We've Got A Biter Here... HELP!!

[Guest]

New DCB, 15 mths, started last week. He is only here two mornings. First day he bites two children (one of them mine). I talk to mom tell her that she has to contact her pedi and get an action plan together before he comes back next week.

Shows up this morning, tells me pedi told her to tell me to "flick him in the mouth". OMG are you serious. I tell her under not uncertian terms am I going to flick her son in the mouth.

Then she says to tell him no sternly and put him in a pack in play for time out.

OK. I can live with that.

Everything was going well then I go to the restroom and hear my darling 11th old son scream and I just knew what had happened. Sure enough large bite mark on upper chest, with broken skin. I tell DCB "no bite, and place him in pack in play."

He knew as soon as I came in the room he was in trouble, he ran to the other side and started to cry. Before I even saw the mark.

What am I going to do. This is my first biter. I have read that you need to shadow a biter, but I can't do that. I don't have anyone else here, and I have to be able to go potty for goodness.

Do I put him in the pack n play everytime I leave the room? HELP!!!!

[wdmmom]

The way I see it, you have a couple options.

Term now before someone terms because they've been bit.

OR

Every single, solitary time you can not have your eyes on this boy, you need to contain him. Whether you place him in a high chair, pack and play, whatever, he can not be left with the other children if you have to leave the room for any reason.

I'd also place him on the "3 Strikes, You're Out" plan. Looks like he's on strike 2. I'd also consider asking DCM if DCB is every around other children...cousins, neighbors, siblings, etc. and see what his behavior is like around them.

And...did she ever mention why she was looking for a new daycare when she found you because I think you have your answer...

[Growing1atime]

The way I see it, you have a couple options.

Term now before someone terms because they've been bit.

OR

Every single, solitary time you can not have your eyes on this boy, you need to contain him. Whether you place him in a high chair, pack and play, whatever, he can not be left with the other children if you have to leave the room for any reason.

I'd also place him on the "3 Strikes, You're Out" plan. Looks like he's on strike 2. I'd also consider asking DCM if DCB is every around other children...cousins, neighbors, siblings, etc. and see what his behavior is like around them.

And...did she ever mention why she was looking for a new daycare when she found you because I think you have your answer...

I think you are right about my options here. I have already told them that if he bites again I would have to term him. I also have a feeling that he left the last daycare because of the biting. Although I was told that it was because the mom had issues with provider being mean to her.

I just feel like terming him so early is so drastic. Like I should try to work on the issue. But I don't think the money is worth it! Is that horrible of me to say? I will see how the rest of the morning goes.

[mom2many]

This is a tough situation and I feel for you. It's horrible when you have a child in your care that is a biter. Usually it only lasts a short period of time, but you definitely don't want to lose other clients, because of him...especially since he's only with you 2 mornings.

In CA we are not allowed to restrain a child in a play pen or high chair...or at least that's what the licensing analyst told me. It's silly since you do need to leave the room sometimes and need to also ensure the safety of the others.

Shadowing can help, but it's never a sure thing. Even having an adult watching the biter every second and being right there, it can still happen! Good luck!

[safechner]

If it were me, I would work on him to not to bite any children. It is normal for that ages but you can stop that. His pedi is correct to put his flick in the mouth. I have done like this in my daycare for 10 years and included my own children and it works very well.

I think it is silly to term him over small things but try to work with him whatever you can. Good Luck...

[Holladee]

Shadowing a biter is exhausting, but sometimes it's the only way to make sure it doesn't happen.

I have a biter - he bites hard and breaks skin when he bites. I only have two daycare kids right now and even though I have two it is still mentally exhausting keeping on top of him every second of the day. I am able to use a baby gate to separate two areas so if I need to use the restroom, prep lunch, etc., I am able to separate the two kids so I can get things done without having him in a pack n play or worrying about him biting.

If you can't separate the area I would definitely use a pack n play for those times he is not in your direct line of sight.

I have my own newborn arriving in October and am really hoping this biting phase is over before then. Not because I think he'll bite the baby, but I know it will be so much harder to keep on top of him!

I would give it another week or two if I were you. If you are unable to prevent the bites or if is just too much, I would term.

Good luck. Biting is so hard!

[Growing1atime]

DCB went home at 1pm. I had a talk with mom. I was having such a hard time just terming him because of the biting. I told her what happen and then told her for the rest of the day I had to keep an eye on him. It is really hard with other children running around. But after I told him not to bite then put him in time out he was good for the rest of the day. But tomorrow I have a full daycare. We will see if he acts out tomorrow.

I told her I would give him one more day. I do want to work with him, but at the same time I can't do a lot about the behavior on a regular basis because he is only here for 5 hours two days a week. Just not enough time for him to get it. He is an only child at home. I am hoping that things go well tomorrow. I have extra help tomorrow so we can keep a better eye on him. I'll let you all know what happens. I just don't know what else to do.

[Growing1atime]

If it were me, I would work on him to not to bite any children. It is normal for that ages but you can stop that. His pedi is correct to put his flick in the mouth. I have done like this in my daycare for 10 years and included my own children and it works very well.

I think it is silly to term him over small things but try to work with him whatever you can. Good Luck...

Isn't it illegal to flick a child in the mouth where you are? I know here in CA it is. I am pushing my luck by putting him in time out. I just can't take the chance.

Terming him is not a good option I agree. But at some point you have to be able to make decisions about your business that are best for you and the kids in the daycare. I like this kid, and I like his parents (so far) but I have to ask myself do I want to have the added stress of having a child here that will bite other children? Is it worth the amount of money that I am making?

I am willing to do some simple redirection, and calmly telling him not to bite and putting him in time out, but if it doesn't work then Terming him may be what is next.

[momma2girls]

I had one biter here n over 8 yrs. of providing daycare. He couldn't return!! His sisters told me on their first day, that you have to watch him, he bites all the time!! Oh, I said "you are three yrs. old and you know better than to be biting!! Not more than 1/2 hr.. being here, he bit my own daughter very hard,leaving tooth marks and tearing skin!!! I called the Mom and told her she was not allowed to bring him back here!! Thank GOD it was my own daughter, but I wasn't taking anymore chances with him!!! He was 3 yrs. old and still biting!!! Come to find out they just left another daycare for him biting!! The sisters told me he was at many daycares!! Then when I placed him in timout for biting, he kicked and hit me. He also kicked my door to the timeout room numerous times very hard!! UGGHHH!!!!

[Michael]

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6

[Heidi]

Try a teething ring attached with a pacifier strap. If you catch him trying to bite, say "Bite this...bite this" and direct it to his mouth. We had one in our group years ago that bit, and this worked like a charm.

[safechner]

Isn't it illegal to flick a child in the mouth where you are? I know here in CA it is. I am pushing my luck by putting him in time out. I just can't take the chance.

Terming him is not a good option I agree. But at some point you have to be able to make decisions about your business that are best for you and the kids in the daycare. I like this kid, and I like his parents (so far) but I have to ask myself do I want to have the added stress of having a child here that will bite other children? Is it worth the amount of money that I am making?

I am willing to do some simple redirection, and calmly telling him not to bite and putting him in time out, but if it doesn't work then Terming him may be what is next.

No it is not illegal in here. All of my parents aware about that. Sorry to hear that CA is not allowed. I have no other idea, sorry.

[gelbesonn]

I've been in this situation, except it was my son that was the biter. You need to figure out WHY he is doing it. My son would do it out of frustration. He would start screaming and then bite down (so I had a second of warning). It progressed to simply biting. It was a space/frustration thing. I think it was also a combination of me not giving him enough attention. Anyway, I made sure to make myself available to him when he needed me (lots of floor time with the kids).
This is also the age where kids have limited vocabulary. Because DS was frustrated, I consistently gave him the words to use (even if he couldn't say them, he was hearing them and storing it up for when he could say them). A big one in my house was "I need space" or "Space, please." And I would converse with the other kids on DS's behalf (Do you see O's face/ hear him screaming, It looks/ sounds like O is getting frustrate. Let's give him space.)

I had our local child care resource early care consult team come to my house and observe me and DS to get another perspective. Is this an option for you?

Biting is completely normal (albeit disconcerting!) Prevention is definitely key in this situation. One of the things the consult team gave me was to use space to my advantage. If you have the space in your program to separate the child from others, then try to do that (ex. set up 2 block tables). During transition times (or potty breaks), you can enlist the "help" of the biter. (He can play in the kitchen/ at the sink while you get lunch ready while the other kids can be playing in the other room). For times when you can't keep eyes on the kid, I would definitely think about containing him in a packnplay. You can put some toys/ books in there to keep him occupied.

Good luck!