Step Parenting

[Angelwings36]

I've heard/observed many friends, clients, ect. on their family dynamics with steps, and can honestly say I would never have put my own children through that, whatever cost.
Mainly because I haven't seen too many cases where it works out, and its more turmoil to the children involved. Today people are changing spouses like underwear, and having more children with other people and in the end the kids are the ones to suffer. It always amazes me how the parents will act like it works, but if you talk to the children its really sad. Especially if the ex's are fighting. Our neighbor got divorced and moved the boyfriends 2 children in, poor kids were miserable and clearly it wasn't a good situation; yet she chose the man over her own kids. A very common senerio in my experience, especially in this day and age.

If it were me I would date until the children were grown, unless it was one of the few situations where it could work out and most important the children all agreed and were happy with the arrangements.

Although I agree that it is better to stay with the biological parent of your child I do not agree with your statement; “she chose the man over her own kids!” I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my son. It was not planned and guess what; things just happen sometimes! The man I was with at that moment ended up becoming a coke addict and I left for the well being of my child and because I wanted a better future than that. Should I then be alone for the rest of my life? Your statement is likely to step on a lot of toes!

[Angelwings36]

Is anyone on here a step-parent and a parent to your own children?

Do you find step-parenting harder than parenting your own child/ren?

I am my son's biological mother, however, my hubby is my son's step dad as his dad and I did not have a healthy relationship. My step dad also raised me. Here is my two cents.

Step parenting is not an easy job! When the child is old enough to realize that their 'parent' is not their biological parent they will start pulling strings and trying to get away with this and that and usually the statement, "you're not my dad!" gets brought up regularly in an attempt to win a situation.

The key is for the one biological parent to always back up the stepparent. Once the child sees that they can't push the stepparent around because both parents are working as a team, the child will not use the "you're not my dad!" tactic as much.

If a stepparent treats the child as their own and treats each child equally if there is more than one child involved, chances for success are higher. I hold a lot of resentment for my step-dad because he treated me differently than my 3 younger brothers (his biological children). He always claimed that it was because they were boys and I was a girl. I don't think that means I should get no birthday gift every year!

The more willing the stepparent is to take an active roll in the parenting of the child the easier it becomes.

But no being a stepparent is not easy!

[daycare]

I am not a step parent, but I have adopted a child and my husband is a step parent to my children.

Honestly, I feel that because my husband and I see eye to eye on so much and we work really well together as a team we seem to operate just fine.

I was raised with both of my parents and so was he. And I think that the kids could not be happier than the way things are. My kids don't go from house to house every weekend or other weekend though, so we do have some stability there.

My ex-husband lives overseas and so he does still see the kids, he just only comes about every 6-8 weeks. We all get along very well; he eats dinner with my entire family, husband included.

He takes all of my kid’s places even though only one of the children in biologically his.

I think that if you have two adults that really love each other and can work well as a team together you can make a happy family no matter if it was once or twice.....

[wdmmom]

I'm a step-parent and my step-son lives with me, my husband and my 4 children.

With a large family, my children learned at a young age to assist me with chores and learned to be self sufficient. (Example: They didn't have to ask for a cup to get a drink, they just got a cup and got their own drink. They put their own clean clothes in their drawers, etc.)

My step-son on the other hand finds ways to crawl under my skin, completely defy my rules, etc and there is no reprocussion for it. My kids get in trouble, not only do they have to deal with me but their step dad will pitch in and their punishment is agreed upon. That's not the case with his child. He might get yelled at or told he's grounded but there's never any follow through.

I think they kids are geniunely happy (with the exception of the lack of punishment the step-son gets). He's also in an extra curricular activity because grandma pays for it but the other kids feel left out. He also gets a tutor because grandma pays for it.

I'm getting really fed up with the "my special child" crap.

This kid lives like a complete slob yet it is up to me to work 55 hours a week, clean the house, do the laundry, cook meals, and clean up any mess made.

For example: This morning he got under the kitchen table after he was done eating and others were finishing up. He grabbed my sons legs and pulled him off his chair making him land on his butt and his cereal went flying. His punishment: Getting yelled at. That's it.

[familyschoolcare]

Yes, and Yes.

I find step-parenting harder Because my parenting ideas/goals/style does not always line up with those of my step children's Mother. She is a Good Mother we just do not see eye to eye on some things and as the step parent somethings i only get part of my husbands "vote" not a full "vote" like with my own children. Also, my children live primarily with us and my step children live primarily with their Mother which means that my step children are not here as often and sometimes they forget that somethings/rules are different at this House than at their House.

How long have you been a step parent I found that it got much easier after about 2 years by that time my husband and i had established what I got a "full vote" on and what I only got to express my opinion on.

My 2 cents

I've heard/observed many friends, clients, ect. on their family dynamics with steps, and can honestly say I would never have put my own children through that, whatever cost.
Mainly because I haven't seen too many cases where it works out, and its more turmoil to the children involved. Today people are changing spouses like underwear, and having more children with other people and in the end the kids are the ones to suffer. It always amazes me how the parents will act like it works, but if you talk to the children its really sad. Especially if the ex's are fighting. Our neighbor got divorced and moved the boyfriends 2 children in, poor kids were miserable and clearly it wasn't a good situation; yet she chose the man over her own kids. A very common senerio in my experience, especially in this day and age.

If it were me I would date until the children were grown, unless it was one of the few situations where it could work out and most important the children all agreed and were happy with the arrangements.

Is anyone on here a step-parent and a parent to your own children?

Do you find step-parenting harder than parenting your own child/ren?