VENT Grandma Just Texted at 9:55 PM

[Alwaysgreener]

So Grandma to DCB10 and DCG6 just texted at 9:55 pm tonight to tell me...

"I'll pick up DCB n DCG around 1030 Tuesday morning. I'll bring them back somewhere around noon. They will need lunch"

1. DCM nor DCD has said anything to me about this. (They need to either verbally say something or text that someone is picking up)
2. I have a one-pick-up rule (the only exception is for Foster kids' visits with BIO parents)
3. She tells me that they need lunch. (I could hold lunch for them but I was not planning on doing so)


BG - Last week Thursday, I made a comment about DCB&G getting picked up early this Thursday (I have a dentist appointment ) and DCB says, we will be picked up early every day next week. (only come on Tues/Thurs)

I then inquired about what he was talking about. He tells me that he and DCG have swim lessons this week at 11. Neither DCD nor DCM said anything about this. I just let it go and did not even consider it to be accurate.

They use to be pretty good about telling me things but now it has gotten to be last minute and DCB or GMA in this case said something first.

I scheduled a text message to DCM and DCD to receive in the morning. (to send while I am getting ready and so I do not forget) to let them know that GMA contacted me late last night but they need to confirm it or I can not release the kids.

Seriously last-minute changes are one thing but planned changes without notice are just annoying. This is the second time this year. DCB had told me about the road trip that they were planning since April. He said that they were going over the 4th and would be gone a few days, so I figured that they would be back and attending on Thursday after the 4th so I never said anything. At pick up the Thursday before DCD says "Don't forget the kids will not be here next week" I was "Wait what?; not at all? DCB said you were going for a few days so I thought you'd be back" DCM sends me a text on the 3rd, "just to let you know that the kids will not be there this week" I respond, "okay thanks for the reminder" (DCB tells me when they return it was just for a few days but then they stayed home on Thursday to unwind.)



So now I want to add something to my policies about communication and that kids are not a vessel to communicate through.


Parents must communicate with me directly and not through the child or gma. Let me know, in advance, about any planned days dck will not be in attendance.

Does anyone have a policy like this that they would be willing to share?

[Alwaysgreener]

Somehow their lack of planning is feeling like my problem. Somehow I got it to get the nerve to say Sorry, that is not going to work for me.

[Alwaysgreener]

Dcb is saying that they were discussing the plan for today last night.

I told mom that gma texted late last night, she apologized and then I said they could come but needed to be fed.

Then she told me that the kids will not be coming on Thursday. (I am closing early Thursday)

[sahm1225]

I think grandmas text would’ve been what bugged me the most: your contract isn’t with her AND the ‘they will need lunch’ was not very nice either. You have a one pick up/drop off per day and the parents know it so why would this ever be okay? I would talk to the parents about this and how getting texts from family isn’t acceptable in any situation except an emergency and how if they’re not communicating with you, it makes it hard to plan activities.

[Alwaysgreener]

sahm1225

I appreciate your response. I did tell DCM that they could come but as an expectation, however, that they would have to be fed before they came back.

Before the kids left, I made sure that they would be dressed and not in swimsuits when they returned.

Believe me, I was very irritated, especially "they will need lunch." I had a feeling that DCM may not remember the one drop-off thing, since it had been 4 years since the family started and the kids are now both in school and technically they get two arrivals a day during the school year.

I would have been willing to work with them more IF it had not happened with no notice or with GMA Telling me what was going to happen as I was going to bed.

Truthfully, I could have easily made them lunch and delayed it 15 minutes (instead I had to start it 15 minutes early to make sure I was done when the kids got back), it was a "cold lunch day" (PB sandwich, raw carrot, and banana) but that wasn't the point was it. LOL



I 100% need to add a communication policy that addresses the lack of communication that I have been getting from them.

[Pestle]

Just enforce the policies that you've got. The communication issue is that the people who contracted with you are not following your policies.

It should be enough to firmly tell these parents "since my contract is with you and not with anyone else, it's a safety issue for other people to tell me that they contracted hours and care will change. And since this is also my home, please contact me during business hours instead of late at night."

But since you are allowing this last-minute change anyway, and I understand why you are allowing it, the mixed message is that they can violate your policies and get away with it. Adding more policies just means more noise to ignore.

[Springvalley]

I would tell the parents that while I appreciate them letting me know a change in plans that I do not appreciate receiving a text so late at night and that if a parent/guardian needs to get in touch with me that they would need to contact me during business hours