Some Advice On Toy Sharing..Please!

[KBCsMommy]

Okay......I have a 3 yr old ds. And an almost 3 yr old dcb who is new to the daycare scene!!
The issue we are having is sharing toys.
My rule is if someone is playing with a toy then you wait for the other kid to be done then you can play with it.
The issue is that boy #1 will put their toy down or back in the toy box and guard it...boy #2 picks up the toy....then boy #1 is wrestling boy #2 for the toy back.
Also new dcb takes toys away from the babies here to. And when I say take I mean yank!!
Ive done time outs. But I dont want the boys in timeout all day.
And I feel like the boys are being competitive about the toys (and everything else) and a rivalry is begining!!
I feel like a referee at times, which is fine, I just want to be fair to both of the boys.
Any advice would be appreciated!! Thanks!!

[daycare]

Years ago I had a boy like this but he was 4 believe it or not.
When he did this I removed him from the group and would give him books to read or let him draw on paper only. I usually had him there for a good 15-20 minutes.
I would tell him that if he can play nicely and share toys he can go back with the other kids to play. One episode of snagging toys or not sharing lands him back in separation with crayons and books. It took about a week, but he eventually got it.
The other kids also missed playing with him and learned to share with him too

[Michael]

Some more threads on the topic: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=toy+sharing

[JenNJ]

I have done 2 hands, 2 toys for non-sharers. Each kid picks ONLY 2 toys. No one else can use those toys all day long. The kids think it is great at first. But they quickly realize that having only 2 toys to yourself gets boring fast. So when I see boredom set in, I ask if they are ready to share and play together. It works pretty well. Occasionally we do have to revisit this technique, but they do well with an offer after that.

[Blackcat31]

If the kids are roughly the same age, I do not get involved in squabbles over toys. When they fight, the toy is removed. If they move on to another toy and fight over that one, the toy is removed. Pretty soon they figure out how to get along so they don't lose any more toys.

It is all part of learning conflict management and pro-social behaviors. They have to figure it out. You can guide them, but they need to figure out how it works between them. Sometimes what we think is fair is not what they think is fair...kwim?

[Ariana]

I put time limits on "popular" toys. 2 minutes for one kid then trade and 2 minutes for other kid. I set a timer on my IPhone and they wait for the beep. At first it was a struggle but now they expect it and it works great!

[laundrymom]

This,.. also if I find a certain toy repeatedly causes issues,.. I remove it to the basement until these children are no longer attending,...

They ask,.. Where are the waffle blocks,.. Im sorry, I put them away,... you didnt share them, You cant play with them.

If the kids are roughly the same age, I do not get involved in squabbles over toys. When they fight, the toy is removed. If they move on to another toy and fight over that one, the toy is removed. Pretty soon they figure out how to get along so they don't lose any more toys.

It is all part of learning conflict management and pro-social behaviors. They have to figure it out. You can guide them, but they need to figure out how it works between them. Sometimes what we think is fair is not what they think is fair...kwim?

[kendallina]

If the kids are roughly the same age, I do not get involved in squabbles over toys. When they fight, the toy is removed. If they move on to another toy and fight over that one, the toy is removed. Pretty soon they figure out how to get along so they don't lose any more toys.

It is all part of learning conflict management and pro-social behaviors. They have to figure it out. You can guide them, but they need to figure out how it works between them. Sometimes what we think is fair is not what they think is fair...kwim?

Although I don't remove toys when children argue over them, I do agree with Blackcat's philosophy. Children have to learn to work it out at that age. I'm not going to solve their problems for them by putting time limits or toy limits or deciding when children get turns or deciding what's fair. They need to feel that they have some say in situations like this.

I do tell them to use their words and ask for a turn if they want something. Most times, when the request comes from a child, the children are much more likely to just give the turn. If the child doesn't want to give up the toy, then they can say something like, "you can have it when I'm done." Frequently, they are done very quickly with the toy and give it up.

After children are here for a few weeks, they are all generally pretty good about asking for toys they want, and either sharing toys or saying they can have it when they're done. I have mostly 3-year olds.

[daycare]

I just have a question. i do agree that the children should work it out, as long as it does not turn physical. however, if the child (by the sounds of it this child is clueless about being nice and sharing) is not able to understand any form of being nice to their friends and willing to share, why don't you remove them from the situation so that they understand that it is wrong?

Sorry I am typing fast and hope that makes sense....

[KBCsMommy]

I tried to let the boys work it out between themselves but I can see it escalating into a shoving match! Not Good! They are both possesive.
This morning I kept taking every toy they fought over,and my kitchen counters are full!
The boys are asking where all the toys are! Haha!!
And I have been hovering over them like a hawk and bringing one of them with me if I need to leave the playroom. And it has been slightly better.

[kendallina]

I tried to let the boys work it out between themselves but I can see it escalating into a shoving match! Not Good! They are both possesive.
This morning I kept taking every toy they fought over,and my kitchen counters are full!
The boys are asking where all the toys are! Haha!!
And I have been hovering over them like a hawk and bringing one of them with me if I need to leave the playroom. And it has been slightly better.

They're not going to be able to work it out for themselves in the beginning, they will need help. They might even need you to give them the words at first.