Face Time

[Country Kids]

I know there are several providers that will only except children into care for so long of a time during the day. Also, I know there are a few who want their daycare children to have a certain amount of "Face Time" with their parents each evening. My question to those individuals is how do you know that the parents are actually spending quality "Face Time" with the children.

I have children 9-10+ hours a day. It is surprising how many are running all evening from the time they pick the child up till they are actually in bed. A few even go to other sitters in the evening so parents can get things done. Then the next day I get the cranky chldren that haven't slept well, don't want to do anything, won't take naps, etc.

Guess this is where I'm at a loss. Do you ask the parents to have calmer evening, bite the bullet and go with the chaos, or just except this is the new way of parenting. These are all older parents=30+ and not all first children.

By the way this is routine for the kids because they do the same thing every week.

[Cat Herder]

I can't limit number of hours, here, and keep clients (all my competition have longer hours at same price)....or mandate bedtimes BUT I can use the "I was too tired to participate in **** (fill in blank fun activity), Today " on the daily sheet.

It usually does not take too long for most to catch on.

Have you tried that, yet?

[VTMom]

I'm in the same boat. My kids are often here for that long as well and I know one set of Mom and Dad often have "me time" and babysitters lined up afterwards.

I've been open for less then 2 years and really struggled with this at first. When my children were in daycare, my husband spent a few hours each morning with them beforehand (I went in at 7 so I'd get out at 4) and I'd have a few hours with them each evening. Even with that arrangement, I felt it wasn't enough.

I parent my children the way I feel is best. Others do the same. We do not agree often. I have to tell myself, they are the parents, their children, I do my job the best I can. I have one family who I feel have the option to spend good time with their kids and choose not too. I have another family who has to work long days and it's killing them to be without their kids for this long.

I feel it's unfortunate but common. I don't feel like it's my place to tell them to parent their children (not including neglect, etc obviously). I believe the parents that choose not to spend time with their kids don't do it because they don't know better, they do it because that's what they want to do. Who am I to tell them otherwise? Or more to the point, where would it get anyone if I did?

[daycare]

I think that we all have this problem. I have been faced with it a lot acutally.

I have one family that the kids are up until midnight or later. The child is here for 10-12 hours days. I have actually sent the this child home one day as I was sick and tired of the child coming all day a hot mess and then cant function while here with the rest of the group. After the group missed library day and park day twice in one week due to this child sleeping or due to the massive behavior issues I actually sent the child home. Parents were still clueless.

Also, when the kids take their books/art home at the end of the week, I will just put the projects in unfinished or blank and write sleeping or unable to participate on them. This has been ongoing for over a year so I know its never going to change...

I think that this is something that we are going to have to deal with and if we don't then we would have to term the child and find a replacement...

[nannyde]

I limit the hours to a max of nine hours. Most of the kids are here around 8.5 hours a day.

I can tell if a kid isn't being parented. I can tell if the parent isn't spending time with the kid. I can tell if the child is being shunned. I can smell it a mile away.

I won't keep a kid who doesn't have a significant amount of daily face time with the parents. It affects our life here so dramatically that I know "I" couldn't manage it. It leaves the kid empty with a void that I can not fill no matter how good I am and how good our life is here.

The first step is making sure they have the TIME with their kids. If you are doing ten plus hours a day there is a really good chance that they don't have much face time.

The next step is not offering services that get them out of parenting. If you allow a kid to come in with jammies, wet diaper, empty belly etc. you will have a parent that doesn't spend time with their child in the morning.

Kids need TIME in the morning before they go out into the world. They accept child care much more readily if they have had a good dose of Mommy and Daddy in the morning.

I expect kids to be fed before they come to child care. I do not allow first bottle or first feeding on my clock. I have heard EVERY excuse in the book about babies and kids not eating before day care and I just don't buy into it. I make it VERY clear that infants need to be fed right before they come to child care. I do NOT accept "he wouldn't eat" or "he ate at four a.m... he may need to eat" or "he started this bottle but he wouldn't finish it". I expect the babies to come COMPLETELY fed before child care every day and the kids age one to five to have had first breakfast at HOME. I don't do the deal of kids being taken out of bed, put in the car seat, and brought to my house. Nan don't play that... at all.

If you get them from birth and the pattern is established that they spend time with them in the morning then by the time the child can self feed they are used to... scheduled to... adapt to having them up in the morning before they bring them to your house. If you allow them to come without doing anything with the child in the morning you will end up with parents who can't manage it when the child gets older.

The next thing I think is important is making sure the child is well rested before they go home. If you allow a kid to be up for ten straight hours at your house there is a really good chance that the kid is dropping dead to sleep really early. If you only keep kids who have a LONG solid afternoon naps then when the parents pick up in the afternoon the kid is awake and ready for three/four hours of time at home.

I don't keep kids who don't need nap. I know the consequences of home life if a kid is exhausted by five pm. I want to send them home rested, alert, afternoon snacked, diaper changed.... and raring to go every day. If I have a parent that asks for our life to change here so that they can eliminate an evening time with their kid it just won't work in my house.

I don't allow parents to pressure me to educate their kids. The parents are their teachers. What we offer here is a supplement NOT their preschool education. I can ALWAYS tell if the parent is doing educational activities with their kid. If they believe it is my job then it won't work. Education never supercedes basic care of supervision, good food, good play, good exercise etc. I do not believe that child care is synonomous (sp?) with early childhood education. I believe that good parenting and good CARE is synonomous with early childhood education.

I don't allow parents to pressure me to have the kids outside doing outside special. We go out for a good hike every day. The water play, playground, sports stuff is for family time not my time.

That's more of a list of what I don't do but I've found that what you don't do is as important as what you do do when it comes to empowering parents and landing parents that care for their own kids with ease and purpose. I have a wonderful group of parents who I respect and admire. All of my kids get a lot of time every day with their parents and it shows on every level of their care from infant to age five. They are easy to take care of because they are parented SO well.

[Meeko]

I limit the hours to a max of nine hours. Most of the kids are here around 8.5 hours a day.

I can tell if a kid isn't being parented. I can tell if the parent isn't spending time with the kid. I can tell if the child is being shunned. I can smell it a mile away.

I won't keep a kid who doesn't have a significant amount of daily face time with the parents. It affects our life here so dramatically that I know "I" couldn't manage it. It leaves the kid empty with a void that I can not fill no matter how good I am and how good our life is here.

The first step is making sure they have the TIME with their kids. If you are doing ten plus hours a day there is a really good chance that they don't have much face time.

The next step is not offering services that get them out of parenting. If you allow a kid to come in with jammies, wet diaper, empty belly etc. you will have a parent that doesn't spend time with their child in the morning.

Kids need TIME in the morning before they go out into the world. They accept child care much more readily if they have had a good dose of Mommy and Daddy in the morning.

I expect kids to be fed before they come to child care. I do not allow first bottle or first feeding on my clock. I have heard EVERY excuse in the book about babies and kids not eating before day care and I just don't buy into it. I make it VERY clear that infants need to be fed right before they come to child care. I do NOT accept "he wouldn't eat" or "he ate at four a.m... he may need to eat" or "he started this bottle but he wouldn't finish it". I expect the babies to come COMPLETELY fed before child care every day and the kids age one to five to have had first breakfast at HOME. I don't do the deal of kids being taken out of bed, put in the car seat, and brought to my house. Nan don't play that... at all.

If you get them from birth and the pattern is established that they spend time with them in the morning then by the time the child can self feed they are used to... scheduled to... adapt to having them up in the morning before they bring them to your house. If you allow them to come without doing anything with the child in the morning you will end up with parents who can't manage it when the child gets older.

The next thing I think is important is making sure the child is well rested before they go home. If you allow a kid to be up for ten straight hours at your house there is a really good chance that the kid is dropping dead to sleep really early. If you only keep kids who have a LONG solid afternoon naps then when the parents pick up in the afternoon the kid is awake and ready for three/four hours of time at home.

I don't keep kids who don't need nap. I know the consequences of home life if a kid is exhausted by five pm. I want to send them home rested, alert, afternoon snacked, diaper changed.... and raring to go every day. If I have a parent that asks for our life to change here so that they can eliminate an evening time with their kid it just won't work in my house.

I don't allow parents to pressure me to educate their kids. The parents are their teachers. What we offer here is a supplement NOT their preschool education. I can ALWAYS tell if the parent is doing educational activities with their kid. If they believe it is my job then it won't work. Education never supercedes basic care of supervision, good food, good play, good exercise etc. I do not believe that child care is synonomous (sp?) with early childhood education. I believe that good parenting and good CARE is synonomous with early childhood education.

I don't allow parents to pressure me to have the kids outside doing outside special. We go out for a good hike every day. The water play, playground, sports stuff is for family time not my time.

That's more of a list of what I don't do but I've found that what you don't do is as important as what you do do when it comes to empowering parents and landing parents that care for their own kids with ease and purpose. I have a wonderful group of parents who I respect and admire. All of my kids get a lot of time every day with their parents and it shows on every level of their care from infant to age five. They are easy to take care of because they are parented SO well.

AWESOME post.

I see a trend happening nowadays where the DAY CARE PROVIDER is expected to pick up the slack and offer more and more of what should be basic parenting. We are taught that the word "babysitter" is dirty and that we are are pre-school teachers, personal shrinks and so on. The parents do less and less....so we are therefore expected to do more and more.

Art projects galore, developmental charts, fancy field trips... ????....what happened to just good old CARE?

Toys. Meals. Naps. Hugs.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't have this problem at all. I have had almost all only children so I think that plays a part. Besides that, I do interview to find parents that parent in a similar style to how I care for their kids. This does not eliminate all problems but it helps a ton. I don't take families that want me to do parenting, thats their job. Like nan said, I don't do the morning routine with them, parents HAVE to breakfast, dress, etc their kids before coming. I also don't let kids nap to where i know they are put to bed as soon as they get home. I also do not take state paid families. I feel bad for saying that but there is a stereotypes with these families that are sadly, true for a good portion of the families (that being that the parents just dump their kid and leave all the caretaking for the dc provider)

[Country Kids]

Its funny because all my parents come here because of the activities I offer. I offer field trips, preschool, outdoor exploring, have had a lady come in to do Bible storytime with the children, library time, etc. The majority of my parents are teachers and like that I'm working with their children. The one major thing they all like is that there is a routine and structure. Not alot of tv (unless I'm trying to get snack, lunch) but also its not just free range playing. So maybe since I do offer all of that they don't do alot of teaching at home. They do teach them some but probably not like what Nan is talking about.

I started doing the preschool because I don't do well with them just playing all day long (at least in the house). I love to teach and show them new things, then enjoy seeing their faces when they discover that they understand the concept. We do alot of free range exploring but not just sitting and playing all day long in the house. We are outside playing, crawling, getting down and dirty. So they are getting about 50/50 of inside and outside time. They are exhausted by naptime and sleep pretty deep. I do have a few that do get to tired and then have a hard time sleeping so we are still trying to find the right thing to help them to sleep.

[MsMe]

One of the major reasons I am closing my daycare is for this very lack of face time.

Lack of parenting is crazy out of control in my daycare home. I am exhusted and it is mostly my fault. When I started I promoted myself as this kind of provider....I'll do it ALL!! I now feel VERY much like Nannyde has the right plan.

LOOK OUT Nannyde I am moving to Des Moines in a few months....When I start my family in the next two years if I HAVE to work outside of the home I will be beating your door down to get any children I may have into your program

[countrymom]

I know there are several providers that will only except children into care for so long of a time during the day. Also, I know there are a few who want their daycare children to have a certain amount of "Face Time" with their parents each evening. My question to those individuals is how do you know that the parents are actually spending quality "Face Time" with the children.

I have children 9-10+ hours a day. It is surprising how many are running all evening from the time they pick the child up till they are actually in bed. A few even go to other sitters in the evening so parents can get things done. Then the next day I get the cranky chldren that haven't slept well, don't want to do anything, won't take naps, etc.

Guess this is where I'm at a loss. Do you ask the parents to have calmer evening, bite the bullet and go with the chaos, or just except this is the new way of parenting. These are all older parents=30+ and not all first children.

By the way this is routine for the kids because they do the same thing every week.

I've noticed this too, then I question "why did you have kids"

[nannyde]

One of the major reasons I am closing my daycare is for this very lack of face time.

Lack of parenting is crazy out of control in my daycare home. I am exhusted and it is mostly my fault. When I started I promoted myself as this kind of provider....I'll do it ALL!! I now feel VERY much like Nannyde has the right plan.

LOOK OUT Nannyde I am moving to Des Moines in a few months....When I start my family in the next two years if I HAVE to work outside of the home I will be beating your door down to get any children I may have into your program

Give me a buzz. You KNOW where I am.

[MsMe]

Give me a buzz. You KNOW where I am.

NANNYDE you are never going to believe this!!!!!!!!!!!!

I looked at your website to see just exactly where you were in DSM.....and you are LESS THAN A MILE from where I am going to be moving!!!! I will be on E 37th St.

I nearly fell off of my chair!!!!!

[blessedmess8]

This is a foreign concept to me! I would never not take a child because their parents were not spending what I considered "enough time" with them. Those kids need me more than any of them! They need the consistency and stability and "face time" I offer. I may be able to educate parents some, but I'll never change their philosophies. I'd rather the kids be with me, who I know loves and cares about them, then carted off to another sitter or sat in front of a TV at home. I'd rather sit and hold and feed an infant than have them propped with a bottle while mom gets ready. Telling someone to feed their kid before they come does not equal quality time with a parent. It would never even occur to me to try to dictate how a parent does things at home or to consider that the way I think things should be done is THE way to do them. In my mind, I offer a service to families. I'm open a set amount of hours a day. I learned a while back that some parents view me as a valuable extension of their family and to some parents I'll never be more than a baby-sitter. I decided it is none of my business what they do between my open and closed hours because they are paying me for those hours. And all I can do is be the best I can be for their children during that time. Maybe I worked in a center too long?? Can you ask a parent to schedule their time at home a certain way? Well, what would you say if they asked you to schedule your day the way THEY wanted you to? I imagine that would go over like a ton of bricks! Even the children with the most CHAOTIC homelives can learn that daycare is the same every day and will adjust to the routine and stability of it!

[MsMe]

This is a foreign concept to me! I would never not take a child because their parents were not spending what I considered "enough time" with them. Those kids need me more than any of them! They need the consistency and stability and "face time" I offer. I may be able to educate parents some, but I'll never change their philosophies. I'd rather the kids be with me, who I know loves and cares about them, then carted off to another sitter or sat in front of a TV at home. I'd rather sit and hold and feed an infant than have them propped with a bottle while mom gets ready. Telling someone to feed their kid before they come does not equal quality time with a parent. It would never even occur to me to try to dictate how a parent does things at home or to consider that the way I think things should be done is THE way to do them. In my mind, I offer a service to families. I'm open a set amount of hours a day. I learned a while back that some parents view me as a valuable extension of their family and to some parents I'll never be more than a baby-sitter. I decided it is none of my business what they do between my open and closed hours because they are paying me for those hours. And all I can do is be the best I can be for their children during that time. Maybe I worked in a center too long?? Can you ask a parent to schedule their time at home a certain way? Well, what would you say if they asked you to schedule your day the way THEY wanted you to? I imagine that would go over like a ton of bricks! Even the children with the most CHAOTIC homelives can learn that daycare is the same every day and will adjust to the routine and stability of it!

I understand when you say that you can not tell the parents what to do at home (and I NEVER have)....and for years I have tried this 'I decided it is none of my business what they do between my open and closed hours because they are paying me for those hours. And all I can do is be the best I can be for their children during that time'

I simpily cannot

I feel that this daycare time in my life is close to comming to an end anyway so I am chosing to walk away. IF I were still interested in daycare I would reshape my program to be more like Nannyde's. I would have some SERIOUS restructuring to do.


Daycare is jsut not for me anyl onger. I can not stand to be the childs main source of care and education. It breaks my heart.

[tbutler]

I think that we all have this problem. I have been faced with it a lot acutally.

I have one family that the kids are up until midnight or later. The child is here for 10-12 hours days. I have actually sent the this child home one day as I was sick and tired of the child coming all day a hot mess and then cant function while here with the rest of the group. After the group missed library day and park day twice in one week due to this child sleeping or due to the massive behavior issues I actually sent the child home. Parents were still clueless.

Also, when the kids take their books/art home at the end of the week, I will just put the projects in unfinished or blank and write sleeping or unable to participate on them. This has been ongoing for over a year so I know its never going to change...

I think that this is something that we are going to have to deal with and if we don't then we would have to term the child and find a replacement...

I did this all the time when I was in the public school system. Most parents took notice and became involved and more concerned about their child's lack of sleeping or unacceptable behavior that was causing them to be unable to finish tasks.