Provider's Spouse

[Unregistered]

Fair warning, i'm a first time parent an still trying to get the hang of what I do and do not need to get worked up over.
that being said, when I picked my four month old up from his in-home day care, my provider's spouse was in the main room (where the children were playing) having a beer.
I have been internally grappling with this the past few days and still feel both uncomfortable and over reactive and thought the opinions of other providers and moms out there could give me some perspective.
should I be letting this bother me as much as it is?

[Michael]

In home to me means just that. It is a family that is operating a daycare within their home. Unless the husband seemed intoxicated or was doing something inappropriate. Maybe other providers here will chime in on this. Is a provider's spouse not supposed to be in the daycare area having a cold one after work?

Also, mybe you can give us a better description of what bothered you visually

[QualiTcare]

i don't know that i would personally be upset by that.

that being said - my husband and i drink beer on a regular basis. obviously, when i was keeping children i didn't drink. i had one child still in my care when he would get in from work in the evening (a one year old) and he would drink beer, but i actually drove this child home and put him to bed so his mother would've never walked in to see that. i don't think it was a big deal that he drank beer since it is our home AND he had no responsiblity for the child, BUT if the mother was coming into our home to pick up the child - i would've had him put it away. not to mention - the mother of this child was my best friend since 6th grade and we actually drank our first beer TOGETHER, went to our first club together, and did a lot of other things we shouldn't have been doing together including stealing her parent's car at night and other things i won't even mention. EVEN though we did all of those things when we were young, i wouldn't want her to pick up her son and see my husband drinking. times have changed, we've grown up. while she knew i operated a true "home daycare" and treated her child like my own - i just don't think drinking beer in front of parents shows much common sense.

i also made sure to dispose of the beer cans properly so the parents wouldn't see them in the kitchen when they dropped off in the morning. heck, i'm drinking a beer RIGHT NOW, but still - that's my opinion. your husband can drink all he wants (and a provider can drink all they want when not caring for children) but it takes so little effort to pour a beer in a cup or put it away when a parent walks in - i don't see why anyone wouldn't do that just incase a parent might not like it as is apparent by this post. just my two cents.

[nannyde]

I don't drink and I don't have a DH so I don't have any experience in this. I can't stand the smell of alcohol and beer is the worst. YUCK

I wouldn't be to happy if I saw that. I just don't think alcohol and day care should meet at any point.

I would just tell the provider that you understand her DH is on home time but you don't want drinking around your kids at day care. They may have just had a lot of laid back families who hang out with them and have a drink with them to the point where having one during the end of dc hours isn't something that's uncommon or a problem.

[melskids]

i think it is unprofessional and innappropriate. i would never allow anyone to drink in front of my daycare kids. i dont think it sets a good example in front of them, kwim? of course, that is just my opinion. he could have waited until the last child picked up, or sat in another room. or he should have at least poured it in a glass. heck, i even pour my soda in a dark glass so the kids dont know i'm drinking it (just cause i know they would bug for some!!!)

JMO

[Cat Herder]

I personally would not allow it in my home. Then again I am not a fan of alcohol, blech.... the taste, the smell..... I'd rather him **** on garlic and onions..

Was this well before closing time? Is it possible they were letting you know that you are encroaching on their personal time by picking up late? :confused:

I encourage an open dialogue. Just ask her if this is going to be a regular occurrence, that it is something you are uncomfortable with, and depending on her response you may have to find a provider who shares your views.

Home Day Care can be a wonderful thing, but family values vary significantly.....

[jen]

Oh, I don't know...I know that I wouldn't allow my husband to have a beer during daycare hours unless he was nowhere near dck or parents. To be honest, it has never been an issue; he just wouldn't do it.

Now, in your case, to be honest, I'm not sure what I would DO about it.

How do you feel about the provider in general? Are you over the top happy or merely OK with the quality of care? In other words, what is the whole of your experience with this provider?

[DCMomOf3]

I don't think alcohol should be around a daycare and the kids who go there. I know it's the provider's home, but when there are kids there it's a daycare. If he wants to have a cold one after work, fine, but do it in a room that is not being used for the daycare.

In your case I would just be honest with your provider and tell her it makes you uncomfortable having alcohol around your child while he is at daycare. The outcome of that conversation can be your guide how to go from here.

[Little People]

I don't think alcohol should be around a daycare and the kids who go there. I know it's the provider's home, but when there are kids there it's a daycare. If he wants to have a cold one after work, fine, but do it in a room that is not being used for the daycare.

In your case I would just be honest with your provider and tell her it makes you uncomfortable having alcohol around your child while he is at daycare. The outcome of that conversation can be your guide how to go from here.

I agree with this!

[MyAngels]

I don't think alcohol should be around a daycare and the kids who go there. I know it's the provider's home, but when there are kids there it's a daycare. If he wants to have a cold one after work, fine, but do it in a room that is not being used for the daycare.

In your case I would just be honest with your provider and tell her it makes you uncomfortable having alcohol around your child while he is at daycare. The outcome of that conversation can be your guide how to go from here.

Yes, it would make me very uncomfortable, and I would handle it just the way DCMom would.

[cillybean83]

honestly, I would be livid...there is a time and a place and drinking in front of your children while they're in daycare is, in my opinion, disgusting. If you walked into a daycare center and saw someone having a drink, wouldn't you be outraged?! Same goes here, so what if the daycare is in a home, it's still a DAYCARE

[JenNJ]

First off - my husband and I aren't big drinkers so that may skew my answer.

I would not, under any circumstances, allow anyone to drink in front of the daycare children. If I had a spouse who wanted to drink after work, I would allow him to go in a non-daycare area and have a drink out of view of the parents and children.

[kendallina]

That's hugely inappropriate.

Yes, it is his house, but his wife is running a daycare and there are still children present. To me, it's one of those things that you just accept when you run a daycare out of your home.

[marniewon]

I think he has a right to do anything he wants in his own home, as long as it's not illegal or unethical. However, he could have picked a better place to have his beer, not right out where the dc kids were playing.

I would do as a pp suggested and just talk to your provider and let her know that it made you uncomfortable, and go from there.

[tenderhearts]

My husband and I do not drink either so this would never be an issue but if he (we) were drinkers I don't think it's appropriate to do that in front of the children, especially when they aren't your own. Yes he's in his own home but it's a "professional" business that people entrust us with their children and I don't think it's ok, he could take it into a different room, just because he's in his own home he wouldn't be walking around in his underwear (or at least I hope not). So I don't think it would be ok, I agree with the others that I would talk with the provider and let her know it made you uncomfortable and go from there.