Two Kids That Just DON'T Get Along...

[JJPlaycare]

I NEED help and I don't know what to do. I have two little boys here that are both 2. One was 2 in April and one was 2 in March.... They have been raised here basically and since they became toddlers it has been a rough go at it. They are either the best of friends or the worst enemies, I feel like there is no happy medium! I dealt with biting awhile back, came on got advice and went with it. I noticed at that point that the other 2 year old some spacial boundry issues and was constantly in the biters space, got advice here and from my licensor and went with it. I have a seperate play yard set up in my living room area where we play. I have toys in there and have used it for times when I can't be right there like free play for instance or when I can tell someone is just not having a good behavioral day and they are just at it. They take turns being in there, it isn't used as a punishment more of a seperation thing - got the advice on here talked to my licensor about it to see if it was an option. They are both now almost 2.5 and I am still dealing with issues! Both their mothers are pregnant and due around the same time and I am afraid this cycle will continue with the younger siblings....

I love both children individually, but when they are together it is a mess!! They are even argueing about who is getting a sister or a brother and neither of them even know what the babies are. I feel like honestly one of the kids has a mouth and the other one is aggressive and it just doesn't mesh. : ( I don't know if this is even possible to have 2 kids that just really don't get along and that will ever mesh or if I am dealing over and over again with an issue that is unresolvable and these two just will never be friends and get along! They are only 2, what is GOING ON, I keep asking myself. I could go on and on and tell you everything that goes on..... but I guess I am more or less wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and such a young age of 2?? Am I crazy, I just don't ever remember in the last 7 years of childcare 2 kids that don't get along quite like these two! Kids want to be friends, want to please and get along, what is going on with these two. Are their personalities completely different that it just isn't going to work, Ahhhh I don't know I need help!

Oh yes wanted to mention the biting stopped abruptly July 7th when I started noticing the spacial thing and working on that.... Now we just have constant competition, argueing, grabbing faces, wanting the same toys blah, blah, blah I know that all sounds like some typical child behavior but quite honestly this is excessive and a CONSTANT, CONSTANT thing!! If it would help for me to write out a typical day with these two to help get advice I will definately do that and even how I handle it cause OBVIOUSLY what I am doing and what I have tried which the list seems never ending is NOT working. : (

[sharlan]

Gee, are you talking about my two? The fighting, biting, hitting, got so bad that we had to seperate them by sending them to preschool on seperate days.

They were the best of friends/worst of enemies and it would switch at the drop of a hat. They would hit with whatever they had in their hand, including Tonka trucks. Sitting on the floor in between them didn't stop the fighting. I had to sit them at opposite ends of the table or they would just reach over and bite each other.

Now that they're 3 and 4 mos and 4 and 3mos, things have gotten a lot better. They play well together 95% of the time now. I still don't take my eyes off of them though.

I wish you the best of luck with them.

[JJPlaycare]

I am glad I am not alone... That is exactly how they are best of friends and the worlds worst enemies in the blink of an eye! In fact one of the 2 year olds just told me this is that he isn't going to be nice cause he doesn't want to! Lovely.... so he has had some play yard time because we have had a rough morning and when we went to eat lunch he again informed me that he doesn't want to be nice! I told them that they don't get to pick to be nice or not nice, they need to be nice all the time! Ugh it is just an ongoing, ongoing thing between these two and yet when I think the world is ending between the two and the day can't continue with them being decent to eachother they gang up on me and back eachother up and bag for one another to get out of the playyard or time out or to have priveleges back.... sigh

[Michael]

A similar thread: https://daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19129

[nannyde]

I don't have this at all. I've never had it in the 18 years I've done home care.

I think the reason I don't have it is because I have a heiarchy of relationships here that must be in place in order for everything to run smoothly.

The relationships go like this:

First: I'm the boss of the house
Second: My staff assistant is the 2nd boss of the house
Third: We have strict rules of play that everyone must abide by. Number one rule is mind the bosses.
Fourth: We have an order of what kids get to do: Oldest is the pack leader, then the second oldest....... all the way down to the babies. The order is used for everything we do as a group and defines who is where doing what every minute of our day.
Fifth: NO besties or enemies. WE decide the mix of who is doing what when and how. We purposely mix kids based on who needs to learn whatever we are teaching....... whoever is strong goes with the one who is weak. Whoever is jacked up goes with the one who is calm. Whoever is unhappy goes with the happiest. Whoever doesn't want to eat sits by the one who is the hungriest.

Whenever we see a behavior creeping up that is unwaranted or unbalanced we mix them with the kid who can ease them out of it. If we had these two boys they would not be put together when they were at the extremes of besties or enemies. They would only play together, sit together, sleep together, eat together when they COULD do it without extreme behavior.

They need to be S-E-P-E-R-A-T-E-D. They need to EARN the privledge of being with each other. When they escalate they separate.

These boys are showing you that you are not leading them. They are asking to be led.

Lead by separating them and only allowing them access to each other when they can compliment each other. NO arguing.... NONE. No harsh tones... always calm. NO backtalk.. mind me mind me now.

If YOU step up and take over these micro emotions and LEAD them thru it they will follow you.

Lead

[2ndFamilyDC]

I am glad I came upon this thread. I too have a similar problem with two boys. Thanks NannyDe for your helpful input.

[JJPlaycare]

I do seperate them with a play yard, but they have to be in the same room as everyone else. However the one who isnt in the play yard is constantly on the edge of the play yard. I have tried redirection, loss of privleges, time outs to try and keep them apart but its never ending. Time outs are a joke they are talking back and forth, argueing, and laughing at eachother even in there. How do ai get control of this...