:mad:Bad day care experience

[jps123]

My daughter, age 4, has been going to a day care in Arkansas about three weeks. My daughter has not been happy there and two of the boys were giving her a hard time, but they moved one of them to a different class and things got a little better. But my daughter was still acting clingy and easily upset at home. Finally, she told me the other day that two of the workers make the kids "walk around in a square" over and over, and will not let them stop, go to the bathroom or get a drink "for a long time." She said two of the little girls wanted to stop walking, so one of the employees grabbed their hands and "dragged" them. Needless to say, I'm pulling her out immediately and will let the director know why tomorrow. I'm hoping she will believe me, as I do not intend to drag my child up there to "testify." My little girl told my husband and my mom the same story, exactly the same. She has NEVER acted this way or said anything strongly negative about a provider before. We've never left a provider because we were unhappy. I feel strongly that she is telling the truth. I already had a vague bad feeling about one of the girls she mentioned, but figured I was just being paranoid since I couldn't name the feeling, and anyway she is not the main provider for that class.
My daughter says the director, who is very hand-on, was never in the room when this happened. I'm trying to assume she does not know about it.
If the director acts concerned and takes action, maybe I will leave it there but I'm sorely tempted to tell DHS here in Arkansas. I am wondering what is likely to happen if I do so. Probably nothing?
In my mind, this goes beyond sloppy care and crosses the line into child abuse. My daughter told me her "feet go numb." I can't believe she didn't tell me the first time it happened. Maybe she was scared.
By a stroke of luck, I had already asked off for three days so I have until Thursday to find something else. I've called our former provider who cared for our daughter the first two years of her life. It is a long drive but if she can get in, we will do it gladly. My daughter loved her, and although it wasn't perfect, I know the provider cared for my daughter beyond a paycheck. I would look around for something closer, but I am a bit upset and not really trusting my own judgement right now and feel terrible that I let this happen. I'm terribly angry and not sure of what to do, but I'm going to do something besides just remove my child.
Any advice would be appreciated -- from parents or providers! Should I call DHS and tell the director I am doing so? Should I call them and NOT tell her? Should I talk to her first and give her a chance to take action, and how will I know if she does? When I told my little girl I was taking her out of that place, she asked if I would make them stop being mean to the other kids. I intend to do so if it is within my power.

[Former Teacher]

I totally understand.....

where you are coming from. You are torn into so many directions you don't know where to begin. However I think your first priority is to your child. In my opinion, if you have already had the gut feeling it was in the beginning now is the time to act on it. I would not take my child back. If you know your child is not happy where she is going to be spending 9+ plus hours a day while you are a work, then you cant be happy.
To many parents try to work things out with whats convenient for them and not what is in the best interests of their child. IE: location of care, hours of care, how much etc. Now is the time to focus on HER.
That being said, again, I would not take her back. Supposedly this is true and the director is not made aware of it. She handles it to the best of ability. Then what? The other caregivers will know your child is a tattle tale and maybe do worse.
I say this in nearly every post. If you are going to report to the state, do NOT give ANY of YOUR private information. The center will ALWAYS find out. They say its done anonymously but its not. Trust me. Even if you have to give a fake name. Just don't give any information that will tie you or your daughter to the report. State licensing ( I speak about TX) have no respect for reports and they will tell the directors/owners who called and made the report.
Anyway I wish you luck. Please keep us posted.

[jps123]

Thanks for the understanding. It means a lot. I spoke to the director and she tried to tell me they do this weird walking thing to "increase physical activity." But they walk the equivilent of one mile around and around the gym! My lil girl is only 4 and some of the other kids are her age and size. She said she would make an exception for the younger ones and "talk" to the girl about whether she dragged the two lil girls around who didn't want to walk any more. I told her I felt like this was a bad practice and may daughter hated it and is scared to go back and that they are pretty much teaching them that physical activity is punishment. I had left a message with DHS asking how to file a complaint but only left my cell # and not my name. They called me back and let me file a complaint anonymously. I asked if perhaps I was overreacting but the man said no not at all. But he was real honest with me and said that the director would probably know it was me who called (of course she will). I have pulled my daughter out so there will be no retribution on-site. I hope they don't burn my house down. I'm only half kidding. I already paid $75 for next week but am prepared to take the loss since I gave no "notice." I'm just ready to put it behind me and hope that I did the right thing for the other kids! I have a good place to take her for now...but this woman does not pick up from our elementary school so I'll have to find something else before school starts. I hate yanking her around like this. It is breaking my heart.
I want to say to all the decent, caring, well-trained providers and teachers out there that you are underpaid and underappreciated and I for one will never again take a good child care provider for granted. I can't think of a more important job. God bless you! And I hope I find one of you out here very soon who picks up from our school because I can't afford to quit my job and stay home.

[Chickenhauler]

This is one of those things where you just have to trust you gut feeling-no amount of background checks, interviews, references, etc will ever replace that natural instinct that's hardwired into the human brain (unfortunately people are taught to suppress it-don't judge a book by it's cover blah blah blah).


I've had to "un-teach" my wife about this-sometimes, there really is a steaming pile of fecal matter in some really expensive clothes standing right there in front of you, and there is nothing wrong whatsoever about not trusting what you think may very well be a POS, especially with your kids safety.