Carrying

[Blackcat31]

I am not originally from the US and one of the things that sadden me a lot is how much parents or people want a baby, toddler or child to GROW UP here.
In my opinion, I think the opposite. I feel people allow their children to be babied far to long in this culture.

As a parent of teenagers, I know that you only have so much time to hold and cuddle, kiss, squeeze and just love your little one to death. I don't understand why a three year old must grow up so fast. They have all of their lives to grow up. They only get 5 years of being allowed to be a baby or toddler. Then they are off to the real world where they are expected to grow up.

Yes, they are expected to grow up when they hit the real world but we have to prepare them to deal with it. We can't just baby the heck out of them and then throw them to the wolves in the real world. As parents, it is our job to prepare our children to be independent and self sufficient. If we don't, then they will be living at home until they are 40!! LOL! It seems as a culture, it is becoming more and more acceptable to be dependent for longer and longer and what was considered mature when I was young isn't seen now until much later in life. The average age to move out of your parents house when I was young was 18, now I read a recent study that says 25 is the new 18. I find that sad.
I am not the best with the English language, especially with being able to express what I mean in words, so hopefully this comes across the right way.

Another thing you have to think about is the parent’s reasons why they raise their children the way that they do.

I can't have any more children, this is my last one. I am also not a well person and you bet your bottom dollar that I am going to hold my son for as long as I can, baby him for as long as I can without hindering his development, spoil him, and just plain love him to death with actions, emotions and words.

I answered in bold.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't think I force kids to grow up too fast, but instead hold them to age appropriate expectations. Why is it weird to expect a 3 year old to walk three blocks to the park instead of carrying them? Isn't it better to get them moving and exploring and confident then holding them back to make mom feel more needed?

the whole "18 is the new 25" is disgusting. people are losing their ambition and happy to be mediocre couch potatos. I would never, ever ask my mom for anything but I know numerous friends whose parents pay some of their bills, bought their fiance an engagement ring, paid off their car loan.....this is people in their late 20s and early 30s! I guess it is abnormal to want to take care of yourself and have the dignity to do whatever it takes to not ask for help. If you really need help, thats one thing but if you are happy to have any handouts when you are perfectly capable of finding your own way through life, thats another thing entirely.

[daycare]

Like I said, I can’t express words well, but I am not talking about babying your child to the point of hindering them. Like letting them stay on the bottle until age two, or stay in diapers until age 5.

Yes I can agree with you that we need to prepare our children for the future. I believe that we can do this by teaching them to make good choices and be accountable for their actions, suffer consequences and allow them to fall on their face at times. Teach them wrong from right and how to be a good member of society. Teach them to feel confident in their decisions that let them be a leader among their peers.


As a parent, we hold our child’s hand and guide them through life, at some point we have to let go. Letting go to early has repercussions and letting go too late has repercussions too, like living at home at age 40.
I don’t think that babying a child with love and attention, affection, like carrying them has anything to do with how they will turn out later in life.

[daycare]

I don't think I force kids to grow up too fast, but instead hold them to age appropriate expectations. Why is it weird to expect a 3 year old to walk three blocks to the park instead of carrying them? Isn't it better to get them moving and exploring and confident then holding them back to make mom feel more needed?

the whole "18 is the new 25" is disgusting. people are losing their ambition and happy to be mediocre couch potatos. I would never, ever ask my mom for anything but I know numerous friends whose parents pay some of their bills, bought their fiance an engagement ring, paid off their car loan.....this is people in their late 20s and early 30s! I guess it is abnormal to want to take care of yourself and have the dignity to do whatever it takes to not ask for help. If you really need help, thats one thing but if you are happy to have any handouts when you are perfectly capable of finding your own way through life, thats another thing entirely.

funny you post this becasue I deal with this daily. My husband comes from wealth and his parents basically would just buy his way out instead of parenting him. I love my husband and in no way would ever put him down, but he is a grown man with the mentality of a highschool kid when it comes to making decisions and understanding the reprecussion of them. He has never suffered consequences or has he ever fallen on his face and I think that this is why kids are they way they are now....It a major lack of parenting.....

[Unregistered]

I feel more comfortable carrying my 16 month old DD (who has been walking for over 4 months and walks - and runs - well) in the parking lot to/from daycare. I'd rather that then her let go of my hand and a car comes in! Also we have to navigate steps, which she will usually fall on, so especially in the mornings, I'd rather her start the day clean and dry then dirty and wet from falling down.

[Cat Herder]

IMHO, Some of it is the simple frustration of all the hours of hard work being put in by the provider to have them become independant...to meet the parents expectations and milestone checklists.....being undone in front of their very eyes.

It is different staying home with your own child and enjoying every second of babyhood possible, it only effects you. Your child is your own. I wish every child got to have that, personally.

Many of these parents drop them off 50 hours a week (from 4 weeks old on), whether they are working or not, with this being the plan since before conception. It is the NORM, not the exception, here.

Providers helping prepare infants for group care, as one of many (as they will be grouped until they graduate college if they are lucky), is not the same. Kids HAVE to be independent from an early age or they will be kicked around from care situation to care situation and can quickly get left behind their peers.

Do I like it? NO. Is it real? Yes.

[Holladee]

If I was leaving my 3.5 year old for a nine or ten hour day and she wanted to be carried into daycare would I do it? Absolutely. What's the big deal? If the child wants you to carry him/her around, say no.

My daughter will be six in January and will occassionally ask to be picked up. Do I do it? Yep. I also let her sit on my lap to read books, lay with her on occasssion while she falls asleep, and hug, kiss, and cuddle her as often as she needs it.

She still manages to go to Kindergarten for 8 hours a day without me, independendly ride the bus to and from school each day, have playdates at friends' houses without me, has stayed overnight away from me too.

She also had a bottle until she was two - gasp!!!!

Good grief.

[Unregistered]

missing the point here

Not talking about the occasional carrying the child through the door, or a bottle till age 2, but rather a pattern and as providers we see the connection.

The child is carried to daycare and once they are put down they are screaming and crying, or they scream and cry because they don't get their way, or their Ba ba at 2/3 years old, or binky. While the other kids play normally these kids are often throwing trantrums for small things. I had one child, and if another look at him wrong he went into fits, at 3 and a half? Once he woke from nap he would go into another tirade, all because the parents rewarded his behavior. I've had these kids end up going to school having major problems in the system, still the parents blame the school; everyone but themselves. Or I love the parent that makes all the excuses for the child's behavior, ranging from he didn't sleep well to he's under the weather.

If you're a parent and you see the other children in the group able to function and yours frequently acts this way, time for a reality check.