How Much Comfort Does A Newbie Toddler Need

[bunches]

My son is 17 months old, he started going to a daycare facility 2 weeks ago. He had always been home with the granparents. It was very stressful for him being in a daycare. I can see him in a video from work and I see that the teacher does not hold him at all. On the third day I called and explained that being new in the environment, he needs a little bit of comfort and understanding. That day, he was held a lot because I complained. But after that day, teacher was back to her old ways - paying no attention to my son who kept following him begging for attention.

Is it too much to ask to give him some embrace now and then since he needs to feel safe in this new environment? What breaks my heart is when I see the teacher cuddling another child (who happens to be his favorite) while my son is watching wondering when his turn will be - which never came. After cuddling the other boy, the teacher ignores my child. It broke my heart when I saw my child carrying a book running after the teacher because he wants to be read a book - the teacher ignoring him.

I do not want to complain again since that will just make the teacher resentful. I am tempted to just look for another daycare. Is this wise considering it will be another adjustment for my son? But then again, he will be in the company of a teacher who does not care about him for a long time.

[Little People]

My son is 17 months old, he started going to a daycare facility 2 weeks ago. He had always been home with the granparents. It was very stressful for him being in a daycare. I can see him in a video from work and I see that the teacher does not hold him at all. On the third day I called and explained that being new in the environment, he needs a little bit of comfort and understanding. That day, he was held a lot because I complained. But after that day, teacher was back to her old ways - paying no attention to my son who kept following him begging for attention.

Is it too much to ask to give him some embrace now and then since he needs to feel safe in this new environment? What breaks my heart is when I see the teacher cuddling another child (who happens to be his favorite) while my son is watching wondering when his turn will be - which never came. After cuddling the other boy, the teacher ignores my child. It broke my heart when I saw my child carrying a book running after the teacher because he wants to be read a book - the teacher ignoring him.

I do not want to complain again since that will just make the teacher resentful. I am tempted to just look for another daycare. Is this wise considering it will be another adjustment for my son? But then again, he will be in the company of a teacher who does not care about him for a long time.

Your little guy needs to be held and loved while at DC. Can I ask...is he in a large DC or a home daycare? And as far as your child being held...ALL children should be held and loved. I only have 3 children at the moment and ALL my children takes turns being held and loved, sometimes I have all 3 of them on me

[bunches]

He's in a corporate daycare center although his class is small - there are 5 of them. I notice that after nap time, the original teacher leaves and a substitute or volunteer takes over. To be honest, I look forward to the substitute who I observe pays him more attention.

[kendallina]

I am sorry to hear that. He needs love and attention and also needs to be encouraged to go play.

It seems that the daycare provider is not wanting to feed into his crying, as she's hoping that he'll just give up and go play. But, I would not feel comfortable leaving my own child at a place like that. He needs to be able to trust his caregivers and needs reassurance that it will be ok, that his needs will be met and that mom is coming back.

I would request a meeting between the director, teacher and yourself. If after that meeting things don't permanently change, I would consider going somewhere else.

[Stacy214]

Awww I'm sorry, I have 4 dck's (in my home daycare) and I have NO problem spreading my attention and love, geesh , I can't believe the teacher is aware she is on camera and still continues her un-loving behavior.
I think your right about complaining too much however you have valid complaint.... but center's may no be as receptive , idk....
when you find the right place and caregiver you'll know and your baby will be happy and peaceful.

[SilverSabre25]

It does sound to me as though you ought to start looking for a new center, while also exploring avenues such as a pp suggested--getting a conference between you, the director, and the teacher.

[cillybean83]

totally unacceptable. I would be absolutely livid if I were you! All kids need love, attention, snuggles....if your little guy needs to be held then the provider should hold him. Period. Now, if after your son has been held, loved on, read to, and given a good amount of one on one time, should he still be following the provider around to get ALL of their undivided attention, that would be a different story.

[momatheart]

I work in a center and we have 20 kids in our preschool class. Me and another teacher. When kids start they do need extra attention we know this and we have NEVER not cuddled a newbie. We do this all the time. Eventually after a week or 2 they just go run and play.

Maybe this teacher has hit burn out.
As a parent I would think a home daycare would be best for this age of a child. JMHO

[Unregistered]

Thanks so much for all your responses. It helps just to know other parents can sympathize. I was at first thinking that it's a daycare approach, like 'weaning' them from being held. But now I am convinced he does need to be cuddled. I will start the process of looking for a new facility. Now I have better idea on what to look for. Thanks again.

[QualiTcare]

are you watching an entire video or basing this on what you see during the moments when you check in? if someone were to look in on me every so often (even every half hour) there's not a good chance that i could be found holding or hugging my own children at the exact same moment they happened to be looking - that doesn't mean i don't hug/hold them. same goes for daycare kids.

you might see your son chasing the provider with a book and the provider is "ignoring him" because maybe he's already read that book 5,000 times that day. if a provider stopped to read a book or color a picture of play dolls every time that every child asked there would be a lot of starving kids living in a pig pen with some nasty diaper rash.

this is why cameras can be as much of a curse as a blessing.

[Unregistered]

I am lucky to be in a kind of job where I am in front of the computer the whole day so I have a small portion of my screen with the video up. Because I had my concerns, I allocated a week where I strictly watched them non-stop.

Do you think that if the book was read 5,000 times that I have not seen even once? Also keep in mind this child has only been in a daycare for 2 weeks (never before in his life).

Being caring and affectionate is instinct - either you have it or you don't. Those who have that instinct are the kind who agrees that toddlers need attention and hugs. Those who do not have it are the ones who need to get defensive when they get caught ignoring a child. Lucky is the parent who finds a facility that hires the right people.

And this is why I only consider facilities that have cameras - to catch the defensive kind.

[QualiTcare]

I am lucky to be in a kind of job where I am in front of the computer the whole day so I have a small portion of my screen with the video up. Because I had my concerns, I allocated a week where I strictly watched them non-stop.

Do you think that if the book was read 5,000 times that I have not seen even once? Also keep in mind this child has only been in a daycare for 2 weeks (never before in his life).

Being caring and affectionate is instinct - either you have it or you don't. Those who have that instinct are the kind who agrees that toddlers need attention and hugs. Those who do not have it are the ones who need to get defensive when they get caught ignoring a child. Lucky is the parent who finds a facility that hires the right people.

And this is why I only consider facilities that have cameras - to catch the defensive kind.

i asked "are you watching an entire video or basing this on what you see during the moments you check in?"

i would assume it would be checking in or possibly video since if you could watch LIVE (not video) there would probably be no need for daycare - which is why i asked the question.

no provider on the planet is going to give a child the love/affection/attention their own parent or grandparent can/will. after a kid can walk they don't need to be held that often - but sitting with them while they fall asleep, patting their back, rubbing their head, and even talking to them is still showing affection. you gave an example of a child being held and then your child didn't get "a turn" afterward and another example of not having a book read. it doesn't sound like neglect if that's all that was witnessed after watching for a week non-stop.

[bunches]

Being in front of the computer allowed me to watch the whole video, the whole day, for days. Unfortunately my child does need a daycare and I will do everything in my power to find one who agrees with me on the level of affection that a toddler needs.

I firmly believe that the right kind of caregivers are the ones who do not need to argue with on how many times my child needs to be held. I don't have to say once a day, twice a day. It will be their instinct to hold my child when it's needed because they want to. I also believe that not all caregivers who think they have the skill and the emotional intelligence to be one actually does. A lot of caregivers do not need to be there.

[QualiTcare]

Being in front of the computer allowed me to watch the whole video, the whole day, for days. Unfortunately my child does need a daycare and I will do everything in my power to find one who agrees with me on the level of affection that a toddler needs.

I firmly believe that the right kind of caregivers are the ones who do not need to argue with on how many times my child needs to be held. I don't have to say once a day, twice a day. It will be their instinct to hold my child when it's needed because they want to. I also believe that not all caregivers who think they have the skill and the emotional intelligence to be one actually does. A lot of caregivers do not need to be there.

i can agree with that, but the "right kind of caregivers" are hard to find in daycare centers. one reason being the turnover is HIGH and FAST and you have no say in who gets hired or fired. secondly, they have the ability to keep the maximum amount of children and pay the minimum amount to the caregivers whose only qualifications consist of a pulse and an 18th birthday - not an instinct to hold toddlers.

more individualized care can be found in family daycare or even moreso with a nanny, but it's hard to find a daycare home who is willing to be under surveillance so there's no way to count how many times a child is held. nannies typically don't mind, but of course they get paid 4-5 times as much.

keep us posted - i'd be interested to know if you're able to find a childcare center whose toddler teacher holds every child, never ignores them, and has a camera.

[nannyde]

Being in front of the computer allowed me to watch the whole video, the whole day, for days. Unfortunately my child does need a daycare and I will do everything in my power to find one who agrees with me on the level of affection that a toddler needs.

I firmly believe that the right kind of caregivers are the ones who do not need to argue with on how many times my child needs to be held. I don't have to say once a day, twice a day. It will be their instinct to hold my child when it's needed because they want to. I also believe that not all caregivers who think they have the skill and the emotional intelligence to be one actually does. A lot of caregivers do not need to be there.

I love me some "my child" posts. It's so Mama Bear. Dig it

I think it was you who said "And this is why I only consider facilities that have cameras - to catch the defensive kind."

I couldn't agree with you more. Yay for cameras in day care centers.

It's music to my ears. Now you just have video. Wait till you get the audio too. That will REALLY tell you what is going on. Soon enough that technology will be cheap enough for every Center to have it for the parents viewing.

You can't teach "emotional inteligence" and they can't fire for it either. Time to move on to another camera'd facility, get Grandma back to care for him, or get them to switch his room. I would reccomend you not allowing it to go on on day two, three, four, and five as you did this time. This is the kind of thing you pull the kid for IMMEDIATELY after one day.