Sad For DD's Friend

[daycare]

I hope parents read this. My dd is 13 and on the soccer team. She has a friend A who is the same age and on the soccer team. Today they had a game a school near A's mom work. It was 2 min. from moms work. Her mom owns her own salon and closes early on tues and has employees. Everyones parents were there picking up their kids because the game was done at 5pm.
So I asked A where her mom was, and she was like "at work" and I was so taken back that her mom couldn't come and see her play. I know work is important too but when you close shop early why the heck cant you come and see your child play, so this in my book is called bad self absorbed parenting. I know for a fact (I've known this family for 7 yrs so this kinda wasn't a shocker) she won't come to any other game.

Going back to my previous post, I do know what you mean and there are parents out there that DONT care.

I love my husband, but he has ZERO desire to go to any of my kids events or games. His parents were like this and it's their culture to be work horses. His parents NEVER went to one of his football, baseball, basketball and etc EVER when he was growing up they always chose work over going to his event. He did not see the importance of it until i finally sat down and told him how much it would mean to the kids. The kids may not appreciate it so much right now, but they will always remember. My dad was my first soccer coach and I will never forget that ever.

[countrymom]

I KNOW I am going to get blasted for this, but I am SO sick of these types of posts:

Soooo, are you implying that you are a better parent simply because you attend practices and games? Do you know the level of quality time this parent spends with her child behind closed doors? Do you know their financial situation that may require her to work when her child is playing? Do you know what responsibilities this parent has after her business is closed? Do you know if the child ( who IS 13 , btw) has told her Mom that she doesn't want her there? I could go on, but....

I find this highly judgemental and self-righteous and it really makes me understand why so many parents who visit this site are "turned off" by daycare providers

hmm, well you obviously didn't read the part that said that I know this family for over 7 years. I know what kind of quality time she spends with her kids which is none, she has left her kids home alone for years. One day when your child is old enough you will understand, you will understand how sad it is when all the other kids parents show up to watch them play or recieve an award and this childs mother could care less. Sure they may not show it but deep down it hurts a kid. Maybe some parents need a wake up call, reading some of these posts these parents may see themselves and help correct the problem. And this isn't even a daycare parent, I could have posted it on a parenting forum too.

[countrymom]

Going back to my previous post, I do know what you mean and there are parents out there that DONT care.

I love my husband, but he has ZERO desire to go to any of my kids events or games. His parents were like this and it's their culture to be work horses. His parents NEVER went to one of his football, baseball, basketball and etc EVER when he was growing up they always chose work over going to his event. He did not see the importance of it until i finally sat down and told him how much it would mean to the kids. The kids may not appreciate it so much right now, but they will always remember. My dad was my first soccer coach and I will never forget that ever.

dh's parents never came to anything, its not that they were work horses or anything, they just didn't care, heck they are still like this. Unfortunatly because of their issues, dh has been involved in alot of the kids stuff, and we too coach soccer, and let me tell you, the kids love it.

[Crystal]

hmm, well you obviously didn't read the part that said that I know this family for over 7 years. I know what kind of quality time she spends with her kids which is none, she has left her kids home alone for years. One day when your child is old enough you will understand, you will understand how sad it is when all the other kids parents show up to watch them play or recieve an award and this childs mother could care less. Sure they may not show it but deep down it hurts a kid. Maybe some parents need a wake up call, reading some of these posts these parents may see themselves and help correct the problem. And this isn't even a daycare parent, I could have posted it on a parenting forum too.

Knowing her for 7 years does not mean you know their life circumstances. You also do not know their family values...their culture may be entirely different than yours and your families.

My children are 20, 18 and 13......I never did organized sports with my children....which some here would consider being a bad mom, as I have heard it before.......but last summer my 13 year old wanted to play on a league, so he did with another friend. I didn't go to practices but I did attend games. My son would have been HORRIFIED if I came to every practice.....he even told me that his friend's mom was the ONLY Mom at the practices and his friend was quite embarrassed by it.

Sure, some parents DO need a wake up call....but trying to call attention to it by being judgemental and self-righteous about it is likely to lead nowhere.

[Meyou]

And THIS may be the EXACT reason the OP's DD friend's Mom doesn't go.....heck, she's getting talked about on-line, I can imagine how she would feel if she were there :confused:

I KNOW they talked about me at dd's old dance school when I did go in. I would get the "looks" and noone was friendly. What they didn't know is that I heard every last thing that their dd's said about them in the dressing room and in class because my dd told me. I knew everything she was working on and watched her practice at home too. I didn't care what they thought, still don't.

[Blackcat31]

My DD took dance lessons from the age of 3 until she was probably 15 or so. She begged me NOT to attend her practices. Of course I was never going to simply drop her off at practice and go do somehting else. She is my first born so....

I would sneak off and hide in the corner to watch her. She has a wonderful sixth sense and I swear could sense my presence. If she caught sight if me she would freeze in place like she was in some sort of serious game of Red Light, Green Light.

Sadly, I stopped going. I was there for every recital but even years later she forbid me to attend any of her practices or get togethers for extra curricular activities. The only things I insisted on being present for and was granted permission to attend were recitals and big performances.

When I ask her today (at 23 yrs old) why she never wanted me to come to those things she said, she loved her independence and wanted it whenever she could get it.....and she said her friends were always so jealous that her mom allowed her to do things on her own while theirs hovered near by.

Just a bit of perspective from a 23 yr old who had a very involved parent. Now, I see her point. When I was growing up, that is all I wanted as well. To be bigger, older, and more independent than my mother would ever allow me to be.

I am not judging, just saying how it was for me and my DD. I am sure I was talked about for not being present.

[Kaddidle Care]

My mother never attended my dance classes. She didn't drive and I walked to class from School. Then Dad picked me up after work. That said, Mom never missed a recital and neither did Dad - he didn't have a choice! ::

We only had one Mom that sat in a chair in the studio and knitted the whole time. They lived farther away and it wasn't worth it for her to drive there and go somewhere and drive back again.

My boys aren't into sports and I'm just as glad. Soccer Mom I'm not.

[youretooloud]

My parents never once went to a single thing. They didn't go to my plays, my school musicals, my science fairs. Not only that, I had to walk home alone after those carrying my stuff. My parents would be there sitting on the couch watching Mission impossible, or whatever was on tv.

My brother played basketball all through high school. He was even homecoming king. My parents never went to his games.

They went to our high school graduation, but not Junior high graduations.

And, YES, it would have made a difference if they had. I wish they had been a little more interested.

[jen]

Knowing her for 7 years does not mean you know their life circumstances. You also do not know their family values...their culture may be entirely different than yours and your families.

My children are 20, 18 and 13......I never did organized sports with my children....which some here would consider being a bad mom, as I have heard it before.......but last summer my 13 year old wanted to play on a league, so he did with another friend. I didn't go to practices but I did attend games. My son would have been HORRIFIED if I came to every practice.....he even told me that his friend's mom was the ONLY Mom at the practices and his friend was quite embarrassed by it.

Sure, some parents DO need a wake up call....but trying to call attention to it by being judgemental and self-righteous about it is likely to lead nowhere.

It wasn't a soccer practice, it was a soccer game. I'm sorry, but I KNOW that no matter what kids may SAY they want, it means something to them when their parents make an effort to show up at games...not every practice, but at least the games.

There is a kid who played ball with my son and his parents NEVER showed up in all the years that he played with my son (they are Sr.'s now) and I hear the kid make excuses and pretend he doesn't care, and you can see RIGHT through him.

[Crystal]

It wasn't a soccer practice, it was a soccer game. I'm sorry, but I KNOW that no matter what kids may SAY they want, it means something to them when their parents make an effort to show up at games...not every practice, but at least the games.

There is a kid who played ball with my son and his parents NEVER showed up in all the years that he played with my son (they are Sr.'s now) and I hear the kid make excuses and pretent he doesn't care, and you can see RIGHT through him.

I know the OP was about missing a game...but as the thread went further on it became about missing practices too......

either way, it's not fair to judge the parent because she doesn't go to the games.....not everyone in the world puts such importance on childhood sports. I for one think parents often (not always) put their children in organized sports so they CAN look like a superior parent, as has been witnessed in previous conversations on this very forum....it's not always about the kids IMO.

[Meyou]

I know the OP was about missing a game...but as the thread went further on it became about missing practices too......

either way, it's not fair to judge the parent because she doesn't go to the games.....not everyone in the world puts such importance on childhood sports. I for one think parents often (not always) put their children in organized sports so they CAN look like a superior parent, as has been witnessed in previous conversations on this very forum....it's not always about the kids IMO.

There is one of those at dd's school!! :: She was complaining (and I was listening since she was loud) about her kid's schedules and how busy they were. I was silently commiserating since between my dd's and stepdd I'm dropping off and picking up pretty much every night other than Friday. Teen girls are sooo busy.

Then she got into details.....each of her 3 kid were in 4-5 different activities each week (WOW!) AND THEY WERE ALL 5 AND UNDER!!!!!
::::::

I went from sympathetic to thinking OMG...you're an idiot.

[Kaddidle Care]

Then she got into details.....each of her 3 kid were in 4-5 different activities each week (WOW!) AND THEY WERE ALL 5 AND UNDER!!!!!
::::::

I went from sympathetic to thinking OMG...you're an idiot.

Bwaaahaahaahaa! Oops! Coffee on the computer screen! ::