Comforting a daycare parent?

[newtodaycare22]

One of my families is going through a rough time. Mom confided in me yesterday that she may be moving out because her and dad are having major problems.

Today, Dad dropped off and mom called to make sure they came, and to come get one of them for a doctor appointment. Her eyes were so swollen and I could tell she'd been crying a LOT.

I feel so bad for her and I'd love to comfort her some how. Cookies? I know they won't make the situation better. But I want her to know I care. Anyone ever went through a separation with a family? These are great people.

Thanks!

[Cat Herder]

I have been through it with clients multiple times.

It is a slippery slope because we want to help and be there for them...but sometimes we can step over the line and end up either being taken advantage of or making it worse by accidentally putting ourselves in the middle.

(Admission: Last time I fell off this cliff I looked up and had temporary guardianship of a child AND was giving free childcare. My marriage survived, but not my dignity.)

Maybe just have DCK make a sweet "I Love You" type gift (similar to Mothers Day) to bring her focus back to her blessings, instead?

[nannyde]

Best advice is to stay out of it completely. Keep your convos just about the kids only and sit back to see what happens.

[cheerfuldom]

I wouldn't get involved. you still have to see and work with DCD and gestures to his wife and not him may seem like you are taking sides. Just do your job and keep it professional. I know that sounds harsh but like another PP said, getting over involved is a slippery slope

[newtodaycare22]

I love the idea of her kids making her a present! Maybe this afternoon after nap, I'll have her 2 and 4 year old make cards. Great idea. Help her focus on the positive.

[wdmmom]

I'm 110% with Nannyde on this one.

Their personal life has no bearing on your services. Don't get involved and don't let it become a problem. What people don't see is the bigger picture. You befriend mom and DCM has the boy, he could be insulted and question your trust and look for a new daycare. Not what you want to do or need. Steer clear and keep your nose clean. You're going to get up and work everyday regardless of whether they get divorced anyway so it's not like you can do anything about it.

It's like working a real job. I don't want my boss hugging me because of something going on in my personal life. KWIM?!

Some things are better left unsaid.

If you feel the need to say something, just some gentle words of reassurance would be more than enough.

"Sorry you are going through such a tough time. I really hope things get better for you."

END OF DISCUSSION.

Personally I'd leave it with a "Don't ask, Don't tell" type of attitude.

[daycare]

Can I ask a question? Why would he only make mom a gift? Why not dad too? I think that by asking the kids to make one for mom and not dad send a message to the kid that maybe daddy is not worthy.

I would have him make one for both of them...

[PitterPatter]

One of my families is going through a rough time. Mom confided in me yesterday that she may be moving out because her and dad are having major problems.

Today, Dad dropped off and mom called to make sure they came, and to come get one of them for a doctor appointment. Her eyes were so swollen and I could tell she'd been crying a LOT.

I feel so bad for her and I'd love to comfort her some how. Cookies? I know they won't make the situation better. But I want her to know I care. Anyone ever went through a separation with a family? These are great people.

Thanks!

Just my opinion here but been there done that! Please think twice before you get involved. I had a couple DCMs that I would hug and try to comfort when they were in tears for 1 reason or another and they always ended up using me as a shrink. 1 even told me I was her best friend. Then the favors started being asked, payments skipped, fees forgiven, late pick ups, personal calls to me on their lunch hour to vent or cry....

Then the 1 couple got back together and DCD seemed to think I took sides beause of all the comforting talk time. It could back fire on you with all good intentions you have. Just wish her the best and a prayer or 2. I would keep it business or future problems may occur.

[ritah]

Can I ask a question? Why would he only make mom a gift? Why not dad too? I think that by asking the kids to make one for mom and not dad send a message to the kid that maybe daddy is not worthy.

I would have him make one for both of them...

This. Maybe do an activity where all your DCKs make cards for each of their parents. No reason...'just cuz'. Would make the kiddos and the parents feel good. And you!