Feel Bad About Dumping New Daycare--Advice, Please!

[Amy]

Hi,
I started my 15 month old daughter at daycare a month ago because I need time to work on my thesis. I only wanted to put her in for one day a week, but they said two days was their minimum and at the time I thought maybe two days would actually be good. After a month, I've realized a few things:

1. I really only need one day and without me working, two days is too much of a financial burden.
2. While I really like the mother/daughter team, I'm not sure I "click" enough with them.
3. My daughter can be a really intense kid and she's a BAD sleeper--like, disruptively bad, and I want to do some more sleep training before putting her in daycare.
4. Honestly, I don't think I'M ready for her to be in daycare. I admit that I'm not ready to share the responsibility of taking care of her with anyone else.

I think I just need a little more time before I put her in daycare, maybe a few months. I know I can squeeze in work here and then go visit my family and have them help me while I get work done, then in a few months start her at a daycare somewhere else where she can go one day a week.

I know that I should have spent more time selecting a daycare that fit my needs, but I was so overwhelmed with the process. The place we chose--the mother and daughter are really nice, even if I don't totally click with them. So the thing is, I feel really nervous about telling them that I want to take her out after only a month. The last day of the month is Wednesday and I figure she will go Wednesday for the last time. We also paid a two week deposit, which I will tell them to keep because of the short notice.

Does anyone have advice as to how to tell them, or when? I know I'm making the right decision because when I decided, I felt relieved. There are other factors as well--like the way from now until the summer I will be going away or having family visit several times and will therefore have to pay for tons of days she won't be there.

I know I enrolled her without thinking things through well enough! I know this! I have a tendency to feel guilty really easily, too! I was thinking of calling them tomorrow night (Monday) and telling them that I'm just not ready for her to be in daycare yet and I want to sleep train her more. How much should I explain myself? How bad should I feel? Part of me feels terrible and part of me feels like I misjudged the situation and it's understandable.

I did mention last Friday that I was concerned about her sleep and how disruptive it is and they said it wasn't a problem. Still, I'm just not sure it's a good fit--not because there is anything wrong with them, just because it isn't a good fit for other reasons.

Am I overreacting? Should I just call them, tell them, bring her in Wednesday, deal with the awkwardness, then go home and feel better having done it?

Thanks for any advice!!

:confused:

[Michael]

Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum Amy!

[jen]

You know what, I had a Mom who had her child in daycare with me for just a very short time. Mom just really wasn't ready to return to work. She cried every single day (Mom, not the child) until her boss told her that perhaps it wasn't going to work out. I wasn't bothered in the least. I applaud anyone who wants to spend more time with their child.

I would simply tell them that at much as you appreciate their efforts and think that they are great people, you aren't quite ready to have your daughter in daycare.

You don't really need to go in to any more reasoning than that. I am sure that they will understand.

[momatheart]

You know what, I had a Mom who had her child in daycare with me for just a very short time. Mom just really wasn't ready to return to work. She cried every single day (Mom, not the child) until her boss told her that perhaps it wasn't going to work out. I wasn't bothered in the least. I applaud anyone who wants to spend more time with their child.

I would simply tell them that at much as you appreciate their efforts and think that they are great people, you aren't quite ready to have your daughter in daycare.

You don't really need to go in to any more reasoning than that. I am sure that they will understand.

I agree with this.

[MyAngels]

You should not feel guilty. Your first obligation is always to do what is best for your child and your family. The providers will understand, as it is a part of the business.

Good luck with your thesis!

[Cat Herder]

Just tell her the truth. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Our children are young only once, enjoy it!!

[nannyde]

Two day a week kids your baby's age are incredibly difficult to integrate into group care especially if they have had one to one care at home as an only child. If these guys have any experience they knew that going into it.

Go ahead and tell them. The economy is bad now and a lot of providers are taking two day a week deals because they can't keep full time slots available. Even with the prospect of some money ... when they actually get the kid they are often overwhelmed with how difficult it is.

They will most likely not be the least bit surprised. If you pay them the notice you agreed to they will be happy.

[dEHmom]

Two day a week kids your baby's age are incredibly difficult to integrate into group care especially if they have had one to one care at home as an only child. If these guys have any experience they knew that going into it.

Go ahead and tell them. The economy is bad now and a lot of providers are taking two day a week deals because they can't keep full time slots available. Even with the prospect of some money ... when they actually get the kid they are often overwhelmed with how difficult it is.

They will most likely not be the least bit surprised. If you pay them the notice you agreed to they will be happy.

ditto exactly what i was thinking!!!

I won't accept anyone less than 3 days a week. (Some weeks I understand they will not come, or they miss a day or 2). I provide casual care and even then, I advise 3 days a week minimum, because it's hard on the kids to adjust.

[youretooloud]

They are probably both Moms. They'll understand. You are giving them a two week's notice by leaving them with the two week's deposit. So they will be happy with that, and they do understand.

[wdmmom]

Just be honest and tell them that you can't afford it. Part ways on good terms. I wouldn't even mention the sleep situation. I would just tell the team that summer is coming and you will have plenty of family that can help out and defray your costs and right now that is what you need to do.

[Amy]

Thanks!!

Thank you all so much for replying! It was really good to hear perspectives from the other side and you made me feel less nervous about telling them.

Another thing- the contract stated a month's notice, but I figure since we just started and since we gave two weeks' deposit (to apply to the last two weeks) that leaving them with the deposit is enough. Also, there were two days she didn't go, so it's kind of like three weeks...

Do you think that that's fair?

[Amy]

Told them!

I told them and I felt really sad...they really are nice people and super trustworthy. And they were understanding, though the mom did try to talk through it with me and almost convince me not to leave. They even said that I could bring her in for those last two week I paid for! This is hard! I want to do that but I also don't!

Thanks again!

[Abigail]

So they agreed to a two week notice instead of a month's notice? That's good.

[nannyde]

Thank you all so much for replying! It was really good to hear perspectives from the other side and you made me feel less nervous about telling them.

Another thing- the contract stated a month's notice, but I figure since we just started and since we gave two weeks' deposit (to apply to the last two weeks) that leaving them with the deposit is enough. Also, there were two days she didn't go, so it's kind of like three weeks...

Do you think that that's fair?

No that's not fair at all.

If you agreed to a month notice and there wasn't a built in trial period where you could get out of the contract then you should pay them the full month.

Parents sometimes think that if the child misses days that somehow that entitles them to future time or money. It would be like asking your cable company to refund a week of your bill because you were on vacation and didn't use the cable. It doesn't matter to them whether you use it or not. Their costs for providing the service don't decrease because you aren't using the cable for the week.

The providers don't control a childs absence so they shouldn't be liable for any return money or time. In many cases it's actually harder for the child not to be in care. This is definitely true of a parttime child. Any days they had her after the absence were most likely very difficult. Most providers would prefer the part time kid comes when they are scheduled.

You don't have to take the child to day care. I would suggest you take her out now but you should pay her fully for the notice time. Most providers that have a months notice built in do that because it actually takes a month to fill the slot.

[QualiTcare]

i personally think it's fine. i doubt they'll be bothered when you say, "i'm taking her out immediately, and i know you'll keep the deposit with such short notice, but i just can't keep her here for another month."

i know how you feel. i always feel bad when i quit ANYHING. i did this at an apartment one time. i was young and spontaneous (and poor) so i cleaned the apartment spic and span, went to my landlord's office and told him i was leaving. he had already been paid for the full month and i told him i didn't expect any of my deposit back (which i would've gotten) since i didn't give him a full month's notice that would cover the next month. THAT'S WHAT A DEPOSIT IS FOR! he didn't care at all. he was used to tenant's trashing his apartments, leaving junk for him to haul off, and owing rent.

sadly, lots of daycare providers have clients leave on short notice and then fight them for the deposit or not pay for care they've already received. for a child that only attended for 3 weeks at 2 days per week i'm pretty sure you're not putting anyone in a bind by giving a two week paid notice.