Need Advice For My 8 Year Old

[small_steps]

I have twins that are 8 (boys) and also a 2 year old. Anyway, one of my twins is such a meddler! It seems like recently it's only gotten worse. I'm reallly not sure what to do with him. I can't keep my eyes on him 24/7 but lately he's just been into everything...making extra messes, just creating more work for me.
A few examples:
In the bath...he will dump all of the soap/shampoo out and make bubbles. I know some of this is probably normal stuff and his twin is a little more mature. I've gotten on to them for this before. His twin, I notice hasn't done this in a couple of years, but Austin...he will STILL do it fairly often. I will make a big fuss about it and it will stop for a few days, but then it starts up again. I know some will say remove the things from the bathroom I don't want him getting into. I don't really have the time, and even if I did, not sure I would remember to go in and do it before his bath. I feel like he is getting to the age where he definately knows better.

Another example is, a couple of weeks ago he found a pen that was already supposedely busted (the ink was leaking bad). I found ink in a huge spot on the bathroom walls and countertops and even the bathroom door. It's not coming up. I made him clean it up but nothing we used would get it up so now I'm going to have to paint the bathroom walls and door just to cover this up.

He is always rummaging in the fridge and making messes with food. A few days ago I found him sitting in the laundry basket on top of the washer looking for a pair of socks! Really!
I don't know. I guess my question is, is this normal 8 year old boy behavior? I know I shouldn't compare him to his twin but it's so hard not to when they are exactly the same age and go through most of the same issues. Should I be more firm with him? I need to get him to act more responsible than he is. I'm a single mom and I have enough going on. Theres not a lot of extra time to waste in the day on cleaning up extra messes from my 8 year old.
Any advice?

[Kaddidle Care]

~Hugs~ Mama! Welcome to having boys - they will keep you on your toes. I think your other twin is the one that's not normal. :: (j/k)

Sounds like he needs to keep busy to keep him out of trouble. Skip the bath and make him take showers until he can be trusted and let him know this.

Magic eraser or hand sanitizer may help with the ink stains.

The last... I promise you that you WILL be laughing about that one in the future. Where's the picture?

[GretasLittleFriends]

I was going to suggest rubbing alcohol for the ink stains, but most hand sanitizers have that as an ingredient, and they likely smell better too.

Have you tried talking to him to see if something is bothering him?

[small_steps]

Thanks Kaddidle and Gretaslittlefriends! I have talked to him a little to see if anything is bothering him.

Kaddidle I honestly think that what you said was what I was hoping to hear. That it's just boys being boys! I'm a little relieved that other people think that. My other son may be the abnormal one. He is a natural leader. Even his teacher told me the other day that he tells others on the playground when they are doing something wrong. She also said the kids actually listen to him . So maybe by seeing how he is I expect too much out of his brother. Both do great in school and act decent in public. I guess I can't ask for much more .
I do think I need to keep him busier in the afternoons though. Of course we just started baseball up again and I think that will help.

[makap]

IMHO some of this may not be normal behavior for an 8 year old boy. I have 5 children 3 boys and 2 girls, 4 of whom are all over the age of 8 and my youngest is an 8 year old boy. I would suggest having him assessed to see if there is a reason why he is getting into the things that you describe.

By 8 years old they should not need constant supervision if it is constant supervision you are saying he needs..

How is he in school?

[makap]

Just to add though, My 8 year old is actually being assessed next week as well as he has a lot of trouble focusing and following instructions at school.

He can create messes but not destructive or wasteful messes.

Makes huge messes with his toys, when he creates crafts etc but as far as having to watch him all of the time I do not.

We are thinkiing he may have ADD he is not hyperactive however, he is very quiet, just has trouble listening in school, concentrating and is a constant talker and disrupts others.

He also loves to tell on everyone else and can't mind his own business.

Just wanted you to know this so I did not come off as sounding mean in my first reply.

[makap]

Thanks Kaddidle and Gretaslittlefriends! I have talked to him a little to see if anything is bothering him.

Kaddidle I honestly think that what you said was what I was hoping to hear. That it's just boys being boys! I'm a little relieved that other people think that. My other son may be the abnormal one. He is a natural leader. Even his teacher told me the other day that he tells others on the playground when they are doing something wrong. She also said the kids actually listen to him . So maybe by seeing how he is I expect too much out of his brother. Both do great in school and act decent in public. I guess I can't ask for much more .
I do think I need to keep him busier in the afternoons though. Of course we just started baseball up again and I think that will help.

If he is doing great in school and this is just a few things he is doing at home, I would say he is a normal 8 year old boy.

My son has problems with a lot of things and it is everywhere he goes not just at home. He gets in trouble a lot at school but is excellent at home. I think it is because he has all of my one on one time when he is home if he wants it.

[Meyou]

I have a wild child 8 year old girl and these are things she would do without thinking or meaning harm. She always has a perfectly plausible explanation for what's she's doing too. She could sell slushies in the middle of a snow storm.

Anyway, when I'm dealing with her randomness I tell myself that she's old enough to listen so when she really doesn't listen or stop and think I take away her privileges related to whatever she's done. It seems to be the only thing that works with her. If she can't clean up after herself in the kitchen...she's not allowed in the kitchen without asking and a grownup there for a few days after she cleans up the mess. When she floods the bathroom during her bath (again...sigh) she only gets to take quick showers for two weeks after she cleans up the mess. I find using natural consequences related to the offense works much better with her than timeouts, grounding or chores.

I'm trying to get her to stop and think before she acts. She's very impulsive and it sounds like your little guy is too.

[small_steps]

If he is doing great in school and this is just a few things he is doing at home, I would say he is a normal 8 year old boy.

My son has problems with a lot of things and it is everywhere he goes not just at home. He gets in trouble a lot at school but is excellent at home. I think it is because he has all of my one on one time when he is home if he wants it.

I'm not really worried about ADD...He seems to be able to focus on things for a good amount of time. He is a straight A student and his teachers have never mentioned any concerns they have with him. Sometimes I do wonder if he is a tad on the hyperactive side. Even if he had some sort of hyperactivity disorder I wouldn't want to medicate him. I don't think it's so severe that it would be unmanageable. A lot of it probably has to do with his diet. He does not eat right. He will barely eat anything other than pb&j. He loves sweet stuff.
I do agree that he shouldn't need constant supervision. If he gets quiet for too long I do go check on him because I know he is up to something . Of course, it has been raining a lot around here lately and my kids are all 3 outside boys. They love it outdoors and are always running around, digging in the dirt, just being boys. We haven't been able to do that much lately because of the weather so he has been stuck outside and probably a little on the bored side. My kids do watch some tv...and play some video games, but they've never been the kind of kids to only want to sit around and watch tv or play games and I'm so thankful for that. They are soooo active.

[small_steps]

I have a wild child 8 year old girl and these are things she would do without thinking or meaning harm. She always has a perfectly plausible explanation for what's she's doing too. She could sell slushies in the middle of a snow storm.

Anyway, when I'm dealing with her randomness I tell myself that she's old enough to listen so when she really doesn't listen or stop and think I take away her privileges related to whatever she's done. It seems to be the only thing that works with her. If she can't clean up after herself in the kitchen...she's not allowed in the kitchen without asking and a grownup there for a few days after she cleans up the mess. When she floods the bathroom during her bath (again...sigh) she only gets to take quick showers for two weeks after she cleans up the mess. I find using natural consequences related to the offense works much better with her than timeouts, grounding or chores.

I'm trying to get her to stop and think before she acts. She's very impulsive and it sounds like your little guy is too.

Ok...you have described my son here with the exception of yours being a girl

He is always making messes in the kitchen (he wants to be a chef! ). The other day I caught him taking his hand (bare hand) out of the sugar bowl. He had a handful of sugar that he was transferring from the sugar bowl to his cup (making homemade orange juice). He left a trail of sugar which I had him clean up.
I think I'm going to try your approach and not let him back into the kitchen unless I'm in there. Same with baths...water all over the floor and a shampoo/soap/conditioner concoction in a cup in the bathtub .

[MrsB]

Maybe it is an attention thing, but he doesnt even realize it? Maybe try to find alot more things that he does right to praise him on.

We do a praise chart here. He could earn points for good behaviors, like getting through his night time routine without your help, or doing all the shower routine himself (shower, turn off water, pick up any thing in the shower, get clothes on, wipe up any water on the floor, hang towel up), then there is a reward list he can cash his points in on something like half our later bedtime is 100 points, choice of dinner is 125 points.

My son also did really well with check lists. So like morning routine checklist, bed time check list, cleaning room check list, chore check list, arrival home checklist (coat where it goes, backpack where it goes, snack, put dishes in sink, homework, have mom sign agenda book, put homework in back pack)

I have laminated checklists ALL over the place! Even my husband uses them, even though he will never admit to it!!::::

[MizzCheryl]

Speaking as a twin who was inferior in almost every way to my twin..... I say help him find what he excells at and aim his energy at that. My twin was saluditorian ad I couldn't even spell. hehehe
She was a leader and had straight As all the way thru school.
I was fat and not pretty or smart. But no one messed with me cause she would criple them

Then finally I found out I was an artist. That was all it took. Before that I made huge messes, everyone called me a "bull in a china shop".

[Heidi]

I'm not really worried about ADD...He seems to be able to focus on things for a good amount of time. He is a straight A student and his teachers have never mentioned any concerns they have with him. Sometimes I do wonder if he is a tad on the hyperactive side. Even if he had some sort of hyperactivity disorder I wouldn't want to medicate him. I don't think it's so severe that it would be unmanageable. A lot of it probably has to do with his diet. He does not eat right. He will barely eat anything other than pb&j. He loves sweet stuff.
I do agree that he shouldn't need constant supervision. If he gets quiet for too long I do go check on him because I know he is up to something . Of course, it has been raining a lot around here lately and my kids are all 3 outside boys. They love it outdoors and are always running around, digging in the dirt, just being boys. We haven't been able to do that much lately because of the weather so he has been stuck outside and probably a little on the bored side. My kids do watch some tv...and play some video games, but they've never been the kind of kids to only want to sit around and watch tv or play games and I'm so thankful for that. They are soooo active.

Maybe it's time to get some "splash gear" we are always talking about here so that weather is no longer a factor!

[small_steps]

Maybe it's time to get some "splash gear" we are always talking about here so that weather is no longer a factor!

I really should! even for my daycare kids. My boys would eat that up! Not sure how my dck's parents would feel about it. I will have to think about it. They would absolutely love that..especially him. He'd be outside all day if I let him. ONly I'm super overprotective and we live on a street where people drive 60 when the speed limit is 20 and I make them stay in the backyard. Backyard is pretty big but still it would be nice if they could explore like we used to when we were young. I can remember going and playing in the wood for hours. We live in the city now so that's not really possible. If only....

[melskids]

Speaking as a twin who was inferior in almost every way to my twin..... I say help him find what he excells at and aim his energy at that. My twin was saluditorian ad I couldn't even spell. hehehe
She was a leader and had straight As all the way thru school.
I was fat and not pretty or smart. But no one messed with me cause she would criple them

Then finally I found out I was an artist. That was all it took. Before that I made huge messes, everyone called me a "bull in a china shop".

Totally what I was going to say!

It is ALWAYS the messy, absent minded, room is always a disaster, passionate, "bull in a china shop" ones who end up artistic. Believe me. I lived it, and now my son lives it. ::

Small steps, this may sound crazy, but the stuff he is "messing up" sounds like creative expression to me.

I would redirect his focus and energy to an appropriate creative outlet. Get him some paint and canvas, or real clay with tools. And it may not be art, per say, but maybe he is creative in other ways....music, building, etc. Maybe a small motor to take apart? You gotta find his niche.

As far as the messes you don't want, I would just spend some extra time showing him how to clean up and to use things appropriately. He may need more adult supervision and a good nudge to learn to clean up after himself. I STILL have to remind my son how to do some things the right way and he's gonna be 16.