FRUSTRATED with DCM!

[Angelwings36]

That is awesome that you are accepting him like as your own. Most daycare wouldn't take autistic children due to behavior problem or not patient. I do understand that you are having problem with his mother. Maybe his mother needs some help. ::::

Thank you.

[MarinaVanessa]

I can understand that you are frustrated with your dcm who is not following your rules. I have to say that you can't give her a higher rates than regular rates due to his special needs that you can get in trouble for that. But you can increase her regular rates.

About autistic child being loud, well, he can't help it. Some autistic children can be louder or not but you have to be patient with him whatever you can. All autistic children are different. It kinda hurts what you said about this since I have a daughter who has PDD on Autism Spectrum. My husband and I work so hard to get some help for our daughter and I taught my daughter everyday. Her behavior was awful and we work so hard to get her better everyday. You have NO idea what I am going through. Now she is doing much better and I am very impressed that I work hard with her. He may be screaming out of his lungs due to lack of communication. As you know, there are so many autistic children have trouble to take nap time because they don't know what is it. My daughter was like that when she was younger. Now she is 10 year old and she knows my routine for her to go bed every nights. It took a long time for her to understand about routine. I suggest you and your dcm to work together as same pages to help him to get better everyday if you want to.

Although I do agree with you about not being able to charge higher rates than regular clients simply because he is autistic I don't believe that her issue with the child is that he IS autistic.

To me it seems that her issues are in fact with the parent. The provider is responsible for "children" not "child". One child's needs cannot be held above the needs of the other children even if he has special needs and this includes the other children's need to nap. She doesn't have an issue with the autistic child but rather with the way that the parent acts against the rules and policies of her daycare. The parent does not want to work together, the parent wants to do what is easier for her and leaving the hard part for the provider to manage. The parent corrals the autistic child in his room for crying out loud. That parent does not strike me as the knowlegable, patient, eager parent that you are. I am 100% in agreeance with the phrase "don't bite the hand that feeds you" and although I don't think that the providers problems will all just magically go away if she raises DCM's rates, I do believe that she will either see improvement or the DCM will choose to go elsewhere.

I do have a question for you Angelwings. In your OP you said that for obvious reasons you rejected the idea of allowing the child to have therapy sessions at daycare. Now I'm sorry but this isn't obvious to me and I was curious and wondered if you could elaborate a little bit about this? I know you mentioned that it wouldn't work and that you don't have experience with autistic children but allowing therapy sessions in your daycare would give you that opportunity to get one-on-one training with a skilled professional FOR FREE . Personally I don't have any kids with special needs (I just never had the opportunity) however I do know of providers that do and they allow any therapy sessions that the children need to be provided during DC hours as long as it is during a time that doesn't interfere with meals and naptime. My nephew is also autistic and his therapy sessions are held at him home daycare and are not at all intrusive. It actually benefited him to have his sessions during daycare because the therapist was able to help and correct behavior as it was happening. It also gives the provider a break from my nephew and likes having a second adult to help her with him. I think this is a great idea and the providers themselves have said that they have learned a lot from the therapists and have learned tools to help them manage the special needs child better. Don't get me wrong ... I'm with you on everything else you've said and like I said before ... it sounds like your issues aren't really about the child but rather the DCM's disregard to your policies. I can see that you have tried to work out a compromise but she isn't willing to accomodate you at all.

[wdmmom]

I actually would not have charged her HIGHER if I was AWARE that her son was autistic. I just would not have accepted him into my daycare in the first place because I DO NOT have the educational background to deal with an autistic child, mom is aware of this but still CHOOSES to bring him here. And if you will read my whole post you can note that I was the one that suggested that the mom get him in for an evaluation...it took mom a whole year to do this. He is in therapy now and she has someone trying to help her. Therapy WILL NOT be done in my house as it just won't work. The daycare is a wide open space downstairs and my upstairs is STRICTLY AN ADULT ZONE! It's my private home and I don't want other people in my upstairs area.

Just get used to saying "NO" because I see you saying it to her requests more frequently!

You need to tell DCM that her discount is done. No way is it cost effective to work for any child for $100 a week!

And, I don't blame you for not wanting to care for a special needs child. I've turned my fair share down too.

[safechner]

1. what did the op say that was so hurt full B/C I can not find it she was simply complaining that the mother would allow the child to bange on her door sometimes for 15 min.

2. Most of the OP problems are B?|/C the mom will not work with her or her son.

1. What she wrote about child is so loud that makes me feel it kinda hurts because I have a daughter who was like that when she was younger (she was around 3-5 years old at that time) and I always get nasty looks from strangers in public because they don't understand about her being special needs. If you were in my shoes, then you will understand what I mean.

2. I know but I thought it is worth to give a try to see if she and her dcm to work together to get some help if possible. If don't then it might not worth it. I feel for her son.

[MarinaVanessa]

1. What she wrote about child is so loud that makes me feel it kinda hurts because I have a daughter who was like that when she was younger (she was around 3-5 years old at that time) and I always get nasty looks from strangers in public because they don't understand about her being special needs. If you were in my shoes, then you will understand what I mean.

2. I know but I thought it is worth to give a try to see if she and her dcm to work together to get some help if possible. If don't then it might not worth it. I feel for her son.

I can understand your motive, it's a subject that hits close to home and I get that but I don't think the OP has bad intentions. I think she's just pointing out that if the child is not able to nap then that keeps the other children from napping. If dcm would schedule the child's sessions during a time that worked around nap then I dont think she'd have a problem. kwim?

[familyschoolcare]

If you were in my shoes, then you will understand what I mean.

I am in very similar shoes. Can not be in your shoes. Myself and my husband are always working with my autistic step son and I have had to learn how not to care about what others think about any of my children including the ones that do not have a "special need" but not not act like "main stream society"

[Angelwings36]

I think my post is beginning to go in the wrong direction now. Just to clear things us I DO NOT have a problem with the dcb. What I am asking about has anything to do with his autism, I guess I should have just left that out of my whole post to begin with. I have never discriminated this child because he has autism, nor would I ever, nor am I complaining about it. What I am asking for advice on is the on going issues I am having with the dcm.

[Blackcat31]

I think my post is beginning to go in the wrong direction now. Just to clear things us I DO NOT have a problem with the dcb. What I am asking about has anything to do with his autism, I guess I should have just left that out of my whole post to begin with. I have never discriminated this child because he has autism, nor would I ever, nor am I complaining about it. What I am asking for advice on is the on going issues I am having with the dcm.

EXCELLENT advice was given in regards to the problematic mother in post #5 by wdmmmom. That's what I would do.

[cheerfuldom]

These things are only an issue because you are allowing them to be. I would have termed about each of the issues you mentioned. No way would I let her come and go as she wanted and no way would I let a kid bang on my door until I opened. Make a list of what you expect from her in order to stay with the understanding that the first violation would mean termination with no notice, increase her rates to the regular rate that everyone else pays, give her one week to sign and return agreement and NO chances to break any rules. That way you know you gave her one last chance to make it work and if she leaves or gets termed, it is her own fault. Stop getting bullied by her!!!

[laundrymom]

I think you should definately increase her rate to the rates of the other families. Just because she seems to have forgotten about your "special price deal". Remember what Nanny says,... its really only a special price to YOU, to her its your rate.



you cant charge her more because of special needs, that is against ada rules.

Q. Can child care providers charge more for tuition for children with disabilities?

A. Under the ADA, child care providers cannot charge the family of a child with disabilities for the total costs of having to comply with the ADA. Costs must be spread out to all the families enrolled, or taken as a tax credit or tax deduction. However, there are some exceptions. It appears that families may be charged for measures which exceed compliance with the ADA, or when a child care provider would not be required to make an accommodation or remove an architectural barrier because it would pose a financial or administrative hardship.

Q. What if our child care center refuses to admit my child because they say they can't afford to make the accommodations necessary to meet my child's needs?

A. If you are not satisfied that your child was given a fair consideration, or that it would not in fact be an undue burden for the child care provider, you may file a complaint with the Department of Justice. It will investigate your case and can impose fines of up to $50,000 for a first violation. You can also file a private suit. Private plaintiffs cannot receive money damages, but can receive injunctive relief such as a court order requiring the day care center to make the necessary accommodations and attorney's fees.

Q: Which child care centers are covered by title III?

A: Almost all child care providers, regardless of size or number of employees, must comply with title III of the ADA. Even small, home-based centers that may not have to follow some State laws are covered by title III.



Here is my advice,...

Dear Mom,

Due to inflation and increased costs and in order to effectively operate my childcare home, I am canceling the discounted fee you recieved upon enrollment. The normal tuition for childcare is $***.xx per week. Please sign the new tuition agreement and return the paperwork by xx/xx/***x. ( I would give her one week) The new tuition rate will be in effect xx/xx/***x. (two weeks from date of letter) If you choose not to return the paperwork by xx/xx/***x, (first date listed) Our contract for care will be terminated on xx/xx/***x (second date).

this gives her a week to decide if shes staying and 2 weeks for a contract policy change and for the new rate to kick in, also by giving her the two week window you are allowing her to tell you by the first week if the agreement is over and fill her spot with someone else.

I also would like to discuss some items that I feel are becoming an issue for us. I open for care at 7:30am, I will not open earlier. This is the earliest time you may drop off. If this continues to be a problem I will place your family on probation and if things continue I may be forced to terminate care. Banging on my door prior to 730 am is something that will stop immediately. It is rude to wake my children and disrupt mornings. I will not allow it to continue. Please be respectful of the limited time I have with my family and wait until 730, knock lightly and enter.

Please remember outside food and drink is not allowed in my home. This is another item that may place your family on probation.

I close at 4:30pm on Fridays, if this is not convenient for you or poses a serious problem please let me know and I will begin interviewing families for the position. I do have a 'termination of care' form if you need to fill one out.

Please respect our 'no pick up' during naptime rule. This is another item that will put your family on probation.

I do apologize but I am unable to provide an area or time frame for an outsider to be in my home for your sons therapy. I have thought about it and it will disrupt our routine too greatly so I must require you to do this at a different location when he isnt in daycare.

I personally wouldnt even mention the therapy, I wouldnt offer it, I did once and the child destroyed a dollhouse my father built me when I was 7.NEVER AGAIN.


Thank you

Polly Provider,....

[Unregistered]

Term, she needs a daycare w/longer hours is what I would tell her.

Just get used to saying "NO" because I see you saying it to her requests more frequently!

You need to tell DCM that her discount is done. No way is it cost effective to work for any child for $100 a week!

And, I don't blame you for not wanting to care for a special needs child. I've turned my fair share down too.

Agree, and its not discrimination; often it won't work with a regular daycare group "depending" on the degree. I termed a child last summer, mom downplayed the behavior and in the interview I didn't catch everything going on with her. I did it after two days, a long....two days.

Now take that combined with a really bad, disrespectful parent; I would term because reading the post it doesn't look like the mother will change. I would start looking to fill the space right away, place the add and charge full price. When you have a good set of parents it makes this job so much better.

[Blackcat31]

I think you should definately increase her rate to the rates of the other families. Just because she seems to have forgotten about your "special price deal". Remember what Nanny says,... its really only a special price to YOU, to her its your rate.



you cant charge her more because of special needs, that is against ada rules.

Q. Can child care providers charge more for tuition for children with disabilities?

A. Under the ADA, child care providers cannot charge the family of a child with disabilities for the total costs of having to comply with the ADA. Costs must be spread out to all the families enrolled, or taken as a tax credit or tax deduction. However, there are some exceptions. It appears that families may be charged for measures which exceed compliance with the ADA, or when a child care provider would not be required to make an accommodation or remove an architectural barrier because it would pose a financial or administrative hardship.

Q. What if our child care center refuses to admit my child because they say they can't afford to make the accommodations necessary to meet my child's needs?

A. If you are not satisfied that your child was given a fair consideration, or that it would not in fact be an undue burden for the child care provider, you may file a complaint with the Department of Justice. It will investigate your case and can impose fines of up to $50,000 for a first violation. You can also file a private suit. Private plaintiffs cannot receive money damages, but can receive injunctive relief such as a court order requiring the day care center to make the necessary accommodations and attorney's fees.

Q: Which child care centers are covered by title III?

A: Almost all child care providers, regardless of size or number of employees, must comply with title III of the ADA. Even small, home-based centers that may not have to follow some State laws are covered by title III.

Weird. My county social services dept. sent me papers to request a higher rate of pay because of the disability of a child in my care. I wonder what the exact laws are about this.

Many providers in my area charge according to the level of care a child requires, ie. needs special diet, needs transportation, needs "special" outside of normal services they offer. Not necessarily a "special" need as defined by the ADA but "special" none the less.

[Unregistered]

Write a note to home.......just for her.

address the issues.

No showing up before opening hours, no knocking on the door, or sitting in the driveway as it causes me anxiety to feel pressured into opening before my opening time. State that it is disruptive to my morning routine and my family. State facts with no wiggle room to negotiate.

No in house outside visitors. It's against my policy, disruptive to the other children and our day. Plus- it sounds like the mom would benefit from seeing how a pro can help her son. Have her schedule those for in the evening or early pick up day.

As of......and I would make it a two week notice, your rate is being increased to what all the other parents are expected to pay. I can no longer offer a discount and stay afloat with all the expenses I have to pay out.

no pick up or drop off between nap hours.


I would also add I really enjoy and love dcb but in order for my daycare to run smooth, mutual respect, and good communication is required here, add any other issues you need to address, a place for her to sign and date that she has read this. I would put I have policies in order for the good of the whole daycare and for it to be able to run smooth.

I have noticed so many providers let the parents run the show instead of the providers owning and running a business as they want. I am all for helping others, bending here and there but for the most part, the rules should be the rules and your business should run the way you choose, not the other way around. It's hard because so many facets, factor in, but if you state it, then you back yourself up....should be no room for a parent to back you down into something you will resent. I am not the person to run to the answer of terminate, but I am the person that will make my rules clear and then give you the choice to do what you have to do. After you give her the note, if she decides to stay and sign the new changes, then if she comes early once, you will have to go and say to her what part of me not opening until 7:30 did you not understand? I can't have this. Do you understand now? Walk in the house, close the door and don't open until your time. If she did it the next day explain to her that its not working for you, you don't feel she respects you as a provider and end it. Another thing I would do is find out what hours she is actually working and use those hours as your contracted hours, so the boy is not in your care when she is actually able to give him care herself.

one more thing. As much as we try, want to and bang our heads. WE CAN'T FIX EVERYONE!

Good luck, I feel for you because its hard to have a back bone when our nature is to care~

[safechner]

I am in very similar shoes. Can not be in your shoes. Myself and my husband are always working with my autistic step son and I have had to learn how not to care about what others think about any of my children including the ones that do not have a "special need" but not not act like "main stream society"

Well, I don't care what others think about my daughter. I noticed something changed when she was 3 years old and later I found out she has PDDNOS. She was fine from birth to 3 years old with her social skills, use sign language like normal kid. I taught her sign language that she is deaf so am I. I don't care anyone thinks of me due to my deafness all of my life but it was hard for me to deal with nasty looks from strangers because my daughter have two "special needs" that she is profoundly deaf and has diagnosed PDDNOS when she was a little. After she was 5 years old, I don't care about it anymore. I would stare them back if they are staring my daughter like I always do when I was younger. Sometimes, my daughter would go to strangers to touch something which she shouldn't have (touch baby, legs, go to their house, etc...) and I went get her off and I tell them that "I am sorry about that my daughter has special needs." Most of them are very understandable and some don't. (She is faster and stronger than me, ). As far as I know, my daughter is very BRAVE that she don't care what others think and it doesn't bother her at all. Also, she have a few deaf/hearing friends who are very understandable and help her sometimes.

[Angelwings36]

So I spoke to the dcm today and informed her that I would be raising her rate by $50.00/month over the next 5 months to match my regular full time rate of $650.00. I told her that due to personal choice I would be down scaling my daycare to cut down on my workload and daily stress. She was irate! First she said she couldn’t afford $650.00/month and that she would be looking for another daycare for her son. Then she told me she would just have to see how it goes. When I asked her for a straight answer, she responded with could I have some time to think about it? I said yes you can have until tomorrow and then I need to know because I will be giving notice to a number of families tomorrow and I don’t want to give notice to an extra one if you will be leaving as well as I will be out that space. She was completely pissed! Said I was giving her no time to make a decision. I really think she just wants to soak me for the lower rate until it reaches a certain dollar sign and then switch her son then! She won’t be able to find daycare that is cheaper than $650.00/month in our area, it’s unheard of right now! I’m so frustrated. I will find out in 10 minutes what is going on.