Need Advice for Indecisive 3 Yr Old

[FCCProvider]

Hello all, I am new here. Short intro. I am a FCC provider through the Air Force. My husband and I are stationed overseas, and we have no children. This is my 3rd year as a home daycare provider.

I thought I would find a forum with some "seasoned" providers who could help me out. I have a 3 year old dkb who drives me up the wall with his indecisiveness. I have had him 7 months now, and its not getting any better. And its about EVERYTHING! From leaving the playground, to blowing his nose and his food.

DKB "Can I blow my nose?"
Me "Yes, you can blow your nose, you don't have to ask."
DKB "I don't want to blow my nose."
Me "Ok, then you don't have to."
DKB "I WANNA BLOW MY NOSE!!!" (screaming and running away)

Me "Its time to draw a picture, do you want to come?"
DKB "No, I don't want to color."
Me "Ok then."
DKB "I WANT TO COLOR!!!"

I've researched it and some say that its him not used to being able to make choices for himself, and he just has to learn to make a decision. Others say its him trying to be in control. So, I've spoke to mom about it and we've both agreed to try making him stick to his first decision. But we are not progressing. This happens several times a day over multiple things. That "nose blowing" conversation happens every other day. The same conversation.

I've never had a child like this, can anyone offer any advice?

[momofsix]

Hello all, I am new here. Short intro. I am a FCC provider through the Air Force. My husband and I are stationed overseas, and we have no children. This is my 3rd year as a home daycare provider.

I thought I would find a forum with some "seasoned" providers who could help me out. I have a 3 year old dkb who drives me up the wall with his indecisiveness. I have had him 7 months now, and its not getting any better. And its about EVERYTHING! From leaving the playground, to blowing his nose and his food.

DKB "Can I blow my nose?"
Me "Yes, you can blow your nose, you don't have to ask."
DKB "I don't want to blow my nose."
Me "Ok, then you don't have to."
DKB "I WANNA BLOW MY NOSE!!!" (screaming and running away)

Me "Its time to draw a picture, do you want to come?"
DKB "No, I don't want to color."
Me "Ok then."
DKB "I WANT TO COLOR!!!"

I've researched it and some say that its him not used to being able to make choices for himself, and he just has to learn to make a decision. Others say its him trying to be in control. So, I've spoke to mom about it and we've both agreed to try making him stick to his first decision. But we are not progressing. This happens several times a day over multiple things. That "nose blowing" conversation happens every other day. The same conversation.

I've never had a child like this, can anyone offer any advice?

First if all, thank you to you and your husband for your service! (my dd is in the AF too!)
Can you try just taking away his choices for a while and see how he does?
"It's time to sit at the table now and color!"
Then have the materials ready for him to use so he doesn't have to worry about what to use. Have his seat all ready so he doesn't worry about where to sit. Take away all options-he only has to do what YOU tell him to do. Whatever the cause, it's stressing you and him out to give him choices, he's letting you know that right now he can't handle them.
Obviously it's not healthy for a child to have no choices at all, but for a short time if need be that's what I would do. If he starts handling things better then I'd slowly give more choices-but they would be between two concrete things.
" It's time to color now! Would you like to use crayons or markers?" Only one choice offered at a time. This gives him a choice, but it's still limited by you and the two options are concrete things he can actually see versus "feeling" type choices which are harder for a child to make.

[meganlavonnesmommy]

Hi! I'm a Navy FCC provider, and did care overseas too. :-)

I agree with previous poster, eliminate choices. I've had kids like this in the past too, usually right around age 3, and they can drive you nuts! :-) With the questions, like "Can I blow my nose" I usually turn the question around. If they ask this, I answer with
"I dont know, can you blow your nose?"
"Is it almost time to go outside?" answer with " I dont know, do you think its almost time to go outside?"

And when he does make a choice, like which crayon to use, if he wants water or juice, etc, make him stick with it. No changing his mind later. My 5 and 9 year old are HORRIBLE about this, they make up thier mind about something (which ice cream they want, which toy they want), and then they change their mind later. They know by now that once their mind is made up, that is it.

Good luck!

[Blackcat31]

Stop asking him anything. For example when he asks to blow his nose, set the box of tissues out within his reach. When you are going to draw, go draw and on the way invite him to join by saying, "Billy, we are going to draw, you are welcome to join us." Then go draw. With our without him.

Go about your day and do not let any of his indecisiveness get to you. He is being given too much control and he has no idea what to do with it. Just do what you do normally and if he wants to join everyone else, let him. If he doesn't, then carry on. Soon he will see that it is much more fun to join in. When you have situations like the tissues, just make sure the things he needs are accessible to him so he can help himself.....or not.

[FCCProvider]

First if all, thank you to you and your husband for your service! (my dd is in the AF too!)
Can you try just taking away his choices for a while and see how he does?
"It's time to sit at the table now and color!"
Then have the materials ready for him to use so he doesn't have to worry about what to use. Have his seat all ready so he doesn't worry about where to sit. Take away all options-he only has to do what YOU tell him to do. Whatever the cause, it's stressing you and him out to give him choices, he's letting you know that right now he can't handle them.
Obviously it's not healthy for a child to have no choices at all, but for a short time if need be that's what I would do. If he starts handling things better then I'd slowly give more choices-but they would be between two concrete things.
" It's time to color now! Would you like to use crayons or markers?" Only one choice offered at a time. This gives him a choice, but it's still limited by you and the two options are concrete things he can actually see versus "feeling" type choices which are harder for a child to make.

I have tried not giving him options before. He still screams and says "I don't want to". Then I have him take a "break" and go sit by himself, and when he calms down, he will come do the activity with no problem. But even doing this day by day, it doesn't stop. Thats why I was looking for some new ideas, this has just gone on too long. Oh, and this is my first forum, so could you tell me what dd is? I've seen ds, and dm and dd But I can't figure out what it is. :P

With the questions, like "Can I blow my nose" I usually turn the question around. If they ask this, I answer with
"I dont know, can you blow your nose?"
"Is it almost time to go outside?" answer with " I dont know, do you think its almost time to go outside?"

I like this. I'll definitely have to try it tomorrow.

Stop asking him anything. For example when he asks to blow his nose, set the box of tissues out within his reach.

Tissues are always within reach. He even asks to go to the bathroom sometimes, and all he has to do is go. Sometimes I think he just wants me to say okay, so he can argue with me.

[momofsix]

I have tried not giving him options before. He still screams and says "I don't want to". Then I have him take a "break" and go sit by himself, and when he calms down, he will come do the activity with no problem. But even doing this day by day, it doesn't stop. Thats why I was looking for some new ideas, this has just gone on too long. Oh, and this is my first forum, so could you tell me what dd is? I've seen ds, and dm and dd But I can't figure out what it is. :P


I like this. I'll definitely have to try it tomorrow.


Tissues are always within reach. He even asks to go to the bathroom sometimes, and all he has to do is go. Sometimes I think he just wants me to say okay, so he can argue with me.

Dd=dear daughter We had a thread with all the abbreviations on it that I was going to post for you but I can't find it! Anyone know where it is?
Sorry I couldn't really help w/ your problem. I'm sure more people will pipe in with advice

[Blackcat31]

Dd=dear daughter We had a thread with all the abbreviations on it that I was going to post for you but I can't find it! Anyone know where it is?
Sorry I couldn't really help w/ your problem. I'm sure more people will pipe in with advice

Here is the acronym thread. Apparently I didn't delete that sticky thread....

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31167

[FCCProvider]

Thank you!