Early Drop Off Question

[Leigh]

She should not have reacted that way BUT why do you allow your kids to knock repeatedly on the dooor? That is really rude IMO! She could have younger people sleeping. Also. why is it your childcare provider's job to get your child from school to her home? That is your job, as a parent - not the childcare provider's job!

[Unregistered]

She should not have reacted that way BUT why do you allow your kids to knock repeatedly on the dooor? That is really rude IMO! She could have younger people sleeping. Also. why is it your childcare provider's job to get your child from school to her home? That is your job, as a parent - not the childcare provider's job!

First, I was NOT there. My DH was d/o. This is not something that happens every day. The OVER reaction is my concern. Maybe it's rude, but SCREAMING (accodring to the kids, dh and neighbors) is no less rude!

Second, it's in our contract that she is to p/u kids after school. It was NOT in our contract to have her make them walk home to her house. Additionally her husband "joked" in front of my kids how much he hates kids and his home being turned up side down. I'm thinking maybe she's getting tired of doing dc.

My concerns as a mom have led me to find care elsewhere. Yesterday's overreaction and then telling me that my kid WILL be walking home when that is NOT what we agreed to in our contract was unacceptable and I don't care if we had not had problems before, this kind of stuff sets up a red flag for me for future problems.

[Willow]

Sounds like the last straw...... not the first, IMHO.

My thoughts exactly

[Willow]

If the screaming was indeed SCREAMING as you put it, and it was as bad as you describe, no parent with an ounce of common sense would have left their children there in the care of someone who was that level of hysterical.

The things your family did ticked her off.

She had a right to be beyond irritated imho.

I probably wouldn't have SCREAMED, just terminated your family immediately instead, but it is what it is now. Move on and find other care if you think she is so wrong.

[daycarediva]

Yes, the banging/repeatedly knocking on the door is rude. Dh should have stopped that. I ask my parents to text in the early am when they are here and then I go open the door so that the doorbell doesn't ring and wake my kids up 1-3 hours early.

screaming would NOT be acceptable, and neither is the breach of contract in regards to the after school pick ups. Do you have the pickup in writing or was it a verbal agreement?

I agree, I would be seeking care elsewhere.

[Play Care]

If the screaming was indeed SCREAMING as you put it, and it was as bad as you describe, no parent with an ounce of common sense would have left their children there in the care of someone who was that level of hysterical.

The things your family did ticked her off.

She had a right to be beyond irritated imho.

I probably wouldn't have SCREAMED, just terminated your family immediately instead, but it is what it is now. Move on and find other care if you think she is so wrong.

I can almost hear the providers side now "they were always calling early in the morning to see if I would allow early arrival which they didn't pay for, I asked them repeatedly not to knock on my door, which they did anyway waking up others, and now mom expects me to transport all the kids to school when my own kids walk each day" Now, the provider should have nipped all that stuff in the bud when it first started (and who knows, maybe she tried?) or just termed.

[JenNJ]

I'm with the parent here. I don't see that is ever ok to scream unless there is a real danger or emergency. If ANYONE screamed at my kids, I would Mama Bear them on the spot.

Yes, repeatedly knocking and showing up early is rude, but is it really the children's fault the father let them knock and showed up early? Should they really need to be screamed at so much so that the neighbors heard and discussed it afterwards? I don't think so.

I'm glad you are finding a new situation. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

[Blackcat31]

I'm with the parent here. I don't see that is ever ok to scream unless there is a real danger or emergency. If ANYONE screamed at my kids, I would Mama Bear them on the spot.

Yes, repeatedly knocking and showing up early is rude, but is it really the children's fault the father let them knock and showed up early? Should they really need to be screamed at so much so that the neighbors heard and discussed it afterwards? I don't think so.

I'm glad you are finding a new situation. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

I agree. Screaming is never ok. This is all something that should be addressed between the adults.

The provider did not act professionally at all.

If she was upset about anything the family did, it is her obligation to handle it in a professional manner and not simply scream at anyone.

I think this was definitely the last straw for BOTH provider and family and it is time to find new care arrangements.

Communication is the key to solving, addressing and fixing almost all issues.

[Hunni Bee]

I'm with the parent here. I don't see that is ever ok to scream unless there is a real danger or emergency. If ANYONE screamed at my kids, I would Mama Bear them on the spot.

Yes, repeatedly knocking and showing up early is rude, but is it really the children's fault the father let them knock and showed up early? Should they really need to be screamed at so much so that the neighbors heard and discussed it afterwards? I don't think so.

I'm glad you are finding a new situation. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

I agree. Screaming is never ok. This is all something that should be addressed between the adults.

The provider did not act professionally at all.

If she was upset about anything the family did, it is her obligation to handle it in a professional manner and not simply scream at anyone.

I think this was definitely the last straw for BOTH provider and family and it is time to find new care arrangements.

Communication is the key to solving, addressing and fixing almost all issues.

I agree. This person sounds unstable and done with doing daycare, really. Between reneging on previous agreements suddenly, screaming at the children and the comments her husband made, she's done.

However, the kids shouldn't have been allowed to bang on the door repeatedly in addition to showing up early and they shouldn't have been left there after the screaming incident.

It seems the parents thought anything went because they don't bring the children all the time, as the OP mentioned that more than once. It also seems the provider thought since she allows special that she was justified in her reaction.

IMO, the relationship broke down and not just at that moment.

[Play Care]

I want to be *very* clear here - *if* the provider truly did scream at the children, then it is not okay. No excuses.

But to be honest, I doubt the provider did. Supposedly it was soooo loud her neighbor heard (and how would they know? my neighbors wouldn't speak to my dc clients), but the father still leaves the children for the day? Really?

Too often parents hear the word "no" and it becomes "the provider was rude/out of line" Or they hear a "firm" voice and confuse it with "yelling" I imagine a parent who allowed their two, older children to bang on the providers door early in the AM (before contracted time) *may* just fall into that category.

Again, none of that makes yelling/screaming at the children okay, *if* that is honestly what happened.

[Unregistered]

I can almost hear the providers side now "they were always calling early in the morning to see if I would allow early arrival which they didn't pay for, I asked them repeatedly not to knock on my door, which they did anyway waking up others, and now mom expects me to transport all the kids to school when my own kids walk each day" Now, the provider should have nipped all that stuff in the bud when it first started (and who knows, maybe she tried?) or just termed.

Funny, but that's not at all what happened.We VERY rarely ever drop off early. And when we have, she told us literally that it's unnecessary to text her for just a few minutes and that she's up etc...she made it sound like the texting bothered her more at the time. We also were told when we p/u early, not to text, to just come get the kids. Is that what EVERYONE does, probably not, but that's how it's been at her house and so we just did what she asked. I think I was pretty clear with what happened according to my DH, my kids and the neighbor. Now if she was annoyed or if she's tired of doing dc, then that's on HER and still not a reason to behave how she did.

And the neighbor actually approached me, i didn't go up to her and start questioning her. She said "Wow, today was a rough morning for Mr. Man (she calls DH that) and the kiddos, huh?" I said "How so?" Already knowing the answer,and let the neighbor just talk. The neighbor and I are friendly as I see her almost every time I pick up, so it's not like I'm "just another dc mom". She was candid and honest about what she heard/saw and her account wasn't much different than the kids or DH (other than exact words being said)

Again, why my DH just left them, IDK. I can only imagine he froze and was embarrassed by the whole situation.

As far as the contract: It's written.

She said she transports to 2 schools (listed in contract)in the area which is where her kids/my kids go. She has always done this, so why she wants to change things without ASKING me if I was ok with it is odd. She could have said "I'm having my kids walk from school next year. If you would like your child to walk with them, we'll be signing a new contract, if not, this may not work anymore" SOMETHING/ANYTHING but to say they "WILL" be walking. Again, I pay her a fair amount of money as it is and she does very minimal care already, but then to pay the extra she gets for transportation, and she is NOT intending on picking them up? She didn't mention one thing about discounting the fee now that she won't be transporting anymore.

We're pretty good parents, I'd say.

We've always tried to notify her with anything that changes and she didn't really like that so the one time we don't, she gets mad so we can't win really.
We pay ON time, UP front and IN full every time
We pick up on time/early
We keep the kids when they don't need to be there
We keep them home if sick
We keep stocked up on their supplies that they need without being asked/reminded
We provide snacks/groceries upon her request (each parent buys certain things each week)
We give the donations she's asked for (toys, old clothes) so that she can keep her rates "fair" (her words).
We pay for field trips, etc without question and up front
We have always paid even when SHE calls off! Which lately has been quite frequent with her out of town trips and events where she can't make it back in time. So we pay her still, and then on top of that pay the backup. This has somewhat bothered me since March when it started, because we feel that while if WE call off, and the provider budgets, we should not be messing w/ her income. But when SHE calls off constantly (not even as part of her two weeks off per year that she has contracted as paid), she shouldn't be entitled to the income. We did not complain because we didn't want to rustle leaves, but with the latest event, I'm starting to suspect maybe some of her "absences" might have been planned. I would NOT get away with this at my job. I'd have been fired.

If she wanted something different than what she presented, she should have said something. We're pretty darn laid back, we don't mind if she gets on our kids, we don't worry about if she just yells now and again and we're flexible.


The more I think about the latest events, I think of some of the "littler" things that I never said anything about leading up to this. This is why I feel perhaps she doesn't want to do it anymore. Which is fine, because at least for OUR family, she won't be.

[Cat Herder]

Bingo.

IMHO, Finding alternate care is in both the providers and parents best interest.

[daycarediva]

Funny, but that's not at all what happened.We VERY rarely ever drop off early. And when we have, she told us literally that it's unnecessary to text her for just a few minutes and that she's up etc...she made it sound like the texting bothered her more at the time. We also were told when we p/u early, not to text, to just come get the kids. Is that what EVERYONE does, probably not, but that's how it's been at her house and so we just did what she asked. I think I was pretty clear with what happened according to my DH, my kids and the neighbor. Now if she was annoyed or if she's tired of doing dc, then that's on HER and still not a reason to behave how she did.

And the neighbor actually approached me, i didn't go up to her and start questioning her. She said "Wow, today was a rough morning for Mr. Man (she calls DH that) and the kiddos, huh?" I said "How so?" Already knowing the answer,and let the neighbor just talk. The neighbor and I are friendly as I see her almost every time I pick up, so it's not like I'm "just another dc mom". She was candid and honest about what she heard/saw and her account wasn't much different than the kids or DH (other than exact words being said)

Again, why my DH just left them, IDK. I can only imagine he froze and was embarrassed by the whole situation.

As far as the contract: It's written.

She said she transports to 2 schools (listed in contract)in the area which is where her kids/my kids go. She has always done this, so why she wants to change things without ASKING me if I was ok with it is odd. She could have said "I'm having my kids walk from school next year. If you would like your child to walk with them, we'll be signing a new contract, if not, this may not work anymore" SOMETHING/ANYTHING but to say they "WILL" be walking. Again, I pay her a fair amount of money as it is and she does very minimal care already, but then to pay the extra she gets for transportation, and she is NOT intending on picking them up? She didn't mention one thing about discounting the fee now that she won't be transporting anymore.

We're pretty good parents, I'd say.

We've always tried to notify her with anything that changes and she didn't really like that so the one time we don't, she gets mad so we can't win really.
We pay ON time, UP front and IN full every time
We pick up on time/early
We keep the kids when they don't need to be there
We keep them home if sick
We keep stocked up on their supplies that they need without being asked/reminded
We provide snacks/groceries upon her request (each parent buys certain things each week)
We give the donations she's asked for (toys, old clothes) so that she can keep her rates "fair" (her words).
We pay for field trips, etc without question and up front
We have always paid even when SHE calls off! Which lately has been quite frequent with her out of town trips and events where she can't make it back in time. So we pay her still, and then on top of that pay the backup. This has somewhat bothered me since March when it started, because we feel that while if WE call off, and the provider budgets, we should not be messing w/ her income. But when SHE calls off constantly (not even as part of her two weeks off per year that she has contracted as paid), she shouldn't be entitled to the income. We did not complain because we didn't want to rustle leaves, but with the latest event, I'm starting to suspect maybe some of her "absences" might have been planned. I would NOT get away with this at my job. I'd have been fired.

If she wanted something different than what she presented, she should have said something. We're pretty darn laid back, we don't mind if she gets on our kids, we don't worry about if she just yells now and again and we're flexible.


The more I think about the latest events, I think of some of the "littler" things that I never said anything about leading up to this. This is why I feel perhaps she doesn't want to do it anymore. Which is fine, because at least for OUR family, she won't be.

Too bad you aren't local, I would want you to come to my house. Wish I could say those things about 1 of my day care parents!

Best of luck in finding great new care!

[itlw8]

I do not think she needs to ASK you to change the afterschool arrangements.

She told you in June the change that will be happening in the fall. That gives you all summer to either agree or find other care.

[Unregistered]

Too bad you aren't local, I would want you to come to my house. Wish I could say those things about 1 of my day care parents!

Best of luck in finding great new care!

Awww! Thanks and I'm sorry you can't I thought it was just standard to do those things. I also like to thank my DCP with 2 weeks additional pay at Christmas. I'm surprised more people don't! I can't work without a DCP so try to be as grateful as I can be. This is why I posted, to make sure *I* wasn't crazy, but the more I read and learned on the site just in a few days, the more I realized it's that time.