Naptime Troubles with 18 mo

[SandeeAR]

I have posted before in replies, that I have a crier. Backstory: She was/is a VERY high maintance baby. She had reflux as a baby and was on meds. She out grew that and went off meds. She has always been a crier at naptime. She has always had her own room here.

In the last month, it has escalted to screaming, temper tantrum attitude. When she is started down the hall to bed, she starts screaming. When I put her in the pack n play, she starts screaming and kicking. I walk out. I don't go back. If I even peek in the door, she starts to scream, (if she has stopped for anytime).

I have tried, radio on/radio off, fan on/fan off, total dark/nightlight. NOTHING works. I have tried moving her to the other room to the toddler bed. Sat there and tried to get her to be quiet. She wouldn't be quiet. Just kept babbling, the 22 mo and 13 mo could not go to sleep, so I took her back to her room and walked out.

I did find out recently, Mom has always rocked her to sleep at night. Ok, I have two others that get that at night, but sleep when I lay them down here. Then found out, since she had started getting up all night, they were getting her and putting her in their bed.

During the "up" hours" she is a sweet little girl. She is a bit dramatic, when she falls or has to share a toy, but otherwise a sweet girl.

I recorded her on my iPhone today, for the 1st minute I put her down today. I plan to play it for mom today. I'm also going to tell her that if something doesn't change soon, I may have to give her up. She is keeping everyone else awake.

Anyone have any ideas, that I haven't already tried?

[Zoe]

Honestly, to me, it seems like you're doing everything I would try. I have a 2 yo who doesn't like to nap but I tell her that I'm just outside the door and that seems to be enough for her. 5 minutes later she's asleep and stays asleep. She does the exact same thing with her mom as your little one does.

Obviously, the 18 month old will not understand if you sat outside the door, so could you rub her back. Put a hand on her tummy? I'm kinda reaching into the air with this one. I'm glad you're showing the mother, because that really is going to be what helps.

[littlemissmuffet]

Don't open the door to peek - get a monitor or video monitor. Don't open that door during nap hours, ever, unless you know something is wrong!

How long have you been on this routine? Sometimes it takes me up to one month to get a child settled, or even re-settled into a nap routine.

If it's been longer than this, yes, talk to mom and let her know what's going on and if you don't see an improvement you'll have to term. ANY TIME I have threatened to term if things didn't change in a 2 week period... miraculously, things change

I feel for ya, hang in there - do what you feel is best for you and your group as a whole!

[JennyBear]

I totally know what you're going through. I have a 20 month boy that is the same way. He is super quiet and sweet when he is awake but as soon as we start walking up the stairs for nap time he tries to turn around and go back down...he starts crying and screaming. I find that if I react to the behavior it's just worse and he expects to come out so what I've been doing (only had him 3 days now during nap time) is putting him up in the pack n play (in same room as 3 other children), turn on soft lullaby music, and say "it's nap time...I'll see you all soon" and I shut the door. He freaks and often makes the little ones freak. After a couple of minutes the little ones grow quiet and are learning to sleep through this...but if this boy goes quiet for a little while or drifts off for a few minutes, and wakes up crying and screaming again he often gets some or all of the others up and the whole room is crying.

I have just left them all in there, crying away if this happens. I am finding that the little ones are learning to deal with it more and more and are becoming heavier sleepers (to an extent) and this boy is slowly learning that I'm not coming back until it's time so there is no point in freaking (either that or he is just getting too tired from crying).

He left now for a weeks vacation, so I know I will have to start all of this all over again come Tuesday when he returns, but in order to keep my sanity I am sticking to my guns and letting him cry it out and hopefully within another week or two all will be well.

So my advice would be to just let her cry (unless something is wrong) and soon you will start to notice that your hard work (and putting up with all of the annoyance) is paying off.
Good luck and hang in there!!

[SandeeAR]

Honestly, to me, it seems like you're doing everything I would try. I have a 2 yo who doesn't like to nap but I tell her that I'm just outside the door and that seems to be enough for her. 5 minutes later she's asleep and stays asleep. She does the exact same thing with her mom as your little one does.

Obviously, the 18 month old will not understand if you sat outside the door, so could you rub her back. Put a hand on her tummy? I'm kinda reaching into the air with this one. I'm glad you're showing the mother, because that really is going to be what helps.

I've tried staying in the room, especially when I tried to move her to the other kids room (thinking maybe she didn't like being alone). So long as I'm there, she won't hush and go to sleep, she doesn't scream then, just babbles and keeps the others away. I've tried the rubbing thing too. She just wants to sit up then.

Nothing seems to work, but thanks for the ideas.

[SandeeAR]

Don't open the door to peek - get a monitor or video monitor. Don't open that door during nap hours, ever, unless you know something is wrong!How long have you been on this routine? Sometimes it takes me up to one month to get a child settled, or even re-settled into a nap routine. If it's been longer than this, yes, talk to mom and let her know what's going on and if you don't see an improvement you'll have to term. ANY TIME I have threatened to term if things didn't change in a 2 week period... miraculously, things change

I feel for ya, hang in there - do what you feel is best for you and your group as a whole!

I Don't Peek, ever! This has been going on for months. As I said, since she was a baby, it has just gotten worse, as it has become, full out tantrum at being put to bed. Terming isn't an option. I love this child and she has one of the best set of parents I have.

I don't think parents see the co-sleeping and rocking as part of the problem.

[Cat Herder]

You are already doing everything I would do.

The next step, IMHO, is giving the parents a deadline for termination.

Maybe that will "assist" them in stepping up their efforts at home as well. :confused:

You have more than met your end of this deal.

It is not fair for parents who KNOW their child is horribly disruptive to do the co-sleeping, bedtime rocking, waiting until the child falls asleep to put them to bed, etc. and then drop them in daycare with a group of other kids who need their rest. I get wanting to spend time with them....the majority of parents manage to do that BEFORE bedtime.

Preparing a child for the daycare lifestyle, one that parents choose for them (even if for financial reasons), is a parental responsibility. Kids should have a bedtime routine that includes going to bed AWAKE and falling asleep there. Again, the vast majority of parents manage do this and we love them for it .

Providers know that, Parents know that, Society as a whole should know that. IMHO, OP has done an amazing job of trying to reverse this. It is sad that it happens to so many providers still.

[SandeeAR]

You are already doing everything I would do.

The next step, IMHO, is giving the parents a deadline for termination.

Maybe that will "assist" them in stepping up their efforts at home as well. :confused:

You have more than met your end of this deal.

It is not fair for parents who KNOW their child is horribly disruptive to do the co-sleeping, bedtime rocking, waiting until the child falls asleep to put them to bed, etc. and then drop them in daycare with a group of other kids who need their rest. I get wanting to spend time with them....the majority of parents manage to do that BEFORE bedtime.

Preparing a child for the daycare lifestyle, one that parents choose for them (even if for financial reasons), is a parental responsibility. Kids should have a bedtime routine that includes going to bed AWAKE and falling asleep there. Again, the vast majority of parents manage do this and we love them for it .

Providers know that, Parents know that, Society as a whole should know that. IMHO, OP has done an amazing job of trying to reverse this. It is sad that it happens to so many providers still.

Thanks for the input. I do feel like I've tried everything. A little added info. We discussed this yesterday afternoon. When she went to the Doctor last, she asked him about her lack of sleep. He suggested maybe she try benadryl at night to get her into a pattern of rest. No go, it only hypes her.

Doctor feels she is having night terrors. Not nightmare, night terrors. I told Mom I could see that at home, in the long sleep, but here, she is throw a tantrum about being put in bed. She also at whatever point she wakes up, she wants up THEN! She starts the screaming.

Oh and get this, Mom just posted a pic on Facebook.....caption....I could use another cup of coffee, but I seem to have a sleeping 25# weight on my legs. And she is the one that suggested two days ago, that maybe she needed to drop the morning nap. Any wonder why she won't sleep when just laid in the bed???

[sahm2three]

I have posted before in replies, that I have a crier. Backstory: She was/is a VERY high maintance baby. She had reflux as a baby and was on meds. She out grew that and went off meds. She has always been a crier at naptime. She has always had her own room here.

In the last month, it has escalted to screaming, temper tantrum attitude. When she is started down the hall to bed, she starts screaming. When I put her in the pack n play, she starts screaming and kicking. I walk out. I don't go back. If I even peek in the door, she starts to scream, (if she has stopped for anytime).

I have tried, radio on/radio off, fan on/fan off, total dark/nightlight. NOTHING works. I have tried moving her to the other room to the toddler bed. Sat there and tried to get her to be quiet. She wouldn't be quiet. Just kept babbling, the 22 mo and 13 mo could not go to sleep, so I took her back to her room and walked out.

I did find out recently, Mom has always rocked her to sleep at night. Ok, I have two others that get that at night, but sleep when I lay them down here. Then found out, since she had started getting up all night, they were getting her and putting her in their bed.

During the "up" hours" she is a sweet little girl. She is a bit dramatic, when she falls or has to share a toy, but otherwise a sweet girl.

I recorded her on my iPhone today, for the 1st minute I put her down today. I plan to play it for mom today. I'm also going to tell her that if something doesn't change soon, I may have to give her up. She is keeping everyone else awake.

Anyone have any ideas, that I haven't already tried?

Not a bit of advice, because I have one the same age that is a nightmare at nap time too. It used to be that nap time was a break from all of his screaming, but not any more. It's all day, every day. Hugs to you!

[MommyMuffin]

Huggs to you. Naptime has been hell for me to.

I have no advice. My 1 yo dcb only sleeps 20 minutes and then screams. I did have a dcb from 16 months to 18 months cry through nap time and now 24 months he sleeps really good.

[SandeeAR]

UPDATE: Mom said she was going to keep her out of her bed. She did for about a week. I had a little bit better week. I knew the weekend she went back to Mom and Dad's bed, based on my Monday nap time LOL.


However, I DID find a solution. I gave her back her paci at naptime! Hated to do it, as she has not had one here, at all, in over 4 months. I knew she still had one at home, in bed, up, the car, the store. Anytime she wanted it. I thought, if parents don't care, why should I and my other kids suffer. I told Mom I was giving it back.

First day I carried her to the bed, told her she could have the paci if she was quiet and not crying. Gave it to her. She started crying the minute I left the room. Stepped back in and warned her that if she didn't hush I was taking the paci. Stepped out, she cried again. After 2 minutes of waiting to see if she would stop, I went in and took the paci, said sorry you can't have it if you cry. Let her cry for 5 min. Went back in told her if she wanted it, she would have to stop crying. She stopped instantly....slept for 2 hours!

Been going to bed each day now without a sound and sleeping 2-2.5 hours! I love it!!

Funny thing, the Monday 'after' I do this..... Mom tells me, We got tired of all the drama at home over the paci, so I cut the tips out of all of her pacis ::::::

She can keep it until she is 4 and leaves my program for all I care, just so long as she sleeps!!!!

[kidkair]

I transition kids away from the pacifier for sleep by removing it while they are sleeping so they wake up without it every time. I also keep it out of sight at the start of nap and only give it if needed. I know this won't be something you do anytime soon but thought I'd share for the future if you want to wean her off of it.