Biting @ Daycare

[Unregistered]

Bites

Here is what I believe. I get it that children bite. Once, time out, twice - if you call the parents and they no longer have child care, they will take them to the dr or whatever it takes to change the behavior. If the child has a disorder - it can be corrected - hate to say it, but sorry - no daycare. If the parents don't like it, I agree, file a charge against them - either assault or against the parents for neglect. They will take notice and either correct the behavior or take them to a dr.

[Unregistered]

Severity

I've been quite reasonable with our daycare and not over-reacting to a few bites here and there. Recently, the same child has biten my son 4 times in one week. I can handle small bites out of frustration, due to not having the appropriate communication skills, but it's when the bites become very severe that I cannot stande idle. When you pick your son up and he has a wound on his arm as if someone put his 1 inch arm in a vice and tightened it until it bled, you start to think differently about allowing the biting child to remain amongst the group. Sure, i'm sorry for the parents of the biter and realize i could have been the parent of child with a behavior issue, and may some day be, but that simply does not change the fact that i have to leave my child every morning in a room where another child is waiting to inflict bodily harm to him. When our son was younger, he began developing certain behaviors that ALL kids do. It's what you do in response to those behaviors in combination with your child's developmental capabilities that will either stop them or fail to. I think I've told my son, "Use your words" (signs before speach developed or even just holding him and making him point at what he wanted - lots of trial and error at very young ages), more than 5,000 times in his short two years. Now that he has developed a strong vocabulary, we do not let him get away with ANYTHING unless he manifests his desires in words. If he cries or even whines in the smallest way, he does not get what he wants until he talks in a normal voice, asks nicely, and says thank you. It has changed everything and he is such a good little boy. Some parents may do this but it must be done all the time and in every situation. It also stimulates language development. Tomorrow, we are going to ask our daycare to make some drastic changes to protect our son. I wish we did not have to but I cannot put my son in harms way each day and just go on to work and be content and wait for someone else to fix things.

[Unregistered]

YOU ARE SOOO WRONG!!! You obviously should not be in charge of kids.

I feel sorry for whoever uses your daycare. I have 3 boys the first 2 never bit but did get bitten-I did not like it but understood that it was part of their growing and learning process. It was resolved with time. Now my 3rd has just changed to a new daycare and has bitten 3 times. They have the same policy and said that one more time and he could not come back. Let me tell you this he is a good little boy and we just withdrew him and are going somewhere where the people are willing to help him and work with him/us to resolve this problem. He has never bitten before and it is a shame that he had a hard time adjusting and was just given up on. so you don't know every situation and each child is different. from someone who has been on both sides of this you should be ashamed of yourself. these are little children that need help and correction not to just be dismissed like a bad dog. They are all little children of god and he loves each one the same. Some just need more work. Good thing he doesn't give up on us so fast hu!!

My biters have to spend the day at my side! I also have a 3 strikes your out policy! My children are 5 and 15 years old now and when they bit me, i bit them back. And hey guess what, they never, ever did it again! I to agree that they should be punished and not with a time out, but not by me, by there parents! However, if I'm bit by a daycare child, parents will be called and they will have to find other care no notice, no nothing, just take your children and leave! To me it is about respect and children must learn that early in life. And for the parents out there that just stick there head in the sand and say "Oh really he/she doesn't do that at home.........bull, they do so, you just fail to see it!

[Unregistered]

I feel sorry for whoever uses your daycare. I have 3 boys the first 2 never bit but did get bitten-I did not like it but understood that it was part of their growing and learning process. It was resolved with time. Now my 3rd has just changed to a new daycare and has bitten 3 times. They have the same policy and said that one more time and he could not come back. Let me tell you this he is a good little boy and we just withdrew him and are going somewhere where the people are willing to help him and work with him/us to resolve this problem. He has never bitten before and it is a shame that he had a hard time adjusting and was just given up on. so you don't know every situation and each child is different. from someone who has been on both sides of this you should be ashamed of yourself. these are little children that need help and correction not to just be dismissed like a bad dog. They are all little children of god and he loves each one the same. Some just need more work. Good thing he doesn't give up on us so fast hu!!

I take it your not a daycare provider? Do you realize that daycare providers/ and daycare centers can be sued by the parents of the child/children that were bit? You make it sound as though providers just discipline the action! Listen, I am very well schooled in the job that i do but i do have to protect not only my children but the children that have been placed in my care. I provide a well-organized, well-supervised, and stimulating atmosphere for the children in my care. IE the 3 strikes your out policy, i work with my parents to come to a solution together. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and the child may need more care than i can give! I don't think it is the jobs of us daycare providers to have to put up with aggressive, disruptive, or destructive behavior. I have more than one child in my care, so do you think it is fair to the other children to have all my time taken up by this one child with the bad behavior? How long are us daycare providers expected to put up with this type of behavior? I am here to provide for your children, not raise them!!!!!!

[Unregistered]

bite every day

My son is in a daycare center. When he was just 6 months old and still in a swing he was bite on the head - first day. Now he has moved to the toddler room at 15 months. The same kid that bit him on his first day is now in the toddler room. She bites my son almost every day. He has large bruises on both arms. We've been in the toddler room with the biter for two weeks. The daycare ladies say that my son doesn't respect her space and that's why she bites. I've very concerned. I'm thinking of taking my son out. He was well cared for in the baby room and we had no problems because the bitter went to the toddler room a few days after we started in the baby room. Any suggestions?

[DCMom]

Biting is such a difficult thing for all concerned~the biter, the bitee and the provider.

This conversation came up with my in-home childcare provider. Another parent at the dc has a 4 yo at my daycare and an 18 mo old at a different daycare because our daycare doesn't currently have an opening for under 2. At any rate, she was not happy with the way the other provider was handling her other daughter getting bitten. She felt like her child was being punished for being bit. It prompted her to ask how our common provider handles biting. She said she has not had a biter in several years but the way she would handle it is as such (which I found interesting). She said she has a zero tolerance for biting. Since biting generally happens in the toddler years, she 'contains' them the first time they bite. She immediately separates the biter, whether in a exersaucer or a porta crib whatever is handy with a 'NO BITING' (effectively a time out for toddlers) The bitee gets all sorts of attention, the biter is shown the mark that they made. After the bitee is comforted, she releases the biter and shadows him/her. If the biting happens again, the parent is called and the biter is isolated, within the room, but isolated for a longer period of time. Any issues for the biter are addressed with the parent (HALTS was mentioned in an earlier post). It is a whole process that could take pages, but the gist of it is the biter is made aware that biting is bad and the bitees are given the attention. As many times and to the degree necessary. She said she had one child many years ago that had a corner in the daycare room that was hers alone to play in (had fence type thing she used to make a giant playpen). The biter was allowed out for short periods, but as soon as she tried to bite someone (again shadowing) she went right back into her spot (all sanctioned by the parents). Eventually she figured out she could be with the other kids if she didn't bite them. I personally think that would be exhausting for a provider~this woman has the patience of a saint.

Something I wonder about is in her 16 years as a provider 'she can count on one hand the # of biters she has had'. She said it has always been resolved in a very short amount of time and she has never had to expel anyone because of it. Is it supervision, is it the overall atmosphere of the daycare (ie: zero tolerance), is it mixed ages together rather than a roomful of toddlers, the number of kids or just dumb luck? I don't know that there is any 'right' answer for every child. I hope I never have to deal with it...

[Unregistered]

my child was at a DC where they did absolutly nothing about biting, as far as i can tell. my child was the Bitee, almost constantly by this one other child. We have since moved to a new daycare, and now my child is the biter.
This new facility does have a policy, and we are working with them, but its so frustrating, since we have to recondition our child to unlearn the bad habits that were picked up from the old school.

[Unregistered]

My biters have to spend the day at my side! I also have a 3 strikes your out policy! My children are 5 and 15 years old now and when they bit me, i bit them back. And hey guess what, they never, ever did it again! I to agree that they should be punished and not with a time out, but not by me, by there parents! However, if I'm bit by a daycare child, parents will be called and they will have to find other care no notice, no nothing, just take your children and leave! To me it is about respect and children must learn that early in life. And for the parents out there that just stick there head in the sand and say "Oh really he/she doesn't do that at home.........bull, they do so, you just fail to see it!

Actually.. I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT.. "OH REALLY HE/SHE DOESN'T DO THAT AT HOME... bull, they do so, you just fail to see it"
My son is 2 1/2 yrs old and NOT ONCE has he bit at home!! It has been at Daycare every single time! He doesn't bite anyone in the household. NOT EVEN HIS TOYS!! HE ONLY BITES AT DAYCARE. From what you are saying, you make the parents of the children feel like it IS their fault! What are you saying we are bad parents!? Your comment has made me very upset. And by calling their parents to have them come get them ISN'T going to do anything! THat is just going to make matters worse, obv. you can't control, what makes you think parents can?! Do you not understand the child care providers are basically like a parent also to the children? They see you guys more sometimes than they see their own parents!!! I give my son 100% of my attention, and he DOESN'T do any of the stuff he does at daycare. That right there proves to me that he isn't well cared for at daycare. It really upsets me when I go to pick him up and they say "Oh he bit a child today so and so" it does upset me, because I do disicpline him at home. I do pay attention to him at home. Then you say this!? That all we do is fail to see it?!

[Unregistered]

My son was kicked out Daycare today for biting. Unfortunatley this is not the first time. When it started he was about 18 months and the day care he was in started sending him home about once a week for biting. Then they kicked him out. I tried everything, there were no other daycares with openings and I had to quit my job. I made up my mind to take some time off with him and try to let him mature. I stayed home with him for a year. When I first put him in daycare again he did not bite. He started a few months after. I was getting called to pick him up all the time. So I switched him to another daycare before he could get kicked out again. Once again he did not bite for a month or so. Then he started biting at that daycare too. My child was refered to special education for learing disabilities, so I had to move to a daycare in the school district so he could get picked up. He did not bite at first at this new Daycare either. Then he started bitting everyday. This morning when I went to drop him off, the director told me that the State called and said my son could no longer attend the daycare because he had bit another child and caused the child to bleed. I dont know what to do. The family doctor never has any answers, so I'm wondering what type of doctor I should take him to? Does anyone know if he can go to another daycare now that he has been reported by the state? I dont want to have to keep moving him around but I need to work. It's really not fair that he has to keep going through adjusting over and over again. I also have a daughter who each time this happens has to start over again at a new daycare and hard for her as well.

[Unregistered]

Actually.. I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT.. "OH REALLY HE/SHE DOESN'T DO THAT AT HOME... bull, they do so, you just fail to see it"
My son is 2 1/2 yrs old and NOT ONCE has he bit at home!! It has been at Daycare every single time! He doesn't bite anyone in the household. NOT EVEN HIS TOYS!! HE ONLY BITES AT DAYCARE. From what you are saying, you make the parents of the children feel like it IS their fault! What are you saying we are bad parents!? Your comment has made me very upset. And by calling their parents to have them come get them ISN'T going to do anything! THat is just going to make matters worse, obv. you can't control, what makes you think parents can?! Do you not understand the child care providers are basically like a parent also to the children? They see you guys more sometimes than they see their own parents!!! I give my son 100% of my attention, and he DOESN'T do any of the stuff he does at daycare. That right there proves to me that he isn't well cared for at daycare. It really upsets me when I go to pick him up and they say "Oh he bit a child today so and so" it does upset me, because I do disicpline him at home. I do pay attention to him at home. Then you say this!? That all we do is fail to see it?!

This is exactly what i'm talking about!!! Ye Ole "my child doesn't do that at home" and ya know what, every single provider out there knows exactly what I'm talking about! No one ever said anything about anyone being bad parents. And i really don't care if your upset! I have other children to take care of......period!!! And yes, calling the parents would do something.......It would remove the bitter from my care and hence giving the other children the chance to grow and develop without being bit! Let me tell you something........I had a biter in my care for 2 years.......i gave him 2 YEARS so to say that we providers don't work with these types of children are just bogus! The straw that broke the camels back was that he bit one of my daycare kids so hard that she had to go to the ER all because he wanted the toy that she was playing with!!! Now do you think thats fair to that child and that childs parent to have to come to daycare afraid and scared that she may be bit again.......No its NOT! There are daycares out there that have people on their staff that will work more in depth with that child and parent, However I'm not one of them! I don't have to be one of them! Oh and don't feel Sorry for the children in my care, for #1. My parents are very, very happy with the care i provide and for #2. they don't need your pity!!! I have "raised"(along side of some excellent parents) some very, very well adjusted and intelligent children, that have entered into school grade levels above their peers!

[Unregistered]

There is hope....my son WAS a biter.

I will spare everyone the details, but my story mirrors many of your stories. There is a wonderful book called NO BITING. You can find it on Amazon.com. After my son was expelled from many well-meaning schools, I came upon this book and it changed the way I thought about biting. The cure for biting is a process and one cannot expect a young child to stop just because it is what adults want. Each child is different and the reason for a child to bite may differ from child to child. Please read NO BITING and lend a copy to your daycare provider. It really did help my son and me.

[Unregistered]

I Agree

I too think it's interesting that someone who supposedly knows children advocates biting them back when they bite. I am a childcare provider, and as such make it my business to understand NORMAL childhood stages and also to know and advocate educated safe ways to deal with and correct unacceptable behavior. She didn't say how her children turned out, did she? Is her last name "Dahmer" by any chance? :-)

I feel sorry for whoever uses your daycare. I have 3 boys the first 2 never bit but did get bitten-I did not like it but understood that it was part of their growing and learning process. It was resolved with time. Now my 3rd has just changed to a new daycare and has bitten 3 times. They have the same policy and said that one more time and he could not come back. Let me tell you this he is a good little boy and we just withdrew him and are going somewhere where the people are willing to help him and work with him/us to resolve this problem. He has never bitten before and it is a shame that he had a hard time adjusting and was just given up on. so you don't know every situation and each child is different. from someone who has been on both sides of this you should be ashamed of yourself. these are little children that need help and correction not to just be dismissed like a bad dog. They are all little children of god and he loves each one the same. Some just need more work. Good thing he doesn't give up on us so fast hu!!

[Unregistered]

Try this . . .

As a director of a childcare center, I know that nothing makes parents more angry than their infant or toddler getting bitten. We have a little guy that got bitten a lot from his old childcare center, they pulled him and brought him to us, and SURPRISE, he started biting. A lot. We have a policy that after three times in a day, we send them home. We were sending this little guy home every day, and nothing was working. So, I logged when he was biting (usually around the hour before lunch), and I asked his mother to come in and shadow him for this time. He was done biting in less than three weeks. I've done this now twice and it's worked great. I know that most parents cannot afford to leave work for an hour or two, but it really does work well. It seems to even work better than another teacher shadowing the biter.

And yes, that biting book that was mentioned above is an awesome resource in child care centers!

[Unregistered]

I too think it's interesting that someone who supposedly knows children advocates biting them back when they bite. I am a childcare provider, and as such make it my business to understand NORMAL childhood stages and also to know and advocate educated safe ways to deal with and correct unacceptable behavior. She didn't say how her children turned out, did she? Is her last name "Dahmer" by any chance? :-)

I think you need to read my statement again.........I don't bit the daycare kids..are you crazy. Dahmer huh...........I bit my kids back sweetie i didn't eat them!!!!!!!!!! FYI- my children are well adjusted straight A students. They have learned that we don't use our teeth to get what we want. Oh and hey, my kids were never kicked out of daycare either for bitting or anything else! There are parents out there that are really concerned about this behavior and there are some that think its ok for there child to be able to do what ever the h**l they want, i take it your one of those parents!!!!

[Ms.Sue]

get it stopped

Our policy is that WE stop them! No child is ever allowed to bite.
And, it is the staff's responsibility! The need to pay attention and discipline when needed- or terminate the child that is biting.
That's ridiculous!!!
Maybe you threaten them with a law suit .,.maybe then they'll find the time to take some action.
However, that was a very good decision on your part to file a report --- but also contact her inspector - and turn them in for allowing abuse.
Ms.Sue