4 YO Throws Temper Tantrums

[laundrymom]

Here I would have gotten down on his level, real close to his face and said, TRISTAN STOP you will NOT do that here. YOU WILL BE NICE. Do you understand me? You lost dance time tomorrow. If he screams spits hits or thrashed,
TRISTAN STOP you will NOT do that here. YOU WILL BE NICE. Do you understand me? You lost color time tomorrow

TRISTAN STOP you will NOT do that here. YOU WILL BE NICE. Do you understand me? No outside time.


And follow through. It will take a few days but,.... Hang in. It gets better.

[Christian Mother]

I think at interview the "discipline" talk should be def. discussed. It's important to find out how parents discipline their child at home and how they go about difficult situations when faced with a tantrum or behavior not acceptable. How the parents would like you to handle such situations. When I interview I tell them up front that I am very stricked. Not military stricked but I don't allow bad behavior to dominate my day. It's dealt with right away. And I agree..with other posts...I find it a lot easier to have children start as a infant so they get a jump start on discipline. Manners here are key also...they learn as soon as they can utter words Please, Thank you, Amen, May I Be Excused...and the parents are very supportive. It really starts at interview of what is exspected from the children but also mostly with the parents.

I don't think you should place your dcb out side by him self for a time out. He needs to be supervised and you can't do that if he is out side. If this happens when mom is there for pick up it's best to use Nans approach with "The Changing Of The Guards". All children need to be ready to go before mom comes and she needs to call you or text you when she is outside and you should walk them all to her car. I don't know about you but my 4 yr old loves to have something to do so put him in charge. Have him be your helper. There should be a sticker chart or a behavior chart up just for him. Start praising him for things he's doing that are praise worthy. If he throws a tantrum he needs to go lay down and don't pay much attention to it. The less attention the better bc then he gets to listen to him self. He'll tire of it bc no one is giving in to the attention. Good luck dear I hope the days get better for you!! He should be starting Kindy here pretty soon too so next yr should be better hopefully!!

[Heidi]

We had a sticker system in place, and it did help. I give him lots of "jobs", which he loves, and try to find him "being good" as much as possible. All this has helped, he can even say "yes maam". But, the minute he wants what he wants when he wants it, everything goes out the window...and the wild rumpus begins!

[Christian Mother]

Do you have a place for tantrums on the sticker chart? I would designate a place for tantrums for him specifically or for any child that throws one and let him know when mom drops him off on monday where tantrums will be held. Let him know that will be where he will have them and there for him to cool off. I would recommend one of the back bedrooms and when he throws one and just sit him on the bed or a mat and then walk away. You can tell him when he done he can come out. I understand your worried about him putting holes in the walls or braking something.. I would inform the parents that this is the last resort that you have to take bc he is getting to big to be able to handle and the fits are escalating out of your hands at this point. If he brakes something then she will need to replace it. Or there will be a call made for him to be picked up. If this happened at a school he'd be called to the school to be picked up and the teacher and principle would be involved in it. Sometimes I call schools or facilities to find out what they would do in those situations.

[Cat Herder]

Do you have a place for tantrums

This actually was my discipline plan for a "temper screamer". I set up one corner, with soft seating, little rug, board books (that I took away if thrown), away from the other kids. One child only, and you must be "excused" to leave (same rule as dinner table).

I had the little seat turned to face away from the group to minimize the time it took to settle down (instead of the other kids feeding into it). When a tantrum started I'd just point to the "Screaming Area". If they did not go, I put them there.

They could not come back to the group until they were done screaming. Simple enough :confused:. (I also put in a time limit planned with the parents, once the child reached their specified time of continuous screaming, parents picked up)

"No longer allowed because it is humiliating and negatively effects their self esteem".

Loophole/Irony: Toss in some stuffed animals, turn the chair partially facing the group, call it the "Quiet Play Center" and it is suddenly perfectly acceptable.

I am learning this play on words thing, now....

[Heidi]

Nanny-
I just spent some time on your website, read about the 8 yo who was pepper sprayed. I'm a little worried that this is where could be headed. If he has no self control at 4, then when will he start to learn it?

[youretooloud]

First... I have put kids out on the FRONT porch when they are throwing a fit and the mom is standing there. So, I am not against putting a tantruming kid outside.

However, I never use timeout for anything. Unless I am the one who needs the time out. Or a child just needs to chill out, and then it's called "Why don't you lie down in the hallway with these books and I'll make sure the kids leave you alone... come back whenever you feel better". <--with a sympathetic look. When I'd REALLY love to say "Why don't we strap you into your carseat and leave you out front til your parents get here?"


Anyway... I agree with either

1. Ignore the tantrum as long as nobody else is getting hurt. The Mom has four kids, I bet she's overwhelmed...so, I ignore, and never tell the parent.

2. Get down on their level and try to be understanding of how this kid feels... he's obviously tired and overwhelmed himself. He's the oldest of four kids. This is very hard on him too. I won't "cajole", but I will try to redirect a tantrum, and disarm the tantrum before I lose my own temper.

However, YOU are also tired. It's the end of the day. How much nicer would it be if they would leave your house efficiently and happily without all the drama?

[Unregistered]

Been there

Four is to old for that, and the parents have allowed it to go on too long so imo he needs a wakeup call. I've seen parents do this counting thing, and crazy stuff and the kid just laughs in their face. You put them in a timeout chair they just scream and cry and upset the group. At my house the out of control child is usually voted off the island by the others, not just myself. He goes in a room without a view, and takes a hugh timeout until he can control himself. When the tantrum stops they are allowed to be with the group. Once they learn that doesn't get a response, it will stop at some point. I'll continue it throughout the day if need be. I also make sure I praise them for their good behavior, maybe even a reward. And I clearly let the parents know what I am doing, if they disagree they can go elsewhere. Luckily to date haven't had to drop anyone, but often once the parent picks up they go into Chucky mode because the parent is allowing it.