Need Advice On How To Deal With Daycare Issue

[Newmom]

Hello,
I'm new to this forum and need an advice on how to deal with an issue that I have with a teacher at daycare.
My son has been in daycare since he was two months old he is almost 10 months now.I know I'm not proud of it but I had to go back to work.
I think he acctually likes it , he is always happy when we drop him off and happy when we pick him up.

For about a month now one of his teachers has been telling me how my son cries everytime she leaves the room. I don't even remember what my response was to her comment but it really didn't bother me at first.
Now this has been going on for over a month.That is all what I hear as soon as I walk thru the door. She makes comments like that when different people are in the room. One day she asked me if he cries for me too and if he loves me. Yesterday when I picked him up and she once again told me that my son was crying for her she continued to talk to another teacher discribing how he was throwing a tantrum. All of this when I was gathering his things.
I was going to say something many times but I don't want this to sound like I'm jealous.Yes I'm going to addmit it hurts, this is my first child but does she have to be so in my face about it?? ( also I didn't mantioned . She is a younger girl , doesn;t have any kids on her own but has been working there for long time)
So here is the questions I have:
How should I address this issue? Talk to her first or address this with her supervisor.
Do you think this issue is big enough that I should ask for a meeting or just say something to a supervisor when I'm dropping off my son?( I just want to make sure that I'm not overacting as a first time mom)
Is this even allowed , shouldn't she be more professional about the issue? (I really think it just makes her feel good about herself.)
Do you think my son is going to have problem when he moves to a different group and not only her comments but the whole situation should be dealt with?

Any advise would be really appreciated. ( Please go easy on me I'm a first time mom)
Thank you

[pfund2233]

First of all congrats on your 1st child and don't think going back to work as a bad thing!! Your being to hard on your self for that.

How should I address this issue? Talk to her personaly and privately. Explain you are happy her son loves her and the place he is in. Then explain that you don't need to hear about it daily and it sometimes makes you uncomfortable hearing about it all the time.

Do you think this issue is big enough that I should ask for a meeting or just say something to a supervisor when I'm dropping off my son? Talk to the teacher first.

Is this even allowed , shouldn't she be more professional about the issue? She should be more respectful of your feelings. I think by talking to her this will help.

Do you think my son is going to have problem when he moves to a different group and not only her comments but the whole situation should be dealt with? It's hard to say... he's only 10mo and I have found from about 9mo-12mo children go threw seperation anxity and again at ages 6-9yrs. Who knows... one day he might just be like "whatever" !!

Hope this helps some!!

[MarinaVanessa]

I think that you are definetely within reason to want to talk to her and I agree with the post above that you should do it privately but also respectfully. By your post I'm thinking that because she is young she just doesn't realize how impactfull her comments are to you.

Also remember that no matter how hard and difficult it is for you to be away from your baby, you are working to support your family and baby. And remember that although your sons teacher says things that bother you she and the other child care providers are bonding with your baby ... and that's a good thing. The idea that your baby cries when they leave the room is likely attributed to your baby feeling insecure in the environment and needing them for assurance. Although your baby has been in DC for several months now you have more than likely already created that secure attachment with your baby long ago and your baby feels secure in your home environment and doesn't feel the need to cry. Don't feel guilty about leaving your baby ... you are her person and no one can replace you and it sounds as if your baby is in good hands.

I would speak to her gently if only to tell her that it bothers you to hear those comments and just let her know that you'd appreciate it if she would stop making those comments around you.

[CheekyChick]

In my opinion, I think you should be THRILLED that your son has bonded with one of his caregivers. I'm sure you would be devastated if you knew he wasn't happy and loved during the day.

Since she is young, I think she is looking for you to you to acknowledge her efforts with your son. I would definitely thank her for the love she provides him and let her know that you're happy that HE is happy while at daycare.

[Ariana]

Is this woman an ECE? It sounds to me like she doesn't understand child development!! He seems to have a secure attachment to both of you which is great! I would let her know how happy you are that he loves his daycare teacher and tell her it makes you feel good to know she takes such good care of him. Maybe she's fishing for compliments if she's young and immature.

If that doesn't stop the comments I would go to the supervisor and discuss it. She's being very insensitive but like others have said sometimes younger people can be that way.

Please don't feel bad for going back to work and I know that your baby loves you very much!

[JenNJ]

First off, know that this is typical behavior for kids -- ALL KIDS. I would be worried if he wasn't connecting with someone there. They like to feel secure and he has obviously bonded with this caretaker which is awesome!

But I am on your side, she really doesn't need to rub int in your face everyday. Since you said she is young and has no kids of her own, take it with a grain of sale. She thinks it is cute and has no idea how much it is hurting you.

How should I address this issue? Talk to her first or address this with her supervisor. I would tell her this, "Hey XX. I know that baby has really bonded with you and I am so glad. But it really makes me feel guilty/bad/sad/hurt to hear that my baby wants to be with you so badly. Is there any way we could stop talking about it?

Do you think this issue is big enough that I should ask for a meeting or just say something to a supervisor when I'm dropping off my son?( I just want to make sure that I'm not overacting as a first time mom)
If she is unresponsive to your requests, absolutely bring it to her supervisors attention.

Is this even allowed , shouldn't she be more professional about the issue? (I really think it just makes her feel good about herself.) She needs to be more professional. I take it as immaturity. She isn't a mom herself so she has no idea how deep words like that cut.

Do you think my son is going to have problem when he moves to a different group and not only her comments but the whole situation should be dealt with? Nope. Kids are so resilient. He will move on and grow to love his teachers there as well.

Any advise would be really appreciated. ( Please go easy on me I'm a first time mom)
Thank you

[Newmom]

Thank you so much for all your responses.
CheekyChick , yes I'm really glad that he likes to be in daycare and that he has somebody there that he feels secure with.
I also agree that she is pretty young but most of all not a Mom herself and can't possibly understand how I feel everytime she makes a comment like that.
I also didn't just want to say something that would hurt her. I'm pretty sure we all have those times when we say something in the heat of the moment that we later regret and I didnt want to make that mistake.Belive me I had to bite my tounge many times bacause the words that would come out wouldn't do anybody any good.
I also feel sad becasue I don;t get to spend as much time with my son. He doesn't nap very well in daycare. So when we get home around 4:30 he is ready for a nap. I tried to keep him up at first but it backfired on me and he was cranky and exhausted. Now most of the times we come home and if I see that last time he took a nap was 11am I put him in his crib in which he falls asleep in matter of minutes. This way at least I have about hour and a half of happy baby to play with instead of 3 hours with a cranky one.
I'm sorry I totally got of the subject here but it is just really hard to listen to a caregiver comments like that when you only spend few hours with your baby during the week.

Anyway , now since I have a objective view on the whole situation I will talk to her today when I'm picking him up.
I will let you know how it went.

[cheerfuldom]

just wanted to say kudos for being such a calm but responsive mom! you are clearly very level headed about this and I am sure the director will appreciate that!

[CheekyChick]

Thank you so much for all your responses.
CheekyChick , yes I'm really glad that he likes to be in daycare and that he has somebody there that he feels secure with.
I also agree that she is pretty young but most of all not a Mom herself and can't possibly understand how I feel everytime she makes a comment like that.
I also didn't just want to say something that would hurt her. I'm pretty sure we all have those times when we say something in the heat of the moment that we later regret and I didnt want to make that mistake.Belive me I had to bite my tounge many times bacause the words that would come out wouldn't do anybody any good.
I also feel sad becasue I don;t get to spend as much time with my son. He doesn't nap very well in daycare. So when we get home around 4:30 he is ready for a nap. I tried to keep him up at first but it backfired on me and he was cranky and exhausted. Now most of the times we come home and if I see that last time he took a nap was 11am I put him in his crib in which he falls asleep in matter of minutes. This way at least I have about hour and a half of happy baby to play with instead of 3 hours with a cranky one.
I'm sorry I totally got of the subject here but it is just really hard to listen to a caregiver comments like that when you only spend few hours with your baby during the week.

Anyway , now since I have a objective view on the whole situation I will talk to her today when I'm picking him up.
I will let you know how it went.

I completely understand how you feel... It must be torture that you have such a short amount of time with him during the day and those comments must cut like a knife.

I also believe that this girl's comments wouldn't hurt so much if you were not already struggling with leaving your little boy when you so badly want to be home with him.

I don't know her, but I would guess she's an attention seeker or simply wants you to know how much she loves him. Let's hope she means well.

I am anxious to hear how it goes today.

[Newmom]

Update

I'm sorry I didnt have a chance to give update any sooner.
So I did talk to the teacher on Tuesday.
I said something like : " First of all I want to let you know how much I appreciate everything you do for my son. I'm really happy that he enjoys being here and that he bonded with you like he did. Sometimes I'm just a little hurt when you make comments that he cries after you all the time. "
Her question: " Are you upset because he is crying?"
Me:" I'm not upset because he cries, I don't want him to cry, but your constant comments that he is crying after you makes me a little upset. I don't spend that much time with him during the week, especialy if he falls asleep as soon as I bring him home, so as I appreciate that he has boned with you constant reminer about it doesn;t help."
Her response: "OK "

I do have to say I was a little dissapointed with her just saying OK. I guess I was hoping for at least a little more, I don't know.
At least I feel better that I got it off my chest even thought I don't think she really understands but she will one day when she is Mom herself.

I didn't see her since then , my husband picked up our son on Wednesday and she just said hallo to him. I hope it will not be akward between us from now on.

[renodeb]

So I read that you did speak to here and her responce was minimal. The problem with hiring young people is that they often lack the people skills required to deal with parent's issues. I can almost always tell when a parent has something on there mind (even if they dont say anything to me) She does not sound very intune with the parents there. Young people are very energetic but they lack the maturity it takes to deal with certain situations. She probably thinks that Dad doesnt know anything. If she is still making those comments then I would ask for a super because she probably doesnt get it. SOsorry your having to deal with that.
Debbie

[Ariana]

I'm sorry I didnt have a chance to give update any sooner.
So I did talk to the teacher on Tuesday.
I said something like : " First of all I want to let you know how much I appreciate everything you do for my son. I'm really happy that he enjoys being here and that he bonded with you like he did. Sometimes I'm just a little hurt when you make comments that he cries after you all the time. "
Her question: " Are you upset because he is crying?"
Me:" I'm not upset because he cries, I don't want him to cry, but your constant comments that he is crying after you makes me a little upset. I don't spend that much time with him during the week, especialy if he falls asleep as soon as I bring him home, so as I appreciate that he has boned with you constant reminer about it doesn;t help."
Her response: "OK "

I do have to say I was a little dissapointed with her just saying OK. I guess I was hoping for at least a little more, I don't know.
At least I feel better that I got it off my chest even thought I don't think she really understands but she will one day when she is Mom herself.

I didn't see her since then , my husband picked up our son on Wednesday and she just said hallo to him. I hope it will not be akward between us from now on.

I'm really glad you said something! Who cares what her response was as you have no control over that. She likely will never say those things again so you accomplished what you wanted. If she's young and immature she would never in a million years offer an apology...heck I know people in their 40's who can't offer apologies!!

I would just carry on and be sweet as pie to her

[saved4always]

If she doesn't make those comments anymore, at least you will know you were heard, even though she didn't acknowledge your comments much.

[JenNJ]

I'm so glad you were able to find your voice and tell her how you felt. It must have been hard.

But remember that your little guy thinks the sun rises and sets with you. My son is 6 and he still loves his mama like crazy. I promise that no matter who he cries for, if you were there, he would be all over you! lovethis