hell when the parents are around.

[Meeko]

You need to talk to the boy's parents too. Tell them that their child's behavior was so bad that YOU may end up having to pay a considerable price for it and that they need to step up.

[daycare]

You need to talk to the boy's parents too. Tell them that their child's behavior was so bad that YOU may end up having to pay a considerable price for it and that they need to step up.

I have talked to the parents about their lack of parenting their child a million times. It resorted to the nannyde bye bye outside program and it's the only way I can deal with the parents here in my house.

Honestly, the parents won't care what I have to say.

[Country Kids]

I know you really don't want to lose a family. If it comes down to it though why lose the good family and not the one that caused all this.

You say you can't lose a family. Can you really at this point though keep this up. It sounds like your families hold you hostage. Would you really be able to quit and go to work the next day at a different job. If so, go for it. If not, really think about this. Most people are spending months if not years looking for a new job.

My heart goes out to you because I know how hard it is. We have started relying heavily on my income and it puts so much pressure on me. Now I know how most men feel but at the same time most men aren't working 50-60 hour weeks, keeping up the house, homework, kids, etc.

If you would like to pm me I would so be happy to privately talk with you and see what we can come up with for you. The forum is an awesome sight but once in awhile just one on one is what works wonders. Feel free if you would like to.

[cheerfuldom]

was this wild one perhaps the kid that is left at your house basically from morning to night? just curious.

i think you did what you could. . what an awful party for that little birthday boy though. i am not surprised at all by the mom's reactions.

[daycare]

bingo!! now you can see what lack of face time does to a kid... I love this kid dearly. He so sweet and it really isnt his fault at all that the parents allow for him to act like this.
The reason I cant let go of the full time kid, is because he is more than half of where my icome come from.

[nannyde]

I don't pass out party invites.
I don't attend parties outside of day care.
I don't endorse the children having a relationship outside of child care.

If I become aware that there is possibly a relationship outside of day care and I KNOW that one or both of the children have behavioral issues with their parents to the point that I believe a child could be harmed, property harmed, or exposure to a parenting style that is very oppositional to the others... I will intercede and get it stopped.

I had two families lives collide a couple of years ago and knew exactly that I would loose one or the other families within a week and I was right. I interceded and with that intercession one family decided to leave.

It was hard to loose the money but it had to be done. First and foremost my kids have to be SAFE. If I believe they aren't safe or the dynamics of the parent/child is so extreme that it would be offensive to the other family... it is worth it to be honest and forewarn.

With you knowing the child was wildly out of control with their parents you should have been honest with the other parents and said that you believe it is risky to have them at the same place at the same time under their parents supervision. Also... that you will not be a part of it and you highly encourage them to not participate.

You've seen the real outcome of what can happen. You guys are all really lucky that a child didn't get seriously harmed.

Live and learn friend.

About the clean up... there's nothing you can do. If I were you I would pick the family I wanted to keep and put firm boundaries down with the other. I had to do that and lost the family that had to have the firm boundary. It ****ed at the time but it absolutely had to be done.

[Blackcat31]

I agree that all you can really do at this point is have the concerned mom come and observe so that she can rest assured that the "devil" child is not like that when in your care.

As far as talking to the parents of the other boy, I do NOT think you should even go there since he is not a behavioral problem while at your house and how he behaves when he is off the clock is no concern of yours.

I understand that his behavior off the clock however, is affecting your business but like I said before, all you can do is reassure the concerned parent and offer her some observation time at your home.

[daycare]

trust me Nan,. I do nothing to promote the children enganging in activities together outside of my home. I dont give out invites, I dont share any parent info and etc. But with facebook, these parents find their own means to connect.

Also, when the children become friends and the parents become friends, who am I to say you can't be friends. I don't see anything wrong with it.,

I have had a little taste of what you are talking about, but they were friends prior to coming to my DC, they had a falling out and I really didnt care that the one family left, as I had a waiting list at the time.

I know what you are saying, but all of my DCK here are safe.

[Country Kids]

Yes, with facebook and social media this day nothing is private. You can try your hardest but people somehow will still find out things. Parents talk to each other and start finding out information also. I actually had a visitor that was at my home, see a little girl leaving, (they came and left at the same time) and figured out who the mom of the little girl was when visiting the place where the mom worked. She said they just resembled each other so much. There had been no mention of who mom was or anything.

So no matter how much you try it still gets out there!

[Kaddidle Care]

I'm sorry but how dare they put the onus on YOU.

It was not your fault that this child was allowed to run amuck. THEY should have told the parents to take the little blighter home. The Parents should have been parents but I have to say that there are many "Daycare Parents" that don't have a clue about how to do anything with their child because he or she is in Daycare all day during the week and at Grandmas all weekend while they play and do errands.

Honestly, what parent lets this continue like that? Any good parent would have grabbed their child on the first offense and told them to knock it off or they will be going home. And if the first offense is something horrible they should bring them home right there and then!

Was alcohol being served to the adults at this child's party? If it was then priorities are way out of sorts and even the Host/Hostess is to blame.

Our Center was in the situation where a parent observed the unruly behavior of a child for several weeks and was about to pull her GOOD child. A decision was made to let the out of control child go. The Good child stayed and is still with us.

This may have been a ploy to get you to get rid of the naughty child. Please keep this in mind. Don't let them manipulate you if the child behaves well for you.

[daycare]

I'm sorry but how dare they put the onus on YOU.

It was not your fault that this child was allowed to run amuck. THEY should have told the parents to take the little blighter home. The Parents should have been parents but I have to say that there are many "Daycare Parents" that don't have a clue about how to do anything with their child because he or she is in Daycare all day during the week and at Grandmas all weekend while they play and do errands.

Honestly, what parent lets this continue like that? Any good parent would have grabbed their child on the first offense and told them to knock it off or they will be going home. And if the first offense is something horrible they should bring them home right there and then!

Was alcohol being served to the adults at this child's party? If it was then priorities are way out of sorts and even the Host/Hostess is to blame.

Our Center was in the situation where a parent observed the unruly behavior of a child for several weeks and was about to pull her GOOD child. A decision was made to let the out of control child go. The Good child stayed and is still with us.

This may have been a ploy to get you to get rid of the naughty child. Please keep this in mind. Don't let them manipulate you if the child behaves well for you.

no alcohol was served. I would have left.

Update on this.

so the DCM emailed me and said taht she felt horrible for even calling me and saying that they wnated to pull their kid. She said that afer we hung up she thought about it and she knows how well I enforce good behavior while the kids are in my care and that it was not my fault. She said that she realizes the kids have been together for more than a year and there has never been any issues before this, so they are going to stay and she kept saying sorry.

I emailed her back and told her that I felt horrible for what happend and wanted to make it up to the good birthday boy. She said it was not my fault, but still took me up on my offer to take her kid to a play place wtih me and my son tomorrow.

I am happy she changed her mind, but wow that was crazy.