Just Turned 3 Cleaning Up Urine?

[dansmail26]

:confused: OK, yeah, that is weird, IMHO.

Typically everyone lines up, washes hands and sits at the table politely waiting to be served. It is a loosely timed thing. After 30 minutes, here, if they have not eaten they are asked to get down from the table.

It is VERY rare and typically I'd know the reason why, have expected it and have a plan for a larger snack (antibiotics, constipation, sinus congestion, etc).

As for making her clean up urine, that is also unusual to me unless it is a recurrent/behavioral thing (I understand you said it was not in your case), IYKWIM? I have seen it in the older preschoolers who will occasionally use toileting as a control method (Example: a 4yo boy who would urinate across the wall to see it run in lines down to the floor ).

As part of their Discipline Plan (agreed to by parents) they are being taught self-help skills and would be given gloves, mop and a bucket. It would not be done in front of other kids, typically one provider stays inside while the other takes the rest of the kids outdoors.

Personally, I'd just have laundered the pants, but I have that ability. My State has no regulation against it. Each State is different.

I'm sure it wasn't a behavior issue (but I don't understand IYKWIM!) as one reason they were mad (and gramma was told this when she picked her up) was that after she peed she didn't tell them, she obviously was very embarrassed. And again, we can count on one hand the number of accidents she's had, we were blessed with how easy it was to toilet train her. I'll bet since he yells at her to not take so long eating she didn't want to take a bathroom break in the middle of lunch.

[lovemykidstoo]

For me personally, I don't care what reason the child had an accident, I would NEVER have a 3 yr old clean it up. I would most definately be calling licensing and asking them if that is acceptable in your state. No matter what they said though, i would not by any means take my child back there. You have how many signs so far. The cleanup, the yelling if she's not eating fast enough, the not giving her breakfast ect and those are only the things you know about. Imagine the things you dont' know about.

[Kaddidle Care]

IYKWIM = If you know what I mean

[Cat Herder]

I'm sure it wasn't a behavior issue (but I don't understand IYKWIM!) as one reason they were mad (and gramma was told this when she picked her up) was that after she peed she didn't tell them, she obviously was very embarrassed. And again, we can count on one hand the number of accidents she's had, we were blessed with how easy it was to toilet train her. I'll bet since he yells at her to not take so long eating she didn't want to take a bathroom break in the middle of lunch.

Sorry, IYKWIM = If you know what I mean.

I was stating that a Behavioral Discipline Plan did not make sense in your daughters case. It would have been discussed several times before that plan was set up between you and the provider.

[dansmail26]

Thanks all!

[lovemykidstoo]

Keep us posted on what happens today. Good luck

[SunshineMama]

My daughter just turned 3. She started daycare in September. She has not had any bathroom accidents since once this summer walking at a county fair, she is toilet trained very well.

She did have a urine accident at lunch today. The provider then made her clean it up. Also, as it has never been needed in her bag I neglected to include extra pantsthough there was extra underwear, they put her in her underwear and her coat for the rest of the day, I was surprised they didn't have any extra shorts or sweatpants there.

It's a small (maybe 8-10 kids) husband/wife daycare. The husband appears very strict, which I noticed but haven't really minded until today.

Should I be upset about her having to clean this up?

I did not read all of the other responses, but I do not think that it is bad at all to teach her the natural consequences of her actions. If you make a mess, it needs to be cleaned up. My 1 year old helps to clean up her pee pee accidents at home if she has them. It is not traumatic at all and she understands she made a mess and is happy to help clean it up.

I would be more concerned about the child not having any pants on, but I think that depends on the child. I know my oldest at 3 would feel badly about only having underwear on, but my youngest wouldnt care if she were naked running around. The provider should have called the parent and let them know that the child has no pants. However, it should be the job of the parent to always be prepared. I send my daughter to preschool everyday with an extra set of clothes, just incase. It isn't the providers job to provide clothes for your child.

[JenNJ]

My biggest concern is the yelling which I find to be shaming. Which could very well be why your dd had an accident. She may have been afraid to ask if she could use the bathroom.

I will say that once a child is old enough to wear underpants in my daycare, they are responsible in part for accidents. I have the child remove the soiled clothes, put them into a bag to be sent home (I do not rinse or launder soiled clothing as it poses health risks to others in the home and daycare), wipe their body off with wipes, and change into fresh clothes. I then have them assist me in the clean up by using paper towels to mop up the mess.

I will repeat what I said on the other forum:
It's not a big deal. My dcps actually appreciate it because when an accident happens at home, the kids get out of the wet clothes and begin cleaning up after themselves. No meltdowns, no freak outs -- just calm kids cleaning up after an accident.

The way I see it is that spilled juice and a pee accident are no different. In both cases the child wasn't aware of their body. Whether it is a wild hand motion that spills the drink or waiting a little too long to get to the bathroom, an accident is an accident. It happens. The important thing is that the child has the confidence AFTER the accident to know that accidents happen, it isn't a big deal, but we are responsible for ourselves even if the result was unintentional.

It isn't shaming or humiliating, it is part of being a human. Humans make mistakes. What is important is that we learn from them and try not to make the same ones over and over. I feel that taking part in the clean up instills responsibility in the child and makes them a better person.

[SunshineMama]

Well after reading everyone else's responses I can see how this situation can be perceived negatively. I suppose everything needs to be considered on an individual basis and details need to be taken into consideration.

When my daughter helps, of course I help her too and we make it a loving, learning experience. There's no degradation or humiliation at all. I think if the provider was loving and kind and said something like, "uh oh, it looks like you had an accident, let's get you all cleaned up, you can help with..." That's not bad. It is loving and learning and a teaching opportunity.

I think the perception that others are reading is that the provider angrily stood over the child and forced them to clean up her own urine as punishment in a bad manner- which I would not definitely not agree with.

This all being said, I have never made a dck clean up after themselves at my house, mostly because it's just easier if I do it myself.

[dansmail26]

I did not read all of the other responses, but I do not think that it is bad at all to teach her the natural consequences of her actions. If you make a mess, it needs to be cleaned up. My 1 year old helps to clean up her pee pee accidents at home if she has them. It is not traumatic at all and she understands she made a mess and is happy to help clean it up.

I would be more concerned about the child not having any pants on, but I think that depends on the child. I know my oldest at 3 would feel badly about only having underwear on, but my youngest wouldnt care if she were naked running around. The provider should have called the parent and let them know that the child has no pants. However, it should be the job of the parent to always be prepared. I send my daughter to preschool everyday with an extra set of clothes, just incase. It isn't the providers job to provide clothes for your child.

I don't think kids that young know the sanitary issues of cleaning up bodily fluids. Cleaning up toys and other messes, fine - body fluids - NO.

As has been stated many times it was a mistake that extra clothes weren;t there - but it seems like having some emergency shorts or sweat pants around isn't a bad idea. Size wouldn't matter, they don't need to fit exact in emergencies.

[dansmail26]

My biggest concern is the yelling which I find to be shaming. Which could very well be why your dd had an accident. She may have been afraid to ask if she could use the bathroom.

I will say that once a child is old enough to wear underpants in my daycare, they are responsible in part for accidents. I have the child remove the soiled clothes, put them into a bag to be sent home (I do not rinse or launder soiled clothing as it poses health risks to others in the home and daycare), wipe their body off with wipes, and change into fresh clothes. I then have them assist me in the clean up by using paper towels to mop up the mess.

I will repeat what I said on the other forum:
It's not a big deal. My dcps actually appreciate it because when an accident happens at home, the kids get out of the wet clothes and begin cleaning up after themselves. No meltdowns, no freak outs -- just calm kids cleaning up after an accident.

The way I see it is that spilled juice and a pee accident are no different. In both cases the child wasn't aware of their body. Whether it is a wild hand motion that spills the drink or waiting a little too long to get to the bathroom, an accident is an accident. It happens. The important thing is that the child has the confidence AFTER the accident to know that accidents happen, it isn't a big deal, but we are responsible for ourselves even if the result was unintentional.

It isn't shaming or humiliating, it is part of being a human. Humans make mistakes. What is important is that we learn from them and try not to make the same ones over and over. I feel that taking part in the clean up instills responsibility in the child and makes them a better person.

Sounds like a responsible answer.. having a child hand paper towels over or something is not a bad idea. Handing towels to a 3 year old and telling them to clean is not a good idea, imho. The fact that she didn't even tell them until she had to get up from the table showed she was afraid of his reaction.

[dansmail26]

No news today. Called in and just said she wasn't going to be there. He asked if she was sick and we said no.
More next week when we figure out where she's going.

[SunshineMama]

I don't think kids that young know the sanitary issues of cleaning up bodily fluids. Cleaning up toys and other messes, fine - body fluids - NO.

As has been stated many times it was a mistake that extra clothes weren;t there - but it seems like having some emergency shorts or sweat pants around isn't a bad idea. Size wouldn't matter, they don't need to fit exact in emergencies.

You're right, children don't innately know the sanitary issues. Which is why, as adults, we need to take the time to teach them. It is no different than teaching them to cough or sneeze into their elbows, or to wash their hands before eating, after blowing noses, and bathroom usage. My 1 year old knows that if she has an accident, she will help mommy take a cloth and clean it up, and then we go to wash hands. We talk about staying clean and dry. I go back in afterwards myself and sanitize- she's too young to use chemicals. But she knows the process because I taught her. Kids learn by mistakes, and parents and care providers need to take each opportunity to help them learn.

I personally keep a set of spare clothes for all of the kids that the parents provide, and I have even let a child borrow one of my child's pants before. But that is going above and beyond, as a courtesy to the families, and should be considered an extra special nice gesture. Unfortunately, as providers, we all have been burned too many times by doing extra, and providing things like extra clothes to the parents, which never get returned. (Not saying you are that way-but it happens a lot). If you sent your child to a preschool and your child had an accident, the preschool would not launder your child's clothing, or provide extra clothes for your child to wear. They would just call you to come and pick up your child.

I guess all I am saying is that teaching a child to clean up after themselves is an important life skill. If your child was helping clean up a little bit of her own pee pee with the assistance of a caring adult, and then was taught to wash her hands, etc, then that's really not bad. Most kids enjoy being big helpers and learning self-help skills.

[daycaremum]

don't agree

Two things - I'm not sure what you professionals would have done but they called and left a voice mail at noon, since they didn't get an answer they called the second number 2 hours later. Would you have waited that long?

Second thing is the lack of clothes to me wasn't a super problem since as soon as they eat they nap and she did have underwear. I was surprised they don't keep some emergency clothes there though for parents who do mess up and forget a second outfit as we did.

For a child that wets themselves and has no spare clothes, as long as it was warm in the house, I wouldn't have called the second number right away either, it wasn't an emergency. If she left you a message, she likely went about her day with the kids, I think you said there were about 8 kids in care.

And I also do not keep spare clothes for the kids. I ask all parents to leave a full, weather appropriate change of clothing (shirt, pants, underwear, socks) no matter their age and I put their clothes in a ziploc bag and they remain here. If they are soiled I remind the parents every single night to replace them until they send in clean ones. A spare set of clothes is VERY important.

I likely wouldn't have made a three year old clean up their pee, but it could have been as simple as they gave her some paper towel and let her do the initial clean up in order to help clean the mess she made (I would do that if they spilled their drink, or water for painting), and then the adults cleaned it up properly after. I would ask the child to take off their soiled clothing and put them in a bag which I held open for her, and ask her to wipe herself with a wipe (to help me clean her up) and redress herself.

As for not wanting to eat snack, yes, I have had kids refuse to come to eat (they all eat together so it's not like they get to keep playing with their friends, she'd be playing by herself while the others ate). I give them the choice at snack time to teach them the logical consequence of being hungry by lunchtime.

All that being said, if you're not happy there, move on, but I don't think your provider did anything wrong, just things you don't like. If you signed a contract that you aren't owed any refunds, then just move along quietly and start anew somewhere else.

[lovemykidstoo]

I did not read all of the other responses, but I do not think that it is bad at all to teach her the natural consequences of her actions. If you make a mess, it needs to be cleaned up. My 1 year old helps to clean up her pee pee accidents at home if she has them. It is not traumatic at all and she understands she made a mess and is happy to help clean it up.

I would be more concerned about the child not having any pants on, but I think that depends on the child. I know my oldest at 3 would feel badly about only having underwear on, but my youngest wouldnt care if she were naked running around. The provider should have called the parent and let them know that the child has no pants. However, it should be the job of the parent to always be prepared. I send my daughter to preschool everyday with an extra set of clothes, just incase. It isn't the providers job to provide clothes for your child.

Your 1 year old is potty trained?