Ideas For Helping 10-Month Old With Mornings In Daycare

[amilasiu]

Hi all,

my 10 month old has started daycare for half a day a month ago. In principle, we are quite happy so faw with our daycare and their teachers. Son's regular caretakers seem to like him and I always find him playing, crawling, and generally OK at the pick up time.

Of course, at drop off he is crying but that is - in my understanding - normal. He does not seem to cry for long and when I ask about how the day went, the main caretakers say that it goes better and better for him, he plays, and only sometimes remembers about his mommy and then needs some comforting. Ok, so far so good. I understand that some crying has to be and they can not always pay exclusive attention to him. Is fine by me.

However, I have started to get bugged by the attitude of one (not his primary) caretaker who has commented to me on several occasions how his morning crying is "terrible", "gets on her ears", "does he even cry that loud at home". She seems to be professional otherwise so if the comment did not bother me the first time.

She now has been at the drop off time for him and her way to deal with it is to put him into stroller right away and take him outside, supposedly for a walk. It bothers me because I never saw any other kid there in stroller and I do not want my kid to be the one who gets "put away". I can agree with the stroller being an emergency solution , i.e. lots of kids, breakfast etc. But I do not want this to continue happening on a daily basis. I have no way to check how much time he spents in the stroller, she did not answer clearly when asked.

I am looking now for solutions I could propose to them. The stroller bugs me especially because the kid is happy to play by himself and with others - only that drop off transition needs some managing. I understand they can not hold him all the time and that one kid crying may be disruptive to other kids (but c'mon is a 3month-2 year old group, don't they all cry in the beginning).

How should I approach it? Should it be a concern? What can I suggest to them? I am worried my poor kiddo will be delegated to the stroller for years to come if I do not do something

[Michael]

Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! Your IP shows you in Luxembourg? I've upgraded your status. You can post freely now.

[amilasiu]

Yes, we currently reside in Luxembourg and DS attends a city-run daycare (creche) there. It is a state-run institution where most staff has a childcare or early-education related degree or some certification. The "tenured staff" gets really good salaries and the staff rotation is very low. Different system than in the States for the most part.

Still, since this forum has tons of good posts on similar issues, I was looking for some advice on how to manage the mornings better at this post-initial-panic stage because the way it is going now is that their solution is the stroller only (crappy solution IMHO). I want to prevent it from degenerating into stroller every time - all the time, where he is strapped in for hours somewhere in the corner... This concerns only the part-time, non-primary staff because the primary peeps were consistently very attentive with him.

[SunshineMama]

Hi all,

my 10 month old has started daycare for half a day a month ago. In principle, we are quite happy so faw with our daycare and their teachers. Son's regular caretakers seem to like him and I always find him playing, crawling, and generally OK at the pick up time.

Of course, at drop off he is crying but that is - in my understanding - normal. He does not seem to cry for long and when I ask about how the day went, the main caretakers say that it goes better and better for him, he plays, and only sometimes remembers about his mommy and then needs some comforting. Ok, so far so good. I understand that some crying has to be and they can not always pay exclusive attention to him. Is fine by me.

However, I have started to get bugged by the attitude of one (not his primary) caretaker who has commented to me on several occasions how his morning crying is "terrible", "gets on her ears", "does he even cry that loud at home". She seems to be professional otherwise so if the comment did not bother me the first time.

She now has been at the drop off time for him and her way to deal with it is to put him into stroller right away and take him outside, supposedly for a walk. It bothers me because I never saw any other kid there in stroller and I do not want my kid to be the one who gets "put away". I can agree with the stroller being an emergency solution , i.e. lots of kids, breakfast etc. But I do not want this to continue happening on a daily basis. I have no way to check how much time he spents in the stroller, she did not answer clearly when asked.

I am looking now for solutions I could propose to them. The stroller bugs me especially because the kid is happy to play by himself and with others - only that drop off transition needs some managing. I understand they can not hold him all the time and that one kid crying may be disruptive to other kids (but c'mon is a 3month-2 year old group, don't they all cry in the beginning).

How should I approach it? Should it be a concern? What can I suggest to them? I am worried my poor kiddo will be delegated to the stroller for years to come if I do not do something

In my experience, 10 months is a pretty difficult time for transitions. My own 10 month old was attached to my hip for a good month until she could get over her separation anxiety. I was exhausted from carrying her around and hearing her cry and I was her own mother

I have cared for 2 different little boys who both came to me at 10 months. One child always came to me fine. His mom had a quick drop off routine (literally under 45 seconds), and she did the exact same thing every day. He was very accustomed to the routine and adjusted well, however he had come from another daycare and was used to being cared for by someone other than mom.

The other 10 month old came from being with mom and grandma only, and he screamed all day. I did the best I could to hold him when I could and help him adjust, but he never did. After 3 weeks of all day crying, I ended up having to tell the parents that he was very unhappy and that he needed to find care somewhere he would be more comfortable. I never told the mom that his screaming was "in my ears," or any of the other rude comments that woman said, but I did tell them that he screamed and was very unhappy, which was an honest assessment of the child, which I felt was important for the parents to know. Not every daycare is the right fit for every child. My guess is that your child is probably somewhere in between the two.

My suggestion to you is to have a very consistent drop off routine, and make it short. If you want to see what happens after drop off do it from a view where your child can't see you, so you can get a real picture of what is going on. Kids act way different around their parents than when they are in the regular childcare routine.

Most kids adjust after a few weeks. Especially at that 10 month age, separation anxiety really kicks in and you have to do whatever it takes to make the situation the best you can. If your child is happy in the stroller and it gets them calmed down, then I would not worry about it. Maybe your child needs that extra time to themselves to calm down and adjust. Once the anxiety stage passes your daycare will be able to be a bit more flexible with what he is able to do.

If you are very concerned, I would definitely talk to the director and the woman together and express your concerns about the fear that your child will always be isolated. I would also mention that it concerns you that she is making comments like, "getting in her ears," because it makes you feel like she does not like your child, which makes you uncomfortable. I would approach it from the viewpoint of wanting to work together to find a solution that works for everyone, with the understanding that your child is a member of a group of other children who all have their own special needs as well.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you are getting overally concerned here. Just because they use the stroller as a momentary distraction, does not mean that he will be spending hours in there for years to come.

If the staff member is not giving you a clear answer on how much time he is in there, first of all, make sure you are asking a clear question "Tammy, I'm not comfortable with Aiden being in the stroller if he is not actually going for a walk. I dont want him put in the stroller when he should be playing. Is that something you can commit too?" yes or no answer. if she is vague and rude, move on up the ladder to either a regular staff member that you trust, or to the director.

you have a right as a parent to voice your concerns. you understand that your son has troubles at transitions but you dont feel comfortable with him being restrained as a means to deal with the issue. you are happy to work on the issue with them but again, feel that isolating him from the group is upsetting you as a parent and not in his best interest.

the important thing is to remain calm and respectful. this other staff member sounds a bit rude but she may be wonderful at her job, just not the greatest with the parents. and if your son is crying, they may stop using the stroller but that doesnt mean that someone will be able to hold and comfort him every time at drop off. you have to either accept that he may be put down and just cry for a bit or you move on to a daycare that is willing to commit to holding him for as long as it takes (going to be hard to find!)

It actually sounds that you are a little offended at this rude staff member and upset at seeing your son upset.....and then taking the whole stroller thing and blowing it out of proportion. If I saw that happening, I really wouldnt care if my son seemed to like the stroller and if i was assured that he was not spending extended amounts of time in there. 15 minutes while staff was doing drop offs is fine....hours restrained in a piece of equipment is certainly not okay.

[amilasiu]

Thanks, SunshineMama and cheerfuldom for your answers.

SunshineMama, could you tell how would the quick drop off routine go?

I drop him off in less than 5 minutes from entering to leaving: go in, coat/cap off, wait for a caretaker to take him from me, maybe have a word about whether he ate at home, then I say bye and go. I would prefer to just put him in the crawling area and leave with a kiss and a toy but so far they seemed to prefer to come over and take him from me (which is nice but takes a few minutes and then DS gets more agitated).

I was also thinking to bring him there well before the peak time. That way there are few other kids, it is more relaxed, he is not yet tired, he can have breakfast there at the table with the others - sort of a smoother transition.

Yeah, and he is a loud (but thankfully infrequent) cryer, poor kiddo.

We will really try to get some clear answers about how he is doing there because after a few weeks of "better and better", I am surprised that his transition may be becoming a bit of an issue for some personnel. I am bugged by the lack of clarity but maybe we did not ask the right questions and I did not want to come across as a pesky mommy.

[itlw8]

arriving when he is not tired is a wonderful idea. And if you are worried they leave him in the stroller check back 10 minutes later it will provide you some comfort.

Now some children like to be wheeled around and it calms them. It is easier on the providers back also. If he is moving with her and it works then I would not worry. I assume from what you said about being tired that he naps soon after after getting there .

Try getting their earlier and see if it helps.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

Here's another perspective: you have a provider who is able/willing to provide one-to-one time with your child to help him transition. That's a wonderful thing!