Too Many Caregivers?

[Unregistered]

A little background - right now my 16 month old son is watched on Mondays by one set of grandparents, Tues-Thurs at a home daycare, and Fridays by a different set of grandparents. We are looking for a new daycare situation Tues-Thurs due to our daycare's rates increasing to a level we don't feel appropriate to the care received. We have a few options and I was just looking for advice on what would make the most sense based on anyone's experiences.

A: My sister has offered to watch him one day a week for free so that we can afford a great day care center twice per week. But this would mean he would be watched by 2 sets of grandparents, my sister, AND a day care every week. (talk about taking a village to raise a child!).

B: Continue same situation as now - grandparents 2x per week and a home daycare 3x per week.

Basically we can only afford a nice daycare center if we do 2x per week, but if we do this and my sister helps one day, are these too many caregivers for my son in your opinion? Would this confuse him? He tends to be on a different schedule with the grandparents vs. daycare right now. Just curious if anyone else out there has a crazy set up like mine and if it actually worked ok?? Thanks!!

[daycarediva]

As a home child care provider who has spent years trying to adjust part time children. No. This will not work, and is not in his best interest unless the grandparents and the aunt follow a semi-structured schedule that is very similar to the daycare schedule as far as meals, naps, and behavior expectations.

Now, leaving a great in home daycare over cost, and going to a great center (presumably more expensive) doesn't make much sense to me.

A few issues-
what if grandparents have a hard time watching child as he gets older/more active and they age?
what if grandparents are sick?
what if the aunt is sick? what if she decides to stop watching your child?

[Unregistered]

Thanks for your reply. He does ok currently with 3 days in a home daycare and 2 days at home with grandparents, but his nap schedule is always a little unpredictable with the grandparents already - though it has gotten better over time. This is what I would be afraid of adding my sister to the mix as a caregiver, that his schedule would become more unpredictable. He is a very easy-going baby, but I feel like there might not be enough consistency. My gut says we just need to find a great in home daycare that is within our budget. I appreciate your thoughts!

[Unregistered]

I would find a great in home daycare for five days a week. Kids his age do best with consistency and a solid routine. Grandma and grandpa can babysit on the weekend while you run errands or go on date night.

[daycare]

I think that you will have a hard time finding a good quality childcare that will take a child with that many different care takers and schedule like that.

If everyone does not do things the same way, respond the same way, have the same rules, expectations, guidelines, and etc this child will only be highly confused most of the time no matter where he is.

don't forget to add yourself into that equation as well.

GP, PS, A, GP, Mom and Dad, that is 8 plus different people and 5 different places that the child would have all of the above and if they are all so different that child will suffer.....

[Unregistered]

(Orginal poster) Thankfully the grandparents come to our house, so really he only has our house and the daycare. If we added my sister than it would be another house but I'm pretty sure I'm not doing that anymore. He's on a really good schedule at the daycare, but we just can't justify the price increase and there are a few other factors we are not happy with with them. We try to institute the same schedule he has at daycare on the weekends and with the grandparents, but I know the gp's tend to be more lenient on the schedule. If we at least change daycares I will need to make sure everyone is following the same schedule. I'm pretty sure the gp's would be crushed if we asked them not to watch him anymore, but I need to consider that as well. Thanks!

[MyAngels]

I must be the odd man out here, but I think it's wonderful when family can step in and help care for a child when the parents have to work. I'm not sure in your situation whether I would add an aunt into the mix - that would depend on the aunt - but I most definitely would not stop having the grandparents help.

It gives your child an opportunity that not many children have, getting to have a really close relationship with extended family.

I watch my granddaughter twice per week, and her maternal grandmother takes her once per week, and she's with her mom the rest of the time. None of us have even a remotely similar schedule or routine, and yet she's very adaptable to whatever situation she's in.

I treasure every moment with my gdd, and I hope someday when I'm gone she'll be glad to have had the opportunity to know me in a closer relationship than just the occasional family get together, which is what I had with my own grandparents.

[daycare]

I agree with that, but that's what weekends are for....

I guess really it depends on the kid. I have tried kids that come two days a week and then gp or other family care the rest and it did not work out.

[Unregistered]

(Original Poster) Thank you, MyAngels! I agree that it's good for a child to be around his grandparents. I know they will not be able to do this forever, but this is their first grandchild it is just the highlight of their week when they come over to watch him. They take it very seriously and have only had to cancel once or twice in over a year. He does seem to adapt well and is a very happy baby/toddler.

[Unregistered]

I agree that it is awesome if your family can watch your child, but it can be a difficult transition if they don't stick to a similar schedule as the daycare. I think it is also important to keep in mind the long term. If grandparents may get to the point of not being able to keep up with him or just not wanting to care for him, then you may end up transitioning him to new daycare at an age that could be more difficult to adjust. Just some things to keep in mind! Was there anything specific about his current daycare that you don't like or is it a financial issue?

[hope]

I have part timers that are with me at my home daycare a few days a week, a set of grandparents a few and a pre school another 2 days a week. The schedule does change between me and the grandparents depending on a few things. It works out beautifully. I find that the children are more well rounded and are more personable with adults. We all share a similar schedule (not exact but close) and similar rules. The children have become more independent because they have learned the schedule and enjoy continuing that routine in a different atmosphere. I would suggest getting everyone on board with a schedule and a set of rules/guidelines /parenting styles. Your child is very lucky to have so many people in his life that care for him!

[Play Care]

First I want to say that I am aware there are providers here who provide care for their grandchildren and love it. I am NOT referring to you. You are still working, and would be caring for kids regardless of relationship (if not the grand kids than other kids) In my mind that makes sense that your g'kids would be in your already established child care.

In general I am not a fan of grandparents as daycare. Hear me out:: When the children are younger/less mobile, it's usually fine. As they get older, more active, etc. it becomes much more challenging. Since *most* grandparents are retired when they take on this task, they are not "spring chickens." It harder to keep up with a toddler/preschooler in your 60's/70's...

I know a lot of grandparents who become unhappy with the arrangement once the child gets walking, but hesitate to say anything because they don't want to upset their child or they worry about their child's finances. I know a lot of my peers (parents of younger kids) who become unhappy with the kind of care they get from the g'parents, but don't say anything for fear of causing upset with the grandparents.

It becomes a cycle where no one is happy but no one will say anything.

I have received many calls over the years from parents who had this arrangement and realized that it's become too much. I currently have a pt 4 yo dcb who has a similar arrangement - with g'ma most of the week and with me one day a week. Mom wants more days but I don't have availability. I have some major concerns about this child's development. I think there are things g'ma thinks are "quirky" but are much more significant than that

As for other family members, In general I DO think providing every day child care is best left to those who do it for a living - because caring for someone else's child day in and day out can become tedious, and quickly lead to resentment among family members (ask me how I know )

I agree with the poster who said find a good day care you can afford and do that most of the week. Utilize family for a date night and such.

Good Luck!

[Josiegirl]

Hmmm, I'm not a grandparent but I am 61. And at the moment I keep up with lots of toddlers.
I'm on the fence about this one. I love the fact you've got plenty of caregivers in your child's life. Children sometimes are much more flexible than we give them credit for. And they do need to eventually learn different places have different rules. Family can give them individual care and a feeling of security that maybe a daycare or center can't.
I guess it depends on how it's affecting your little one. That's the key. Does s/he seem to be confused? not able to fall asleep without being rocked? Screaming, throwing fits, etc.? And will you be able to find quality part time care?
I wish you the best and hope everything works out.

[Unregistered]

(Original Poster) Thank you all for your thoughts! For now I think the grandparents can keep up, but we will probably look for an in home daycare that we can afford adding an extra day in the future. He is a pretty easy-going baby and very rarely has any difficulty falling asleep on his own. He did have some issues with naps early on but now I think he's gotten into a good routine. I agree that everyone just has to be on the same page. Originally I was wondering about adding my sister into the mix so that we can afford a day care facility that's more like a school 2x/week, but I think now after this advice and thinking about it more myself, that wouldn't be a wise decision for my baby. Thanks again everyone!

[Blackcat31]

(Original Poster) Thank you all for your thoughts! For now I think the grandparents can keep up, but we will probably look for an in home daycare that we can afford adding an extra day in the future. He is a pretty easy-going baby and very rarely has any difficulty falling asleep on his own. He did have some issues with naps early on but now I think he's gotten into a good routine. I agree that everyone just has to be on the same page. Originally I was wondering about adding my sister into the mix so that we can afford a day care facility that's more like a school 2x/week, but I think now after this advice and thinking about it more myself, that wouldn't be a wise decision for my baby. Thanks again everyone!

Can I ask what it is that you are unhappy about with your current daycare provider?

You mentioned a rate increase (part time kids are the hardest for us budget wise so therefore take the brunt of rate increases) but are there other factors that are causing conflict?

Perhaps these are issues we can help out with or at the very least help you manage them. Maybe talking with your current provider could remedy the situation...

Please don't fee obligated to share but wondering if that isn't an area that also needs addressing rather than just looking for another provider.

Has your son been with this provider for a long time?