Teasing and Terminate the Contract?

[Snowflake]

I have a daughter who goes to a home daycare. Recently I noticed that she has been teasing at the daycare by the older kids and one is the provider's daughter. It seems like the provider can't discipline her son so she instead blamed my daughter for too sensitive to the situation.

I want to pull her out but the contract required 3-month notice and the provider refused to negotiate because she doesn't think the situation is bad.

Can I pull her out right away without paying her? I really don't want my daughter to be there for any time longer. She already asked me one day " mom, why are they teasing me?" The only thing I can do was telling her that " it is not your fault and mommy will take care of the situation."

Can it file a complaint against her? What good will that do?

Please help!

[Josiegirl]

I don't know if you'd have the right to pull out of the contract for your child being teased. Teasing happens among kids. If there was physical violence or something like that going on, from the other kids, then it would be a different story. But I really don't know.

I'm surprised there is a 3 month notice required, seems like a long time. Maybe some providers require that but most want 2 weeks, maybe a month.
Are you friends with any of the other parents there? I'm just wondering what their take on your dd's situation would be? I'm not suggesting you go and interrogate the other parents if you don't really know them but if you started there due to a good friend referring the provider, then you could get feedback.

It would be nice for the provider to get on board with teaching the group about friendship, others' feelings, doing kind things for others, etc. But if she's just seeing your dd as being extra sensitive, that will be an issue. How old is your dd and the other kids there? She will come across people who tease her, her whole life. It would be a good thing to start teaching her now how to face them and stand her ground. I have a very sensitive child in my dc, she's 2 1/2. She's only PT which doesn't help her learn the dynamics of this particular group as quickly. She's very sweet and giving but a sensitive little soul. Kids pick up on this fast.

I hope you can get some better advice than I can offer. It's difficult. And heart-breaking.

[nannyde]

Can you be more specific about the teasing?

If you feel she is being emotionally abused you should take her out immediately. Worry about the money later.

[Wednesday!]

Something is off here....

[Josiegirl]

Something is off here....

Like what? I am dense.

[ACH247]

I agree with nannyde.

[dave4him]

I would pull your child out and terminate. You expect a safe environment and that is what you should be getting for your money.

[BumbleBee]

Quite frankly if you signed a contract you are bound to abide by the contract. Now if this were a safety issue I may feel differently but from what you've written you want to get out of a legally binding contract because you aren't happy. If I felt it was to the point of pulling my child out of care due to what is happening then I would do it without hesitation. Your child's wellbeing and safety are priority over money.

Sure you can pull her, but not paying is a whole different story. If I were your provider I wouldn't negotiate either. If you didn't read the contract, that's not your providers fault. If you did read the contract, you knew about the term notice before hand and still signed.

On a side note, Snowflake as a username may raise some eyebrows around here because the term 'special snowflake' is used to describe a child who can do no wrong and the parent feels their child always deserves special treatment.

Best of luck to you.

[Wednesday!]

Like what? I am dense.

::
Why would a provider even think a 3 month notice period is acceptable? And why in the world would someone sign a contract saying they will give a 3 month notice?? That's off the charts. I think a month is the absolute max i have ever heard of. 3 is nuts. And I would never consider leaving my child in a bad situation over money. Again, that's nuts. I'm leaning toward troll. Forgive me if I'm wrong, it's just the vibe I got when initially reading the original post.

[Blackcat31]

I have a daughter who goes to a home daycare. Recently I noticed that she has been teasing at the daycare by the older kids and one is the provider's daughter. It seems like the provider can't discipline her son so she instead blamed my daughter for too sensitive to the situation.

I want to pull her out but the contract required 3-month notice and the provider refused to negotiate because she doesn't think the situation is bad.

Can I pull her out right away without paying her? I really don't want my daughter to be there for any time longer. She already asked me one day " mom, why are they teasing me?" The only thing I can do was telling her that " it is not your fault and mommy will take care of the situation."

Can it file a complaint against her? What good will that do?

Please help!

Provider children having conflicts with daycare children is a VERY common occurrence. One I feel is hard to manage for both parties.

You only know what your DD tells you and the provider is automatically wanting to defend her child so somewhere in the middle there is the reality of what is really happening.

My suggestion is to set up a sit down meeting with your provider. If possible, try to do it without any of the children present. Make a list of examples of what your child is telling you and let the provider know what your concerns are.

Based on her reactions and/or willingness to address and fix the issues the next move would be yours.....either trust that she is doing whats best for all the children in care (hers included) or withdraw your child from care.

As for the notice period, it is a bit lengthy compared to many programs but it is definitely not unheard of.

Perhaps you can work with the provider in finding a happy medium as I can't imagine a provider would want you/your child to continue attending if you really don't want to be there and I can't imagine a parent continuing to send their child somewhere they aren't comfortable with just to get their money's worth.

If it really is not somewhere you want to continue sending your child, then by all means pull her out immediately and worry about the money afterwards as NO parent would put their child in any environment that they deem unsafe...NOT even for the money.

[Blackcat31]

~ ON a side note I love the username.

Being from the northern part of the country, snow and snowflakes are getting to be a pretty common sight lately and it's important to point out that NOT ALL providers refer to certain types of kids as snowflakes. (It's also one of the pre-loaded avatar/username options the forum providers to new users)

I also apologize that it was implied you are a troll.

I applaud the fact that you took the time to register here as well as your efforts to seek advice, support and other perspectives in order to solve your issue.

It can definitely be daunting to post as parent to a group of providers and hope to get positive feedback.

I hope you return to update......

[Josiegirl]

There is a definite difference between a child being teased, being bullied or being assaulted. Since the OP didn't really provide details as to what is going on at daycare, it's hard to offer advice.
As far as the $$ part of it, I bet the provider would take OP to court over it. That's a lot of money for either side to lose. Reread the contract and see what grounds you'd have for terminating without the 3 month notice. Unfortunately, all children get teased. It's almost a rite of passage or something, sad but true. But if you add in biting, hitting, pushing, unsafe behavior displayed by the other kids, then you'd have a better chance.

At the moment I have a 3 1/2 yo dcg who loves to tease some of the kids. I don't let it slide though or blame it on any child being overly sensitive.

I hope OP can work things out with her provider, maybe killing her with kindness would work, instead of putting her on the defensive. I'm certainly not saying that's what's happening. I wish you the best of luck OP and hope it works out for you and your dd. I hate seeing any kid being the target of teasing.

[Thriftylady]

Put your concerns in writing and give them to the provider during a meeting. When you request the meeting ask the provider to put in writing with you what you agree will be done about the situation (if anything) and both of you sign and get a copy. Then if the situation is not fixable (sometimes some kids just don't mesh, or maybe your child is to sensitive to be in that group nothing that you, your child or anyone else is doing wrong it just happens sometimes), but if the situation is not fixable and you need to terminate for your child's well being, do it. If the provider takes you to court, take everything that was put in writing with you and let the judge decide what is fair. It may cost you a little, but if you feel that is what is best for your child you need to do it. Many providers will do a probation period in cases like this, ask your provider to do one with you or you do one in writing. These things are supposed to work both ways and protect both parties.

[Snowflake]

Thank you all for your suggestion!

Yes, I know 3-month sounds crazy and it is even crazier that I signed it. But we never had this kind of problem with daycare before and I thought this is the one I like so I didn't think I will let my daughter leave until she goes to kindergarten (she is 4 right now but won't go to kindergarten for another 1.5 year).

I did talk to the provider but she thinks that it is ONLY teasing and she told them to stop. But the thing is she only said "stop saying that!" And that's it. I think she should take this more seriously and talk to both sides.

Teasing is not the only reason I decided to pull her out. There is a boy there who said to my daughter "your mom is a poo poo" and the teacher only told him he shouldn't say that. She didn't even ask him to apologize to me.

I understand these situation happens everywhere, but I do think that adults are responsible to take it seriously and teach children the proper behavior. I definitely will pull her out but is also thinking should I let her stay for these three months to learn how to deal with teasing and bad influence. I want her to know that mom will always be there to help and protect her, and she can come to me with any problem. But I also don't want her to cry for mommy when every time there is a problem occurs. I think there is a fine line there.

Btw, Snowflake is her nickname but it has no negative meaning in my native language. She was born in the winter and her brother's nickname is Snowball

[Thriftylady]

Well in many ways, a providers hands are tied, there just isn't a ton a provider can do. Yes, we can talk to parents and let them know that there is an issue with a child's behavior, but a huge issue we face is the parents following through with us to stop that behavior. Also, kids do tease and say things and it is the adults job to teach them it isn't nice, is not appropriate and all that, but that teaching takes time. I know it can be hard when your child is involved and at the end of the day if you feel it is to much then go ahead and terminate the contract. You may have to pay but if it is so severe that you feel you need to, then you need to do what is best for your child.